Christmas Season - Making peace with partner/family

One Christmas season I was visiting a cemetery. Someone close to me had died and the pain was fresh. As I was leaving, I noticed a woman probably in her forties or fifties, pacing anxiously where her mother rested, inside a wall. I smile at everyone and she took that as an invitation to explode her feelings. She talked about her mother dying and her estranged sister who was married with a family. She was single and grieved being so. She longed for her sister and was hoping that the sister would visit their mom so she could see her. They were angry over matters of the will. They had different perceptions of events. Since, she obviously had the need to vent her suffering, I listened patiently. When it was over I left and she remained hoping her sister would visit. She wanted to mend differences and her sister did not. As I wondered what to write for December which for me is precious, she came to mind. She is representative of so many this season with families struggling in their relationships. During couples or family therapy, the initial sessions (though not always) normally consist of defusing emotions and outbursts. People are emotional beings and often (though not always) the suffering pours out in angry outbursts, name calling and blame. My objective is to dig underneath all this fury so that the families and couples can look at themselves and others more objectively. Having each member speak about how she/he feels and their perception of events shared, sometimes differs very opposite from what is perceived from the other(s). Often there is much love and there are feelings of betrayal, deception etc…..There are many couples and families who would benefit from therapy. Not all are comfortable with therapy and some find it beneath them. However, often even working with one person can help the person make changes in their own thinking and behaviors which has a domino effect. In families there is often one person who is different from the rest. He may be more educated, more creative or think polar opposite from the rest. Because of this he may be seen as the problem, while he may be not at all. This Christmas why not think about someone you are not at peace with. If you believe in God, why not pray about this? Why not ask for help? If you do not, why not reflect on your relationships? Think about what happened with this person to make you distant yourself? Think about the possiblility if another perception is possible? Sometimes one thinks they know the other person and that is often not the entire truth. One builds a perception of the other from one’s own experiences etc…Ask the other person instead of thinking you know the other person so well. I do hope that this Christmas if anyone reads this blog, they actually reach out to someone who they are having difficulty with. Take it slow. Do you miss this person? What is it that you miss? How close were you? What changed? Why not be that person to take the first step. As I think of that woman who was waiting for her sister to arrive, her sister who no longer wanted her in her life, I wonder and hope that they did see each other again, and if not, I hope that one has had the courage to pick up the phone. In each relationship, one person needs to reach out for help and resolution. If this blog has helped only one person to consider reaching out, than I have been rewarded. What do you think? www.redigondapsychotherapy.com