How does retirement sound to me?

Well, selling my books at the Legion was fun as usual.  There was another author there and we sold the same amount of books.  Hers was mainly childrens books and one inspirational book.  Mine which sold was For Love of Country - Military Police Woman.  The coffee being sold was so terrible that I had to switch to tea.  Uch!  It tasted like salt.  However, the grilled cheese sandwiches were amazing and I had two throughout the day.  The Sgt Major also informed me that they now have a woman section in their museum.  I took a look and there was my helmet (I think it was mine but it looked so clean.  How did that happen?   My notebook was there (unused of course), my handcuffs (I gave them the keys but I didn't see that), my coffee cup from Toronto )one of the men I served with mailed me his.  So, I kept one and gave them the other.  Also, there in display is my book "For Love of Country Military Policewoman."  I now belong in a museum.   Being installed in a museum and not being able to have new clients because my house is still staged has given me time for myself, more than ever, so I am seriously thinking - retirement.  After all, I have been working since I was thirteen years old.  Yup,  but it was only part time because I was going to school.  I still had time for sports, dance and lots of fun while school took a back seat as a basic requirement.  Of course that all changed as I joined the grown up world.  School became very important as was work and so I played a bit less to get it all in.  So, with this house search in Niagara Falls and my trying to sell my house which isn't going so well, of course it is good to blame Trump and his threats to our economy (he should buy my house).  However, life is life and with it comes challenges.  I shall not sweat the small stuff.  I have a choice, decrease my price or take the house off the market until things improve.  I have enjoyed slowing down and smelling the coffee or is it roses?  No, my roses are not blooming yet.  I have more time to play.  I can get used to this or can I?  It has been suggested that I take a sabatical rather than just retire.  Why?  I may like this leisure time more than I think?  This will give me the time to seriously write.  Yesterday I said no to keeping my association with the Badge of Life.  They are reaching out to all the therapists asking for $100.00 to stay on their web site for the remainder of this year and $200.00 for next year.  I said no and stated that I am thinking of retirement.  The Badge of Life is an amazing organization and I have recommended them and shall continue to do so.  I haven't been able to take their last two conferences but the one I did attend was worth taking.  This was started by a husband and wife team both previously Toronto Police who now have PTSD.  They offer a lot of support to emergency personnel, still working or retired etc...Prison guards are included.  I fully encourage anyone to reach out to them.  I am seriously considering retiring at the end of this year which means that I am going to stop renewing memberships.  I spend a lot of money doing my job and because I am in private practice, I incur all the costs.  So, perhaps it is time for a change.  I am not there yet, but almost.  I have been able to read a book a day and still get things done.  I love to read.  I haven't continued my next book yet because I want to be able to focus on it and priorities have changed.  I do want to sell my house and move to Niagara Falls.  I want to try all their restaurants and cafes.  I want to go to the other side of the bridge and check out their stuff.  Just yesterday I was told that establishments are suffering in the States because of the decrease in Canadians.  One woman told me that she and her family went to the Olive Garden and they were thanked for coming because business is suffering.  The Olive Garden?  Yup, I'll go of course.  However,  I will wear a Canadian T shirt and I will report to you my findings.  Will I be loved?  Will I be rejected?  Should be fun.  So, for now, I say good bye and will start providing you with therapy information again next week.  My notes are still hidden but that is ok.  My grey cells are full of information.  What do you think?

Jimmy Kimmel on Trump’s First 100 Days in Office & He Travels Back to 20...

Thoughts of the Week

 I am still in the process of selling my home and therefore I cannot take on any new clients.  I am also still living in a staged house.  Not fun.  My stuff has been hidden away and just finding anything is a chore.  This was supposed to be a one week inconvenience and look what happened.  Still here.  Grateful, that I did not buy anything before selling.  Don't do it is my advice to you.  Sell, then buy.  I may have to take this off the market while Trump is in power because he is causing instability in the markets, thus the problem of selling my home.  Or, so I have been told by everyone who should know.  Oh boy, America did you vote for this?  Please say no.  My Pope, or should I say the people's Pope has also died.  He taught so much of building bridges and not walls.  He loved the people of the world.  Ukraine is still struggling as Russia continues to bomb it mercilessly.  On top of that Trump blames the victim.  It is Russia who is the aggressor but you know that, don't you.  Just like you would love to take Canada over.  This gets so tiresome.  Anyhow, I did manage to read an entire Peterson book yesterday and today is supposed to be a much needed sunny and warm day.  Yes, please.  I am grateful that I took out my summer wear  before the stage or I would have had to buy all new.  I still need a new dryer since mine broke down and that is impossible right at this moment.  One final reminder is that this Saturday I shall be selling my books at the legion, 31, on Weston Road, South of Eglinton.  This will probably be my last event there if I sell my house.  As will it be at Word on the street.  But then of course no one knows what will happen.   Trump, please take a holiday and let the economy calm down.  Wouldn't it be nice if the earth stood still and all wars stopped and dictators vanished because they started to care?  Terrorists would have no one to terrorize because they would be managed nicely in cells?  Wouldn't it be nice if we could all take a step back and see each others as reflections of ourselves?  Have a good weekend world.   What do you think?

silvaredigonda.myshopify.com

Holy Week

 

 Last Saturday night I went to Mass, attending a Portuguese mass.  It was merely convenience.  I had other plans for Sunday.  As you all know I injured my leg last summer, which caused me to pause serving as a Eucharistic Minister.  I use the term pause, because I am expected to return to serve.  However, it wouldn't be good if I slipped on the stairs to the altar and dropped all the hosts.  Nope.  So, it looks like my pause shall continue.   Last week I saw an Orthopaedic Surgeon.   I like the best of the best.  He was educated at Oxford or was it Harvard, both amazing universities.  Yes, he is British and was recommended by my Podiatrist, also an English veteran who told me to see him and even return to Toronto to see him, if I left (no one wants to buy my home yet.  Yup Trump's Tarrifs are scaring people here at home.  Good thing I don't have to sell, hey?). 

 Apparently, my limp is not only because of my right side injury but also my left hip.  Yup - full of arthritis.  "I have many military patients."  He stated.  "I'm sure."  I replied.  He gave me options and I chose the one which is to learn to live with it.  So when I went to mass, last Saturday night, I sat throughout the entire mass, except for when the Priest entered, left and when I went to receive communion.  It wasn’t until I left that I smiled at a member and wished her a Happy Easter (I knew I wouldn’t be at that mass, Easter.)  She pursed her lips so tight that a screw driver would be required to open her mouth.  She glared at me (such a good Catholic).  I could only surmise that she didn’t like my sitting or that I was wearing leggings or perhaps I didn’t please her in some way to justify - Judgement.  I accepted that she didn’t know any better.  I remember my military Priest friend and I having a conversation about Church goers:  Me:  “They are such hypocrites going to church and acting so prim and proper and they can be the worse.”  

 Father Ron, “Don’t you see, Silva, they are the ones who really need to go to church.”  

That was years ago.  I will continue to smile if I see her again and see what happens.  It is all about judgement again.  One thinking they know best, one thinking she is better - Clothes make the person (according to the Vice President?)  I do look at how people dress.  It tells me a lot.  It tells me if a person is sad, happy, enjoys dressing up and can he afford it?)  There are people who do not go to church because they feel they cannot dress appropriately. They are poor.   My advice - go to church if you want to.  I studied the various religions and cultures and sometimes, it is more about culture than religion.  Then there are the extremists.  Those who rape and torture and imprison women/men for not being of their religion and refusing to conform.  I am fortunate that living in Toronto, I have been able to provide therapy, to people from every organized world religion or not, probably every colour of skin and people of all status and education.  I have been in awe of what people suffer in conviction of their beliefs.  I have seen Christians opposing extremists and having suffered so much.  That is what our country is about and every person here in Toronto and the rest of the country, should be able to practise their religion and when there is hatred, that needs to be dealt with swiftly.  It is a crime - hate.  So again there is judgement.  I wouldn’t have a practice if people could just be kinder to others and stop acting as if they know what is best for others.  If others are not harming anyone, or anything, then leave them alone.  This is Holy Week.  Try to connect to God.  Find a way to connect to others.  Forgive.  “Forgive them Father for they know not what they do.”  I was told never to quote the bible, but hey, it’s Easter and sometimes well……..Have a Happy Easter Weekend.  

I will be selling my books. Bring cash please. Receipts provided. Can't seem to be able to work out square.

Joe Bell 2020 - Tubi

A while ago I watched this true story “of an Oregonian father who plays tribute to his teenage son, Jadin embarking on a self-reflection walk across America to speak to heartland citizens about the real and terrifying costs of bullying.”   I recommend it for all high schools.  Since my notes are hidden due to the staging of my home, now is the time to share. 

 I have changed names and a few other things to keep the people’s identity hidden.  

Myself and my fellow interns were provided with a tour of the hospital so we could decide where we wanted to work.  My heart was set on working in the ward for general medicine because I thought it would be the most interesting.  This was a ward where patients were waiting to be diagnosed.  It was during that tour that my mind changed because the head person of a ward told us we were needed.  No one was interested in working with HIV and so I volunteered, not because it was my choice, but simply because I was needed.  And so I was assigned to work with HIV and cancer patients as well as palliative care.  Now let me tell you about Phil.   I used to see Phil everywhere laying down on his portable bed, in the elevator, the hallway, and going to and from somewhere in the hospital.  I always talked to him about one thing or the other and never received a response, until I did.  We talked a bit and then I went to casually inform the Head, that the patient had spoken.  “That’s impossible.”  I was informed and off she went to confirm her theory.  She returned hyperventilating and excited.  “It’s a miracle!  He spoke.  He doesn’t.”

I asked about Phil’s family and she called the family to be let down.  She had spoken to Phil’s mother who wanted to know if he had insurance.  When she learned he didn’t have any money for her, she said she wasn’t interested in seeing her dying son.  You see, Phil was kicked out of the house when he was thirteen years old because he was gay.  I spent time with Phil after that and brought him a rosary because he told me he was Catholic.  When I gave him the rosary, his eyes lit up  and I never saw him without the rosary again.  It was a cheap rosary and I was chastised for giving away too many rosaries.  I immediately stated that I would initiate a fund raiser for rosaries which was dismissed immediately.  I continued to give out rosaries.  Phil had a brother and he suddenly showed up one day and provided him with the support he needed - family.  Since, in private practice I have seen quite a few people afraid of exposing their sexuality, mainly because of the fear of how their parents, fellow colleagues and society will react.  That is a heavy burden to carry.  I often tell clients, Toronto is the best place to be who they truly are but still they decide and it is their decision to remain in the closet so to speak.  They may be single or married but they are living with a weight that they cannot be themselves because of the judgment of others.  So please do watch Joe a father who loved his son so much that he began to walk across America because his son committed suicide.  I have never suffered so much as when I worked in that hospital.  I saw so much pain and I was working everyday for about six weeks which was too much without a break. Not only was I working at the hospital but also seeing clients on days I was free.   I wouldn’t do that to a student.  Of course I was seen as more than a student by my supervisor and he was right.  It is so easy to judge others who may be different than ourselves.  Next time you want to make fun of someone, take a good look at the mirror and ask yourself, why?  What do you think?   

Thoughts of the week

 I am sitting, admiring the tree outside my kitchen, watching the squirrels coming for the pieces of apple I put out for them, which I am not supposed to do in Toronto, because some NDP person decided she didn't like people feeding birds.  I have never seen her smile.  Spending time in nature is very therapeutic.  When I have breakfast, I enjoy watching my squirrels having theirs and we just chill as we enjoy admiring each other.  I used to feed them peanuts which the blue jays enjoyed but I had a neighbour complain that shells were going onto his property so I switched to apples.  I have had only one complaint that there are too many squirrels around.  I believe I have six.    There is a hawk who sweeps down looking to feed on my little creatures.   I was recently asked if I will miss my home here.  I had to think for 10 seconds because I haven't been asked that question.  I am usually told that I shouldn't move to Niagara and why.  I replied that no, I would not miss the house but I would miss my backyard and the people.  Of course Niagara Falls is not far from Toronto so I am sure I won't be missing many at all.  It has gotten to a point where everyone wants to visit me there and that is ok.  None of the houses I looked at had a yard remotely like mine.  However, my back yard was vacant of all the trees and roses that have been planted and I can have that done again.  It would probably be wiser to buy a condo but there isn't any near the falls.  There was one condo available that had a back deck, facing nature, had two bedrooms and an office - just perfect.  It also had a pool, sauna and gym - perfecto.  But, it is now off the market and it was on the edge of town.  I believe they are renting it out.  They advertized at the time, they had a bus - whatever that is supposed to mean.

I should be able to sell my home because I do live in a coveted spot.  One neighbour came to visit indicating she was surprised I was selling.  No one should be surprised because I have always said that when my pets die I would.  I never would have put my pets through this ordeal of instability.  I loved them and placed them first.  They had a long and happy life and when I had to make the decision to have them put down, regardless of how painful, I put them first again and was with them til the end.  My neighbour reminded me that I live in a beautiful neighbourhood and I agreed.  My mom used to love walking along this street.   

The intent of my agent was to cause a bidding war and the house to be sold in a week.  Ooops didn't happen.  Trump got blamed.  Bad boy Trumpie.  He has been the popular topic since his election.  I was having a discussion with my sibling about him and I remarked that if I had the opportunity to save his life if something was happening to him, I probably would.  My sibling agreed.   Initially, speaking for myself, I thought it simply as my military training to protect.  However, my sibling never had the same training, but our mother was a champion to those needing help if she came across bullies.  She would be selfless.  I guess we have that in us.  I had planned on moving to Niagara and wearing "Canada is not for sale", at some coffee outside bar and see what happens as an experiment,  Sibling informed me that they are turning people away they think are problematic.  I can see that so I shall just wear Canada and perhaps move up to not being for sale, when customs realize I am a good girl.  I have also been thinking of retiring.  It is getting complicated trying to maneuver all this and be readily available.  My accountant told me I spend too much money on associations etc.......He suggested that I retire, unless I want to stimulate my brain.  What?  Another suggested a sabatical.  I don't mind suggestions.  I realize I have always been a workaholic placing that ahead of most things.  Spending time with my family was wonderful.  No, I can never live in the country.  I loved spending time with my great niece.  She is five years old and so bright with loads of empathy.  She would gather everyone around the table so we could all draw pictures which I hated.  She was there to encourage me that my work was very nice (which it wasn't).  She was the best at five years of age and I told her that she should take art classes.  "Would that challenge me?"  She asked inquisitively.  "Yes!"  I responded.  She was sold,  Imagine a five year old child asking if art would challenge her.  She spared me having to participate in further art performances.  She is very much loved.  People with children in your care remember that the first five years are so important in their lives.  Love them.  Provide them with routine and safety.  Don't put them down.  Be kind.  Learn how to be good parents if you don't know how and I say that because many people who are parents don't know how to parent and it is such an important job -  Helping a young person be the best that she or he can be and how to be kind to others.  Demonstrate it yourself so others can learn.  That is all the thoughts for the week.  Have a good weekend world.  Take a step back and remember that you are the author of yourselves.  What do you think?