Suicide - Canada

With this new blog system it is more difficult to share without providing a new password for my other media which I will not do. Hopefully this will change. It is unfortunate. So, what I already posted else, I will share with you today. This info is from CAMFT (Canadian Association of Familty Therapy) and CAMH. 4000 Canadians die from suicide each year. Men die four times greater even though women attempt suicide three or four times more often. More than half of suicides involve those aged 45 years or older. From my own studies I will add to this. More elderly men commit suicide than any other. It was discussed in my undergrad that men choose suicide that is more violent such as hanging or shooting one self while women choose less violence such as overdose of pills. This may be a reason that men are more likely to be successful in attempting suicide. Also, I learned that with people who were unsuccessful, many were grateful that they were not successful. As a therapist I was trained to have a contract with those who spoke of suicide, however, it took one client to tell me how absurd that was, that if he really wanted to kill himself, a contract was useless. It is important to distingush when one is serious about suicide and when one is just frustrated. Careers can be ended. There are people who for years have suicide thoughts which haunts them, yet they don't know why and have no intention to do so. If you see yourself here find a qualified therapist and share those feelings. Start opening up to your parents or partner etc.....I am always amazed of how many people keep so much within themselves. Start a journal, start a conversation, find time in nature. Look for your interests and if you are feeling too depressed please wait no longer. What do you think?

Job posting

Dear Silva Redigonda, We want you to know of our latest fundraising effort - a job career posting site - we hope will help generate funds to support the Royal Canadian Air Cadets. Proceeds raised from the posting of resumés and from the posting of jobs by aerospace (or other) industries on our job career site will be used to fund the RCAF Association Continuation Flying Training Program of bursaries and scholarships. Since 1994, the RCAF Association has donated to a special account which presently sits at $284,000. Interest generated from the account each year helps fund up to three $2,500 scholarships to eligible worthy air cadets enrolled in applicable post-secondary education and training programs or continuation flying training that is of benefit to air cadet squadrons across the country. We realize not all of our members are still in the employment market, but each of us has an opportunity to recruit others who may be looking for work, especially in our national aerospace industry. Thank you for exploring our new job career posting site, and please do pass the word along. Let's raise more funds for our hard-working Air Cadets today! @jobs.rcafassociation.ca

#Black Lives Matter

When the demonstrations of Black Lives Matter started in the States, I was concerned of all the violence and yelling and anger. I was also concerned for the safety of the police officers. A professor of my post grad days who is now my friend asked me what I thought. I surprised myself as I ranted about not everyone being in the same boat etc…….I then paused after my vent and I became aware that he is not white. After a long pause his response, “I agree.” I breathed easily. I did not want to say anything that would hurt this amazing man. Shortly after I was sitting on the front steps of my home and watched people walk by. I became deliberately aware of the colour of skin and race of each person walking by when normally I do not. I received and returned the smiles of people from different cultures. I became more aware then ever of the power of the media to skew news. Since I tape everything and watch it later, I would fast forward demonstrations and hate towards the police, labeling them all in one package. Once I fast forwarded 45 minutes of news. I wondered why we don’t have more stations that are more balanced. Last week it hit close to home when seven police officers were injured making an arrest. One police officer I believe is a woman was punched in the face. It brought me back to the Sinai desert when one Fijian punched me in the head while on duty. I was trying to help him up after ordering a large group of Columbians to get off him. As I tried to help him up, he attacked me and my partner’s billy stick failed to have any effect. The Columbians once again jumped over him to restrain him. They saved my life. He received as punishment for attacking me hard labour in the desert. After three days he passed out from exhaustion and the heat. I was asked if I thought the punishment was appropriate from the other Fijians and I replied that I thought it was too severe. To this day my left wrist bothers me at times from trying to block him. I also got bit by a white male in Europe. Those are the two attacks I remember best. I as a Canadian military police veteran have worked with different Military Police, Civilian Police and other people from a wide range of countries, cultures and religions. In Canada coming from Toronto I again worked with a range of people from different cultures, and religions. As a therapist I have probably worked with clients from every culture, religion and skin colour. Each person who has ever needed help in my work has received it. I have always been in the service of others since being a life guard which had its own challenges. I have been told by an aboriginal elder that if I went into certain communities my life would be in danger. I was told in Savanah that I could be in danger if I didn’t leave the neighbourhood I was in. Of course I went for a drive through the neighbourhood seeing well kept lawns and modest homes. I could comfortably live there though I knew I wasn’t welcomed, or at least by some. I have been told to get out of a restaurant in my own old neighbourhood because I was white. I would not be served in a Kenya restaurant because I was white. I have had students who were dark skinned tell me that they were worried to go to live in the States because they were concerned about the hatred against them. I have had another tell me he only feels comfortable when he comes back to Canada because of the colour of his skin. There are now people getting kicked out of boards because of comments they make that is construed as prejudice. There is no education for them. They are replaced. I wonder if this increases hatred with senseless damage to property and worse, harm to men and women. It is appropriate now to say black, white, brown etc…but not too long ago it was offensive. I had one man ask me to look at his skin, “does this look black to you?” I had another scoff at the idea of anyone actually being white. There is suddenly a concern of appropriate behaviour and I wonder if things will get worse, while hate continues to grow and fester under the guise of appropriateness. This morning breaking news was that six people were shot in a drive-by shooting at a bakery at Eglinton Avenue West near Oakwood Avenue. The same spot where the officers were injured in the arrest. Another man did die from another shooting in North York. I have had people come to me in previous years informing me that a black gang had raped a young woman and convinced her that she should not report it to the police because they are worse than them. This was in a previous career and I am worried that this may be continuing and encouraged by the anti-police movement that seems to be promoted. There are so many police persons doing so much for their communities which they do on their own. This too should be reported in the news. The days of needing to find extremes for news reporting needs to be revamped. There must be an ethical and balance reporting and personal biases be recognized and acknowledged. We have a legal system with juries and judge or judge alone where crime is dealt with. We cannot have large masses of people decide who is guilty or not. We need to move from the past. We can not judge on emotions. As a therapist there has been times when I thought that a person was being targeted because of the colour of his or her skin. This was dismissed by the offended party. However, I still provided the options of complaints and a pathway towards that. As a therapist, I am a one person operation and my office is open to everyone regardless of their sexual orientation, the colour of their skin, their faith or lack of. I am not in the business of judging. It is up to the person who comes to me to let me know what they want me to help them with. I wish my Professor in my undergrad who was an Anthropologist was still alive, but then if she was, I wouldn’t be a therapist I would be an Anthropologist. That is how much she impressed me with her brilliance and kindness. Prof Yawney was an expert in the courts regarding racism. I know that myself and our fellow white classmates did not think a list of racism comments she provided us actually were. She told us patiently, like you tell a child how racism cannot be against a white person, because white has the power. I have given Black lives matter a lot of serious thought. I suppose that the demonstrations when peaceful has worked its magic. I listen when a black person speaks of their repression because as a white person I do not always see it and definitely do not experience it. I am privileged and have come to realize that. It really bothered me that there was no follow-up with the police officers from 13 division. And then I watched a movie on TUBI named Badge of Faith, a 2015 movie which “…is dedicated to the men and women in blue who risk their lives daily so we can live ours peacefully. Badge of Faith is based on a true story of a Virginia police officer who was paralyzed while on duty and fought his way back through sheer faith.” The movie touched me because it became relevant to what I am feeling. Does it really matter what the colour of skin is? It is simply pigmentation. I dislike the demonstrations when I see destruction and people getting hurt or killed. I support the police after all I too am a veteran. However, I also support the person of darker skin than mine. I think that it is important to get our act together but through unity and not division. I never could understand why the KKK still exists or that white supremacy has not been dismantled once and for all. I have been blind at times and I must not forget at one of the last conferences where we could still be together, my being the only white person in a group of social workers and they patiently trying to explain to me that racism is very evident. What tugged at my heart was a young child going home and telling her parents that she wanted to be white after she had started school. We do have a lot of work to do but not only racism. Sexism is prevalent as well as hatred against religion. Just a few days ago an unidentified man (suspected) removed the head of the Virgin Mary in front of a Catholic Church. Oh by the way the movie I am recommending has a spiritual aspect to it and if you hate the idea of God, watch it anyway to practice being mindful of your own biases. Anyhow, I have spoken my peace. I have been wanting to talk about his for awhile, after all I am risque or so I have been told. We need to speak our minds contemplatively but not to do harm but unite as one people once and for all with love and validation. This is my city. This is where I grew up. This is where I went to school and have been offered so many opportunities which were mine for the taking if I chose. However, I am concerned about the escalating crime. Are there solutions? Yes, and it starts right at home. It also continues in the schools. When I went to grade school here, I studied “Black Like Me”, we viewed documentaries about the concentration camps and we had discussions about the atrocities. We need a zero tolerance of bullying at home and at school because all too often the two are interrelated. We need to validate our young people. One drug dealer told me how he wasn’t respected or noticed until his status became elevated by what he sold. We need to reach youth and offer them the limitless opportunities that can be theirs. We need to have the support system in our schools and for families. We need to have a social outlet for our youths with mentors. We need to have our youth find the worthiness in themselves. On the other hand we have wonderful young people who have so much heart from all kinds of backgrounds and cultures. They give so much of themselves when they are still tiny, much more than when I was young. There is hope for us. Canada is a country with open arms and we must continue on this path. This land belongs to all of us and we need to continue to work at unity and not division. What do you think? By the way, I had a great holiday.

See you in September...............Taking a break from all electronics for two weeks. Can I do it? What do you think?

It has been a busy summer and I have found that I have been more busy because of the pandemic. I had to learn as much as possible regarding this as well as adopting e-health. There were those who insisted in seeing me and I considered each case carefully and so began more research in preparing a safe office. Most of my books are waiting to be delivered to an old professor of mine who is now in a retirement home. He is looking forward to the amount of books so he can pick and choose and then share and finally bring my books to their resting place in their library. As I dispose of more items, I am beginning to feel like a minimalist. My office looks bare but it is safe. Most of the time I place an item outside on my sidewalk and someone picks it up and brings it home. I enjoy the idea that someone else can love an item I have decided to dispose of. This way the recycling continues. I haven’t had a garage sale in years. I seem to always be behind in my paperwork these days but that is ok. I realized that I was so busy that suddenly August arrived and I had not taken a holiday. I normally like going on a short trip to the States but that is not possible now. I also like to take short bus trips here. However, that is not really possible at the moment. COVID has made me very cautious. I love life and don’t want to tamper with it. I have noticed that though our numbers are decreasing, not all are going by the rules. At a hair salon, one chair away from me and well below the six feet distance a woman took off her mask at the endorsement of the stylist and I was a bad person for telling the person to put the mask back on. My own stylist returned and I informed him that I would not be coming back until the pandemic is over. He assured me it wouldn’t happen again. I believe in giving people chances. This is a time where people have to work together for the greater good. That can be difficult in a “me, me, me world.” It takes only one contact. So, as one of my old supervisors commented it must be difficult for me because I am a very social person. Yup. I am. However, because most of my work now is on a computer I am still part of a weekly group with my colleagues that wouldn’t have happened happened otherwise. If I miss a session, I am missed. That is nice to hear. I have been attending more virtual lectures than ever because normally I prefer to attend. So, I have been able to pack more into my life regarding work. I have also attended sessions with “Sisters of Crime.” When we didn’t have the pandemic I consistently missed the weekly talks and dinners because it was on a week night when I was either working or too tired to go out. So, I got to see what I am doing wrong and right about my writing. I need an agent. I need patience etc………Obviously my own marketing isn’t working. In view of all this, I haven’t had the time to reflect on my own books I am writing. I am also pondering if I should write about therapy. I can incorporate it in my mystery books or horror for that matter. How do I do it all. I cannot. I have two loves. My writing has always been my passion. Is it a hobby or should I get serious? How do I maintain a balance? Should I retire and just focus on my writing books? How will that look like? I am always re-evaluating every so often when it stops being fun. So, I am taking holidays from the 17 Aug 20 to the end of the month inclusive. I am back to work 1 Sept 20. My gift to myself is to hide away all my electronics. No answering my business phone but I have left a message that I shall be doing that. Also, I will not be using my computer. That means for the next two weeks you will not receive a blog from me. However, I have been here for a bit, so there is plenty to read. This will probably be challenging. After all especially during this pandemic we do so much on line. So what will that look like? I’ll let you know when I come back. I will be doing other things which I have been giving little attention to and I shall find some fun. My camera will be coming out of hiding. So, thank you for reading my blog. Now I have my final weekly self/client care with one of my associations. I have one final seminar and I am completing my work with my clients this week. Next week is me time……….What do you think? See you in September……………

Review from an old paper "Life After Death" by Dr Moody

LIFE AFTER DEATH by: Silva Redigonda People search for answers to what is not fully understood. Death is not only puzzling, it has a mysterious finality to it. There are people who determine death to be the end for themselves and for those who they have loved and died. Others find death to be a passage towards some other chance at life such as re-incarnation. There are also those who believe that they will go to their creator – God. There are endless possibilities to the creative mind. Life After Life by Raymond Moody promises a dimension between life and death. This paper will list what the author has gleaned from his interviews with or about people who have died or were near death. At the same time the reliability of what is disclosed will be examined. Life After In Dr Moody’s Life After Life the author explains that he writes primarily about reports, accounts or narratives which others have provided verbally and includes third parties. These reports involve being able to see and hear what is going on when people are pronounced dead but not able to talk, feel others, or feel pain. There are reported sensations of peace and comfort. There are sounds which are pleasant (14-19) and sounds that are disturbing. There are also recordings of a passage through a dark tunnel with a floating sensation, of weightlessness to their new spiritual bodies (pp 21, 35). Dr Moody indicates that he is not trying to prove that there is life after death (xxvii). This seems clear in how he presents his information. Dr Moody will report two people having a similar experience of a voice telling them that they have to go back [to life] (p 48). He will report one other person who associates heat with the light who talks to him (p54). In another he will report the observations of another, sole person, “It was a fun person to be with! It had a sense of humor, too- definitely.”(p55). There seems to be general sense of vagueness regarding the information that is provided. As an example, there is no explanation for the humour or what the humour is. There seems to be a consistency of unanswered questions. Who is each participant? What are the backgrounds of these people? The author does report listing the findings from 50 cases (p 9) so why isn’t he more specific with each case and why is it common for the author to report similar findings from only one or two cases as mentioned? The author begins his study with one man’s particular experience. This man states that he heard himself being pronounced dead by his doctor. The participant then hears a loud ringing or buzzing and feels himself moving rapidly through a long dark tunnel. He subsequently finds himself as a spectator as he watches himself being resuscitated at a distance from his physical body which is different from its’ physical form. He also has different powers from its’ former self. Spirits of dead relatives and friends come to meet and help him. A beam of light also approaches and speaks to him “nonverbally” so that he may question his life. The man then finds himself at a “barrier or border” from this life to the next. He returns to his body which he resists. He experiences intense feelings of joy, love and peace (p 11-12). The aforementioned is documented as an actual account from one person. However, the author concludes that it is not intended to be a representation of anyone person’s experience but a model of common elements found in many stories. In Dr Moody’s “abstract model,” each element occurs in many separate stories”(p 12). Providing an abstract model and not indicating such at the beginning of the description of events, becomes distracting. There is an aura of trickery by what is eventually disclosed. However, one cannot ignore the thought provoking ideas that is encouraging. Dr Moody reports that one participant who suffers a heart attack finds himself in a grey mist, with wonderful lights and people and perhaps buildings. He is told by his “Uncle Carl” (who died years earlier) to “go back” because his “work on earth is not completed”(pp 68-69). One is left wondering if that is what life is about? Is it about completing our work? Then what is my work, one may ask? Life After Life reveals that some of the participants have a change of attitude for the better. Dr Moody indicates that, “almost every person has expressed” that he no longer fears death (p 88). Though it is unknown exactly how many participants are religious and from what faiths, Dr Moody does indicate that, “Others say that although they had read religious writings, such as the Bible, they had never really understood certain things they had read until their near-death experiences (p 129). What that is, is never clarified but one may presume that if a person experiences death, than life in general would have more meaning. The author does provide comments from individuals and extends this to “a small number of cases” without indicating exactly how many have an altering life experience. These changes include life being more precious, the mind being more important than the body, and in a “small number of cases” acquiring or noticing intuition bordering on the psychic (pp 84-87). The author indicates that there seems to be no difference in experiences reported by the men or women, though women seem to be able to talk about their experiences more. Since Dr Moody never provides a gender demographic, there is again an element of inconclusiveness. It should be noted that when Dr Moody reveals that, “almost every person has expressed…” (p88), these persons are referred to as “…he…”. How many men actually were hesitant to report the findings from the 50 cases? It appears that women may be the minority in the cases presented if the author is to be taken literally. This continuous vagueness of where the information is from, is at times difficult because it gives the reader a feeling of incompleteness. However, this feeling is also often replaced by genuine curiosity when cases seem to become more real, even proven. “In quite a few instances” many persons report being out of their bodies for extended periods and these could be verified by what they saw when they should not have been able to as they were dead or close to death. Several doctors have reported being baffled that patients with no medical knowledge could describe in details the resuscitation “attempts” when the patient was “dead” (p. 93). This is interesting because Dr Moody also indicates that in only one of the cases, did a physician reveal any familiarity at all with near-death experience (p.80). Reliability is put to the absolute test when Dr Moody provides an account of authenticity for his participants. “I have detected in their voices sincerity, warmth, and feeling which cannot really be conveyed in a written recounting. So to me, in a way that is unfortunately impossible for many others to share, the notion that these accounts might be fabrications is utterly untenable.”(p 126) This belief in his participants continues with they, “are not victims of psychosis. They have struck me as emotionally stable, normal people who are functional in society. They hold jobs and positions of importance and carry them out responsibly. They have stable marriages and are involved with their family and friends…” (p160). It appears that Dr Moody’s idea of honesty from his participates is very subjective. How sure can one be that every participant is truthful? Is there at least an acknowledgment of a margin of error? - Apparently, not. There is a sense of truth due to the similarities of information cited but the reader must take the word of the author for everything that is provided. There is also at times a climate of what seems incredulous, such as one participant’s report of a spirit in the shape of a ball of light, globe like with a hand reaching out of it (p 96). This seems to be the extreme from what is usually reported. The author indicates that his study is not scientific because his sample of participants is not a random sample of humans. His definition of random sampling is restricted to an example of demographics of “Eskimos, Kwakiutl Indians, Navahoes, Watusi tribesmen, and so on. However due to geographic and other limitations, I have not been able to locate any (p 133).” One wonders if the author understands the definition of “sample”. A sample is a set of individuals selected from the population, usually intended to represent the population in a research study. For example one study might examine a sample of 10 children in a preschool program or use a sample of over 1000 registered voters. The End Life After Life has sold over 13 million copies worldwide. A phone consultation with Dr Moody is $200.00 per hour. This demonstrates that people hunger to know about experiences after this life time. Someone may read this book and realize that a dream she had was not a dream but a life after life experience. She in turn can soothe her ill mother with that knowledge. People need to believe that there is something more, that there is a God and another place that can be called home. Sometimes people need more than the written word. They need proof that there is more than this. Dr Moody has successfully teased the brain to want to know more about life after death. But, Dr Moody has also failed to demonstrate a satisfactory degree of reliability.

An answer from a systematic exercise (theology)

Systematics Exercise Question 2 Silva Redigonda Summers ago I served as a chaplain intern at a Catholic hospital. I chose to work on a floor with those suffering from HIV and cancer. I did not select the floor because of any interest to work there or noble cause. I selected it because no one else wanted to work with HIV patients. We had completed a tour of the floor and the Head Nurse told us how important our work was there. I also spent two weeks in palliative care. I felt through that whole time as if I was impersonating a real chaplain and felt so ill equipped for all the suffering I was about to see. I was to deal with patients of various religions, some recognized as a religion and some not. With all this suffering, I saw their struggle and I became to some, a source of strength. I could no longer pray outside of the hospital. I could only gain strength from the nature around me in my garden. I marvelled at the roses and the birds and squirrels. I became my patients’ connection to God and I was so ill equipped. This is about being with a family at the bedside of a cancer patient. How many times was there no family? Now, I know how I can link the Trinity to being with a family at the bedside of a cancer patient, how I can relate to a scripture and conciliar materials from the course. One of the things I learned about Augustine, Aquinas and Lonnergan that separates them from others is that they provide direction. Act, Act, Act plays on my mind as does the Holy Spirit. There is that sense of spiritual direction, that guiding which was perhaps working intrinsically within me, though I was unaware at the time. I often ask for grace and perhaps I received it to help me to respond to the needs of my patients. Gilles Mongeau in class said you cannot understand the Trinity unless you are more like the Trinity. Perhaps is some small way I am there, on the right path. I was working one afternoon at the hospital when a nurse who seemed very upset informed me that a woman had just been informed that she had brain cancer and she was taking it badly. I rushed to her side and introduced myself as the chaplain intern. She grabbed my hand and tears flowed from her eyes. She was scared and asked me to help her pray. “I forgot how to pray!” she cried out. She started to recite the “Our Father” and I helped her. She slowly began to remember and found some comfort. She told me her fears as her husband quietly left the bedside and went to sit behind a curtain away from my patient’s view. He held his head down in grief as his wife wanted to know why this was happening to her. She was a good person, why would God do this to her, she asked? My heart ached for this family. Tears flowed from her as mine remained within my heart. I stayed with her, listening to her, praying with her, being with her. Later I spoke to her husband and he broke down in grief asking me why God would do this. I think I said that God does not do this and there is a lot we do not understand. Kelly’s “The Trinity of Love” p 117 speaks of symbols as “affectively – charged compact presentations of the mystery, be they deeds, gestures, events, words or persons.” I apply this to my being with this family. There was so much love in that room that fear only increased the forcefulness and power of that love. Not only did this family love God, they accepted though terrified what was happening to them. I did not give this family a rosary because they were not Catholic but I did give Rosaries to others who would wear it lovingly around their necks, or near their person. This presentation of the mystery has been a new learning theory for me though I practiced it unknowingly. Thomas did not try to prove the Trinity. His aim was to provide a theological wisdom: “an overall intelligible coherence in the data of faith” (Kelly, p 121). That is what happened to me that day with that family. I could not prove my Trinity or my faith and there was no need to prove anything nor could I. There was an acceptance of mystery, a presence of God, Son and Holy Spirit. There was perhaps a theological wisdom in being a support, a source of love for that family as God is a source of love for me. Kelly describes “The loving principle” as the Father and the Son being one as the source of love, though distinct as Father and son (p128). Thomas was an unidentified guide to me because it was love that so inspired me in that hospital and it is the theme of love in the Trinity that so comforts me. “Each of the divine persons is God, knowing, willing, acting in a divine way…the Father is the unoriginated source of the Son and the Spirit, the Son by being begotten of the Father, and with the Father, breathing for the Spirit; the spirit by being breathed forth in love.”(Kelly, 130). I have a better appreciation of this phrase after being in the service of so much suffering, yet so much love, that I can more fully appreciate the spirit of love. But love was not always there for all my patients. I know we are speaking of cancer and I shall risk it and speak of a HIV patient because he may have had cancer too but the HIV was killing him. He was delirious and I would see him on his stretcher in the hallway. The hospital team was just waiting for him to die. He was not responsive I was told. “He does not know you are there”. I would speak to him whenever I saw him and did see a response. One day I went into his room and he spoke. He was coherent. He told me that when he was 12, his step father forced him out of the house because he was gay. This boy had lived on the streets after that. He told me he had no friends as they had all died from HIV. He had no visitors. He also told me he was Catholic. I spoke to the Head Nurse about him who could not believe he was actually lucid. “It is miraculous” he responded “if that is true”. The miracle soon faded, as my patient’s responses became more routine. I learned from the Head Nurse that he had contacted my patient’s mother and she had no intention of visiting him but was hopeful that he had some life insurance. I brought my patient a rosary and his eyes lit up. Those beautiful, big blue eyes, was all that was left of the man he may have been. He reached out and our fingers touched and I don’t think I have ever felt so much contact to another person with such a light touching of fingers. If the Holy Spirit was not at work with us that day, I would not know what to describe it. His mother did tell his sibling about this brother dying and the relative took the trip to Toronto to visit him. I was so grateful that one person went to visit him. I also asked a visiting priest to visit him. “Is this routine, the priest asked”? No, I replied. He did not ask for a priest but I think you should visit him. He is a Catholic. I felt that I did my job. The priest later told me, he did visit him and I was pleased. But the response from clergy was not always affirmative and that made it more difficult for me. The Declaration on the Relationship of the Church to Non-Christian Religions in 1965 (D’Costa, p. 101) was a much needed reformation of thinking. One chaplain of another faith told me how much of a disdain she had for Catholics. She told me that a nun from Africa had told her she would go to hell because she was not Catholic. I told her that the nun was stupid and she should not take that seriously. It is too bad that I was unaware of Fr Feeney at the time. I could have supplied a more informative response. I could have said that this priest was punished by excommunication for not being able to say otherwise but that it was also good because it forced the traditional teaching of “extra ecclesiam nulla salus” interpreted as outside the church there is no salvation to be re-examined. It was never formulated or applied to non-Christian religions in the technical sense in which they are understood. There is no doubt that non-Christians may be saved (D’Costa, pp 101-102). I am always surprised when I hear such a statement that you have to be a Catholic to be saved, especially one evening from a student in a class. I have never thought of myself as being more special to God as a Catholic than anyone else on this planet. I enjoyed reading D’Costa because I see how religion also damages, “..the best of the Enlightenment within the Roman Catholic tradition. Equality will become the equal and inviolable dignity of all persons.” The one person I could not help was a Jehovah Witness woman who was dying from cancer. Try as I might to help her deal with her approaching death (she had refused a blood transfusion) I could not get her to talk about her feelings. Her husband stopped me. My patient told him that she would probably feel better talking about this but she would not contradict her husband and her husband would not contradict his God. I was helpless and for the first time, I had to accept defeat. I could endure his wanting to convert me (which the other chaplains found amusing) but I had to stop trying when he told me that I understood his position. I did and said that they could contact me if they wished. It was the first time I had a wall placed between me and a patient that I had tried to penetrate and failed. “It is God’s will” he would constantly say and this phrase has become a nightmare to me and now I remember why. This patient would have died anyway, but at least a blood transfusion could have extended her life and who knows. This patient had the “Kingdom of God” in the form of attractive men in suits forever visiting her. Though my visits were tolerated I realized that I was doomed for hell and they were trying to save me. Fr Feeney was in that room that last day, when I had to accept what he had believed that everyone that does not believe as they believe will be doomed to hell. I understood Fr Feeney as I connect him to them. Where is the compassion and the love of God when one person or religion believes that all others are doomed. It saddens me that people of my own faith sometimes believe that. I have no allusions anymore that clergy are all wonderful. My cancer patient who had the cancer in her brain remarked that she had spoken to an Anglican priest whom she had found comforting. That evening I saw the duty chaplain. I had been told that she had been a Roman Catholic but had become an Anglican to be a priest. She always wore her priestly attire and I was pleased to tell her that she had such an impact on my patient. I asked her to visit her because she had just been informed that her cancer was in her brain. I was so disappointed when she remarked that she did not remember the patient and she was too busy. I was stunned. “But she is dying and she was just informed?” I repeated. My shock must have been evident because she came to me later and asked if I really thought she should visit the patient. “It is up to you” I replied. Where was the love? Where was the Trinity in that hospital which bore the insignia St. Redemptoris Missio 29 reveals that the Pope sees the natural questing of men and women related to the action of the Holy Spirit (D’Costa, p 107). I am on a quest and I am so totally open to be guided. When I was debating to go to a Theological program or continue in psychology, I was in my living room. I said out loud, God I have done what I wanted to do all my life. Now it is your turn. What do you want me to do? My theology contact called me and interviewed me right away and said I was accepted. I contacted the Director for the Psychology program and informed him of my decision. I sometimes wonder if I have made the right decision, but then I realize that the decision was made for me. When I now counsel and find my clients who have suffered so much that their views of God are so twisted and unhealthy, I find solace in remembering what Augustine taught that God is known to each person within them. I now think of God being imprinted in the soul of each person I see. I pray that the Trinity remain alive within me as it is at this moment and that I am given the grace and guidance to do what is right for each client that comes to me. “There is, the harvest of the Spirit and it is experienced interiorly and personally as”love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, fidelity, gentleness, and self-control (Gal:5:22) [Crowe, p 331] . Back to the present: It has been a very busy time for me so I thought I would cut and paste the answer to a question I was given in grad studies. As I look back now, I remember how much I was surrounded by suffering. There were quite a few incidents that were similar and amendments and omissions were edited to paste this and protect the identities.

BYOB: Bake your own bagels