I wish you all a wonderful New Year and thank you so much for reading my blogs

I love life and freedom and good food and lots of fun. I also love to write as a passion and help people as a vocation. All my careers has been in service of others and country. I am thankful for all I have in life, especially my health. If we are healthy we can work and dance and explore. That includes mental health. Each year I ponder if I shall continue to practice and I have decided to continue. I shall also continue to live in Toronto because of obligations. My ideal city is New York; my favourite place in the world is Disney World. It is no wonder that my American neighbours are my most dedicated readers. Thank you. I always have fun whenever I cross the border. I find a kinship with the people. And why not? I grew up with American television which is still my favourite and all my texts of psychology were actually written by Americans rather than Canadians. I asked why one year and was told that we were not writing them. That has changed. I am reading one text now on personality. It is rather boring and I have studied most of it but I did win it at a conference so I am determined to read it all. I have read about 600 pages. My education especially in psychology has been very repititious. That is why it is inprinted in my brain. I have memorized so much in my life and because I continue to utilize my brain in such a matter, I exercise it. The world is changing and so is how we study. Speaking to a retired principal which I mentioned to you before, I learned that youth today do not have the same learning capacity simply because of how time has changed. Information is as simple as pressing a key board. There is no need for retention. I was thinking about that yesterday. I know that for myself, I have always re-invented myself to meet the changing times. I upgraded my education so that it was relevant. A Masters has replaced the BA's. Education is more important now than it ever was in the past. Corporations have blended and want the brightest of minds for creativity. We have artificial intelligence as the new future. There are so many positive possibilities for the future that it is mind boggling. Yet, we have problems as well. Extemist groups are often replaced by others who are hunted and destroyed. I was reading an article about India the other day which stated that it is difficult for women to be educated and more so for getting work. We still have a disasterous amount of children starving and dying. There is another concern of politicians of questionable intellect being in control of countries. But, there is hope. The planet is ill and scientists are too often ignored about global warming or silenced. I took a three day seminar about global warming years ago and I couldn't watch a disaster movie for years. I would have definitely taken that direction of study if I were young. That is where we are headed and it is purely a fact. I believe I heard on a newscast that 25% think it is a concern. However, I have hope. I believe that the majority of the world is good. In every religion, culture, and leadership there is goodness. Sometimes, good people do bad things. Then there are the extremests in many groups who are so lost that hate and conquering is their ownly motive. This is usually motivated by ignorance and it is not surprising that the first thing they do is kill intellectuals and dominate and control women and the men who try to protect them. This is often done by death. I abhor communism and that is why I like to take shots at China and not buy products from them, but it is not only China. Look at North Korea and the list goes on. People in these countries, good people, are controlled and manipulated. Just the other day I threw out garlic I had bought at Fortino's because I learned it was made in China. I was not surprised when China told Canada there would be serious consequences if we did not release a Senior VIP arrested at the request of the USA. This is an agreement in the free world not to be negotiated. I always take threats very seriously expecially when it comes from a dictator. However, I have hope. This morning while watching the news I heard talks of trade among countries that will exclude tariffs. I am so happy to hear that. There is hope. I believe that we have a lot of brilliant people in the world who want a better life for the entire world. As the year ends I wish for all of you to have hope. I sincerely thank you for reading my blogs. I wish you a wonderful New Year full of love and joy. Thank you. www.silvaredigonda.com www.redigondapsychotherapy.com

A Christmas Tale - Published by me

I found myself standing alone, as the snow fell gently, Creating a pure white blanket on the asphalt, I was standing on. Looking at the Christmas scene outside St Charles Church, I felt sad that I did not have enough money for Christmas to shop; that I still had to prepare for a four hour exam. As I looked at the empty cradle of Jesus, my sadness increased. “Oh Lord, we have made such a mess of things. Here it is Christmas approaching, and our planet is suffering from global warming, we still fight and kill, in the name of God. The middle class is disappearing and corporations are merging and becoming powerful. The rich are getting richer while our poor are getting poorer. Our governments are deserting us Lord. Please do not give up on us. Please forgive us.” “I am hungry miss?” I turned and found a beggar beside me. I wondered why I had not heard him approaching. He was big framed, with dirty long hair, a fat and heavily pimpled face and a foul smell that not even the cool air could dissipate. His face was so dirty that I could not determine his skin color. His mittens were black and he wore a long woolen brown coat that looked frayed but thankfully warm and he wore heavy worn boots that had seen too many winters. “I am hungry miss.” He repeated with patience. I was holding my submarine sandwich which I had just bought. I had decided to give myself a treat. After all, Christmas was approaching and I deserved something. I had just stopped to admire the Nativity scene. I looked into those sorrowful big brown eyes and saw more sorrow than I could ever bare being reflected back to me. I handed him my submarine and whispered “Merry Christmas.” I didn’t know if wishing him a Merry Christmas was politically correct, but I did not care this evening. I wanted to be free, in my seemingly democratic country to say “Merry Christmas.” What has happened to my city, to my country, to my world? I thought with sadness. I had lowered my head and looked up to see my hobo gone. He had taken my sandwich and I wished him well. I walked back to my old, rusted car in the Church parking lot and unlocked it. There was my submarine sandwich waiting for me. I looked back towards the nativity set and saw the boot prints on the snow from the Nativity area, I had just come from. There was only one set of boot prints this late night that marred the soft blanket of snow.

Merry Chistmas everyone

I want to wish each of you who read my blogs a very special Christmas and Happy Holidays.

Christmas time in the city

I am in the Christmas spirit and with that comes a bit of laziness since fun, family and friends become a priority. I am still working because it is also a very difficult time for many. This Christmas I ask everyone who reads my blog to think of someone or something positive in their lives. Sometimes, what is going wrong can be very overpowering. I am thankful for my health and my being able to work as long as I have. I am thankful to all who cross my path and make my soul smile. I have learned so much from all. I know there are parts of the world where people have no religious freedom. There are parts of the world where children suffer from starvation and lack of love. There are parts of the world where people suffer from complete domination. I am so grateful for being Canadian and having all the opportunities I have had and still have. I am mindful that I need to give back in some way. If any of my words have helped just one person from not hurting themselves further or ending their life, than I am grateful. If one person has been able to make a decision to make a positive change for themselves or any other, that I am grateful. This Christmas season why not reach out to someone, anyone, and wish them your best. Why not do something nice for just anyone, regardless of what it is? This Christmas why not remember why we celebrate? Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone. What do you think?

My books are for sale at my web site www.silvaredigonda.com

I have written three books and am aching my way through my fourth. I call it aching because the book will be dark, focusing on good and evil forces. This will be very different from the first three. I am spending more time thinking about this one than the previous three which were rather automatic. I realize that as I write each book, I get a tad better. I am in no hurry this time. I want it to be scary but I also want people to think. My first book, "Hey Guy Buy Me" was fun to write. I wrote it for pleasure and I was surprised by the reaction from men. Some hated it and me as a result. Some adored me and some well........My second is my biography, my rite of passage. More than one person who has bought the book said it was honest. I have to read it again to understand why people find it honest. It is honest of course, but what do readers see? My third book is my favourite. I had fun writing that book and it was an easy flow for me. I used a board to write that one and I will probably use my white board for my present book. In this book, though the main character's gender is female, and is a reporter. I may change that. I want a strong male character as well. I will probably make him a policeman or maybe not. When I go to shows/events etc... my books sell quite well. I always enjoy myself especially when I have someone come to me and tell me what they loved about my books. I don't so much when someone returns to insult me, mainly from their perspective of what they read from Hey Guy Buy Me. What I do recommend from women is that if you buy my first book, give it to a man you want to understand and see his reaction. If he is hostile, maybe that is something you should be mindful of. Remember I wrote it for fun. People are asking me more if I have written any books about my psychotherapy, couple therapy etc... I am asked this so often that I am considering it. However, because my life is very consumed with my work, my writings are my break. I have written stories since I was very young. I loved reading them to my mom and she enjoyed hearing them. My mom was my greatest fan and she was a great motivator. Fr Bill was my second motivater. However, I don't need much motivation, just time. If I ever retire, than I will become a full time writer. Now it needs to take a back step from all else. It is my hobby. Some bake and well some write. Has I said, I do well at the events I attend, but not on line for some reason. So if you want want to order my books on my web site, please feel free to do so. You may want one for yourself or as a gift to others. I am a one person operation so feel free to email me or write to me about any concerns or requests. My web site is also secure which you will note by the tiny padlock you will see. So, why not consider buying a book from a self published author who writes for the fun of writing. I can mail you any of my three books (autographed of course)or you can download my second and third. I wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. www.silvaredigonda.com

A retreat

Last Saturday I went to a Retreat at my old school at Uof T. As I approached the doors to my college, my eyes rested on the homeless statue that lay out beside the front doors. It was representative of the homeless which all the colleges (religious) had rejected at the time. I actually read about that in the paper and marvelled. Regis had accepted it with warmth. It was fun and exciting to see my old classmates and catching up. One of our alumni had died a week earlier and seeing the Dean of Students become emotional when talking about him, I knew the reason I had picked the discipline of Spirituality and Ministry. Regis College is run by the Jesuits and we were informed that when we are educated by the Jesuits we are never let go (or words to that effect). We were reminded of our high quality education and our obligation to educate and to give back. We examined passages and dissected it casually and honestly. The alumni post grads had gathered together and it was like a wonderful family re-union. There has been no organization, association, education etc…that has made me feel like being home as at Regis. When I was greeted with warmth and excitement from my classmates, it reminded me of my fun time at university. One of my classmates is now the President of the alumni and I know that she is well suited for the job. When I noticed the surprise that I had attended, I asked “why?” I was reminded that I had not been at an event since I graduated. I do go to the annual Culture event once a year, but they were right. Often there is a conflict in schedules and they hold meetings when I see clients. I have failed to attend alumni events after the first meeting. However, it is not intentional. During the last invitation, I had accepted, but had to cancel it because I went on a code of ethics refresher which lasted a full day, at a downtown hospital. Continuing education is mandatory for me and ethic courses are important. I have had more than my share. Each occupation I had required a degree of ethics and when studying for my Masters, I had more than I required. However, though the Ethicist of one course I took, had a PHD degree in ethics and had worked in hospitals as an ethicist, taking her course was rejected by one of my associations. I was in three programs at the time and trying to find courses accepted by all was challenging at times. There is always some prejudice we need to face and I am aware of it, so I just took more and therefore graduated with more courses than I actually needed. I choose my battles. I also took a Research Course regarding family therapy at Guelph university that is not on my transcript and keep forgetting to include that. I certainly had no interest in research at the time, but I am not so disagreeable about it now. It has to be of very much interest to me. If I ever consider to go back for a doctrine or PHD, I know exactly what the topic will be. However, getting someone interested in the topic might be another story. Being with my peers at Regis felt good and the positive feelings of being with each other all returned as if I had never left. One of my fellow students is also teaching at the school and that's great. I quickly got to hear who was doing what, who was sick, retired, etc…..It really is like a family re-union that meets after years and really catches up, being happy for each others successes and sad for those who are ill. Food was shared and what I really like about Regis is the warmth, I would love all to experience. So, the retreat did the trick. I was nourished and what better time than at Christmas. What do you do to relax, reflect and renourish yourself? What do you think?

Silva Redigonda, Registered Psychotherapist/Registered Marriage and Family Therapist : Christmas Season - Making peace with partner/fami...

Silva Redigonda, Registered Psychotherapist/Registered Marriage and Family Therapist : Christmas Season - Making peace with partner/fami...: One Christmas season I was visiting a cemetery. Someone close to me had died and the pain was fresh. As I was leaving, I noticed a w...

Christmas Season - Making peace with partner/family

One Christmas season I was visiting a cemetery. Someone close to me had died and the pain was fresh. As I was leaving, I noticed a woman probably in her forties or fifties, pacing anxiously where her mother rested, inside a wall. I smile at everyone and she took that as an invitation to explode her feelings. She talked about her mother dying and her estranged sister who was married with a family. She was single and grieved being so. She longed for her sister and was hoping that the sister would visit their mom so she could see her. They were angry over matters of the will. They had different perceptions of events. Since, she obviously had the need to vent her suffering, I listened patiently. When it was over I left and she remained hoping her sister would visit. She wanted to mend differences and her sister did not. As I wondered what to write for December which for me is precious, she came to mind. She is representative of so many this season with families struggling in their relationships. During couples or family therapy, the initial sessions (though not always) normally consist of defusing emotions and outbursts. People are emotional beings and often (though not always) the suffering pours out in angry outbursts, name calling and blame. My objective is to dig underneath all this fury so that the families and couples can look at themselves and others more objectively. Having each member speak about how she/he feels and their perception of events shared, sometimes differs very opposite from what is perceived from the other(s). Often there is much love and there are feelings of betrayal, deception etc…..There are many couples and families who would benefit from therapy. Not all are comfortable with therapy and some find it beneath them. However, often even working with one person can help the person make changes in their own thinking and behaviors which has a domino effect. In families there is often one person who is different from the rest. He may be more educated, more creative or think polar opposite from the rest. Because of this he may be seen as the problem, while he may be not at all. This Christmas why not think about someone you are not at peace with. If you believe in God, why not pray about this? Why not ask for help? If you do not, why not reflect on your relationships? Think about what happened with this person to make you distant yourself? Think about the possiblility if another perception is possible? Sometimes one thinks they know the other person and that is often not the entire truth. One builds a perception of the other from one’s own experiences etc…Ask the other person instead of thinking you know the other person so well. I do hope that this Christmas if anyone reads this blog, they actually reach out to someone who they are having difficulty with. Take it slow. Do you miss this person? What is it that you miss? How close were you? What changed? Why not be that person to take the first step. As I think of that woman who was waiting for her sister to arrive, her sister who no longer wanted her in her life, I wonder and hope that they did see each other again, and if not, I hope that one has had the courage to pick up the phone. In each relationship, one person needs to reach out for help and resolution. If this blog has helped only one person to consider reaching out, than I have been rewarded. What do you think? www.redigondapsychotherapy.com

Are you ready for Christmas? Made in China....using acronyms - gotcha

Recently I was asked if I was all ready for Christmas. Ready? For Christmas? Naught! Times goes so fast and putting on the breaks just doesn't do it. So yesterday while conducting one of my chores, I happened to be at a store and noticed a beautiful house coat with two accessories of soap or lotions, presented and packaged so beautifully that it caught my eye. It had an opening ecouraging me to touch the softness. The marketing worked. I approached the beckening gift and picked it up for closer observation. I did not touch the tempting fabric. I read where it was made. I was confused. It had three letters. I approached the saleswoman and asked where the item was made. She looked at it and said it was made in the U.S. I told her it was packaged there but not made there. She nods and notices the three letters. She then went to Siri and asked. I hear the voice indicating it is from the Republic of China. Gottcha! It is made in China. The saleswoman states they are trying to fool us. I respond that the mega companies think we are all stupid. I inform the Saleswoman that I only buy Canadian, USA or European (or at least I try to) I buy from other non communist countries where people are not exploited. I saved some money as I walk away from what was a tempting parcel. Christmas is that time of year that I try to get everyone I care for something. I want them to know that I am thinking of them. I want to make them smile. Christmas is so quickly approaching and I realize that I should begin to write my cards. December is the month, that aside from work, I focus on family and friends. I make a point to visit everyone in their home or ours. Christmas is also a time that is very difficult for many. It can consume some with saddness. Not all homes are happy ones. Some homes are very abusive and sometimes Christmas can triggr many unhappy memories. This Christmas why not make a point of changing negativity into something positive. Don't have any family at all or don't want to be with family? Start thinking if it is possible to forgive. Volunteer at a food bank or shelter to help someone else have a taste of being cared for even if it is only at Christmas. Take that time to do something nice for someone else and focus on how that makes you feel? Visit a lonely senior. Take an animal for a walk from a shelter. Move away from all the electronics and go out and feel the joy of Christmas and being with people. It may be contagious. If it is too much to take, see someone professionally before it consumes you. Find a support group. Suffering alone is not helpful. You need to make the changes yourself. Reach out for that help. Christmas is coming and I have a hope for all who need it that this is the year that one reaches out for a helping hand and finds joy. What do you think?

A moment with a veteran

It has been busy. Too busy. However, now I can slow down. I have attended at least three conferences, education days etc….revolving around the person of the therapist, ethics etc….I have been to functions and was even a clown at the Christmas parade. When I got a call for another function, this weekend, too tired, I had to decline. Play hard and work hard has its moments and too much fun can be exhausting as well. So, it is time to refocus and R&R. I have been thinking of my horror story which I have spent more time on thinking, than any other book I have written. Normally I have a thought and just write. However, this is a scary story and in the Christmas spirit which is my favourite time, it is difficult to think of horror. Or is it? There is much sadness during the holidays for too many. I will figure it out. Yesterday I had a day off for a bit of fun and other stuff so after an appointment, I decided to have breakfast at Tim Horton’s, prior to my next function. I normally prefer to make my own breakfast because I buy free range eggs which are bigger and healthier looking. It also tastes fresher. That is just me. I brought my Dean Koontz, The Silent Corner with me to read. I am almost three quarters finished, and read portions whenever I just want to read for fun. Dean Koontz is one of my favourite writers. After one book, I was hooked. So, I get my order, ask the server to clean my table, which I never had to do in the past. Tim’s was always clean. I sit, open my bag of an egg and cheese on a tea biscuit with hash brown and my enormous coffee which they call medium. I begin to eat and then while sipping my coffee, I open my book and begin to read. I become fully immersed, oblivious to the full coffee shop. I have read for about ten minutes, no longer noticing that I am turning pages when I hear a man with a loud and anxious voice asking who is the vet. It distracts me, partially thinking that the man is looking for a veterinarian since there is an animal hospital near by. I don’t look up as I am really enjoying my moments with Dean Koontz. Again the man bellows who the vet is and talks about the make of my car with my IV plates. He gets my attention. I am wondering how my car got into trouble without me in it. I feel my heart pacing, from the tranquility I was feeling, reading about a woman, bad guys want to kill as she tries to find answers of who killed her husband. I look up towards the voice and see the anxious tall man, looking at me. I wonder how he knows, as I say “I am.” He tells me he served for ten years and where. He asks me and I tell him, how many years I served outside my country. He continues with which regiment he served and now it is my turn, and I comply. He then tells me his occupation now and wants to know if I am doing anything. I reply that I am a psychotherapist. He is standing in the middle of the coffee shop while I am sitting by the window. He found me. He wanted a moment with a fellow veteran in a city which he travels to work but does not live in. The commute seems incredible to me and I wonder how often he gets to go home. There is no time. He came in to get a coffee to go, but he also had a need to know who the veteran was because that is the connection. That is the recognition of one knowing another by shared experiences. He leaves and I return to my reading. I continue to wonder how he knew it was me. I look around the coffee shop and believe there could have been others who were veterans, but he knew. One woman almost turned around to look at us, but stopped herself. All others seemed as oblivious as I had been earlier. It was a special moment. I too have approached other veterans but a tad more subtle. I ponder how when there is education of therapy in how to deal with the veteran the focus is the mindset of the military culture. I know that there are some trying to reach out and wonder of the effectiveness. Treating veterans as a strange specie is not the answer. I haven’t seen that with any other group. If I was wealthy I would have a place where veterans and emergency persons could go and only be surrounded by others who are the same and are now therapists etc…. It would be a safe place where one can find opportunities for therapies, including group therapies, help with resumes, or any other supportive requests. I think of the homeless veterans who do not identify themselves as such because of shame. They are proud. They need a place to be where they can re-adjust and feel valued by being with their own. It would have a recreation area, a library, a fire place and a few cots to sleep or rest. It would have a cinema room, a pool table, a dart area. It would be alcohol free and that would need to be enforced. No others would be allowed except for special functions or open houses. However, there would be a coffee shop adjacent to it where one could bring their loved ones and there would also be a space for couple and family therapy adjacent to that coffee place. Why don’t we have this? What do you think? www.silvaredigonda.com www.redigondapsychotherapy.com

Colours / barriers

I have just one more mini mini lecture I attended at Deerhurst. I don’t have the name of the lecturer but it is from an art committee at CAMH. John Henry was/is on the project. What was said is that colours will be bright but the wood would be tectured, for clients to feel comfort. Pastoral Connection by helping them with art. The question is, “Do you want to do art? No. Want to take pictures? Their reality was creative. When one is arrested and not seen as responsible he or she can be placed within for 6 months, for review in a security environment. In the Criminal process it would be less time. There is extensive renovation now at CAMH. I do my best to maintain an office peaceful for clients. The walls are white and the floors are wooden. I have books and some plants and artwork. I normally ask clients if they are comfortable. My objective is to provide a peaceful and safe atmosphere as well as a comfortable one which is warm in the winter and cool in the summer. I take all feedback seriously. People are able to express themselves through art. I have found it extremely important when one cannot verbalize how one feels but can do so by drawing a smile or frown and using colour to express their own emotions. www.redigondapsychotherapy

Last lecture from annual conference last spring. Disenfranchised grief.

I thought I would just cut and paste the paper I asked for regarding the last session which I did not report to you until now. This is the research and paper from Aubrey McCann eta.....listed below from Brock University. I thank them for the information which I share with you. I have written to you about grief before as I have attended lectures and from notes I have taken. I have also studied grief in the Pastoral Counselling studies. As I am still providing notes from recent lectures and undergrad psychology notes, I shall eventually get there. I have one more day event to attend about ethics and that should be it for the year. I won't be providing notes for that. I still have a few notes from the last education event about journaling. That shall come. www.redigondapsychotherapy.com Disenfranchised Grief: The Toll of Unacknowledged Loss on Well-Being Aubrey McCann, Jessica Ralph-Emberley, Kathryn Belicki, & Joshua Black Paper presented to the annual meeting of the Canadian Association for Spiritual Care, April, 2018, Huntsvile, ON Note: font in green represents a transition to a new slide. As we look at disenfranchised grief, we need to begin with the fact that humans are quintessentially a social species. There is lots of evidence for this. For example, events are much more likely to be experienced as traumatic and exert a greater toll on us when they involve a disruption of a social bond, which is why betrayal cuts so deeply and is so hard to forgive. And so it follows that bereavement is particularly painful because of that loss of a cherished social connection. Having social connections is such a part of who we are as a species that the loss of someone close can be experienced as part of yourself dying. Consider this quote from one of the participants in our research: It is definitely the most intense grief I have ever experienced...as if a piece of my soul was ripped out. (Miscarriage study, birth mother, age 35) Therefore it is no wonder then that social support is so helpful in times of bereavement. That brings us to the important distinction between grief and mourning. Grief is the inner and private experience of loss—what you feel in your mind, spirit and body. In contrast, mourning is the public expression of grief. Mourning publically allows us to convey our pain to others, thereby inviting them to support us, and therefore can play an important role in helping people to process their grief. But what happens when grief is disenfranchised? What do I mean by disenfranchised grief? This is when the grief we feel is not acknowledged or validated by others. When is grief disenfranchised? When it is not “permitted”—for example, if you love someone that those around you don’t approve of. When it is not understood—I know a woman who had a very abusive husband whom she left. When he died several decades later, she was devastated because she had never stopped loving him. But most people around her didn’t give his death a second thought. She certainly wasn’t plied with condolence cards, let alone visits and casseroles. As a result with disenfranchised grief we don’t get the benefits of mourning—the support that ideally comes with mourning. Therefore, it is not surprising that initial research has found that the more we feel disenfranchised in our grief, the greater the grief intensity. So our research team did two studies aimed at better understanding the effects of disenfranchisement on grief. Our analyses are ongoing but let me share what we have so far. In one study we studied people who had lost a dog or cat in the prior six months, a loss that can be disenfranchised. For example in a talk given by Joshua Black, a person said “ I don't know why people grief over a pet, they can just get another one” The second study was of people who had experienced a miscarriage in the prior year, a loss that can be under estimated by others, and all the moreso if it is early in the term. In both studies the participants were adults, mostly US residents, who were enrolled in an online employment pool managed by Amazon. They were mostly Caucasian (84% in pet loss, 66% in the miscarriage study), and mostly well educated (though we had a range from pre high school through graduate school). We also had multiple warnings about not participating if this was a time when they felt vulnerable, and we had a number of people leave the survey after those warnings. So this was a group that was doing relatively well emotionally. In the pet loss study there were 199 participants (108 men, 91 women, 0 other) of whom 99 had lost a cat and 100 had lost a dog in the prior six months. They ranged in age from 18 to 69 with a mean of 32.5. We thought that grief over a cat would be even more disenfranchised than a dog, but at least in our sample we were wrong--there was no difference in grief intensity or in feeling disenfranchised, so we ended up treating it as one sample. We asked participants about the nature of their relationship with their pet and provided a list of options ranging from the very intimate (e.g. a child) to potentially impersonal (a possession, a status symbol) and instructed them to check off all that applied. Most endorsed something in the relationship end; specifically In the order endorsed this is what participants indicated: Friend 81.5% Companion 77.9% Pet 69.68% One who loves me 66.3% Child 30.2% Guard 11.1% Therapy dog/cat 9.0% Sibling 7.5% Possession 6.0% Caregiver 4.0% Parent 1.0% Status Symbol 1.0% Worker 0.5% Other (“Teacher”) 0.5% Other (“My Mr. kitty face”) 0.5% On a self rating scale of how much they were grieving from 1 (not at all) to 7 (very intensely grieving), 7% indicated not at all or very little while 24.5% indicated intensely or very intensely grieving and the mean was 4.5 (half way between “moderately grieving” to “somewhat intensely grieving”). We asked about public mourning—how frequent and how intense—and found there was a real disconnect between grief and mourning. While only 7% had none or little grief, 63.7% reported no or very little public signs of mourning. So as a group they were feeling more grief than they were showing to the world. So if we know an animal has died, we shouldn’t wait for a public sign that the person is grieving to offer condolences. In the second study, we focused on miscarriage defined as any death before birth and our final sample had 226 individuals including 140 birth mothers (139 women, 1 other) and 86 partners (83 men, 3 women). We thought partners’ grief would be even more disenfranchised, but again there were no differences in disenfranchisement or grief intensity in this sample. They ranged in age from 20 to 50 with a mean age of 31. As with the pet loss study, we saw a disconnect between grief and mourning. 19.6% of birth mothers and 14.3% of partners reported that they were currently experiencing no or little grief. In contrast, 17.4% of birth mother and 21.4% of partners were experiencing intense or very intense grief, but 59.9% of birth mothers and 59.3 % of partners reported no or very little public mourning. So as a group showing much less than they experience. In this study we asked explicitly about support: 28.4% of birth mothers and 19.5% of partners wished they had received more support; 50% and 58.5% said the support received was about right, and just to show that things can be complicated, 21.5% and 22% received more support than they wanted. So again generally well supported. That said, when asked if they had received condolence gifts such as food or flowers, about 50% said they received nothing. This suggests to me that people have lesser expectations about support when they lose a pre-term baby than when another class of family member dies—and this may in turn affect their perception, seeing themselves as more supported than tey actually are. We asked a number questions about their involvement and closeness to the fetus—whether participants had set up a bedroom; whether they had discussed their pregnancy with others or on social media,and a number of questions about whether they had thought about the future of the baby. The questions that were most highly endorsed were questions about the future. Between 2/3’s to ¾’s depending on the question said they had spent quite a bit of time imagining what the baby would look like when they grew up, their personality, what the baby would do in life, etc. So whereas with the pets for many they had lost a source of social support, with the miscarriages people had lost a future. And this reflected in their night dreams, by the way, where they often dreamt about an imagined future—toddler playing in the yard or even the baby as a young adult. So one way into a conversation is to remember that with animals it’s about the relationship they’ve lost so talking about what that animal was or is to the person is a good avenue -and with the miscarriage it’s about the loss of a future. So asking about that future they had imagined is likely a good approach . Here’s another quote: I was just surprised at how attached I got to an unborn child, the thought of what could have been. (Miscarriage study, male partner, age 27) In addition to the kinds of questions I have described, in the pet loss study participants completed several measures Inventory of Traumatic Grief—a measure of complicated extreme and protracted grief Witnessing of Disenfranchised Grief—a measure of disenfranchisement, whether you were supported in your grief. Physical health Continuing Bonds—a range of experiences which have at their core a continuance of the relationship after death Two measures of attachment and closeness to the animal Questionnaire concerning dreams about the deceased In the miscarriage study, they completed Inventory of traumatic grief Witnessing of Disenfranchised Grief Continuing Bonds Questionnaire concerning dreams about the deceased RESULTS When we looked at the correlations among these measures they basically behaved exactly the way they do in studies of conventional grief—for example we have studied grief following spousal or romantic partner death. As in our study of partner loss, we observed moderate correlations between grief and continuing bonds and having worse physical health. Even the mean scores on the traumatic grief measure were quite comparable. This is a measure of extreme intensity grief. It includes items like “Ever since_____________ died I feel like I have lost the ability to care about others.” As a result the means tend to be low. So comparing our three studies we find Pet Loss, M = 2.21, SD = 0.78 Miscarriage M = 2.59, SD = 0.81 Spousal loss M = 2.85 SD = 0.79 Where 2 = “Rarely = once a month or more, less than once a week” and 3 = “Sometimes = once a week or more, less than once a day” In terms of the disenfranchisment measure. We expected less grief in people who had more support, and while that is generally true it is proving to be more complex. In the pet loss study we found that having support was related slightly to less traumatic grief but there was no relation to just grief ratings. Probably the issue here is that a lot of this sample was now doing well. In the miscarriage study a slightly more complicated picture appears—having support was slightly associated with MORE traumatic grief but with lower ratings of grief. Best guess at this point—people whose grief is now in the complicated or traumatic range are more likely to elicit some support, but that aside, control for it statistically, for most people less support means you suffer more. So clearly more research needed and in that vein a participant made an excellent observation—we didn’t ask about detractors. In both studies we also asked for feedback about the study with open ended questions, and this provided an unexpectedly rich set of material. People didn’t just comment on the study, but on their experience. There were some excellent descriptions disenfranchisement: Nobody wanted to touch this. When you're the husband, people REALLY don't know how to approach your grief. They wonder if I was really connected to the baby, was I really invested, can I be in pain over something I never even felt? I just kept to myself and grieved privately with my wife. I didn't want to reach out to anyone because it might make them uncomfortable, both with me being the husband and us being non-religious. Everyone always loves to say god got another angel or some such crap. (Miscarriage, male partner, age 31) I felt like people didn't know how to go about helping me. They were unsure of what to say, because it wasn't quite a still birth, or like a real child that I had held and loved died. People know what to do when your dad dies, or even a child that you've raised for a while. When it's something like this, everyone is almost completely silent. They have no idea what it feels like unless it happens to them. Which I don't blame anyone for. How could they know that it's EXACTLY like that, like losing your dad or a child you've raised? (Miscarriage, birth mother, age 34) Perhaps what was most telling was that the most common response from participants was to thank us for having this study and for giving people the opportunity to share their experience, with several making it clear that this was a rare opportunity. In 45 years of doing research, I have never had so many people thank me. Here’s a particularly eloquent example. Thank you very much for this opportunity. It has been a difficult time for me to cope with this loss, because it is the first time I've experienced a pet loss in my adult life. I find that it's been much more difficult now than when I was a child, as this cat was entirely my responsibility. He was afflicted with bladder cancer, and died young and suddenly. The very quick turnaround from diagnosis to putting him to sleep resulted in a strong sense of disbelief about the event. I'm getting better about accepting it now, but the emotional pain is still prominent. I appreciate this opportunity to give my honest responses about how this has affected me. I think you're doing very important research, and I commend you for that. Thank you very much! (Woman, 31, Cat loss) To them we are strangers, faceless researchers and it was kind of sad that so many found it helpful to pour out their hearts anonymously to us. So it indirectly shows how important is social support even to people who are largely doing quite well. And as this is a conference on spiritual care, we’ll give the last word to a participant who observed something we omitted from the study: What helped me the most is my faith. I think that if you included questions about God, the afterlife, peace and comfort, it might be even more revealing to you. (Woman, 46, Dog loss) In short the same sources of strength we turn to when facing conventional losses are the sources of strength and comfort we need when facing a loss that is not understood. So hopefully we can all be sensitive to the possibility of disenfranchised grief, because often the bereaved will not show it publically, and by being aware be people who help make true… Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Thank you.

Update: York Showcase, The Temptations "Ain't Too Proud" and The Santa Clause Parade memememe

I loved being back at York University, "Showcase". It is always fun and exciting talking to students, faculty and staff. I had a slow start but the afternoon was good. I also had a few from last year return which motivates me to want to write more. I was sitting beside an author who writes 2000 words a day. Mind you she does it full time and has a steady paycheck for doing so from a publisher. I need one of those. However, while I am practicing, I need to have the best interest of my clients first. When I really retire, then I shall do that. Write everyday but not quite 2000. I was told that is a work of progress. I also spoke to a professor who told me how wonderful I am and of course I agreed,"Yes I am." He was a tad taken back by my agreement. I guess he does not get that response too often from compliments he gives out. He also writes and I encouraged him to come sell his serious books. I told him there would not be any conflict since he writes "serious" books and I write "fluff." I may just be sitting next to him next year. It is all good. I got to speak to so many interesting people. I have to say I love the university life. Yesterday, I went to see the Temptations. While in the lobby I found the sign asking the audience not to sing or dance during the show hilarious. I never knew how difficult it was to be anchored in a seat when all I wanted to do was dance and sing but I remained glued to the seat, but the rest of me was moving. I really recommend this show. I thought they were Canadian but spoiler alert, these actors were from the U.S.A. I read just a bit from my favourites and their credits are amazing. I may have to watch a show of law and order. Amazing singing and acting and etc.......Wow! And the fun is not over. This weekend is the Santa Clause Parade and I have volunteered and signed my life away to be a spare marcher. Now, I just learned that my Health Club has re-opened, so I have been doing no excercise since August. That is when they had a bad flood. So, if I get to "march" on Santa's Parade you may recognize me staggering behind. They provide the makeup and no hoods allowed so that should be interesting. Being on a Santa Parade I suppose is on my bucket list. My mom used to take me faithfully until I grew up and then went with friends. Due to other obligations, I was just watching it on TV. However, this year, I made a point of taking that responsibility off my plate for one Sunday at least. Oh what the heck. I will take that parade day off each year from now on. Now, the Disney Parade, that would be a dream! I shall let you know next week, if I got in since I am a "spare" and I did not forget to bring my waiver form..... Regardless of how I do, I shall reveal............ I also have to find the time to read about ethics, since I will be taking a one day ethics course which is required for my college. So, remember, work and study but do make time for fun and perhaps enjoy the gifted artists who provide so much joy with their creativity. www.silvaredigonda.com www.redigondapsychotherapy.com

Show case tomorrow to sell my books - Please visit and get your signed copy

It has been busy since I last wrote. My heart felt sympathies to another needless mass casualities in the States and the horrible loss of lives in the fires of California. I have never been there but it is on my bucket list. As for me, I was at another conference. Mass casualties was part of the discussion but due to the amount of people who may be suffering, I shall refrain from revealing that portion. A psychiatrist also spoke about journaling among 10 HIV patients of his. I think I shall be putting myself on a contact list for more information. I usually do recommend journaling in my practice. I will be providing you with information of that portion in my next entry. It has been busy and it does not look like it is going to stop anytime soon. This will be my last book sale for the year unless the sisters of crime offer anything for me. I always tell you how I want to focus more on marketing my books but it remains a hobby. While I have a private practice, the focus on my clients and professional development must take a priority. However, my self care is always a priority and again the focus and talk in my last conference spoke of the importance of self care. Self care has always been paramount for me in my previous two careers. Our motto in my first career was work hard and play hard and so I did. If you are living in Toronto, please feel free to come to York University tomorrow and find me in Central Square. I shall be in a different location. If memory serves me well I should be closer to Tim Hortons. I am ok with that. I am decreasing the amount of books I shall be bringing, but it will be more than enough. I am also bringing my author sign where I am holding Holy Terror. One woman bought a book at my last book event simply because she liked the picture of HOly Terror. She felt that if I had a kitty, I couldn't be all that bad. Whatever works. Holy Terror always gets treats and is spoiled so I don't know what more I can offer her. I tried to sing to her but she hollers when I do that. I take it she does not like my singing voice. Anyhow, Christmas is coming so don't hesitate to buy one of my books as a gift to someone. Book two and three, you can also download (ebook) at www.silvaredigonda.com Hope to see you. I am being summoned by a feline who wants supper. What do you think?

Conference, November 3, 2018 Person of the Therapist

Saturday I was at a conference for the Ontario Association of Family Therapists. I have been with this group since I began as a student. As you know I also belong to the American Association of Family Therapists. To continue with my title of Registered Marriage and Family Therapists I need to belong to the Canadian Association of Registered Marriage and Family Therapists who have divorced from the American Association of Family Therapy. Are you confused yet? I am a clinical fellow. So, moving forward I will drop the Ontario Association of Family Therapists by not renewing next year. I informed one member of the board I was leaving because it can be very expensive belonging to all these associations. If you have caught up reading all my blogs, you would know that I dropped my title of Pastoral Counsellor, Specialist, for two reasons, but mainly one. The name of Pastoral Counsellor has changed and I cannot call myself a Psycho Spiritual therapist. It was causing too much confusion. I was mistaken for a spiritualist as in fortune tellers etc…..It was quite awful and though it may be working for people working in hospitals, it certainly was not working for me. I am not a fortune teller. I do not read minds. I do not consult with the dead, etc………..I am a Registered Psychotherapist in Ontario and am regulated. Many provinces are not regulated and be mindful of that if you assume we are all one and the same. The college exists to ensure that the public is protected. We are moving towards change and I am in agreement with that. I would like to see more consistency among all colleges without one being more difficult than the other, including the medical profession. I think we should all have a high standard of ethics without exception. I think that because we have an enormous responsibility to people who come into our care. So, I shall continue to be a clinical fellow with the Americans (AAMFT) I will be dropping Ontario (OAMFT) next year because it will no longer be relevant for me due to the changes and keeping in mind my budget. I will continue to be a member of the Canadian Association (CAMFT) because that will be required to maintain my status as RMFT. I will continue as an associate with CASC because I do not have the heart to drop them since I know so many people there. I can also keep up with what is happening in hospitals with chaplains. I was wondering why an email went out cautioning therapists not to refer to themselves as Registered Marriage and Family Therapists when they are not, but now I know it is because they have opened the doors to other practitioners who began referring to themselves as such. Catching on? It is important that you know if you are a therapist, what kind of therapist you are and it is also important for the public to know that they are seeing who they think they should be seeing. I see individuals, couples and families and am qualified to do so. My degrees and some certificates are on the wall. I have a drawer full of other certificates that if I put on the wall it would probably overwhelm people and it is not necessary. When I walk into an office and see only one day seminar certificates I pause. Now, some time ago there was a program indicating how much of a scam there is with people practising or teaching at colleges with degrees they purchased on line. I am so happy they got caught even though one teaching at a college was not fired. That I found very disturbing. Look up to see if the certificates or degrees exist. Dr John, may not be Dr John at all. Anyhow, the speaker of the conference is Dr Harry Apponte, HPhd, MSW, LCSW, LMFT, a family therapist, spirituality in therapy, etc…….He is presently a clinical associate professor in the Couple and Family therapy program of Drexel University in Philadelphia. I did not buy a book this time because it appears I learned what he was teaching in how to form a therapist. However, his book is “The Person of the Therapist Training model, Mastering of the Self, Edited by Harry J. Aponte and Karni Kissil. He reminded me of my own Supervisor, Dr Beech who ran the programs I studied in a very similar way. I have a degree of psychology from York University and a Masters of Ministry and Spirituality from Regis College at the University of Toronto. I also have another three years years of Pastoral Counselling from the Toronto School of Theology, University of Toronto, which I squeezed as much as I could in not to make it four years. It all cost me lots of money. Education is expensive however, don’t let that discourage you. In this time of age, it is more important than it was in the past. There are many who cannot proceed with an education. They have the funds but not the determination or ability and that is ok. Then there are others, who are brilliant but who do not have the funds or able to do so because they need to take care of their families. However, if you can and if it is only one course at a time do so. There are amazing professors out there and then there are others who enjoying watching students fail. As far as I am concerned they should not be teaching. They may have knowledge, but they may not have much compassion. I never heard of Dr Harry Aponte, but I could not help but like him. I believe he was born in Peurto Rica. He was raised in black Harlem. He was poor. As an intern he was assigned to go in a white, rich area where movie stars reign (my language; not his). He felt he had nothing in common and I heard some struggle in this but eventually he saw them as fellow humans. I learned that as a teenager taking swimming lessons. “Whom ever you see in distress, recognize in him a fellow man.” Dr Aponte talked about the importance of self knowledge and about transference and countertransference but not in those words necessarily. One woman who practiced for 54 years informed me that her clients have all been physicians. I remember another advertising for lawyers. I pondered over this specific selection of clients. How does one broaden their knowledge and range if who they see is so specific? Of course this means big bucks. How do we care for all? Also this is not quite ethical but if the fee is 400 hr a session, who else could afford it? I believe my education and training has been quite intensive. I charge a particular fee of 130. a fifty minute session. I went through a stage where I wanted to spend half a day with the poor at another location but as a white straight woman, my services have been rejected. As I mention this to some therapists, I am informed that I should understand. Of course I understand how my appearance which has served me well, will cause concern for certain groups, but is that not what self awareness is all about? When does personal biases and past history effect the best care and needs for your clients? It is so important to work on the personal affect because it can get in the way of being a good therapist. If emotions are being evoked of what a therapist is suffering, when with a client, can she or he, be fully present to their client? How much of that gets in the way for helping the client. There are enough services in Toronto for people who cannot afford to pay. They are always looking for clients as well, since they are funded. I know that now. Dr Aponte stated that therapists are not receiving the care that they need to become the best in the U.S.A, because of money. A woman in the audience states it is the same here. I wonder about her response. I think it is getting better here. Everyone is now regulated and if caught without being so is in trouble. That is a movement towards progress. As for quality of one who is qualified? I think we are doing ok. Therapists who are not qualified are being filtered out. There is no such thing as perfection. We are only human. I know that for the first five years or so, I so worried about causing harm. I am now confident as a therapist which can be very isolating. I have and have had a variety of clients from all walks of life, rich and poor, religious, spiritual and atheists, educated, non educated, people abused from partners either male, or female. Adults who were abused as children in ways that are not imaginable. People who were tortured and raped because of their religion and people who were tortured because of war. People who suffer grief, either through abortion, having a child killed or loss of a parent etc….. Living in Toronto, I have the opportunity and gift to serve all people regardless of religion, class, colour and race, opportunity and lack of. As a therapist I need to really know myself and to be focused on self care and ensure that my personal life is a healthy and happy one. That can take years for a therapist to achieve and if money is a problem and the forming of a therapist is not developed, than there can be a problem. I did enjoy Dr Aponte’s lecture. I think his students are lucky to have him as I was lucky to have all the mentors I have had such as Dr Beech who instructed me and supervised me and Fr Bill German, a Jesuit, who ensured I was on the straight and narrow. My own personal growth is as important to me as ever. In closing if you are a therapist, I hope this has helped. If you are looking for a therapist, I also hope this has helped. I have one more conference to go to, and I have a few plays to go see this month and a book selling and signing at York University (I only write for fun). This is a busy month working and having lots of fun. I shall keep you briefed. My next blog will probably be about the next conference I shall be attending shortly. Take care of yourself and know what your limits are and how much self care you need. Are you pleased with the life you are leading? Are you suffering? Why not take the time to make some needed changes in your life? Take time to go for a walk and be with nature. Read a book. Watch a movie. Listen to the laughter of children. What is triggered in you? What do you think?

Selling my books at York University, Showcase at Central Square , 13 Nov 18

It is my final signing and selling of my books for the year. I shall be at York University, Central Square, November 13, from 0830 to 3:00pm. I love going to this event each year. I shall be selling "Hey Guy Buy Me" "For Love of Country MIlitary Policewoman" and "The Internet Murders." Note that I also sell my own books on my personal web site (secure) at www.silvaredigonda.com You should also find all three of my books for sale at Squibb's one of the few local bookstores left in my beautiful city. You may find my ebooks at Indigo. Buying directly from me makes me happier. Ebooks are much cheaper on my own site since I get all the profits. Because my private practice comes first, I don't always give my hobby, the attention it needs but I love to think up stories and write them. I have done that my entire life. I have contemplated writing different books at the requests from different people. I thought about it carefully, but I am not quite ready to write about two old ladies solving crimes with humour as a friend of mine requested. Perhaps when I am older and can get into that mind set. It shall come. I loved Agatha Christie and have read all of her books. Miss Marple always amused and fascinated me, but Hercule Poirot - well he was my favourite. I have decided and began to write a scary book. Perhaps it is because it is Hallowe'en. Right now, I am clearing up paperwork and placing it on line for you to read while having a copy of it while destroying all the paper traces. My mother was my most loyal fan always encouraging me to write and edging me on to continue to write. It was she who one Christmas bought me several children like books and my disappointment was evident. I wanted fun stuff and books I did not think was fun. However, when I read my first book, it became a passion that we both shared. She would buy the books and I would read them. She read each day and that is how she educated herself. She was and still remains one of the most intelligent people I knew and without any formal education. However, she did read all my books from school until I went to university years later. I am going through my creative writing and picking out pieces I think I may use for this next book. I really don't waste anything. As I read some of my work, I throw it out because it no longer seems relevent to me at this point of my life or any good. However, some scary ones shall be collected and either used for print or to inspire me. I want to take my time with this one. I want to scare you or make you think, or both. I have a sibling who told me to make sure I do not scare myself. I do not know who I shall dedicate this book to but it will come to me. So, in the meantime, I shall lay down on the beach, my eyes closed, enhaling the morning salty air, to the sounds of sea gulls. Actually, I am at home on my lap top, waiting for the postman to come so I can give him his Hallowe'en treats in case I miss him tomorrow. Come visit me at York University. While there check out my books. I shall even sign them. Keep in mind that I am open to come visit book stores, clubs, schools, libraries etc....I really have a passion for this and plan to do it full time when I retire from my practice. P.S. I am going to have to put Holy Terror in my book somewhere because she is so cute. Awwww, postman came and got his chips and cheesies.

Hate - Heartfelt sorrow for the killing of the Jewish community in Pittsburg

I have seen hatred in most of my previous careers and I have seen the pain of suffering of victims and/or survivors in my private practice and in my internships. I have always felt a sort of kinship with the Jewish community. I went to a highschool where the majority were probably Jewish. I used to pretend to be Jewish to get their holidays so I could skip school on their day. However, I am a Roman Catholic and trying to get both holidays off was not missed on my teachers. So, I settled on getting my Christian holidays off. My sense of humour has served me well in my private life and careers. In the middle East I also worked in Tel Aviv and Eilat and saw the Jewish people as a proud people, an intelligent people. As an acquaintenace of mine who is Jewish said words to the effect that, the Jewish people need to be the best they can to survive. Hitler's objective to destroy the Jewish people horrified me as I learned about the camps in my Catholic elementary school. I could not believe even as a child that people could cause harm so horrendously to other human beings. As an adult touring several of the concentrations that killed and tortured so many caused tears to flow without even crying. Animals are more humane than ourselves, though we are considered the highest form. I was on a tour to Kenya with a group of Jewish people and I was stunned when at one resort, I was confronted by one, who stated that it must be horrible for me to be the only non Jew. I didn't know how he knew that, or understood, why I would be asked such a question. Hatred is ugly and we must all unite to do our part to stop ignoring this. I don't normally blog on a Sunday but I am making an exception today. I want the Jewish community who have always been so nice to me, know that I support them. I believe it was the Mayor of Pittsburg this morning stating that hatred needs to be eradicated throughout the world. I agree. I used to think we were so civilized but now I know we are behind. We are still on a path towards making this world worthy of us. So, know Pittsburg that today you are in my thoughts and prayers. Amen. I just received a call back from a friend who is a Jew. She sounded upset and told me that she had lit a candle for the Jews in Pittsburg who were killed and had no family. I had no idea that she had also lived in Pittsburg for awhile. I told her that she had given me an idea and I would light a candle for the Jewish people at mass today. The conversation was brief because she was suffering and needed to get off the phone. Such sadness but also the realization that there are so many good people out there who unite during these troubling times.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - continuation of psych notes (abnormal psychology)

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Either obsessions or compulsions 1. recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses or images that are experienced, at some time during the disturbance as intrusive, and inappropriate and that cause marked and inappropriate that can cause marked anxiety or distress. 2. The thoughts, impulses or images are not simply excessive. Worries about real life problems. 3. The person attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts et…or nuetralize. 4. recognizes obsessional thoughts as product of his/her mind. 1. repetitive behavior - eg. handwashing or mental acts person feels driven to perform. 2. behavior or mental acts are amid at preventing /reducing distress are not connected in realistic way. B. person has recognized at some point unusual or excessive. C. takes more than one hour a day or interferes with normal routine. D. If other axis 1 disorder is present ok. not restudied to it eg. eating disorder, preoccupation with food - hair pulling etc…E. disorder not to the direct physiological effects of a substance eg. a drug of abuse/medication. Specify if poor insight. If for most of the time during, person does not recognize symptoms. Where prevalence - dissociates - women more than men. Two types of disorders - somatoform and dissociative disorder. What we see (counter intuitive) colours texture, shapes, etc… is seen from different areas of our brain. Different circuits process the different perceptions. Yet we are under the impression that it is one. Italian Neurologist- Intact left parietal lobe - point to Winnipeg from Toronto - pointed Winnipeg. Could not point left for Montreal because does not exist. Then turned around and point to Montreal. Could, but Toronto, no. Completely counter intuitive. Conscience has biological basis. It doesn’t work in typical intuitive way. We experience and we do not see this until it is disruptive. Part of brain isn’t there. We’re not conscious of it. Will give hypothesis at end to explain. Attention is far better to understand and has functioning localized to different sides of the brain. Can be split into different sides of brain. Can be split into different types of attention. Some arousal early theorist - eg. if awake, nervous system is arousal and no problem attending to stimuli. If asleep, can’t see this because too much noise in EEG. However, put into computer and average it. What happens if average it- all that stuff averages out to zero and left with invoked potential. If children born and suspected of being deaf can hook up to EEG and play sounds of different intensities and frequency. Child responds - not deaf. If hook to sleeping person almost identical. How people respond to signal when asleep depends. Sleeping baby - crying - mom hears. Dad hears but not really. Females have mechanism that discriminates. Daniel Shacter study with nurses sleeping in U.S.A. Small dorms for nurses to sleep- had tape recorder - played messages to them and day or two later remembered material much better. Attention - arousal - rem sleep >deep sleep>coma (cells actually set down). People used to of attention in arousal slate. Sustained attention - ability to keep focused on one thing for extended period of time. Distractibility Divided attention - measured when people are asked to do two tasks at once. I’ll give you three litres and one count backwards and then recite three letters again. What has this got to do with Somatoform Disorders? Seat - gravity - attention refocused. One thing happens in somatoform disorders. Psycholytical - pressures that are repressed, cause anxiety when surface entry - some energy breaks through - a conversion disorder - very little research support (at this time when I wrote these notes). Behavioral theory - re-enforced emitted what is re-enforced. Celia in the book blind - where grad, no longer re-enforcing. Facticious Disorder - symptoms produced for secondary gain. Attention, food, etc… Malingering - pretending to have disorder to obtain something - eg. faking sore neck from accident for money. Two ways to malinger 1. dumb - way out - 2. over all score/not individual. Will continue with Reporting of pain - 3 pain pathways

A Christian Theology of Judaism (Theology notes cont....)

I noticed it has been a long time (August) since I typed out my theology notes to you. So here I am continuing. I certainly cannot get bored. Trying to get this all out to you is a tad challenging at times. Theology is on my mind lately since my college is having a get together soon for us alumni. Fundraising is probably the objective but universitities have a way of wanting you to give back. I love the University of Toronto and I love York University. Both have helped me grow as part of the person I am now. If I were to give any of you some advice, it would be to try to get a formal education. I know that times are difficult for many and education is not always possible, but try even if it is one course at a time. Knowledge is so rewarding and gives you a place in the world to better understand it. As you know, but maybe not, in case some of you are just starting to read my notes, I write out all notes by hand rather than type it. Studies have also demonstrated a better retention when you do so rather than typing. However, to rid myself of all extra stuff I don't really want, I type it all so I still have my notes, but I can clear all physical trace of it from drawers and shelves. I also write for fun and I have finally decided what I shall write in my next book. It will be a book about horror with a theological twist. I have written three books to date and each of a different genre. I love book fairs and talking to people. When someone returns to tell me they have enjoyed a book I have written, I get all warm and fuzzy. Not so much when one returns to tell me how horrible they thought any of my books are. The most controversl one is "Hey Guy Buy Me". That one also drew a negative response by one of my profs. Oh well, you cannot please everyone, all the time, nor do I try. I write for pleasure mostly and it gives me satisfaction. I have been doing so since I was a child and my mom was my most devoted mentor and fan. I do hope you enjoy reading my blogs. Thank you for doing so. www.silvaredigonda.com A Christian Theology of Judaism Revelation from God. Authors of New Testament - according to Hebrew Testament - does not replace the Old Testament revelation. Therefore 1. Reading Hebrew scriptures. 2.* Romans, Chapter 11, vs 25-32, vs-26 - all Israel will be saved. This means that not only those Jews but all Jews will enjoy the fulness of God’s mercy, regardless of their belief. Israel will be part of the restitution and will deal with Israel and others as per his mercy. 3. New Testament teaches all Israel will be saved. 4. Live between times - between the already and not yet - Protestants - between promises of fulfillment. 5. If state of Israel is theologically acknowledged then revelation is continued through covert of Jews. Protestants may have problem with; Roman Catholics not. The theological significance of the State of Israel through Jewish entered. No dis. between nation/religion. In this view then Torah is law to run the gov’t and how to cook. Kingdom of God is closely connected to the trump of Israel is the land of Israel. Salvation will come through the Jews. They don’t want any piece of land. They want Israel because it was promised. For Jews Israel is the holy land. Next regarding theology is theological differences between two religions. Jewish/Christian dialogue.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - notes from undergrad abnormal psychology

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder A person exposed to a traumatic event in which both of the following are present: 1. Person experienced, witnessed or was confronted with event/s that involved actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of self or others. 2. the person’s response involved intense fear, helplessness or horror. Note: children - may be expressed instead by disorganized or agitated behavior. B. Traumatic event is persistently re-experienced in 1 or more: 1. recurrent and intrusive distressing recollections of the event including images, thoughts or perceptions. Children - repetitive play may occur in which themes or aspect of trauma are expressed. 2. recurrent distressing dreams of the event. Children - frightening dreams without recognizable events. 3. Acting or feeling as event recurring. Sense of reliving, illusions, hallucinations and dissociative flashback episodes including those that occur in awakening or when intoricaled. sp. Children - re-enactment may occur. 4. Intense psychological distress or exposure to internal cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event. 5. Psychological reactivity or exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble aspect of threat. C. Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the traumatic and numbing of general responsiveness (not present prior to trauma) by 3 or more of the following: 1. efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings or conversions associated with trauma. 2. efforts to avoid activities, places, people that arouse recollections 3. inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma. 4. marked interest/participation of significant activities. 5. feelings of detachment/estrangement from others. 6. restricted range of affect (unable to have loving feelings). 7. sense of foreshortened future. eg. does not expect career, marriage, kids or normal life span. D. Persistent symptoms of increased arousal (not prior to trauma) by 2 or more of following: difficulty of falling/staying asleep. irritability or outbursts of anger. difficulty concentrating. hypervigilance exaggerated startled response. E. Duration of the disturbance (symptoms of criteria B, C, & D.) is more than one month. F. Disturbance causes clinical sign., distress, or impairments ……acute if symptoms less than three months. Chronic - duration of less than three months or more. with delayed onset - if onset of symptoms is at least six months after the stressor. Eg. (Film) Patient - Vietnam works 15 to 16 hrs daily. Picked up for impaired driving. Refused breathalyzer. He is crying and says he does not care. Rest of the time is crying. Issue: reason why not breath sample? His story. His mother and he were in prison camps. People were routinely shot, beaten. Eventually escaped by boat and was at sea for seven days. Refugees - uniform - is one that brings back all these experiences. Failed all criteria. A reminder to not diagnose yourself or others. Pre- changes of DSM. Next for notes on Abnormal psychology is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Vietnam eating dogs is bad for image tid bit news & chronic food deprivation world wide

Today is a day of paperwork, more paperwork and some other housekeeping stuff. This was in my paperwork to let you know something I thought was interesting, sad and humourous, depending on what you are reading. It came from CP 24 news which I watch and read at the same time. This was scrolled, I believe after 10 Sep. "Authorities in Vietnam's capital are urging residents to stop eating dog meat because it hurts the city's image." What image you say? No comment. "UN report says the number of people facing chronic food deprivation globally increased to 821 million in 2017." Shameful I say. It is time to really start tapping into our humanity and thinking clearly when we vote. Let's ensure we feed all people and ensure that the money does not get into the hands of tyrants and dictators.

Social Phobia

a. A marked and persistent fear of one or more social or performance situations in which the person is exposed to unfamiliar people or to possible scrutiny by others. The individual fears that he will act in a way (or show anxiety symptoms, that will be humiliating or embarrassing. Note: in children there must be evidence of the capacity for age appropriate social relationships and familiar people and the anxiety must occur in peer settings, not just in interaction with adults. b. Exposure to the fearful social situation almost invariably provokes anxiety which may take the form of situationally bound or situationally predisposed panic attack. Note in children may be expressed by crying, tantrums, freezing or shrinking from social situations with unfamiliar people. c. fears is excessive/unreasonable. In children this feature may be absent. d. interferes with the patient’s normal routine- occupational etc…or marked distress of phobia. e. under 18 - at least six months duration. f. not due to direct physiological effects eg. drug abuse, medication, or a general medical condition and is not better accounted with another mental disorder eg. panic disorder with or without agoraphobia, separation anxiety disorder, body dysphoric disorder, pervasive developmental disorder or Schizoid Personality Disorder. g. If a general medical condition or another mental disorder is present the fear in criteria a. is unrelated to it. eg. the fear is not of stuttering in Parkinson’s disease. I could not read my own writing in my original d. so I skipped that but continued with my notes. PTSD is next. I did not want to skip social phobia. My notes are from my undergrad and since then the DSM has been altered. Regardless keep in mind, that you should never diagnose yourself. Even people who come to me insist that they have a mental disorder that they have self diagnosed. What I normally suggest for all clients is a physical and referral to a psychiatrist who is a medical doctor as well, if there is any psychological disorder. I recommend psychiatrists because they may provide the required medication if it is needed. Sometimes I recommend psychological testing. Some become angry because they believe in their own self diagnosis or that from their sibling or parent or celebrity etc……Please leave the diagnosis by those who are qualified. Sorry for the delay of the blog. In Canada it was Thanksgiving and I also took a mini vacation. Self care is so very important to all of us. Spend time with caring family, friends and your beloved pets. Surround yourself with positive people. Help yourself so you can be stronger to help others. What do you think? Next PTSD

Sorry about the notes I wanted to provide for you but just finished a dine and discovery Insurance info

Ok, I am still on a roll and very busy. I want to tell you about what I learned about Insurance Companies today. If you have a tornado and you call in and they tell you, sorry so sad, but no can do, check your policy. If it has winds listed, it is covered. Now, this is for Canada and I am not sure of how it works in the States, but I bet you can argue that winds are winds and that therefore it should be covered, regardless of the strength of the wind. I would have assumed, that if you call, the person at the other end would know the answer. Silly me. When you assume, you make an ass of you and me (ass u me). Just in case it is an old expression that has not been passed on. The incident the man was telling us about happened in Angus Ontario. I remember that event quite clearly because it is just outside CFB Borden. Apparently people who answer the phone to answer your questions may not know the answers for some reason. It was quite an interesting talk. What I know from personal experience is that insurance companies can make certain requests such as replace your tiles on your roof and if you don't than they can say they will not insure you, while another will wait for 20 years plus. I learned today that they are not regulated and I do think they should be. I believe that anyone with a business should be accountable for what they provide and ramifications be instilled when there is a lapse. Heads should roll when it costs you money. Not literally of course. My bad. So, I had a great lunch of fish, potatoes salad and bread/butter. I also had very fresh Portugese cup cakes of sorts. So, for two weeks I will be very busy, but I will not forget to provide you with more of my notes. ASAP. In the meantime, Happy Thanksgiving. I am having a head start.

Busy Weekend and of course it is not over

Last week I was selling my books at a community centre and though I did sell my books to people, I was also met with "no one reads anymore." Yesterday at Word on The Street, I was well assured that people do read and I loved it. I had two other authors nearby who were quite interesting. I bought one's book who had spent two years in prison. I want to read her story. The other author was motivated at marketing herself as am I and we shared our experiences there. In matter of fact I have to send her a resource I found. I will be joining two clubs or associations for writers and I am quite excited about that. I take my private practice very seriously but writing is my passion for fun. The other author joined a group of immigrant writers and she was quite pleased about that. I have already joined the Italian Association of Writers during the summer and did give one talk in Woodbridge to a group. HOwever, I need more and so by joining a group of writers who love mysteries I may have just found my gem. I was already invited to go to Quebec at the end of the month but that is just not possible right now, but I love to have options and I was informed that I should be quite busy by a member. I am already quite busy but it is a good busy and I am constantly monitoring myself to be my best for my clients. I sold quite a few books at Word on the Street as did my fellow authors on each side of me. We were all pleased. The "marketing self" author told me that she sold more books there than in New York City. I guess I won't be going there any time soon. I love New York however, but timing is not right now. I will probably go just for fun and not selling books. I attended two lectures the day before at York University "York Circle". Of course I always have fun going to York and meeting up with old colleagues. The first lecture about global warming or climate change as it is now referred to and how the mass information on the internet distorts the facts, denying facts from excerpts and how politics now is part of the polar views which is somewhat new. We do have problems but it is nothing new. As I normally explain is look at the credentials of the person. What is his or hers field? It is so easy nowadays to pretend and convince. The second topic was about romance in couples. Did I learn anything? Not really but it is my field. However, I am aware of the research they are conducting and I agree with the the correlations. I need to keep up with research by legitmate scientists. This morning I spent research and preparing and now I will be doing some serious work. This month will be busy and conferences are starting but I am having fun too on a weekly basis. I will try to write some more of my old psych notes this week for you and PTSD is next. Thank you again for reading my blogs. What do you do in your free time? Do you have fun doing it? Do you have any hobbies? What motivates you? What can you do to make it happen? Have you read any good books lately? Take care of yourself. Know your limits. www.silvaredigonda.com www.redigondapsychotherapy.com

Bad Hair cut - bad timing

I have a great relationship with my hairstylist. He is Italian descent with a Davey Jones haircut which he keeps nice. He knows I cheat on him. Of course he does without me telling him, since he has worked on my hair for several years now. I sometimes threaten him with murder if he does not comply with my wishes and so naturally most of the times he does. When I am not threatening he tries something new and shorter. He knows I hate short hair. Yesterday was my only free day to get ready for all I have to do and need to look my best. He wasn't working and so I decided to check out another salon. There were three in one corner of an area and so I decided to go to the closest of my parked vehicle. The woman asked me if I wanted conditioner and I said yes. She continued to explain why she was asking and then went on a speaking course. I have been doing my hair forever. As a teen I was getting my hair trimmed at least. However, I let her continue to tell me all she has learned, since she felt she needed to. I had one request. I was growing my hair out. Otherwise she could do what she wanted. I hate short hair. It is as simple as that. What does she do? She cut it all off. All of it. She also needed a razar at the back of my head. "No razar," I exlaimed. She then showed me the back of my head and I paled. She had done it. She gave me a boy haircut. I wanted to leave but it was too late. I could feel tears wanting to burst out. How could this happen? I informed her that I said I wanted to grow my hair out. She did not hear that part, only that she could do what she wants. I asked her to make it as feminine as possible. When she took out her heart medication I realized I had to play nice. I wondered later if the medication is a ploy for unhappy customers. I tipped her well regardless, knowing that I would never return. Two bad experiences within two years. I told you about the last one. Out of three, I had to pick this one. As she was layering what was left of my hair at my request to give it a touch of womanhood, the music came on loud and aggressive. I heard the endless swearing from the vacalist and asked what that swearing was all about. A male getting his hair cut informed me it was rap as if it was a new discovery for me. I wanted to run, wet hair and all. "Does your stylist know you are cheating on him?" She asked. I explain that we have an open relationship. I cheat and always return to him. I didn't explain that he cheats as well. I am not his ownly client. "Do you have his cell number?" She asks. I am beginning to wonder if this is a reality game and I am the unsuspecting customer. I am asked if I would like a coffee and jump at that opportunity. I am in luck I am assured. One woman has worked at Starbucks and another at Tim HOrton's. I ask for the Starbuck's version. Uch, Uch Uch. Maybe the person worked at Starbucks but they are certainly not using the same coffee. Dishwater anyone? Now I know what the Italians meant (book 2) when they accused my coffee of being dishwater and spit it out. I did not spit it out. The entire ordeal was a nightmare from which I was not waking up. Then, I am being bombarded by Starbucks ex employee of the month of all the availability there is for me there. I was asked if I was interested in a product she thought I was looking at. It was a picture of a man losing his hair with the promise for it to all grow back with the tube of magical powers for sale. "No I have hair. Thank you." It is no wonder she thought I had no hair left after the horrible cut. Then I was bombarded regarding all the possiblities I could enjoy there such as reflex therapy, pedicure and manicure. Ok, so I cheat on my hair stylist but does that mean I am simply a cheater? I just had my nails and pedicure done and it is fresh. Was that not noticed? I am hoping my hair will soon dry so I can run for the door. I ponder if I should anyway. I think of my stylist who decided to take a day off. He is going to enjoy me telling him about this cheating day. He loves my stories. He keeps my first book in his dresser at home. He simply loves,"Hey Guy Buy Me." At least I know two men love it. Maybe three. Of course they are all secure men. Anyhow, I left the hair salon as I heard echos of see me soon. They did not hear me say anthing except thank you. I went home and called family to make me feel better. It didn't work but it is nice to have family for situations like this. I woke up this morning forgetting all about the haircut until I looked in the mirror. I put on make up asap. I need to buy better make up. What bad timing? Anyhow, if you want to see me at my worse, come to "Word on The Street" and you can make me feel better by having me sign one of the books you are going to buy from me. Please do not mention my hair. This is one time, I do not want to know what you think. Have a good week. My next couple of weeks are going to be fantastic if I do not look in the mirror. My poor hair.

Update - Books and readings - Word on the Street - Come visit me this Saturday

Selling my books at Fairbanks Park was great for the first hour. As the day progressed, so did the heat and so did the sales. I did sell all three of my books. My first book was bought from a very secure male. The second, a retired military man (who likes my writings) and the third from a neighbour who wanted it for a birthday gift for her husband. So sweet. I get approached by people wanting me to recite my book to them and then I get comments like, "nobody reads anymore," "your books are expensive," does the publisher know you are selling these books etc......God bless them all. This Saturday I will be at "Word on the Street" where I won't get the comment that people do not read anymore. Come and find me at booth 401b, "Hey Guy Buy Me". It is my favourite venue because there are so many authors and book lovers there. I look forward to it every year and unlike this past Saturday where I had to leave early because of the intense heat and beating sun, they supply a tent which offers me protection from the elements. I am presently reading a magazine distributed from the Registered Marriage and Family Therapy about opiods and suicide. It mentions that 1/3 of family therapists still have clients sign that they will not commit sucide while under their care. I was taught the same which I stopped asking clients to sign, because one asked me after many sessions and getting better, "Did you really think that signing that had me not kill myself?" I learn from my clients as well and if I sense that something is not working, I modify, change or stop using something ineffective. I have to be careful as well because sometimes I stop using one thing and then I notice that the client can really be helped and what may seem mundane to me is quite effective to others. I am therefore constantly learning but I no longer ask clients to sign that they will not kill themselves, because I do not want to insult them either. The article also suggests that they agree with me for other reasons. I am also reading a James Peterson novel for just plain relaxation. I also read a bit of Social Psychology Methods and Research not for fun but for refreashure. It is a bit dull and boring and I won it at one of the conferences. However, I have studied what is in its 600 plus pages so I read a bit when I am on a bus or at a particular place where I need to spend some time. I have read about 400 pages using this method. When I complete this book, I shall be happy. So, it will be a busy few months with lectures and fun and of course work. I do want to complete my psych notes and one booklet is almost complete. Refresher is always positive for me because it ingrains all into my brain cells so I may recall it in sessions. Have a wonderful week. I do hope you enjoy reading my blogs. Come and visit me at Word on The Street at the Harbour front. I will be close to the street this year and it looks like the East side. I am ok with the change. www.redigondapsychotherapy www.silvaredigonda.com I do have to give my books more attention.

Generalized anxiety disorder (psych notes continue-abnormal psychology)

Diagnostic Criteria - Excessive anxiety and worry (apprehensive expectation) , occurring more days than not for at least six months, about a number of events or activities (such as work or school performance). the person finds it difficult to control the worry. the anxiety and worry are associated with 3 (or more of the following six symptoms (with some at least six symptoms present for more days than not for the past 6 months: Note only one item is required in children. 1. restlessness or feeling keyed up or on edge. 2. being easily fatigued. 3. difficulty in concentrating or mind going blank at times. 4. irritability 5. muscle tension 6. sleep disturbance (difficulty falling or staying asleep, a restless unsatisfying sleep). the focus of the anxiety and worry is not confined to features of an AXIS 1 disorder eg. the anxiety or worry is not having a panic attack (as in panic disorder) being embarrassed in public (as in social phobia) being contaminated (as in obsessive compulsive disorder) being away from home or close relatives (as in separation anxiety, gaining weight as in anorexia nervosa) having multiple physical complaints (as in somatization disorder)or having a serious illness (as in hypochondriasis and the anxiety and worry do not occur exclusively during PTSD. the anxiety worry or physical symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social occupational or other important areas of functioning. the disturbance is not due to the direct (dsm 1v) physiological effects of a substance (eg. a drug of abuse, a medical condition eg. hyperthyroidism and does not exclusively during a mood disorder, a psychotic disorder or et…(note to self: know differences between disorders). Next: Social phobia

Scams galore........... Protect yourself

I have mentioned it before but I think it is important for you to know that you need to protect yourself from scammers. Today I had more than I wanted to spend any time on, so I guess I have to start reporting it all to the authorities. Internet fraud is quite popular and many are devastated. Today I got an email from Italy who pretended to be Interac. A Lea Wright not the name on the email. That actually sounded Italian and I have it but cannot post it here, had sent me $714.00. I know of no Lea Wright. However, thank you for sending this because I was assured previously by a bank employee when I asked, that e transfers are safe. Now I know better. Of course I did not accept any money which is probably why another was sent so soon. So, I shall bring the emails and source information to the bank and let them deal with it. In the past and not for a while, I was getting emails about wanted therapy for people and was sent a money order for a check of a sizeable amount. Much more than the therapy would cost (I do not accept money in advance). It looked so real, that the bank employee thought it was legitimate. At my insistance he looked further into it and found some scam network out west. Today I also received an email stating that my password had been compromised and if I didn't send funds porn sites would be associated with my name and released to the media. I love Disney movies, thrillers etc....but porn is not on the list. I have nothing to hide and I cannot be bribed. I normally just block such emails but this is wasting too much time. So any further scams will be reported to the police authorities or government. Last week in the mail, I received two applications for attending a seminar at Harvard. I called Harvard. I will not let you know how I knew that was fraudulent. So, that was made aware to the Harvard police. Any further emails, mails etc.....shall be kept and forwarded to the appropriate authorities. It is very sad that so many innocent people lose all their savings. A neigbhour not too long ago asked me to listen to her voice mail. Another scam. The police will not call you to ask for money or they will arrest you. Hopefully, internat scammers will become easier to find and prosecute. Many can barely speak English and others have such a heavy accent that you know they are targeting a certain demographic. Others are pros. So, if anyone sends you money or tells you they want to give you their estate because there is no one else in their lives, don't fall for it. Unfortunately because I have a business I probably get more than average. However, nuisance is costing me time. So, let's all be cautious. No one is going to give you money for nothing. I have a secure site at www.silvaredigonda.com so if you want to give me money just because I am charming than just use my site and forget about cheques or moneyorders or etransfers. My site is secure. It is paypal. So, to the scammers, I know this is easy money for you but think of the havac you do to good people. I know working for a living won't let you live with the lifestyle you have earned by scamming. But try utilizing those skills for something good. For the rest of you. Please protect yourself. If you go on a dating site, don't let the person trick you into giving him/her money. Always be safe. You do not know who you are dealing with. So, if I have made one of you think about being more careful then I feel rewarded. What do you think? Never hesitate to share or ask a question.