Tis the season to be jolly, or is it?

Christmas is fast approaching. Are you ready? For the sake of this entry Christmas will include all holidays at this time of year for everyone, since many do not celebrate Christmas per say but do celebrate in one form or another, the season. This is my favourite time of the year. Christmas is only a few days away but I am already saturated. I have eaten so much that I am too weighed down to go to the gym (do you buy that excuse? The pool is closed for maintenance, and I do prefer the pool). Too many parties, too many meet-ups, too much of it all, so there goes my balance. I have over-indulged in fun. I have completed all my shopping and delivered gifts. I will be finished for my friends tomorrow and then the rest will be given out on Christmas Eve. On January 7, I will take all the Christmas stuff down and return to normal. Sound familiar? I do not bake and am still wondering if I should try to make an apple pie and have bought the crust. I didn’t realize so many people cheat. Not all of course. I do buy from men and women who do bake the old fashion way. When Christmas is over I think I will fast from all this festivity. I am in awe of the season and when it is over, I return to normalcy. One thing I also do this season since becoming a therapist is to be more available to clients because for many this season, people suffer greatly. People may dread spending Christmas alone because their soul mate has died, left them for someone else, or they need to be away from their family because of work or other reasons. Christmas may conjure up bad memories for those who have to relive abuse of one form or another. Then there is the in-laws who demand more or any children etc……the operative word being demand. And then there is the aunt or uncle or niece or other family member that you would rather not see but will have to tolerate for the holiday season. For many, Christmas is a horror story that never quits year after year. Life can be difficult. And at times you may feel powerless and that is not a comfortable place to be or is it? If you take back power for yourself, you will challenge those around you. I was recently reading some passages from a book about Trauma which I have at the office and studied in post grad. I don’t have the title or writer in memory right now but I will eventually refer to it again because it makes good points I would like to expand on for you. However, in one of the paragraphs I underlined, I read about a woman who is at her families’ Christmas party and she watches her father groping female relatives and suddenly she gets a flash back of her father entering her bedroom when she is a child. At this party and previous Christmas parties everyone laughs off the father’s groping. She remembers……… There is a reason you do not like Christmas or that you love Christmas. I have memories of my mother insisting that I sing Christmas carols with her by the artificial fire place (I have never had a real one and would like that someday especially with global warming and our infrastructure). Recently at a trip to Niagara Falls, I hung out with my 96 year old veteran and we were singing all the time when we had a stop at the casino at the end of a great day. We sang while walking, and in the elevator; and it was quite fun. We were singing Christmas carols. I thought of Christmas Eve and remembered my mom wanting to sing. I have good memories, as I get a flash back of singing and the wonderful feelings it brings, while for another he may have a horrible flashback and feel the trauma of that time in his present life. I encourage you this Christmas to get in tune with your feelings whether pleasant or unpleasant. What is happening inside you? What are you feeling? Can you describe it? Who are you with? What memories are conjured? Why? Recognizing what you feel and why can help you move on to the next question. What are you able to do about it? Nothing you say? Why? Remember you do have choices. You can look at your partner and decide that perhaps you can be more forthcoming? You can look at your parent and learn to start speaking your own mind and having your own identity, you can take another look at your sibling and understand that he is another individual who is different than you because of different experiences etc…..In other words, you can make a choice to take a stand and do something a little different to ask yourself why are you not happy this Christmas? And then maybe you can take one step forward to start a new life, a new beginning, a new decision to make your life if not happy, than less sad. Christmas is a time for family and friends and peace. If you are burdened by sadness then why not take this time to ask yourself why? When shopping for gifts, I happened to be at a popular mall and a young woman was telling her boyfriend that she wanted a popular expensive brand name item. He smiled at her and I was thinking “run.” However those were my values coming to the surface. This young man may be able to afford to buy her what she wants. He may want to know what she wants. Or he may have already bought something for her. A woman recently told me how her nieces do not appreciate gifts from the heart. They want money. She is somewhat grateful so she does not have to shop. We discuss the meaning of gifts. Another speaks of a teen not even opening his birthday gift but laying it aside. “I would have been excited receiving a gift!” she exclaims. “May be they have too much nowadays.” I remark. However, I am quite aware that there are many families who have barely enough money to buy food and pay their mortgages or rent. There is this other hidden side where in a country full of abundance has people depending on food banks. So how do we change things? The circle of violence, poverty, hatred, sadness etc….can be changed. We may be a product of our environment but we do have free choice. And if you feel you do not have a choice, than you have to ask yourself why you think that? Ask yourself, “What can I do to feel better about myself and those around me this Christmas? What can I do for myself to take a step to move forward to a new beginning? What do you think? Merry Christmas everyone and Happy Holidays! And Santa, don’t forget to stop at our house. Merry Christmas and drive safely…..