Changes for the new year? How about this for a New Year Resolution? How can I make my world better? How can I make my life better? Not possible? Really?

During the last day of the year I was pondering about the conditions of our world at our own doing. I was thinking of how people behead each other in the Middle East. I was thinking how religion is used to enforce laws made by men for their own unholy whims. I was thinking about 20 wars at any given time in the world. I was thinking how women are still forced into behaving and dressing, like men want them to, to demonstrate their “modesty.” I was thinking of all the hungry children dying from starvation in a world full of abundance. On New Years day I was thinking how can we change all this. We can change all this by understanding that united we can all make differences in the lives of others - positive changes, however small. Recently a woman told me that change was not possible and for some reason that surprised me. “Of course we can make changes.” I replied. “No” was her solemn resigned response. If change was not possible slavery among blacks would still exist. If change was not possible the world would still be flat in our minds and we could probably fall off it if we wandered too far. If change was not possible, women would not be able to go to university in any part of the world and she would not be able to vote. If change was not possible we would all be under dictatorship rule……………Change is possible. In my morning ritual of prayer and discernment and contemplation, my mind went back to undergrad where during an English course, which I took for a break from psychology, we were reading a book a week, writing a paper about it and dissecting it and discussing it to death (my second book would be good for this, if there are any professors reading this and may be interested). In one book we read, it was about Utopia, perhaps that is even the title of the book. I thought it was wonderful to live in Utopia. However, my classmates all found that to live in such a place would be boring. I was surprised by this. I try to make my life my own Utopia. I surround myself with people who are happy and if not happy because of their own experiences, than kind/nice. As I grow older I am more selective than ever of my associates, not because I am a snob as I was told recently by a male who was annoying me and definitely not my type (he should read my first book), but because I like to maintain the peace I have within me. How are you feeling right now? Stop reading for a few minutes and just focus on what you feel within you? Is your stomach in knots? Are you feeling sad? Are you feeling sick? Anxious? What does that feel like? How would you like to feel? Calm? Relaxed? Content? How do you achieve that? Thinking back at the remarks my classmates made, I have to wonder how they would feel if they were not observers, at the pain of others. How would they feel if they lived in a country where they did not have the benefit of an education? What if they were silenced? What if their genitals were cut so they could never feel pleasure again? What if they were forced to wear garments to hide all of themselves except their eyes to see? What if they no longer had food to eat? What if they were forced to fight wars or flee from the violence and killings? What if they had to face horrors? What if they were the participants of what seemed to be what was interesting to them as observers? Change is possible - always. It is only our belief systems that hinders us or allows us to soar. There is no reason why anyone should have to starve in this day and age. There is no reason why anyone because of gender or religion or culture should try to dominate another. We can have a Utopia and we just have to believe it to take steps towards it. I happen to live in a country where I do get a lot of benefits. I have chosen occupations that have satisfied me and made me happy. I have a career now that makes me happy because in all of my careers, I have always helped people. What I have learned to do is not judge people for the lives that they live. I do not endorse cruelty but I do believe that change is possible. I would like to see a zero tolerance for any kind of cruelty. It can happen but we must be able to look beyond ourselves. We need to educate as a society because at home cruelty may exist. We need to let children know what kindness is. Children are not private property. They are precious to society and we need to ensure they are safe and not abused. As a therapist I am obligated to report abuse. However, people are aware of that so how much is not revealed? What is the difference between being a bad parent and being abusive? Last year casually during conversation a woman who had been an elementary teacher in the dark ages remarked how a child always sat in a ball at the back of her class. He would just roll up on his side and not participate. She did and said nothing. I felt my blood rise, thinking of this poor child with an incompetent for a teacher. We need to take a stand somehow when there is an injustice. A few days ago I was in a bakery shop with a friend of mind having lunch. A group of black men came in to sit at a long table near by. The men were polite and older with the experience of time. The waitress told them not to sit there because she had not cleaned the table. I know that if these men were white and dressed in suits she would have immediately accommodated them with respect because I have seen this. So, I spoke up and told the men to sit down at the table. They did. The waitress did not say anything. I spoke up. Now maybe, this waitress did want to clean the table first. But why would thy not be able to sit there afterwards. However, the table was void of any dishes. I normally would not notice this. I took notice because when I was in Florida, my companion and I were talking about prejudice. I told him that prejudice wasn’t as evident as it used to be. “Then why were we immediately allowed into this restaurant while they are still waiting?” he asked. I then turned around and noticed that only black Americans were waiting to be seated. Because of that incident I have become more aware of subtle displays of prejudice. So, next time you see something that is not quite right, why not make life more interesting by speaking up, keeping safety in mind of course. Toronto is changing contrary to what our politicians tell us. I know because I have seen my city change and I have lived here most of my life. I would certainly enjoy a more boring city where there is less shootings, knife attacks, gangs, killings etc……But we can make changes by recognizing the problems and having more empathy for others. It is that time of the year to also examine your own life and wonder what it is you would like to change. Why? Ask yourself why you continue to live a life that you may not be happy with? Do you settle? There is comfort in settling. There is comfort in just complaining about being a victim. Change is difficult. Change is the unknown. Change is frightening. What is keeping you from helping yourself? What do you think?