Providing Compassionate Psychosocial Spiritual Care and Counselling during COVID 19 crises, demands, challenges- responses -Conclusion

I want to continue with Eugene Dufour’s workshop before I move on to other webinars I have attended. Last Friday I attended a lecture about Family Therapy which I want to talk to you about. It was a great refresher and much along my own training. But first, back to Eugene. I have never received his slides. But that is ok because I take good notes. I have talked about children before and how important it is to be honest with them. Eugene said that children can handle the known but not the unknown. He provided a case where a mother had been diagnosed with cancer. When he asked her child to draw a picture of the family, she had drawn her mother with no arms. He asked the child why her mom had no arms; she replied that she no longer hugged her. In her mind cancer had taken away the arms that would hold her. Once the mother was informed, she began to hold her again. The mother had been overwhelmed by the cancer and shutting down. Crayons is very telling when utilized. I have also used crayons with adults with special needs. They can draw expressions and the use of colours to express moods, it is a tool to help those to express themselves who may not be able to. Another case discussed involved a firefighter who had performed CPR to a mother in a car accident. He had difficulty with this case where the mother had died. He would wake up every night suffering. He was asked to go to the scene; a patrol car went as well. Two other firefighters went with him at 3am. Then at 12:00. The patrol car would go as well. This eventually progressed to meeting at Tim Horton’s at 08:00. Soldiers from Trenton to the Swiss Airline crash at Peggy’s Cove was also talked about - the suffering of isolation of being two in a boat looking for bodies. What was also talked about was where suicide is most prominent - the Golden Gate in the U.SA. and Niagara Falls where people fall to their deaths. Eugene spoke quite impressively of the Niagara Falls Park Police who wanted to be sensitive in helping their own. He spoke of Insurance Companies who turn down 60% of claims because they don’t expect the claimants to fight, even though they have an entitlement. People give up. Another incident involved 25 children, four to five years of age. The baby sitter had drowned in the pool. They watched her being resuscitated. She died. Police gave each child a teddy bear. The child was asked how the teddy bear felt. What was also discussed about the need for 12,000 PSW’s and much less was hired which wasn’t working - able to retain 8000. Eugene talked about one case where he was hired by a son to work with his mother. The son fired him, but he continued to work with the mother. The son died two years later and never had come around to him continuing work with the mother. I am not going to talk about my own work with families, until I begin talking about family therapy, next on my topic to share. Remember how Eugene likes hitting his tree (and then listening to music afterwards)? He suggested for therapists to find a mentor. offer to be a mentor; find a Support group. He has his own group. He had a wise Psychologist during his internship to deal with the stress of his training. Life long education is helpful. Focus on sharing stories. I have had the great fortune of having two wonderful mentors. Unfortunately they have both died. Both were Jesuit priests, one being my professor and the other my own Pastoral Counsellor during my studies and internships. They also became my close friends. We often had long discussions and great meals. I have had students reach out to me time and I have heard them. I belong to a weekly support group of marriage and family therapists where we also have case consultations. There is so much experience in the room and at some point we have each provided a scenario looking for feedback. Life long education is mandatory for me. I sometimes toy about the idea of doing a doctorate, which would take lots of money and time, which I don’t really have at this time. Nor, do I need a doctorate, however, growth is important to me. I have a ritual where I wake up each morning, put a bowl of water outside for the neighbourhood dogs and which my own pets guard. I surround myself with nature and read some breviary one of my mentors gave me and some other passages. I then watch the news all before starting my day. I often suggest my clients spend time in nature. For those who hate nature and they exist, I suggest they find something that they find soothing. Some don’t know what that is. That is the opportunity for discovery. Find that place where you can relax. It can be in real time or in your mind. However, find it. I often suggest that clients find support groups. Be mindful of that however. Make sure it is legitimate. I have had complaints that what they thought they joined, had ulterior motives…such as promoting hatred of women or religion or God….Part of my work can be having my own therapy group, or assisting others in support groups. Eugene spoke of pain that doesn’t go away but it does soften. I have found that sometimes people have to look back and deal with the past before they move forward. Sometimes people can be stuck in a painful past that affects their present. I usually encourage journaling which is beneficial. I also add if anything is brought up that is too painful, to stop and bring that pain to therapy. Eugene mentioned one client who lived out in the country. He complained when he was told it was nice to see him, that he wanted to be asked how he was. This person had lied about his age to go to war. He was told that he would not go to the front lines. He had been carrying groceries when a bomb went off. Another soldier had put his finger on his artery to stop the bleeding. He was brought to a Canadian Base. He had been wearing a watch which stopped the shrapnel from killing him. He had been with another youth who had died. When this client went into the hospital to die, he asked for him. He wanted to thank him. He didn’t want to talk about trauma. When he used to visit him in his rural community, the first 40 minutes would be spent talking about birds and deer and then “did you have any dreams lately?” I too ask about dreams with suffering clients. We all dream. I usually suggest having a note pad and pen by the bedside and before actually getting out of bed to just stay in that moment and stay with the dream you just had. If you get up, you will forget it. I had a friend who managed to fight off cancer. We got together perhaps twice a year, taking turns of sleeping over after I retired. She was older than myself and was also my manager in a previous occupation. She eventually retired asking me about who I had seen and what they had been up to because she knew that I have a habit of keeping in touch with people I have worked with in previous lives (occupations). The last time she had cancer it was a death sentence. She would call me and wanted to know about what I was doing in my social life. She wanted to know about anything except sickness and sadness. She would find such joy at my silliness. She needed to listen to some normality and I am glad that I could have provided her with that. This person had such a joy of living, though she had suffered greatly when her husband died. She had fought so bravely til the end in the hope of beating cancer. Before concluding this workshop event. I want to add another case that Eugene talked about. It was about a firefighter dying from bone cancer. He loved the French River. His buddies brought him a picture of the French River. He was Roman Catholic but had distanced himself from the Church. Eugene suggested that the photo was his chapel. The firefighter re-united with his parents who he had been estranged from. We normally do therapy within our offices, however, Eugene had worked with an aboriginal woman who needed therapy by a tree. I have worked outside of my office in my backyard only once. It was because my client had something he believed to be contagious and insisted on seeing me. I had always been curious what that would be like. Though he preferred to continue therapy that way, I was concerned about confidentiality. I had asked one of my mentors about therapy in nature and he said it was too distracting. I would agree. I love nature and being in nature and in my work I must conduct active listening. It is important not to have distractions etc….However, what is best for the client? I am mandated by my college on ethical principals. I abide by them. However, I also have come to understand how change is a constant and what may not be ethical today, can change in the future. For now, I practice within my Office. The windows are closed while in session. Eugene has had permission to talk about the cases mentioned here. If you need to talk to someone please do so. Don’t wait. It was with last Friday’s lecture that I was reminded of how we live in such a rat race here in North America; that we don’t take the time for what we really need in therapy and in relationships. What do you think?