Sexual Abuse

I mentioned I wanted to share what I read in an article from Psychology Today Aug 20. It reveals that one in nine girls under the age of 18 experience sexual abuse at the hands of an adult. 18% of boys are sexually abused by a trusted adult. Almost all of the survivors feel shame (p 29). Shame is something I often hear . We are sexual beings and when a predator sexually abuses he often will have the child think that it is wanted. Since in cases, pleasure is felt than the child feels the shame. Shifting the shame away from the client and onto the predator is what I do. They are children and not responsible. Others also threaten the lives of their parents if they tell. If you are reading this blog and have been sexually abused do feel free to tell. Many do not report it and many more never share this until it comes out in therapy. This is just a fraction of what happens. Pg 29 continues that that there is an assumption that men aren’t or shouldn’t be victims. This often leads boys and men to minimize or conceal what happened. Their sense of masculinity, failing to prevent the assault can undermines their self esteem. U.S. Psychiatrists recognized that early sexual abuse left lasting scars mirroring those of veteran patients. I now often ask my clients if they have been sexually abused depending who the client is. I sometimes wait for the right time to ask or patiently wait for the client to inform me when she or he is ready. The article continues that most who have been abused later have problems with intimacy, trust and sexual relationships. I concur. What the writer of the article states is that he began a group of 8 men who had been traumatized as children where they would share experiences and learn about its adult consequences. At the first meeting there was a rule of no sarcasm. He explained that sarcasm is often utilized to shut down uncomfortable conversation. Learning to live with the discomfort was one of the primary reasons they were meeting. That was in 1994. In 2020 the group of men still meet every 2nd Monday evening, except for two. One of the two moved but still tries to attend by internet. This article was written by Dr Bert Pepper, M.D. a clinical psychiatrist. If there are any errors, I claim it as mine. There are therapists who will not work with those who have abused. I am going to ask that when you read this you don’t make negative comments against the abuser. Many have been abused themselves. The first time I met a child molester I was prepared for the hostility I would feel, but as the person trembled before me (not when I was a therapist) I actually felt sorry for him. I wrote a paper which I posted on my blog “pedophile priest”. It was a research proposal as part of my studies. It is not meant to bash priests but it does provide information regarding the pedophile and how common sexual abuse is. Not everyone was pleased that I chose the topic for a proposal and I was dealt with some blocks when researching. When I shared this with my Jesuit friend, he said “of course.” As you know I have been told I am risque at times. However, we need to make changes in this world and silence does not make change. If you have been abused and are reading this article and have remained silent, remember that you don’t have to be. You can report this. If you have reported this and the adult ignored it, go to a therapist or the Police and report it. You don’t need to be silent. It is your choice. Remember that this was not your fault. I attended a three day sexual assault course in Sudbury years ago in a previous career. The first speaker informed us of how as a child she was raped by her father and brothers. When she reported it to the police when she was older, her mother called her a liar and told her she had brought shame to the family. She was told they wanted nothing more to do with her. She was introduced as the first speaker to prepare us for what we were going to hear. We were provided with the tools to co-ordinate a three day seminar ourselves. This was organized by an OPP female Officer. Wonderful course. On a lighter note: I have been attending many series, meeting etc….which I may be sharing with you before going back to my notes. Much has to do with the Corona Virus. I may as well share all this before it becomes redundant. I haven’t had much time to write for fun but am now focusing on becoming more updated on how to sell my books. Right now I am on www.silvaredigonda.com but will be adding more sites. I write for fun only. With the pandemic my work has increased so I must be mindful of how much I do. Days pass quickly. I will probably sooner, rather than later place a calendar for new clients only at my site, www.redigondapsychotherapy.com However that will be very limited. So thank you for reading my blogs. Keep healthy. Maintain distances and please take this pandemic seriously. Listen to what the Doctors who are specialists in the field before listening to the politicians because not all of them are listening to the experts. Take some quiet time for yourself and think of what is positive in your life. What do you think?