Honeymoon Effect - ABUSE

For the longest time in my previous careers, I could not understand why women (men are abused too) would stay in an abusive relationship.  It was beyond me.  Was it not easy to just walk away?  It was not until I studied psychology in depth, that I became to understand what is called the Honeymoon Effect.  It is too bad that I do not know how to draw a diagram, so please be patient.  You meet John, and he is wonderful.  You feel that he is the most attentive, wonderful man you have ever met.  He loves you patiently, like no other.  He wants to always be with you.  You marry him.  You are in heaven.  One day he comes homes and he is angry.  You say something to cheer him up and he slaps you.  You are devestated.  The next day, he comes home and brings you flowers.  He cries.  He begs for your forgiveness, and you do.  For awhile everything is wonderful again.  This is the beginning of a process.  He beats you more often, he wants him to yourself.  But, there is that time in between where everything is wonderful (thus the honeymoon effect).  It must be me, you say to yourself.  He tells you that it is all your fault.  At the same time, you have found yourself without family and friends for support.  This has been gradual too.  This is what he wanted.  After all your friends are no good.  You sister is a bad influence on you.  This has been a long and painful process.  You call the police.  They charge him.  He begs you to forgive him.  He pleads with you.  You lie in court.  For a while everything is good.  Then it happens again.  You leave him.  You find yourself missing him.  He begs you to return.  You do.  Is this you?  
     You are not alone.  There are so many who find themselves in this position.  It does not matter what gender you are.  You may feel that you have no one to turn to.  You may have left him three times and  people are tired of hearing about it.  People do not understand why you are still with him; why you keep returning.  Your children are being abused.  Your pets are being abused, mutilated and killed .  You hate yourself.  How has this happened to you?  You are being punished by God?  You hate God?   There is no God.  You find yourself isolated and devastated.  What do you do?
     In Toronto, there are crises centres to help you.  Find them when you are ready.  In Canada they also have stalking laws.  No one has the right to hurt another.  It is not your fault.  You are not worthless, like you have been convinced of.   
   You do have power.  You only have to find it again.