From The Men's Conference -Male Victims of Domestic Violence: Exploring their experiences of Fear by Prof. E. Bates, University of Cumbria, UK.

Male Victims of Domestic Violence: Exploring their experiences of Fear by Prof. E. Bates, University of Cumbria, UK. Tid bits at the end about other stuff. Ending Intimate Partner Violence - Men’s Work by Luke Daniels. President Caribbean Labour Solidarity. Author of Pulling the Punches - Defeating Domestic Violence and Ending Domestic Violence in the Americas - Men’s Work. He began work, one year after the Montreal Massacre. One to three women experience violence in their life. Perpetrators - have been hit as children; witnessed ultimate partner violence; have sexist attitude; and have been socialized to be violent. We need to end socialization for violence. He wrote about South American violence against women. For him the top of the list is violence against children. Sweden has gained stride. Japan has less violence. 2% have used gun violence. The United States is higher because of their right to be armed. In his book, he writes about men taking responsibility. Families and men have a role to end intimate violence. In most countries, women are the victims. Violence against women increase during war and veterans return and incur violence against women. The men who caused the most violence had sustained the most violence themselves. Most perpetrators do not accept responsibility but blame “her.” More work is required for prevention. Government needs to fund more for both women and men. Violence against women and girls are no longer accepted in most countries. Iran and Afghanistan forces women to wear their veils. He suggests actions for governments to end violence. Outlaw violence against children. End gender inequality. Countries who are working in protecting children have seen a decrease in violence. I hope this makes sense for you. I am missing one page - so sorry. There was one male participant from Canada who argued with what he was hearing because he likes to believe that men are suffering more abuse at the hands of women. Of course this is not the case. People have a tendacy to make sense of their world by their own experiences and that is why research is so important. We need to step back. In my earlier blogs, I will have notes about research and how it is conducted if you want to brush up. I have received the suicide prevention video and notes but cannot share it with you. The site won't let me do that and I understand since it was designed for therapists only. I also have received the video about eating disorders which I attended. If I can share that with you, I shall do so. I haven't really looked at it yet. I want to post all my notes from the men's conference, while I can still read my own writing. Of course I also want to complete my notes for you regarding Eschatology. I shall also be receiving my new book either this week or next. I have ordered two hundred and am so excited. Anyhow, I will catch up with you soon. I shall be selling my books one day this week at a health fair, (too bad my latest books hasn't arrived). I also accepted another "up and close with your local author". Well is Toronto close enough for Mississauga for Aug 25? I am always grateful when I am invited for a signing event. Remember, if you are in the Toronto area, I will happily respond for an event and opportunity to showcase my books. I am available. I am also available for health fairs. You know, I also want to paint a bit and not landscapes but my walls. I would hire someone but I cannot with Mr Attitude. Yes, he is still alive. Anyhow, let's talk later. You know, you can leave me a note, or ask a question. what do you think?

Thoughts of the week - Yikes, Holy Terror would say

It's been a full and balanced week. A Canadian Legion in Woodbridge (I believe)was shut down because a motorcyle club was attending. Unbelieveable! I don't think they should have shut it down. I think, the gang should have been asked to leave and all those responsible for dealing with this matter fired. I almost said terminated, but that may have been misunderstood. I need to ensure I have the right hat on when speaking. Also, we have had more positive news this week. There was a family of three generations of Muslims going for a walk in a city outside Toronto and the suspect apparently had been radicalized by some white supremecy group and he has been labelled and judged as a Terrorist and is going to jail for a very long time. Networks need to work with the police, monitor their websites and report these misguided misfits who believe white is supreme. We need a bit of work but we are moving in the right direction. I ordered engraved pens to give out at a health fair and I am quite pleased with them. I think I will continue to order them. It has a pretty picture of me on it and I may start placing them with my book sales. I was hoping I would have "Ominous" but my publisher went on a well deserved holiday so I still have to wait. I am doing well with my paperwork. I am not quite caught up, but better than in a long time. This is a work in progress. I am still looking at MLS for real estate in Niagara Falls and every once in a while, I am tempted but I look at my 21 year old Mr Attitude and recognize my responsibility to him. Poor boy, wouldn't survive the trip. Or would he? Naw. I am in no rush and am enjoying my time with the little guy. He will be my last pet for a while. I really want to catch up on my travels. I do miss that. Our government is working hard to gain votes. I think that this should be a constant. The leader of the Federal Conservative is trying to look better for women, because he seems to be lacking our support. After Trudeau split up with his wife, the Conservatives did a cheap commercial ad promoting the Conservative leader as a family man, married to an immigrant from somewhere (I have been hearing that a lot). Are we not all from somewhere. He was also promoting himself as an ole Canadian boy who loves or loved hockey yuada, yuada. Ho also tried to make himself look more like Trudeau. He got a better hair cut and started wearing better clothes, but he didn't quite make the cut. He also got rid of his glasses. However, he still has the same rigid mannerism and speech. Ask him what terrorism is and you will be amused. Anyhow, I also had a female liberal politician come to my home for browny points. She identified herself as a mother of two children. I pondered and then asked her what qualifies her as a politician. The last time I checked I didn't think that being a mother, well that depends on your definition, was a qualifying factor. However, when I challenged the qualification, she got into some serious business. Since she is the only politician who came to my home and tried to convince, I shall probably vote for her. These politicians obviously take a lot of advice to promote themselves, but some need more help. Maybe actually doing some hard core work will help. So, Mr Attitude is calling for me to tell him how wonderful he is. I also badly need a coffee. Have a wonderful weekend. I intend to. Good talk.

The Internet Murders continues - www.silvaredigonda for your signed copy

..."I didn’t think so. I took the liberty of calling one of my cousins. He works for a security firm that installs alarms and cameras and stuff. He is coming here next week as a favour to me and he is going to do the work for free. You just have to pay for the monitoring for your house here each month. That won’t be too much.” Mrs. Delany was surprised that Fr. Francis did not argue with the policeman about that. He was always saying that it was an invasion of privacy, and he would just lock the doors of the church at night and at other times when he felt he should. Fr. Francis believed that the church should be open for the people who wanted to come to God’s house and that they should be with God in private. Fr. Francis said that the church belonged to the people and they should feel free and comfortable to come inside whenever they wanted. Cameras and alarms were intrusions. “Francis, do you know who could have killed the old man?” Tomasso asked casually. Francis thought he did know. It was the confessor. He must have returned while Francis was away on vacation. He had never felt so constrained, but he could not speak of this. Confession was sacred. The meal was finished and Tomasso rose from the wooden chair, which was surprisingly comfortable. Philip followed suit. Tomasso happily slapped Fr. Francis in the back, “Next week Francis, and get used to seeing me more often.” Tomasso grinned at Mrs. Delany, who always seemed to be within hearing. She was fussing with the dishes. He realized that she couldn’t see his grin. “Thank you Mrs. Delany! It has been a real pleasure meeting with you and the food was just wonderful! I am so glad that you are taking care of my good friend here!” Mrs. Delany decided she liked the shorter chubby policeman after all. He was very bubbly and very polite, and he was concerned about Fr. Francis. He was helping Fr. Francis. Everyone said their goodbyes and Tomasso and Philip left. Philip still had a warm feeling from the closeness of everyone, and the food. “He knows who the killer is.” Tomasso casually remarked. “What?” “He knows who the killer is.” Tomasso repeated. “Wouldn’t he tell you that, if he knew?” Philip asked surprised. Tomasso responded. “He’s a priest.” They left the church and returned to the station. ” Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “The Internet Murders.” www.silvaredigonda.ca

Alexei Navalny, Russian Lawyer who loved his country

I watched the documentary that is talked about below which I cut and pasted for you. I knew in my heart that when Navalny returned to Russia, it would be a death sentence. But, he loved his country. We must always remember that there are courageous people who suffer when they see dictators destroying not only free nations but those within their own countries. Russia is not Putin. One day, he will cease to exist. For many, it cannot come soon enough. In the meantime, he continues to not only make outsiders suffer, but his own people. Shame on you Putin. My heart felt sympathies to Navalny's wife, mother, family and country. From Global News below: "The Canadian director of an Oscar-winning documentary about Alexei Navalny has a message for Russian President Vladimir Putin after confirmation the country’s opposition leader died while serving a prison sentence in an Arctic penal colony. “You may think you have solved a problem, but Alexei Navalny is immortal, and the world is coming,” Daniel Roher said in a video call from his Toronto home on Friday. Roher, whose film “Navalny” won the Oscar for best documentary feature at the 2023 Academy Awards, said he was stunned by the initial reports of the prominent Putin foe’s death, even though he had anticipated it. “I’m surprised at how shocked I am,” said the Toronto-born filmmaker. “For anyone who has followed the story of Alexei or who’s seen our film, the possibility of his death, of his murder, was very apparent and very present. I still didn’t think that it would happen,” he said. “I held out hope and optimism that the end of Navalny’s story would be that he gets out of prison and he is able to somehow run for office in Russia in a free and fair election, become the president and become one of the great leaders for the 21st century.” Russia’s prison agency said Navalny, who was serving a 19-year sentence, died Friday. Navalny’s associates confirmed his death on Saturday, alleging he was murdered at the penal colony. Several world leaders praised the courage of the Kremlin critic — who gained widespread recognition for his investigations into corruption among Russia’s political elite — and blamed Putin and his regime for Navalny’s death. “It is a tragedy and it’s something that has the entire world being reminded of exactly what a monster Putin is,” Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said in comments broadcast on CBC. Roher echoed Trudeau’s sentiments. “Putin wouldn’t have murdered him if Navalny wasn’t in a position of power and influence, and it just speaks to how frightened he is and how small he is that he would do this,” the director said. “Navalny” is a fly-on-the-wall documentary about the Russian opposition leader and the events surrounding his 2020 poisoning with a Novichok nerve agent, which he blamed on the Kremlin. Roher said he initially connected with Navalny in 2020 through Bulgarian journalist Christo Grozev, who was investigating the opposition leader’s poisoning at the time. The two went to meet Navalny in Germany, where he was recovering. That’s where Roher made his pitch for the documentary. “I offered him a vision of the future where he’s back in Russia, he’s in prison, he needs some kind of vehicle to keep his name in the global consciousness. And I think he understood and appreciated that pitch. We started filming the next day.” A scene from the film where Navalny gives a message to his supporters in the event of his death was widely circulated online on Friday. “I’ve got something very obvious to tell you. You’re not allowed to give up,” Navalny says in the clip while looking into the camera. Roher said it was “very uncomfortable” to ask Navalny to talk about his own mortality in the film, but they both knew his death was a very real possibility. “The propheticness of it is becoming very clear,” he said. “Those are his final words and that’s his message to the world. It was certainly always my hope that that didn’t have to be his final statement, but that’s what the film is now.”

Men and Families - Rethinking Domestic Violence: The First experiences of First Nations and Inuit Men in Quebec Canada by Drs L. Ellington and R. Brassard, University of Laval, Canada. Both are from the School of Social Work and Criminology. notes

Indigenous men - (54% + women 61% ) are likely of being a victim in their lifetime than non-indigenous men and women (36% + 44 % respectively). 29/39 men served time for crimes in provincial or Federal prisons (in Quebec). Men who were interviewed had 0-10 children. From the men’s perspective - at present, deeply scarred from the past, colonialism and imposition of patriarchal structures. Experiences of violence from an early age. There are underlying issues and other social problems. Men as victims is a label which is hard to take on. Pride - “ we are supposed to be warriors and to protect wife.” “I have a lot of pride, - also children - they will lose their mom (this is from men who are physically abused by their wives). Most were unemployed. Three or four were working. From 29 from 59. They were able to connect if men went to prison to protect life or there is nothing else going on. Many of the men were in prison. When police attend it is easier for them to claim responsibility and let the child stay with their mothers. They know what prison is like, several were there before. The main reason is to maintain family structure. How do I feel about this? Men going to jail so their wives don’t is not what I consider justice. If women are abusing their husbands, wives will probably abuse their children. Men are accepting blame, but if this is recognized as a problem then it needs to be looked at closer. Are the men showing physical symptoms of abuse? Just last week I heard on the news that in Quebec, which is a province of Canada, it was determined that half of the children in the Foster system are Indigenous and that this is a problem. I would agree and was surprised. How do we help families to heal? I am glad that the University of Laval has taken an interest. It is much needed. Any errors here as usual are my responsibility only.

The Internet Murders www.silvaredigonda.ca

Mrs. Delany went to retrieve the cheese and cold cuts as well as those black and green olives that some parishioners had brought. Everyone from the parish heard that someone had killed the old priest, so many had brought food. She carefully brought out the home-made bread and cut generous portions. She would let them make their own sandwiches. This way they could make the sandwich as big or small as they liked and choose their own favourite meats and cheese. She brought out the fruit and cake and of course her scones and Devon cream. Fr. Francis was very happy to see To. She was so pleased. They were all munching away. Philip took an instant liking to Fr. Francis. He had a warmth about him that was inviting and non-judgemental. Philip did not believe in God, but if he did, then this would be a person he would feel comfortable with, learning about God. “To, do you know anything about who killed Fr. Brown? I had known him since university. He was my professor and mentor, and throughout the years became a close friend.” “It’s with homicide, Francis. A detective Sergeant named Robert Bennet is in charge of the investigation. He is good.” “Thanks To. If you say he is good, than he is.” Philip was surprised. This Fr. Francis knew Tomasso well. He knew he was no one’s fool. Tomasso continued, “It’s been a strange week. A girl was killed and a man was found dead two blocks away, near Casa Loma. We just came from the hospital where another girl was attacked. You know Francis, I think they are all connected. And at each place there are no cameras. Whoever did this, it is premeditated. I am sure that this is the beginning and that there will be no cameras …. And now here, a priest killed in the church. Francis, you don’t have cameras in the Church do you?” “No, To. I don’t.”

Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “The Internet Murders.” www.silvaredigonda.ca

Who Am I? Who are you? Happy Valentine!!!!!!!!!!

I have been printing out a stress test, activities to improve your spirits and creating a special place, for a Health Fair I will have a booth at. I have also ordered pens to give out with my pretty picture and number; web site. I don't normally attend health fairs, preferring the Book world, such as Word on the Street, but the opportunity arose, so well, it can't hurt. Most of my clients find me on Psychology Today, through my associations or my web site - www.redigondapsychotherapy.com. My books, well as I have informed you, I need to put more work in that. Today I received something from Amazon in Spanish, so I do have to get my house in order regarding where I am selling my books. Today is Valentine's Day and I love this day. It is a day of flowers, normally chocolate and of course love. What I found today as I was searching what else I could print out was a reflection of "Who Am I?" This was a question that was becoming the norm to me, so I had given it a lot of thought. There was one person, the head of her department, who later ran for a cushy post, was fired which I did not find sad at all because she had fired so many departments, people herself. There is a saying of be nice to those you meet on your way up, because you may meet them on your way down. Anyhow, she asked us that question and when I told her who I was, she argued or rather informed me that the answer was not accurate. I did find her annoying. So, this is what I am going to say to you. Think about who you are, and don't let other people dictate to you, who you are. What I have found throughout my time as a therapist is that people really suffer, because people are always telling them who they are. I help those who suffer to discover themselves and cut out the noise which can penetrate and hurt. Take the time today, to love yourself. I want to wish you a Happy Valentine. I posted what I wrote some time ago, when I was starting out in this career. I was in three programs. I was doing my Masters, working on becoming a Marriage and Family Therapist with AAMFT, and Pastoral Counselling. I was really, really busy. I am sharing this with you. All the people, who I mention below are now dead, so it was nice reading this and remembering how significant these people were in my life. It may inspire you, or it may not. There have been many more since, some too have died. Covid was a killer and cancer as well. Enjoy and next week I want to post something from one of the lectures. Have a wonderful weekend. Who I am today is a reflection of all the people who have touched me in some way. Who I am today is a taste of the different cultures I have experienced. Who I am today is a testament of my country, service to country and service to God. I am still growing into who I am finally to become. I am on a continuous journey. My mother, my friend and priest, the mothers of two childhood friends of mine, and an old policeman, were all significant in that journey of who I am. My mother was the most important figure in my life. She taught me that prejudice existed and was wrong. She taught me that the world was mine to explore and I could achieve whatever I wanted in it. She taught me the beauty of nature as we explored it. She taught me the joy of having and respecting pets. She taught me that people should not be judged by what they owned but by what was in their hearts. Mrs Rielley and Mrs Varty both deceased were very influential in my life. Mrs Rielley was an ex nun, ex high school teacher and highly educated for her time. She had a brilliant mind. I remember helping her to sort through her personal papers and helping her determine what was important to keep. As important as cleanliness was for my mother, Mrs Rielley didn't care how neat her house was. She was a pack rack. She held on to everything. I remember reading some of her stories and poetry and wondering why she never published her work. She was sharp, witty, funny and had an explosive personality. You never wanted to cross Mrs Rielley. She was Irish, through and through. She complimented me, scolded me, loved me, appreciated my visits and became another mother to me. Mrs Varty was a simple woman. She loved her husband and daughter who was my friend. And she loved me. She was my second mom. My mother was a perfectionist. She had no tolerance for error or failure. My mother wished me to remain forever her small girl, whom she could mold. Whenever I resisted I lost favour. Mrs Varty on the other hand always accepted me. It didn't matter how I was dressed or how I did in school. Mrs Varty simply loved and I was so fortunate to have been privy to that love. She was proud of me. Fr MacFarlene I met later in life. I was in my twenties and working in Europe. He was our chaplain. I met him through work. I was a Military Policewoman and searching for a man who had been stealing cars and driving them into the Rhine River. I expected to find him dead. I was waiting for the Padre so we could go and interview the suspect's pregnant wife. It was a formality. I was to find the suspect and lock him up, he was to console. I remember when I saw him. He entered the Police station, his adrenaline flowing. I was a distance away and gave a short chuckle. Father MacFarlene was human. He wanted to provide solace but he was naturally excited as well. After all the character I was searching for had caused quite a stir in the area. Father MacFarlene and I slowly, through the years grew close, as two people who grow older together do. Since we were both in the Military, our paths met often. The military creates a bond among soldiers that I never experienced since retiring. It was he who asked me to ask God to believe in him when I claimed I could not believe that there is a God. I did and I eventually began to believe again. Donny, the old policeman had more years in the Toronto Police force than I had in years of life. He was one of the warmest and most caring people I had ever met. He had compassion for everyone he met. It was he who made me realize that if over 32 years on the police force didn't make him cold, than who was I to think that I had become resistant to feelings. All these people kept me grounded. I have been so fortunate to have been cared for and loved by these people. My mother now is in a home. Father MacFarlene now is in the early stages of a mental degenerating disease, common in his family. He thinks that we have not spoken for ages when we speak more often. He forgets that I am to visit. He forgets…… These people have directed me, encouraged me, praised me, healed me. These people have balanced each other so that I can become balanced. These people have given me their best so that I can have the courage to be the best that I can be. These people have instilled values in me and with their long years of commitment, I too have learned commitment. I almost forgot and why because she too was important to me in my later years, Prof Yawney. It was she who taught me humility. A woman who wrote books she considered too boring for me to read, awards she went to the States to receive, yet dismissed their importance. Prof Yawney was an expert in court for cases of Racism, her eulogy indicated. She was my teacher in University as Mother Mary Joseph was in my junior years. Yes, as I write more people come to mind who inspired me, who made a difference in my life, who lead and formed me. They were there for me directing me on my journey onwards.

Hermeneutics - Theology notes continues - Eschatology

Think of this image: Heaven at the top, Present in the centre, Past at the far left, Future at the Far Right and Hell at the bottom. Principals of Interpretations. The definition of hermeneutics: suspicion, that truth is not clear. We are inundated in our age, by the Masters of Suspicion. The Masters are: 1. Nietsche 2. Marx 3. Freud. Let’s start with Freud. All religious beliefs derive. Living in an age of secularization. Psychological drive. Marx: reduces to political. Christians have used God to keep people in their places. Behind this is Eschatology - for next life. Vatican 11, para 43, “They are mistaken.” Nietsche: Another form to power. You don’t need religion, one can stand on your own two feet. It is a cop out. These views are still prevalent today. The second principal to keep in mind is the human experience. Eschatology. The Holy - 1. Fascination, 2. Terror. The return to religious experience. Carl Reiner: Consolation without a cause. Dermet Lune: The need to ground, as per people’s religious experience. John Webster: Eschatology responsible in its control, but not to its concepts. This means that each age questions. The third principal (in respect to hermeneutics). Eschatological is often symbolic. Keep in mind it may be metaphorical. Story of doubting Thomas - stick fingers in the wound, asking for proof and gets it. Eschatological language - a finality to human history. It’s only an approximate. Theological - Jesus Christ, risen, is the hope of the world and future to come. Resurrection is the acorn of the oak tree of the resurrection to come. 2nd Principal - God of Creation is God of final, of believers, all eternal life is something initiated in this life. One of the messages of Mary - what is sown on earth, is seen in heaven. Think of veil. 3rd Principal - Discontinuity of our mortal life and the eschaton. The action of God in creation and salvation. One eternal life is not to be seen as a continuation of this life to other. There is a finality here and a promise of the divine in the next. There is a discontinuity. To be continued.

The Internet Murders www.silvaredigonda.ca / amazon

Mrs. Delany did not like cats, especially in the house and never on a table. Fr. Francis was not a real saint, though he seemed to be, so many times. However, she had not heard Fr. Francis laugh in such a long time. God had sent Holy Terror to help him and who was she to argue with God. She would have to find out what they ate. In the meantime, there was some tuna …. She found an old soup bowl that was never used and poured some milk into it. She slowly bent to carefully place it on the floor. Fr. Francis moved quickly to help her. “Please let me help.” He took the milk bowl from Mrs. Delany and placed it at the entrance to the kitchen from his room. He then retrieved the tuna dish and placed it next to the milk. “Please allow me Mrs. Delany; it is much easier for me to bend.” Mrs. Delany smiled. Her sight wasn’t very good anymore, and it was difficult for her to bend, but she could manage. She knew that the Holy Terror was good for Fr. Francis. He seemed happier than he had been since they killed poor Fr. Brown. Holy Terror peeked around the corner from Fr. Francis’ bedroom and cautiously went to taste the milk. The cat devoured the tuna in no time and then just sat there grinning. Holy Terror knew this was now home. There was a ring at the door and Mrs. Delany went to answer it. She saw the two uniformed policemen outside and she welcomed them in. They trailed behind her into the kitchen, where Francis was seated. Tomasso spoke in his bellowing voice, breaking the silence in the room. “Francis, this here is my partner Philip.” Mrs. Delany thought that the shorter, fat man was rude “calling Francis by his first name only, without giving him the proper respect he deserved. That was until she saw Fr. Francis smile broadly, welcoming them both to sit down. What a strange day it was! Fr. Francis was getting better. What with a cat in the house now that she would have to tolerate, and the shorter fat policeman that Father seemed to like, things would probably get better. Mrs. Delany silently thanked God for answering her prayers. She wanted God to hold Fr. Francis in his arms and protect him. She prayed this every morning and every night and sometimes she prayed for it during the day. “To!” He shortened Tomasso’s name using a long vowel to pronounce the shorter version. “It’s been a while!” “Yeah! How about some food? You got any food here?” He looked down at the saucer of milk. “You gotta cat?” “Mrs. Delany, I want you to meet Tomasso. He and I went to grade school and high school together. Please bring out some food and we will all have something to eat!” Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “The Internet Murders.” www.silvaredigonda.ca and Amazon (for your signed copy)

Thoughts of the Week

This morning I was watching the news and I read that President Biden had lashed out at some committee for questioning him about his son, who had died, in relation to probing Biden's memory. Then I saw something on Facebook with some post questioning Biden's memory. We are in the age of nothing is like it seems especially on Face book, so I disregard most of what I read on social media. I do not discount the news. My first impression of what I heard and read on my television about the President, is who are these people? Why would anyone think that they can question this man in such a manner. Just this week I attended a funeral service. It was here in Canada but the deceased had one daughter who served in the the U.S.A. military and a husband suffering very much after more than 30 years with his beloved wife. After, we all attended a marvoulous buffet. A person sitting next to me said that there is no greater suffering than the death of a spouse. I corrected the person. Nothing is worse than a parent suffering the death of a child. So, when I heard of this interrogation of a man, let alone the President, my first thoughts were this is unethical, uncalled for and cruel. So, later when the President lashed out saying how dare they, I agreed. There are tests available to determine the mental health and memory of a person. It is becoming tiresome, listening to politicians talk about what they know nothing about. It is not only politicians annoying me. Bell Canada which is not Canadian, the last time I checked is laying off many people. This isn't the first time they have done that. They own the news station as well, CP 24. They are eliminating many positions and one government called them out. They said that they have to do this because they are losing money. The politician said they are making millions or billions. I believe it was the latter. Don't forget that the objective now is to make trillions which is about ten years away. So, more people will have no work because of greed. Also, this week some councellor in Pickering which is about a half hour drive outside Toronto was questioning Black History Month. She thinks it should be eliminated or changed to History month. The Mayor has questioned this as hate and is furious. The province is changing what it is going to teach. It wants to start teaching about the Holocaust and also about the contribution of what the Black community has brought to Canada. I would go further than that and think it should be contributions globally and the suffering. What I don't understand is that I learned all this in grade school. I was a child and remember learning about how horrible all this was. Why did they stop? Why do we have such an ignorant society? During the attack and kidnapping of Israeli's by Hamas there was controversy about what a politician with the Provincial NDP party wrote on social media - Anti semitism was obvious. She was called on it, silenced and given the boot. I agreed with the results. When the Terrorists (such worms)kidnapped and killed so many innocents and sent video's to their parents so they could watch them die, I wondered how anyone could think that it is ok. It is not. I also thought, they picked on the wrong country and knew so many innocent people would die. That is a big problem. Innocents, especially children die needlessly. What we are killing are children who will never have the opportunity to be the next Einstein, doctor, parent etc....We are killing needlessly. Then we have Russian, again a canidate has recently been rejected in Russia as a candidate because he wants to stop the war. I won't even talk about China or North Korea, or Iran and all these terrorists sponsored of course from nasty leaders. Then I heard on the news how we as a planet have reached the 1.5 threshold of global warming. Again, leaders have failed and this time, unless something changes drastically, our planet will retaliate. Someone some time ago told me that I think everyone is stupid. I do not. Nor, do I think intelligence is most important. Give me the choice to converse with someone who is kind or a genius, I choose kindness. However, when I see the greed, need for power and the manipulation of people for self fullfilling drives, that is not in the best interest of the world, I may give that impression. My dream is of peace. We should all be working together to achieve that. We should unite and instead of making weapons, we should be working on saving this lovely planet. We need to take better care of each other and stop all this hatred that I am seeing all too often. It has been positive in my work and private life. I am so happy with my book "Ominous". I see people healing all the time. Mr Attitude keeps me laughing. So, what am I going to do this weekend? I am going for a massage, going to get my hair done, have a nice meal, finish reading a good book and enjoy my life. Why not be nice to at least one person this week whom you normally find annoying. What do you think? Have a great weekend.

Sibling Therapy - by Dr Karen Lewis - notes

This was an hour and a half interactive talk about sibling therapy by Dr Karen Lewis held by the Ontario Association of Couple and Family Therapy. Would I recommend her? Yes. She has over 50 years of experience and anyone in this line of work for that long should get an award. (speaking of awards, what did you think of the Grammy’s?) Dr Lewis is very amiable. She has a book entitled Sibling Therapy: The Ghost from Childhood that haunt your client’s love and work. I have to make a point of reading it. She is an International speaker and delightful. She has been inundated with referrals and wants more people to work with siblings. She needs more people to be doing this. For this talk she wanted to discuss no more than two siblings because she feels it is too complicated with more for the time we had. She has worked with up to 10 siblings (I have worked with about a maximum of 6 and sometimes with a parent or two). She indicated that the ghosts- the holidays and the images of children from childhood never age. This effects how siblings perceive each other as children which can be negative or positive. Eg. Brother, five years of age and sister, three years of age. Client can see a hand or something and react to the brother as when they were young. On the other hand if a brother is on a pedestal, there is only one way to go. She is not seeing her sibling as he is now. This is not fair to him or her. We were watching slides where as a youth an older brother has his hand on his sisters shoulder. This will be remembered even when the sister is 80 or 90. When the brother is seen as mean, this will also be remembered. Parents assign the roll of the child. This may be as the trouble maker, the good and bad child, funny or protector, the lazy one. There is nothing wrong with roles unless it becomes crystallized. Sometimes parents do this for the best of intentions. Eg. Playing hockey - the parent urges the child who isn’t as good as the sibling to try something else. The message is competition is not good. Females with eating disorders - If competition is not allowed than one goes underground. Usually with two sisters, one doesn’t know she is being competed against. For example one sister may be smart, the other thinks, I may not be smart, but I can be thinner. This leads to polar opposites. Dr Lewis asked us how many remembered Jimmy Carter’s brother. Jimmy Carter was President, the good boy, smart and successful. His brother - an alcoholic. Has gone down. This is common among actors. Sarah was an incredible choreographer. She kept going to auditions, was successful but always quit. As the younger sister, it was determined that she couldn’t be successful if her older sister wasn’t. The more one held herself back, the other did as well. Healthy loyalty is not bad. Then there is unhealthy loyalty. It involves accepting parents rules, roles and expectations, often passed down generations. She has seen it traced back to five generations. Maintaining unhealthy loyalty is unconscious. There were two children who fought a lot. “I was the golden boy; I had great friends and became a failure at 12 th grade.” What was the sister like? She was terrible. When he started being a failure, she got better. She diagnosed him with unhealthy loyalty. (I don’t believe that is a disorder with the DSM, but a good assessment with this kind of language). After three sessions, the brother was able to see it. These feelings got transferred into people in their lives. Siblings are the first peer relationships, the first marriage. Childhood can be a laboratory for how children relate - learn or didn’t learn to co-operate to move from one loving and fighting. It is also a time to learn when to exert power and when to withdraw. Manipulation, tattle telling, that is what we learn as a child and pull it up, what we learned and didn’t learn with a spouse. It can lead to sibling transference in love relationships. Her own brother had a particular look when he was mad. She went somewhere and knocked on the door. The man who came to the door had that same look, that made her scared. This pattern can be broken. Assessing for a sibling connection. - Is stuck in a unhealthy role in one or more relationships or has a pattern of unhealthy connections. Is having marital problems, keeps losing a job, being fired, quiting, difficulty with co workers, has few friends or dysfunctional and feels isolated. If as a therapist you are stuck, talk about siblings. What would your sibling do in this situation? How is your sibling’s marriage? Who makes the most money and has the most prestige? Twins - younger or older? Always called the twins. ADD maybe not identified and has nothing to do with sibling. That is all for this portion. I looked up Dr Lewis’ book and it sells for about $40+ for hardcover but it is about half price for an ebook. I prefer holding books in my hands. I do think her book is worth reading and will probably do so myself. If you have been reading my blogs, you would have remembered a Psychologist, now living in Italy. He said he would love to bring the entire family in for sessions and I am the same. I have seen the dynamics so different if it is therapy for one person, for a couple, for siblings and siblings with parents, etc….This is why I will not go to court. I don’t think we get the entire picture because it is so systemic. When I talk more about the Men’s Conference, there will be some attitude from at least one lawyer regarding what he thinks about therapists. I understand, the therapist is not supporting what you want to hear in support of your client. I shall wait until, it comes up to add more. For now, even though the book may be considered expensive for about 230 pages or so, it may help you understand your sibling(s). I find this work very fulfilling and satisfying. When you see people struggle in such unhealthy ways without realizing why, and you get them to step away from themselves, it is quite rewarding. Again, I want to add that any errors here are not that of Dr Lewis, but myself. I have big shoulders. Take care.

TGIF

For those who do not know what TGIF means, it is "Thank God It's Friday". This trying to balance everything is causing me more work. Having fun is important, focusing on my continuing education is imperative, therefore important, seeing clients of course is my priority and therefore important, my seminars with the Sisters of Crime is of interest and therefore important, and now there is the Crime writers of Canada and The Independant writers also of interest. This week I had too much interests. One night I went to bed at 830 pm and slept an entire 10 hours. I never do that. Maybe less party hardy, can't drop the gym, so I am going to slow down just a tad. There is a backyard and homeshow in Mississauga which I considered, however, I am going to pass and wait til the Homeshow comes to Toronto. I have found the Home Show in Toronto somewhat boring the last two years but now that COVID appears to be under control, I am hoping for a comeback of more vendors and exciting events. I actually had a thought of going as a vendor myself, but decided it is too expensive. Today I have an interesting 1.5 hour of siblings' seminar. I just received the slides and know it will be great. The slides I won't be sharing with you because first, I don't think I will have permission to do so and second, it is only the sub topics which will be discussed. However, of course I shall share my notes as usual. My book "Ominous" is completed. I have decided the charge for each book to be $24.95. That is because my publisher uses expensive paper (the environment). Then there is the continuous rise in transportation fees etc.....But, it was my brain that thought it up, I wrote it all by myself without any help from IT. So, I am worth it. I don't know what the cover looks like at this moment, but I am never disappointed. Book Covers are important and some will buy books because of the enticing covers. I think I sell well at shows is because of my charm. I have to catch up on a few things so I won't get to talk to you until Tuesday. Have a good weekend.