Reposting "Professional Numbness" for all Emergency Services out there keeping us safe. I thank you for your service in whatever country you are.

Professional Numbness - Military, Police etc........ There are occupations out there where one has to be in control at all times. One is expected to resolve problems, calm people down in horrific situations and to respond appropriately at all times. In this day where there are cameras everywhere, there is an expectation of perfect responses to impossible situations. One is being judged by the media and the public. These are additional pressures. In my own training many years ago, I was briefed along with others that military, police, and physicians were statistically more prone to abusive relationships at home. I being young and thinking that such professions were among a higher standard of conduct was surprised. Now, being more mature, educated and down to earth with experience, understand what was told to me many years ago several times. Perfection does not exist. I think most people understand this. We all come from various backgrounds with various amount and depth of what is referred to as "baggage". Much of that baggage is screened for in various testing for various careers. There are also IQ tests etc.....for various occupations. What is there for testing the pain and emotional responses one physician feels when she loses a patient? What is there for testing a soldier who was forced to kill? What is there for testing a policewoman or man who for a second, had to make an instant decision, right or wrong? One thing that is common with these occupations is that there is an expectation of higher standard to be in control, to be wonderful; to be a hero. It is an occupation that an expectation is taken for granted. Now let's examine the person. What is going on inside? Is this person a machine? Is this person programmed for perfection? Does this person have anyone on his side? Who is in control of this person? Is he or she in the same occupation, with the same experiences? Is this person a politician who wants to have a job in the future in the right circles? Is this person going to support the struggles suffered by one man or woman who suffers when a child dies or an animal is abused beyond recognition, when one witnesses the scars and wounds and suffering that many are free from. I recently heard a speaker talk about a woman who was raped. As far as the speaker was concerned this woman was ok. At break time, I blurted out that this woman knew nothing about the sexual assault of a person (male or female). The thing is that people respond to situations and crises and many times, they do not even know how they feel. They put themselves on mute. At another training session, I heard how nurses who are so much in control can completely break down when a member of their own profession dies. This was not understood by the speaker. The speaker did not understand, that the tipping point was having someone close, a colleague die. All that suffering previously experienced was pushed aside, to function, to perform with professionalism. One aquaintance once was so angry, that others near us just tried to stay away from him. He was looked at with distaste. No one wanted to be near him. He was too angry. All professionalism gone.....There was no need to be professional. The setting was safe. "What happened" I asked. He told me that he was assisting with an abortion and the fetus was still alive, in a bucket. He held the fetus, in the room of the hospital until the fetus died. The mother never knew. As my aquaintance began to share more suffering without crying, the agitation slowly diminished into sorrow. He is a professional, able to keep facial and posture purfection at all times. There are professions who witness what others who judge them superficiously, cannot imagine. There is this aura of professional who protects and heals. Often there is no support system for them. Often it is inadequate. Often to seek help which should be considered normal, is deemed as weakness. There is this "professional numbness" that emergency personnel cultivate and develop, where feelings are surpressed, so that this illusion of professionalism and expectation can continue as expected by the people they serve. I like to use the anology of a pot with liquid on a stove, heating up and coming to a boil where the top finally pushes outward. This bottled and contained emotions are still there. They may be expressed with anger, with violence, and sadly with suicide. The best solution is to find that person you can talk to and share and explore those feelings. This is confidential. The only person who needs to know that you are getting help, is the same person who has contained this suffering without your own awareness. This Christmas give yourself the gift - the gift of life, the gift of helping yourself for a change.

A Christmas Tale (published)

I found myself standing alone, as the snow fell gently, Creating a pure white blanket on the asphalt, I was standing on. Looking at the Christmas scene outside St Charles Church, I felt sad that I did not have enough money for Christmas to shop; that I still had to prepare for a four hour exam. As I looked at the empty cradle of Jesus, my sadness increased. “Oh Lord, we have made such a mess of things. Here it is Christmas approaching, and our planet is suffering from global warming, we still fight and kill, in the name of God. The middle class is disappearing and corporations are merging and becoming powerful. The rich are getting richer while our poor are getting poorer. Our governments are deserting us Lord. Please do not give up on us. Please forgive us.” “I am hungry miss?” I turned and found a beggar beside me. I wondered why I had not heard him approaching. He was big framed, with dirty long hair, a fat and heavily pimpled face and a foul smell that not even the cool air could dissipate. His face was so dirty that I could not determine his skin color. His mittens were black and he wore a long woolen brown coat that looked frayed but thankfully warm and he wore heavy worn boots that had seen too many winters. “I am hungry miss.” He repeated with patience. I was holding my submarine sandwich which I had just bought. I had decided to give myself a treat. After all, Christmas was approaching and I deserved something. I had just stopped to admire the Nativity scene. I looked into those sorrowful big brown eyes and saw more sorrow than I could ever bare being reflected back to me. I handed him my submarine and whispered “Merry Christmas.” I didn’t know if wishing him a Merry Christmas was politically correct, but I did not care this evening. I wanted to be free, in my seemingly democratic country to say “Merry Christmas.” What has happened to my city, to my country, to my world? I thought with sadness. I had lowered my head and looked up to see my hobo gone. He had taken my sandwich and I wished him well. I walked back to my old, rusted car in the Church parking lot and unlocked it. There was my submarine sandwich waiting for me. I looked back towards the nativity set and saw the boot prints on the snow from the Nativity area, I had just come from. There was only one set of boot prints this late night that marred the soft blanket of snow.

I have reduced my ebook to $9.95 in lieu of the Christmas spirit.

Thought I would let you know that I have decreased my ebook from 15.95 to 9.95. If you do buy any of my books, feed back is always appreciated. I am all ready for Christmas and I have spent time with all my friends. Last night I had dinner with my old professor and I really had a good time. We discussed politics, culture, global warming, religion, psychology, music, and the Murdock Christmas special. I taped it but have still not watched it. I will. I over indulged in food at the Mandarin. I do love this place. I came home and found three gifts waiting for me. I must admit I love my life. So now that I have spent time with all my friends, I will work a bit today and tomorrow it will be family and family until New Years. I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Tis the season to be jolly, or is it?

Christmas is fast approaching. Are you ready? For the sake of this entry Christmas will include all holidays at this time of year for everyone, since many do not celebrate Christmas per say but do celebrate in one form or another, the season. This is my favourite time of the year. Christmas is only a few days away but I am already saturated. I have eaten so much that I am too weighed down to go to the gym (do you buy that excuse? The pool is closed for maintenance, and I do prefer the pool). Too many parties, too many meet-ups, too much of it all, so there goes my balance. I have over-indulged in fun. I have completed all my shopping and delivered gifts. I will be finished for my friends tomorrow and then the rest will be given out on Christmas Eve. On January 7, I will take all the Christmas stuff down and return to normal. Sound familiar? I do not bake and am still wondering if I should try to make an apple pie and have bought the crust. I didn’t realize so many people cheat. Not all of course. I do buy from men and women who do bake the old fashion way. When Christmas is over I think I will fast from all this festivity. I am in awe of the season and when it is over, I return to normalcy. One thing I also do this season since becoming a therapist is to be more available to clients because for many this season, people suffer greatly. People may dread spending Christmas alone because their soul mate has died, left them for someone else, or they need to be away from their family because of work or other reasons. Christmas may conjure up bad memories for those who have to relive abuse of one form or another. Then there is the in-laws who demand more or any children etc……the operative word being demand. And then there is the aunt or uncle or niece or other family member that you would rather not see but will have to tolerate for the holiday season. For many, Christmas is a horror story that never quits year after year. Life can be difficult. And at times you may feel powerless and that is not a comfortable place to be or is it? If you take back power for yourself, you will challenge those around you. I was recently reading some passages from a book about Trauma which I have at the office and studied in post grad. I don’t have the title or writer in memory right now but I will eventually refer to it again because it makes good points I would like to expand on for you. However, in one of the paragraphs I underlined, I read about a woman who is at her families’ Christmas party and she watches her father groping female relatives and suddenly she gets a flash back of her father entering her bedroom when she is a child. At this party and previous Christmas parties everyone laughs off the father’s groping. She remembers……… There is a reason you do not like Christmas or that you love Christmas. I have memories of my mother insisting that I sing Christmas carols with her by the artificial fire place (I have never had a real one and would like that someday especially with global warming and our infrastructure). Recently at a trip to Niagara Falls, I hung out with my 96 year old veteran and we were singing all the time when we had a stop at the casino at the end of a great day. We sang while walking, and in the elevator; and it was quite fun. We were singing Christmas carols. I thought of Christmas Eve and remembered my mom wanting to sing. I have good memories, as I get a flash back of singing and the wonderful feelings it brings, while for another he may have a horrible flashback and feel the trauma of that time in his present life. I encourage you this Christmas to get in tune with your feelings whether pleasant or unpleasant. What is happening inside you? What are you feeling? Can you describe it? Who are you with? What memories are conjured? Why? Recognizing what you feel and why can help you move on to the next question. What are you able to do about it? Nothing you say? Why? Remember you do have choices. You can look at your partner and decide that perhaps you can be more forthcoming? You can look at your parent and learn to start speaking your own mind and having your own identity, you can take another look at your sibling and understand that he is another individual who is different than you because of different experiences etc…..In other words, you can make a choice to take a stand and do something a little different to ask yourself why are you not happy this Christmas? And then maybe you can take one step forward to start a new life, a new beginning, a new decision to make your life if not happy, than less sad. Christmas is a time for family and friends and peace. If you are burdened by sadness then why not take this time to ask yourself why? When shopping for gifts, I happened to be at a popular mall and a young woman was telling her boyfriend that she wanted a popular expensive brand name item. He smiled at her and I was thinking “run.” However those were my values coming to the surface. This young man may be able to afford to buy her what she wants. He may want to know what she wants. Or he may have already bought something for her. A woman recently told me how her nieces do not appreciate gifts from the heart. They want money. She is somewhat grateful so she does not have to shop. We discuss the meaning of gifts. Another speaks of a teen not even opening his birthday gift but laying it aside. “I would have been excited receiving a gift!” she exclaims. “May be they have too much nowadays.” I remark. However, I am quite aware that there are many families who have barely enough money to buy food and pay their mortgages or rent. There is this other hidden side where in a country full of abundance has people depending on food banks. So how do we change things? The circle of violence, poverty, hatred, sadness etc….can be changed. We may be a product of our environment but we do have free choice. And if you feel you do not have a choice, than you have to ask yourself why you think that? Ask yourself, “What can I do to feel better about myself and those around me this Christmas? What can I do for myself to take a step to move forward to a new beginning? What do you think? Merry Christmas everyone and Happy Holidays! And Santa, don’t forget to stop at our house. Merry Christmas and drive safely…..

Donation requests galore - Don’t feel pressured to give. Learn to say no and discern.

Recently when receiving requests for a donation blitz from a church, a woman turned to me exasperated. “I already gave “ “ this year. Does this mean I have to give more in addition?” “No, you gave a lot I responded”. This did not pacify her as she was struggling with emotions of indecision. “There is the Sick Kids and the refugees, I want to help.” My response, “It is at times forgotten that Jesus was born in a stable.” I understand how difficult it is to say no. After years of studying and costly internships, I still felt sorry for people who could not afford therapy. There is no course for how to say no. There was a seminar I attended where a physician from another country, now a life coach type here in Canada penetrated what my own counsellor had been trying to get into my thick head in my years of study. “You need to charge what you should be charging”. My response, “I need my hours.” I was often approached by people who were quite well off wanting to see me because I needed hours. After my mandatory 1500 hrs and fully qualified to do what I do, I had to learn to say no. It is easy for me to say no to anything, except helping people because that is what I have been doing for a life time. However, I was always paid by an institution. My mother who taught me so much in life, once said, “You make money from the suffering of others.” My automatic response was, “So do physicians.” Her reply, “That is true.” So, though it was a long process I finally learned to say no. There are lots of services out there that are free to people who cannot afford it or do not have insurance. I am using myself as an example here. We live in a country where we are encouraged to help each other and that is a good thing. We also give donations when we ourselves may be in dire need. I have heard so many times of a student struggling with tuition still stopping to help someone on the streets. I do not give money to anyone on the streets but I will buy them a meal or give them food. I do not donate 2.00 at the grocery store when requested because I want my own donation receipts. Do corporations claim our money as theirs? I don’t know. Neither can the cashier tell me. I do at times buy bag of foods for the food bank at the same grocery stores. I do not give money when someone knocks on my door, however I do ask for brochures to examine and was just recently informed that they had none to save costs. I was suspicious and perhaps you should be too if people cannot prove who they claim to be. I think it is wonderful when people give of themselves and as Canadians I think we do our best. So please, if you want to give to a hospital or the refugees, or a church or a university do so. However, if you don’t for any reason why not take some time to discern why you feel anxious or distressed rather than good about giving? Jesus being born in a stable tells us a lot. Yet how many hear? I have learned to direct people to those who can at no fee or on a sliding scale of their affordability. Here in Toronto if you have no insurance and you are low income there are many resources for you. The Catholic Church is having a Family Planning blitz. Muslims are expected to donate 10% of their income to charity etc……….What have you done for someone else? I am often told by a friend of mine who is a practising Jew, “Charity begins at home.” She is so right and she donates to many good causes. Remember that even if you are poor there is something you can do. You can donate your own time, or you can be kind to someone and kindness goes a long way. So please do not feel bad this Christmas if you cannot keep giving. Remember that Jesus and his family were very poor and 2000 years later people still believe, so practise what he taught, was the most important, not money but the giving of self to others. This can be done in so many ways. What do you think?

A woman is killed by her partner every six days in Canada

“A woman is killed every six days by her partner in Canada.” That is the statement that popped out and stuck with me, after watching the nightly news. They were speaking about the killings of the women students in the Engineering department in Montreal so many years ago. Have times changed? If one woman is being killed every sixth day, than maybe not. I wasn’t going to write about this. I was going to write about my fun day at Niagara Falls and complain of course about their tourist tax. However, the above mentioned statement would not leave my brain so I shall write about abuse instead. As many of you know, if you looked at my web site, I worked for one year as an intern, at a women’s counselling centre with women who had suffered physical, emotional, financial and sexual abuse. I have also dealt with abuse in my previous two careers. I have written about the “Honeymoon Effect” in a previous blog which explains how people who are in abusive relationships stay there. I myself in the past could not understand why women would stay in abusive relationships but the “Honeymoon Effect” explains that. It is not only the man who abuses the woman. Abuse is among gay couples. Women also abuse men. Sometimes one person thinks that he or she is the abuser and is surprised to discover that it is actually he or she who is the abuser. There are times that there is no confusion who the abuser is. There are times also in couple therapy that one who is the abuser is looking for ammunition so to speak for court. There is no real sincere effort on working on the relationship from the abuser’s angle. There is a pretence and narcissistic nature I usually see in the face of the abuser, who attempts to manipulate the therapist to take sides for court action usually looking for support to have custody of children. I would highly recommend not coming to see me if that is the objective. Abusers control, manipulate and try to isolate who they are abusing. I will be referring to the abuser as he and the victim/survivor as she for the purpose of simplicity in writing this. Simple is not what this topic is about and not all men are abusers. My interest has always been primarily in helping men, mainly because I have been very fortunate to have had great men in my life. I have a low tolerance or should I say 0 tolerance for any kind of abuse. It is not ok to physically hit anyone. It is not ok to try force sex or to try to convince someone to have sex. It is not ok to yell at someone or to impose your own views and ignore your partner’s. It is not ok to be abusive to your children or in their presence be abusive, because then the abuse is spreading to them. This requires to be reported to the authority. Because clients know there is a duty to report because we tell them, than perhaps abuse is not being reported. Then how do they get the help they need? Sometimes one reports that she is being abused when this is not the case. Sometimes a man is embarrassed that he is being abused by a woman and so he does not get the help he needs. Sometimes a woman is being abused and she does not know that she is being abused. Sometimes she has grown up in an abusive home with an abusive parent and she thinks that abuse is normal. Pay attention: It is not! Relationships need to be balanced. There are countries where in patriarchal societies, men are in control. They believe that because they have a penis, than they are the “man” who controls. Women raised with this domination believe that is life. They internalize the society’s norm. They teach their women that this is how a woman should be - subservient. When a woman objects than she is the one who is ostracized and punished. Now remove this woman from this exposure and she sees that there is another way to live. She can be free. How does she obtain freedom if she depends on her husband for finances? I am quite aware that people who come to Canada find ways of hiding their true financial worth and try to control their wives to obey by prohibiting them a means of supporting themselves. I am quite aware that this is happening every day with people born and raised and educated here. It is all about control but you have one advantage. You live in Canada and you have a choice. I attended a three day sexual assault conference for my previous career in Sudbury which was very enlightening. We learned how to co-ordinate a program to help people who had been abused to seek help. We learned how to have a program where we could provide information by inviting guest speakers etc……If you are ever interested in such a program or a one or two day seminar let me know. I would need 30 people to get this off the road but there would be a financial cost. What I learned from this course is how important the first speaker is and we definitely had an important speaker. This brave woman was sexually abused by her father and her brother from a young age. Her mother ignored it and did not believe her. When she went to the authorities and reported this she was disowned by her family. They tried to make it look as if she did something wrong. I am always amazed and in awe of people who demonstrate such courage. She made one comment that struck me and I would advise all people who work with women reporting abuse to take note. She said that why she felt so comfortable with the policewoman who took her report was that she not once looked at her watch. I did talk to the policewoman afterwards and asked her about this. It was not a conscience effort. So remember this because for this one survivor, this made all the difference in her reporting such agony of abuse. There is a misconception that abusers are easily visible, that you can look at them and know. The abuser can charm the pants off of you. The abuser can be beautiful to look at, educated, successful etc……..Look at who you think is the model family and there is an image of what? Simply put you do not know who people are really like unless you walk in their shoes. There are situations that are so bad, the abused person doesn’t know what to do. Sometimes they are afraid that the abuser will kill them. Abusers try to control, to intimidate and they do this by inducing fear. Often they will hurt, torture or kill the family pet. Please, if someone is yelling at you, telling you how horrible you are, if they are beating you etc…..because they tell you that, You are making them do this, it is not true. YOu may have been told that your are horrible, that you are going to be alone, that you are ugly and not worth …………….Don’t believe it. We are all born equal. We are all born fragile needing love security and protection. No one has the right to try to control you and certainly no one owns you. Children are not the property of their parents and need to be protected. If you are being abused, report it and leave. There are laws to protect you. Abuse escalates, violence escalates. Anyone can be abused so do not let that embarrass or shame you. Anyone can be an abuser, regardless of his station in life. Do not be afraid to report abuse to the police. Do not be afraid to leave your abusive partner. He does not really have power over you. You are your own person and remember you live in a country that takes this very seriously. Why not this Christmas take a step? Why not this Christmas enjoy a taste of freedom, a taste of goodness, a chance for a new beginning? What do you think? Men if you are confused about women and women do not find you attractive and you simply don’t know how to reach out to women, beware of men who are abusers and think they know how to to control woman and teach you how. If you really want to know about women and overcome your discomfort see someone who is a professional.

The aging brain - Sorry missed some notes yesterday so have added it here. This was the beginning of the lecture. My grey cells are aging - sosorry.

Professor Shayna Rosenbaum began that as we age there is disproportionate volume loss in some brain areas. There is reduced communication between neurons - white matter integrity-neurotransmitters - reduced blood flow due to narrowing of arteries, increased damage of free radicals and inflammation. Also, I did not add at the end that the brain adapts and there is growth of new cells. Sorry.

A day at York University - Our aging brain, the universe, but not without a stop at a donut shop and stereotyping

Saturday I went to York University for what they call “The York Circle” Lecture and Lunch Series. They had a lecture, “As times goes by: How memory and decision-making change with age by Shayna Rosenbaum. I wanted to see if there had been any updates since my psychology courses regarding aging and human development. There was another lecture that peeked my interest, “Structure in the near universe and its relevance” by Marshall McCall. I have always been interested in science which I dropped in grade 11 because I refused to dissect a frog. At that time you needed to dissect the frog before continuing with science. How ridiculous and I do hope that it has changed with more enlightenment. Anyway, getting back to the day, I was quite excited. I would be able to claim one hour of my 40 hrs requirement for the college, I would return to a class room at York which I had not in some time and I would be able to see colleagues and old classmates. My first stop was Tim Horton’s near Keele and Finch. I was not prepared for the lineup so early on a Saturday morning. However, I always give myself lots of time. Standing in line just in front of me, I noticed a male slightly taller than myself, wearing a hoodie with what appeared to look like asian letters on his neck. Slightly above the clusters of symbols, there were the figures 4 1 6 tattooed in bold, each letter sitting royally one above the other. My first thought was that in Toronto we have over 5000 gang members. I looked at this man, who had not noticed me and it was probably a good idea that he hadn’t, but the numbers were crying out at me, so I couldn’t help myself and blurted, “what does the 416 mean?” He turned to look at me and said that it was the area code for Toronto. I began to laugh and said that if they ever found him anywhere, they could trace him back home. He gave me the biggest smile and exclaimed. “I love Toronto.” This tough looking guy was a big pussy cat who loves his city. I know you can never judge a book by its cover (except mine it appears). However, I must admit I was pleasantly surprised. I talk to everyone unless I do see that they are delusional and unfortunately there are more than I like to see on the streets when they should be taken care of but that is another story. He bought his drinks and nodded at me as he was leaving. I was still smiling and nodded back. It set the mood for the day. I dropped off the donuts to some previous colleagues who I had not seen in some time. I would return after the lectures to catch up with news. I found the Life Science Building close to the gym building, taking in all the changes. I cannot keep up with the growth of York University. It is new and grand and beautiful but I must admit that I like the older grand structures of the University of Toronto. When you sit in an old building, you are sitting where so many have before you……..awe nice. Anyhow, I received my name tag, and I picked up some flyers, a pen and a small folder which opened into a writing pad. I also took the two York pins they had. Naturally I went for a nose dive to the coffee urns and noticed that breakfast were tiny muffins. Why not? I looked around me to see if there were any alumni around who I knew. There were none. I wondered where they all went to and what careers they now had. I had re-arranged my schedule to be able to attend this. Eventually I met a woman who is an accountant and her husband and aunt I believe. She was very excited about the lectures telling me she has been going for five years. “Really?” I asked, thinking that this was new. I was surprised that she never went to York and she explained that she had received the information in the mail. York does this for the community as well. “Have they ever asked for money?” I ask suspiciously since I am always asked for money from my homes of education. I thought that this is a great marketing objective. “Only once they asked us to pay for lunch.” she responded. “Only once” she repeated. “Really?” I responded thinking that buying your own lunch does not count. She told me how much she learns at these lectures especially by the questions that people ask. I was surprised about that. Soon the first lecture was beginning and it was purely for pleasure - astronomy. I sat at the front centre as I always do to focus and to stay awake. I had no problem with Marshall McCall. He reminded my of my grade 10 or 11 teacher who taught me how easy Math can be when someone knows how to teach it. She had written high school texts on math and she had that ability to simplify it so that a math idiot like me could understand. I received my highest grade in math that year and I owe it to her. Too bad she didn’t teach the other grades. Prof McCall was explaining the concept of distance so our little minds could understand and he was wonderful at it. Did you know that there are 70 galaxies that are considered small out there? Did you know that 90% or more is black matter? Did you know that the universe is expanding and accelerating as it expands? What structure is out there that we are part of? Did you know that there are more than 8000 galaxies? Did you know that there are 300 billion stars (stars are suns) and did you know that 2 1/2 % is all we know of what is out there. I could have sat there and listened to him all day. His passion for his research is astounding and then it came to me. He is good because he truly loves what he is doing. Why didn’t I have someone like him in high school? Yes, of course they do not need the same education in high school but what about passion? What about loving your students? Prof McCall also gave his students credit and that is a sign of a very secure person. Needless to say I was impressed. I have watched any and many programs regarding our universe so I was surprised by my own knowledge by watching the programs. I was not surprised that we only know 2 1/2 percent. We don’t seem to know very much about anything. I never hesitate to say “I know nothing” because in the general sense of things, I do believe we are in our infancy regarding knowledge. I was accelerated by the lecture. I was hungry for more. But, it was lunch time so I settled for food instead. Lunch was provided in little paper bags. It was a treat to see what was inside. I took the vegetarian bag and ate the main course. I gave away my tomato juice and apple (I miss eating apples since my dentist told me not to crunch on anything hard like an apple). I should slice some apples shouldn’t I? I had found a group of alumni now and it was fun. One was a financial broker and he told me that people are selling houses and leaving Toronto and then want to come back but cannot afford to. When a neighbour tells me this, I notice. When a financial broker tells me this I pay attention. This concerns me and makes me rethink going to Niagara Falls ever more. What happens if what my old professor who is almost 80 tells me going to Niagara Falls is like going to await death. What if??????? We are all exchanging information about ourselves and we are connected because we all have one thing in common - York University. One is still a student and she asks me if I have students. “No, I only have a private practice.” I respond. She beams telling me that it is a lot. We are ready for the second lecture. I am not as excited about this one perhaps because I did find aging and human development boring in undergrad. She speaks of the prefrontal cortex and hippocampus. She speaks about the decrease in volume, decrease in fluid intelligence. She speaks of crystallized intelligence (stored memory). She speaks of a decline in episodic memory. She begs the question, of how does the brain adapt to changes. Aging brains are not necessarily declining brains. Pay attention here because it gets tiresome for me to hear about how old people are and so are now on longer able to ………………………mentally. When the brain is healthy, cognitive deficits are less pronounced. Older adults who perform well on cognitive tasks produce bilateral activation, possibly compensating for changes in brain structure. How can we encourage age related compensation? Life style and environment (preventive), cognitive strategies (compensating), avoid decline of brain by the foods we eat that also can be cancerous (I’m bad - sugar), do aerobics, socialize! I am stressing socializing because I find that too many people isolate themselves. We need each other. People living alone also too frequently live in poverty (she said that). Erickson et al. 2011, PNAS. The professor reported that there is increased hippocampal volume in active adults. Engage in enjoyable tasks that demand sustained mental effort (cognitive exercise) and leads to gains like learning a new language. Hippocampus lesion studies in rats became more engaging when in a healthy and stimulus environment. She spoke of memory strategies: self reliance effect, where later both young and old remembered more. For example “fine” does it have an “e” or not; “funny” is it good or bad; “calm” does this apply to me. I was impressed that this professor gave credit to her students as well. The question period began and I left grateful that the questions were reflective of the audience not having any background. So I did not feel like I was missing anything by getting a head start to the cloak room. I stopped to talk to previous colleagues rejuvenated by the lectures. I thought that perhaps I should continue my education. It would take another five years of school. Am I prepared to do that? I downloaded the requirements for Phd and I discovered that I had already done most of the post grad myself. They require a practicum of 1900 hrs for clinical psychology but I already have 1500. And then I see it. I see what does not work for me. I would have to be prepared to leave Toronto for one year for an internship due to availability. I have my own practice. That would not work for me. My bubble is burst and I ask myself, do I really want to do that all over again? Maybe there are concessions for people who are already psychotherapists with four years of internships. At the end of reading everything, I decided that there was no way I was going to put myself through that all over again. I have responsibilities. I have a tiny family I am responsible to. So, I make my decision. No way ho say. And then I wonder……………….. I have blogs that I wrote a long time ago regarding memory and aging. So, I invite you to track them down as I do other things I have to do. One thing that I realized while I was sitting in the lecture is how I incorporate all that I wrote about regarding a health brain in my practice. I am not thinking of “healthy brain” at the time, though that is what I realize I am suggesting. I encourage people to eat well and exercise which many do. However the balance is not always there. There needs to be a balance of work and play and socializing is so important. Why not make one change in your life today? What do you think?

Borderline Personality - Psychology notes - Abnormal psychology (prior to DSM changes)

A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self image and affects and marked impulsivity beginning etc… Five or more 1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: do not include suicidal or self mutilating behaviour covered in criteria 5. 2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by attenuating between extremes of idealization and devaluation (nothing in between. 3 *****identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self image or sense of self. 4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self damaging (eg. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating) Note: do not include suicidal or self mutilating behaviour in criteria 5. 5. Recurrent suicidal behaviour gestures or threats or self mutilating behaviour (extreme anger, report of not feeling pain when cut themselves. If see lots of cuts - borderline. 6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (eg. intense episodic dysphoria [feeling rotten], irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days). Story about big guy chasing a little guy around the sofa and prof says nice tie, and chasing stops. 7. Chronic feelings of emptiness. 8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (eg. frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights. 9. transient, stress related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms. Brief psychotic reactions hallucinations - leave bodies. If a person tells him, he is Bratt Pitt, he would believe it. Tell him a negative and he takes it at face value - no buffer. Hard to treat. When Therapist says “what are you doing wrong?”. He stops loving her and he sees it as a threat of self and then angry at her, picks up pillow throws it across the room and leaves. Building rapport is good - when attempts to correct - he leaves. There are cognitive and behavioural approaches. Fatal Attraction with Glen Close - She cannot give it up - all borderline symptoms come through. Next Antisocial Personality Disorder

Nineteenth and 21st centuries as well as global human trafficking: A Mercy Concern (brief - Pastoral)

1. Indicate the readings you prepared for class and name two or three themes the author presented. I read Catherine McAuley in the Nineteenth and Twenty-First Centuries as well as Global Human Trafficking: A Mercy Concern. One theme is that women and children, societies most vulnerable continue to be exploited. Another theme is that the poor continue to be poor regardless of what century. This is due to exploitation. 2. Name your strongest attraction to the reading/s and why this might be so. I was attracted to the United Nations asking governments to recognize Human Trafficking and asking governments to act against it. This is because control of this problem as is any problem of such magnitude can only be controlled if it is taken seriously at government level. There rests the solution for correction otherwise it is just a bandage. 3. Name your strongest resistance to the reading/s and why this might be so. I was resistant to the Sisters of Mercy belief in living in poverty and harsh conditions. I think this because I believe that good rest, nourishment and positive stimulus allows one to think more clearly and become stronger to deal more effectively with what arises. My opinion is that poverty should be fought not joined. 4. How do your attractions and resistances challenge or affirm you as you engage in this theological reflection process? I found it very interesting that a parish priest refused to appoint a regular chaplain at a salary that could be afforded for the 60 women in the Baggot Street House. Thus Catherine McAuley had to do this herself (bandage solution). For women helping women, power is needed for substantial modifications in societies. I am resistant in women remaining in subservient positions where they can be controlled in one form or another. Only equal power within all people can solutions begin. Radical transformations in the present system is required to correct wrongs, such as poverty and exploitation. This has affirmed my reflection process.

Heart felt sympathies to Paris - Terrorism

I just want to extend my sympathies to such a beautiful city. I know some of you read my blog. You have my prayers. Nations such as ours who believe in freedom, in love, in caring for each other are sometimes targets of all that dispises that. I do believe in good and what good can accomplish. I believe that the majority of the people in the world are good and that is why evil acts stand out so much. There is no doubt in my mind that tragedies such as this, make us more aware and more prepared to find a way to stop this hatred. I know that my education has always been a focus of change through education. However, I am quite aware because of life experiences and careers, that this is not always possible. When someone has turned to hatred to the point of self destruction to kill many, when people are beheaded for helping others or reporting the news and when the innocent are targeted, than one has re-examine one's thoughts. I am aware of what trauma can do to a person. If you have been affected by this, talk about it and keep talking about it, write it down and see a professional to help you deal with this. Terrorists want to terrorize. However, I think, they fail to do this. They stir suffering and pain but what they also do is have nations unite and be stronger with awareness that something needs to be done. I even feel sorry for the terrorist because I cannot imagine how it feels to be so full of hatred and wanting to do harm. Again Paris, I have had such wonderful times in your city. My prayers will remain with you.

Paranoid Personality Disorder (from abnormal psychology notes prior to DSM changes)

A pervasive distrust and suspiciousness of others such that their motives are interpreted as malevolent beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts as indicated by four or more: 1. suspects without sufficient basis that others are wanting to harm or deceive him. 2. is preoccupied with unjustifiable doubts about loyalty or trustworthiness of friends or associates. 3. is reluctant to confide in others because of unwarranted fear that the information will be used maliciously against him/her. 4. reads hidden demeaning or threatening meanings to benign remarks or events. 5. persistently bears grudges, is unforgiving of insults injuries or slights. 6. perceives attacks on his/her character or reputation that are not apparent to others and is quick to react angrily or to counter attack. 7. has recurrent suspicions without justification, regarding infidelity of spouse or sexual partner. An example of this is about one brother who stabbed his brother and then left town. He was caught and received a 12 year sentence. He reported that his mother always compared the two. The bias one way or another is in interpretation. The mother had brought home made cookies for both men. She told the one son that he was not dressed nicely. She added, “what can you expect you’re not like your brother." After awhile he wanted to kill his brother. Next Borderline Personality

Will be signing/selling my books tomorrow at York University, Show Case

If any of you are in the GTA tomorrow, 10 Nov 15, I will be a York University from 0900 to 3pm signing and sell my two books, "Hey Guy Buy Me" for $9.95 and "For Love of Country: Military Policewoman" for 19.95. You will find me at Showcase in Central Square near the bear pit. I am close to the library. Come and say hello even if you have already bought a book. I love going to York once a year at this event and always see people I know. This year I will be going to York more than once for their York Circle. I will be attending two lectures this month, one regarding aging and how we change as we age and another on astronomy just for fun. I was always interested in astronomy and science but dropped science in grade eleven because I refused to disect a frog. I said I would look, but not participate. I am afraid that I had to drop it because of that. The science teacher made it clear, I would have to drop the course. I encourage all of you to see the principal if that ever happens to you and go as high as you have to. Refusing to disect any creature should never be preventative to continue to study science. I hope to see you there.

Physician Assisted Dying

Yesterday I attended a full day conference regarding “Physician Assisted Dying.” I have been looking forward to this as soon as I heard about it. Parking was frustrating at $18.00 for the day especially since it would not accept my credit card and so paying cash, I never received a receipt. I am going to claim it as a business expense anyway. However, aside from one other detail which I will not bore you with, the day was exceptional, informative and another learning experience. I did ask for the slides which I still do not have and will not bother to wait for. It is a pet peeve of mine when there are important discussions, that we do not have copies of relevant points. But that is ok, I took notes and as I write for you, I write for me because our memory falters with time and so while things are still fresh in my mind, here goes. My day began as I left my home and saw my neighbour. Since I was going downtown I offered him a ride. He has a Masters in Theology though he has gone into the financial world where money exists. He is Orthodox Catholic and when I told him where I was going, he asked where the Catholic stance was. I replied that taking a life was not sanctioned by the Catholic church. He asked about letting a person die without artificial means of keeping them alive. That is ok, I replied. He then wanted to know about the Hebrew stance on that. “I don’t know.” I replied. But I was going to find out. Our first speaker was Peter Allatt, an Ethicist, who had great slides which I am sure I will eventually get them for my own file. He said that Assisted Physician death is still illegal at this point of time. There is no legislation at this time. Parliament doesn’t even exist yet. (That was yesterday) If there is no request for extension before Feb 16, the law will come into effect. If anyone out there does not know we had an election and there was a change of government from Conservative to Liberal. He explained that it was determined that the Criminal Code of Canada which indicates that suicide or helping someone commit suicide in section 241 is illegal (sorry my copy of the Criminal Code is in my office and I am not there). This was found to be unconstitutional and against human rights. And so a law was passed to support Assisted Physician death (it was not that fast. They researched it). He spoke of Oregon, USA where the law is in effect, that patients requesting end of life, are encouraged to tell families but are not obligated to do so. One person from the audience spoke out that in Quebec, one hospice is refusing “Physician Assisted death” and subsequently have been refused funding. There was discussion about the possibility of conscientious exemption clause which exists in Switzerland and Oregon, USA that no one is forced to participate. What about other Health providers? What about nurses? What about spiritual care providers? Is there a duty to refer to others who are willing to participate? There was some discussion regarding how this will be handled in small areas where there may be only one physician who may object. How are we going to support those physicians and nurses? Multifaith representatives discussed concerns of what was being raised. One spoke of how Wisconsin, USA who has had this law implemented for some time requires a second opinion from a physician. Our second speaker, First Nations Michael Robinson, at Thunderbay we could see by satellite along with other members from the hospital there. I got to wave at a previous school buddy of mine. He said that the elders need more time to process this change, before they speak on this matter. He has however interviewed different members of the Native community driving 300 miles or so to obtain feedback. He said that there is an epidemic of high suicide rates and subsequently there is some fear of condoning young natives. He explained that the community supports the family at the time of end of life. Some are Christians and other Native Spirituality. There is a rise in teenage suicide. It is believed that natives will be opposed to this law. He also spoke that there are language differences. For example they have no translation for cancer and so to help the patient understand they refer to cancer as a spider. It is important to understand the meaning of Physician assisted suicide. He compared the Native with the Roman Catholic that values suffering. Our third speaker Rabbi Ronald Weiss, spoke about life being precious and of infinite value. He spoke of pain control and the rarity of when a patient cannot get relief. The numbers are very few. He discussed how this affects everyone though it pertains to few. There is a concern in the community of how is going to play out in the hospital and community. He spoke of twisted logic and discrimination because an able body person can commit suicide and a person who cannot do should be able to be helped to do so. Our next speaker is a Buddhist, Dr Anne Low. She spoke that Buddists refrain from killing, they are none harming, believe in non violence and being kind to all. (I later told her that my favourite professor in undergrad was a Buddhist. I didn’t tell her that if Prof Yawney did not die from cancer I would have probably changed my discipline from psychology to anthropology to work under her direction. She was that amazing a person) Dr Low continued that our actions, thoughts impact our present life and that a Buddhist may have some issues with heavy sedation at point of end of life. One must prepare from our journey to the next. There has to be an awareness of transitions from one plane of existence to another. A calm and peaceful mind is crucial for a good birth. “While life must never be intentionally destroyed, there is no obligation to preserve it at all costs.” Our fifth speaker was Mary who works at a Palliative Hospice. I am not revealing her last name, professional status or where she works because she began to tear when she spoke of her dying patients and I want to keep that private out of respect for her. I know how attached one may become working with patients, I have shed my own tears. Palliative Care is where one goes when a cure is no longer possible. Relief of suffering is based on the individuals and family wishes. The focus is on life and journey of life to death. Not everyone dies. Some improve, regain their quality of life and are transferred to long term care or other. The focus is to improve the quality of life. Most people have palliative care are in their own homes, due to physical, emotional or cultural reasons. Mary spoke of how people have died and how the team discusses. They have a procession when someone dies and light a candle as the patient leaves the hospital. They will go as a group to the exit. This helps them (tears). Question: Physician Assisted Death - How is it going to affect Palliative Care? Don’t know. The goal is quality of life. We are going to learn how this is going to impact us. Quality and maintaining respect and dignity is most of what occurs in the family home and the few into hospice. The morning was very interesting and we had a small talk within our own tables, for a set of questions. However, I ignored the questions wanting to take advantage of picking the Ethicist’s brain who happened to be sitting at my table. One woman who sat near me was quite perturbed after listening to the Rabbi speak. She thought that it was too religious. I asked her if she was a social worker, forgetting that I was at a Spiritual Care conference and not my other ones. She replied that she was a clinical spiritualist. She wanted to know my view about assisted dying was I pro or against. “I’m against” I replied. I didn’t see her again after that. She asked. I didn’t tell her that just a month ago I saved a wasp from drowning in the pool. I didn’t tell her that I stopped eating meat after I saw my neighbour kill a rabbit and I noticed that the rabbit was struggling to stay alive and resigned once he knew it was futile. I did not say that I have trained my pets to not to kill. I did not say that I have such a respect for all life and that I think it is precious, because it was a quick question when people are speaking. I have lived long and have studied and travelled and have and still know so many people that I need to be open to what people think. I need to reflect. I do not judge and catch myself when I do. My job is not to dictate to others or tell others how to live their lives. However, I do have my own personal thoughts, my own reflections and so don’t ask if you do not like the answer. There is a whole world out there with all sorts of ideas and ideas of right or wrong. And if you are upset because one does not think a new law is a great idea when just until recently it was illegal, well too bad so sad. She also had a problem with the term “Physician Assisted death.” She wanted to call it something else. Well, I commented before she knew my stance, “I call it as it is, a spade is a spade. We use euphemisms because it is uncomfortable to call it as it is.” Lunch was called and I went to the 10th floor with some of my colleagues who I have known for some time. It was recommended the last time we were here but food had priority. This time I thought I would take the time and it was indeed worth it. What a nice building and the view - spectacular. I found my way outside and there was a patient at the edge of the glass where there was a breath taking view. My colleagues cried out that this looked more suitable as a hotel upper class of course. I replied that all it needed was a pool and bar. “What do you think about that I asked the patient? I sat down beside him to look out at the view. He told me that he is 91, a pilot and that he was in the war. He also said that he felt he was in his twenties. I enjoyed his company and his spirit. We shared a few stories and then I joined my colleagues to go for lunch. Lunch of course was great. I was told that my meal was at the back, so I didn’t have to stand in the long line. I joined the kosher group at the back of the room. I remarked at how much food I ate which was kosher though I wasn’t a Jew. I sneaked into the other area for potatoes and salad (I’m bad). The afternoon was ready to begin with the remaining speakers. My previous professor, and mentor who is always trying to volunteer me for something or other joined me. Actually, I went to retrieve him because he is blind. It was nice spending time with him. He is now 80. He has taught me so much. He is kind with immense knowledge. The afternoon began with our next speaker Dr Prashant Jani: Hindu. He spoke of spirtual beings having a human experience. As a body changes in this life, from a boy to teen to man, etc, the same happens after this human life. There is another life after death. He spoke of incidents where children and adults remember past lives where it would not be possible for them to know of. I remember books on that topic. He spoke about Karma. He said that everything is regulated here. You cannot choose your parents, skin colour, religion etc…At death it is the same. Life is not measured in years but breaths you take. This life or past lives, you must go through the reactions of those lives. Suffering in life or also at death are also karma. To interfere in this cycle by anyone, by law, or criminal is to interfere with the process. We are all under the same law regardless. If there is interference, there will be consequences. Does treatment to prolong life interfere with Karma? Yes, definitely. Next speaker was Dr Ralph Lewis, a psychiatrist and Humanist at the University of Toronto. He is also a Jew. For your benefit a psychiatrist is a medical doctor with three years of psychology now to my understanding. It used to be one which is clearly not enough. What’s happening in the physician community and Medical Association? There have been informed discussions with physicians, in particular the psychiatric community. He spoke of the capacity to make informed decision when there is a psychiatric disorder in particular and how there seems to be a distinct possibility for medical guidelines. He spoke about how some years ago most physicians were opposed to assisted dying. More physicians are in support of the ruling but there is a significant amount still opposed. There is also a fear that they would be coerced to participating (unlikely to happen he feels) or to refer to others in agreement with the law. How will this come into operation? They are looking at jurisdictions in Europe and the United States, where two opinions as experts in physical condition of the patient and probably a psychiatrist involved in many. What about people who are depressed, who has perhaps cancer but is motivated by depression? All of the DSM can be listed as a medical condition. What if there is a preference in medical aid in dying perhaps biased in a negative direction? How long do we let people suffer until we allow them their right to die? Our eighth speaker, Dr Bridget Campion, an ethicist in support of social justice: Roman Catholic. What does it mean to Catholic clinicians? Roman Catholicism prohibits euthanasia. Roman Catholics are not to perform or assist or refer to those who perform this. As a health care professional you have the right to say no as a democratic right. “How healthy is our health care system.” There is no scientific evidence when there is a soul. However, one is human at conception. (I always presumed that all humans have a soul). Next: Shaykh Yusuf Badat: Muslim. Born and raised in Toronto; memorized the Koran. Islamic perspective. The common theme is the preservation of life. No one has the right to take a life, not even yourself. Provide treatment and healing that is beneficial. If treatment does not cause improvement, then permitted to stop - no flexibility to take the person’s life with our own doing. Death must be natural. Assisted death is taking away life no matter what you call it. In Islam it is inappropriate. The way you live your life is the way you will die. If you ever reach a way of life, blessings if you lived with goodness, character and ethics. A good death is adhering to God as instructed and being a good person. Islamics when following God being a good person are blessed and rewarded. Person may be in final moments of suffering. Sometimes God tests people with suffering and it is a place, in a higher place after death. There is a duty of family and community to help the patient but at the end it is the decision of the patient. When there is no brain activity, life is gone. If there is movement, life is there. Our final speaker, Rev. Dr. Roger Hutchinson. United Church. The church does not have an official stand. There are concerns about the impact of acceptance of assisted dying on vulnerable people. There is a potential for recovery. Hi indicated that there has been more debate on same sex marriage and abortion than assisted dying. There were questions presented in writing which some of us as an audience had asked to particular panelists. One was from a Catholic who questioned the Catholic stance as this person had seen so many patients suffer. The answer was that one’s own conscience needs to be examined and if it is contrary to the religion than perhaps the person is no longer able to be part of the Catholic religion (or words to that effect. I suppose if you do not agree with a religion than you have the option to leave it and go where the thinking is more applicable for you). The psychiatrist spoke about empathy. He spoke of conveying that to his patients, to convey meaning to them, to tell them how much they matter even if isolated and embittered who have pushed everyone away or not attached and isolated. How much they matter to us (and they certainly mean much to me). He spoke of how much he has learned from his patients and tells them that. “I am learning from you. I’m learning how people cope with suffering……I am a vehicle….lessons to be learned from your suffering. Please teach me more so I can be that vehicle for my students and others to help others. The psychiatrist spoke of the differences of opinions among humanists as well. There are concerns about abuse, pressure, devaluing disabilities, palliative care and humanists would probably be opposed on those grounds. One panel person spoke of a new diaper that holds 24 cups of urine. People who are continent become incontenant in long term care. A lot more money should be placed in long term care. One person should not be in charge of 18 patients. Another panelist said there is a complete consensus for more attention to palliative care. There are some suffering and it cannot be alleviated. Will physicians be forced to do this if they are contrary to this? It is not thought that physicians can be forced into anything that goes against their conscience. The question and debate is regarding referring. There was a reason why the ruling was found in favour of assisted dying. The concerns of the “slippery slope” were found in some cases where this law is implemented but not normal. People want a sense of control. (By slippery slope he means where there were ulterior motives for assisted dying). The day was very informative and I would not leave the room for any reason because I did not want to miss something important. What do I think about all this? I think it is important to know what is going on. I think it is important to know what the different religions perspective is. That is important in my practise. Living in Toronto I see people from a variety of religious and cultural backgrounds. This enriches me. I need to understand their religion and culture to understand an important part of them. It is not my focus to correct them about their religion, it is important that I have the answers if questions are asked regarding various perspectives. When my neighbour sees me and asks me about the Jewish perspective, I can now answer him. How do we help people unless we make the effort to understand what is important to them. Regardless of the laws, how people perceive them is critical. My job is easy regarding this aspect. If I am asked to be there for someone, who chooses death, than I shall be there. It is not up to me to judge the decisions of others. It is not up to me to impose my own beliefs on others. I have seen a lot of suffering and I know of at least one person who wanted to die at her own hands. I think more could have been done for her. Consistency of having one person with her rather than a variety would have helped her. That is my opinion. Being with the same person you connect with while going through all the stages facing death is in my opinion more effective than seeing different people and telling your same story over and over rather than having someone journey with you and beside you. I have seen physicians respect life so much that I am in awe. A physician once told me that his patient had no brain activity what so ever when he was brought in and then there was. “How often does that happen?” I asked. “It doesn’t” he replied. The woman nearby who was upset that I am in favour of life was angry that a prominent cardiologist had no problem saying that she would not be part of assisted dying. One ethicist perked up, “was that in front of patients?” It was not. If I have learned anything, it is that nothing is ever as simple as it sounds. I do have my concerns. I have my concerns because I have seen people at the brink of suicide, and with extensive therapy they are able to change their lives around. In my undergrad when studying in a course regarding medicine and I am sure I will eventually find my notes and post them as well there was a period in the middle ages Rome I believe where assisted dying was legal. They made it illegal again after awhile because there were people being killed because family members wanted their assets. Apparently this is the “slippery slope” that seems to be very limited. Statistically, a high amount people who try to commit suicide and fail, move on to live very productive lives and would not consider suicide again. However, if this is legal and someone who is suicidal and if you wanting to die and this is granted, then what does this mean? That is my biggest concern. I know that you can always find and get a second opinion. There are always different concerns or biases or perspectives in any field or expertise. Everyone has an opinion as a professor wants exclaimed not wanting to go to a meeting to hear anymore. I think that this is important and there needs to be discussion regardless if some do not like to hear what others think. This requires collaborative thought so we can move forward. I love life and value life, however I am healthy. I have seen people return to a good quality of life where they have struggled with initially. I have also seen people who had one moment wanted to die and then with some behavioural changes look at life again through different lens. There are too many people out there who live in isolation, in fear, who feel unloved and uncared for. Are we going to put them out of their misery so to speak? I can understand a person wanting to die when they are in pain and in that moment they see no other option. Can we not improve ensuring that people get the mental health treatment they deserve rather than having them on the streets fending for themselves? Can we not have OHIP to include mental health treatment outside the scope of psychiatry or hospital for those who have no insurance? Can we not consider options to improve mental health for those who cannot afford to pay for it? Can we not improve palliative care? As baby boomers retire and burden the health care system by growing old, are we going to care for them humanly or are we going to find diapers than can hold more than 24 cups. I do have my reservations and concerns aside from the religious perspectives. What do you think? I am posting this without reviewing it so please forgive me but I do think I should post this now rather than later. I encourage you to express your thoughts. This is new for Canada.

Happy Hallowe'en

I am all ready for the munchkins coming tomorrow night. Every year I have over 100 children who come to my house. They are so cute, all dressed up as different monsters etc... Now I make sure I have lots and lots of chocolate and chips too. I noticed that the treats are getting smaller and smaller but more or equally expensive. Come on Big Corporations cut that out. My pets do not like Hallowe'en. I wonder why? So, for all of you out there have a happy and safe Hallowe'en. If you are bored you can buy one of my books at www.silvaredigonda.com. I have an ebook too. Remember that I write for fun only. It has nothing to do with my practice. Take care and have a nice weekend.

Skizotypical Personality (warning some of the psychology notes may be disturbing to some)

Schizotypal Personality A pervasive pattern of social and interpersonal deficits marked by acute discomfort with a reduced capacity for close relationships as well as by cognitive or perceptual distortions and eccentricities of behaviors beginning by early adulthood. ideas of reference (excluding delusions of reference) eg. someone talking about him or her on the subway unlikely but possible. odd beliefs or magical thinking that influences behavior and is inconsistent with subcultural norms (eg superstitiousness, belief in clairvoyance, telepathy, or sixth sense. In kids and teens bizarre fantasies preoccupations). unusual perceptual experiences including bodily illusions (eg. feels arms are moving when they are by side). Odd thinking and speech (eg vague non-circumstantial, metaphorical, over elaborate or stereotypical. Talking around the matter. suspiciousness or paranoid. inappropriate or constricted affect. Behavior or appearance that is odd, eccentric or peculiar. Lack of close friends or confidants other than first degree relations. Excessive social anxiety that does not diminish with familiarity and tends to be associated with paranoid fears rather than negative judgements about self. Case Study: Obsessive Compulsive - Story of medical student, slightly above intelligence - A - student from studying with only four to two hours of sleep and therefore became delusional. He had promised his father at his death bed to become a physician which was his father’s wish. He couldn’t manage the grades, even though he had the grades to become a pharmacist and this was encouraged by his psychologist, due to his culture and promise to his father, he felt he had to succeed and become a physician. Sadly, this person ended up on the streets downtown. Case Study: Patient assaulted child aged 12, put child’s hand on stove and made her child drink her own urine. Patient and mother: intelligent accountant, no previous disorder and well educated at a renowned university in Toronto. Had developed her own religion and scriptures. Took bits and pieces from organized religion. Her daughter was obese and mom wanted her to lose weight. Child rebelled. Mother looked at her own books and felt this was the remedy. She did not want to hurt her child. Schizoid - one in which individual has aversion of being with people (not avoidant - they are scared of being rejected) - no desire of having personal contact. Question: Could you be happy never having sexual contact with anyone? Schizoid thinks that being that close to someone is revolting. If talk to them, never make receptacle gestures. Never seem too happy/sad. On occasion may be angry. Almost never has friends except for family members. It is like they like it. It never comes to the attention of mental health professionals. This is under researched construct and identity. Prof maybe saw two or three in entire career. These people don’t even want to be in the same room. Not a typical schizoid personality - a hermit perhaps, some street people. Patient - odd appearance - dress strangely, out of fashion with flair, will dress awfully poorly wearing things that don’t match - out of style for 20 years. In a particular mental health hospital there is a tendency to have ex patients in the staff cafeteria. One was told to leave and he left picking up the branch of a tree and began smashing headlights in the parking lot. He had poor tolerance for being in the same room with anyone. You could talk to him for about five seconds. In this case study the psychologist slowly build a report with him. The patient was extremely talented as an artist. He couldn’t make a living however because he could not stand contact with people. He had lived in a refrigerator box with a pet racoon in a forested park in Toronto. He did not like the police because he was arrested for panhandling and reported that the police had beaten him up. He showed the damage to his body and his rib cage had caved. He told prof that his father would pimp him and his sister at four or five years of age and sell their services to men visiting urinals at a bus station. He said that if he ever saw his father again, he would kill him. He had only visited him mom for perhaps ten minutes.

Honour Killing, Cultural Differences, awareness

Last night I watched a documentary that touched my heart. It is a Fuuse Media International 2012 film titled Banaz: An Honour Killing which was filmed in Britain. I recommend it because though this is one woman’s story, there are many like her. Banaz, as a teen was married off to a man ten years older, who abused her emotionally, physically and sexually. She escaped him several times, went to the Police several times, who failed to help her and she went to her family who eventually killed her. You see she brought them dishonour. She fell in love with a man who they did not approve of. She was disobedient to her husband. She was too independent. Her older sister escaped death because after she was physically attacked by her brother in a park, she fled her family and remains in hiding, as does her younger sister’s boyfriend. In our Western world this seems absurd. Perhaps that is why the police initially failed her. Her older sister testified against her family and I admire her for it. In the end it was a team led by a policewoman who doggedly ensured that everyone responsible for Banaz’s death including her father was brought to justice, also two who had escaped to their own Kurdish country. With the authorities there regardless of a high ranking police officer protecting his brother, they successfully brought them back. Now, all five are in prison for life. It was determined that 50 people were involved in her death in someway or another. No one claimed to know anything and everyone denied any wrong doing. It is the lead policewoman who visits Banaz’s grave. The Police became her family in death. As a result of this case, nine police officers who could have helped Banaz were“criticized” for not doing so. Subsequently, as a result of an investigation into the way this was dealt with the two police forces where the nine were from began honour killing awareness training. I was not surprised to hear that in circles there is a fear of being considered racists that prohibits proper action in these matters. In Britain there is one honour killing very four weeks and it is believed that the figures are much greater. This documentary is very significant to me because even before being a therapist it was brought to my attention that we have the same problems here though I rarely hear of it publicly. There is no doubt in my mind that people fear being called racists. I was called a racist once and I was so stunned and surprised that I didn’t really respond to it. I was talking in class (in high school) about a river being polluted in the middle east and unsafe for people to swim in. It pertained to what we were studying and I was providing an example. One male became very angry at me and told me that my statement was racist. I remember the teacher going to him and talking to him trying to have him re-think what was said. It was actually a fact that the river was polluted, and he slowly agreed with the teacher that my statement was not racist. However, he never apologized though he never verbalized his anger towards me again. Another time, again in high school we were conducting a group play and I was the female in the Romantic era seated and the male chosen to woe me was directed to hold my hand and kneel before me. He couldn’t he said because of his religion. He would have to be betrothed to me. I was not a willing party. They had to find another boy willing to hold my hand and kneel before me. That was not difficult. I attended one seminar where we had spokeswomen talk about the slavery of women right here at home. They were all volunteers and they were educating the police in these matters. I have been approached by one particular person who expressed concerns about a particular group of offenders who gang raped young women and they would refuse to report it to the police because they were convinced that the police were worse that the rapists. Why? Because that is what the rapists told them. I advised the informant on what options were available to educate and eliminate fear of the police who are trying to protect them. I have been told by students who are educated that they come from families who arrange weddings and their entire futures. They are not happy about it but feel that they have no choice. I have been informed by women who love men not found acceptable by their families that they are watched by family member and the community and there is no one they can trust. They fear getting the help they need because they are from powerful and wealthy families who buy the police in their respective countries and they believe they will get the information from our own police via public relations. I have had to rethink my belief system throughout the years and all this before becoming a therapist. So watching this documentary did touch my heart because I was one of those people who did not recognize how severe these problems are right here at home. Though, I must admit I have never been one to disregard any concern brought my way. I have spoken to young men from very wealthy families who have fallen in love with women below their status which means it is unthinkable about ever marrying them. I have even foolishly offered to speak to their fathers. It has all been a learning experience about different cultures, so unlike my own. I have been so fortunate to have been brought to this country as a baby, to have been educated here, to have been a naturalized citizen here, to have had two full careers here and to be on my third. I have always had equal pay to men because of the occupations I have chosen. I have been raised to believe, and I do, that I can be who ever I want to be and to accomplish whatever I want to. I understand the impact of cultural differences but I would like to tell any of you living in Canada who are not free for whatever reason to listen up. Do not fear getting help if you are in a situation where you are being abused at any level. Do not tolerate it or allow people to control you for any reason. If the person who is abusing you is in a position of power, he or she will not be so once this is known. There are good people in every country in the world and there are the fanatics, the extremists, the rapists and the destroyers of good in every part of the world. Women, children, the elderly and animals are vulnerable and are too often abused or killed. There is a difference between culture and religion and often the two are intertwined in the minds of those who do not know, but we should know the difference in order to protect not only our own rights but the rights of those being controlled and abused. In Canada there are choices, you can cover yourself from the top of your head to the bottom of your leg if you wish and I stress, if it is your wish. You can also require to wear the minimum, if you wish. It should also be remembered that women have the right to have sexual pleasure and the act of having any kind of surgery to remove that pleasure should never be entertained. We need to be aware that women internalize the cultures within their own, and often contribute to the destruction of young women’s freedoms, including their own children. We need to remember that our focus in Canada depends on the freedoms of all people and we need to remember and to educate ourselves that there are problems that need to be understood and addressed. We cannot afford to fear being called a racist as a means of control. We need to protect the vulnerable and incarcerate those responsible. We need to educate ourselves and our children so that the next generation can move towards being the best that they can be both women and men equally. We should not tolerate unstable men who promote violence against women. As a Canadian who has always worked along side of men, I can tell you that we have great men in our country. I know there are great men in every country. Too often they are killed because of their education and belief that women are equal. We need to ensure that our own rights are protected and open our arms to the world who need our help while keeping our eyes open at the same time. What do you think?

Silva Redigonda « Find a Therapist

Silva Redigonda « Find a Therapist

Silva Redigonda « Find a Therapist

Silva Redigonda « Find a Therapist

It has been busy and will not be doing too much today!

The OAMFT three day event was cancelled due to lack of people wanting to attend but we did have one day of networking. There has been a decrease of 10% membership and so again with another association the talk was about what they can do for us. It was a great day and I sat with chums from grad school who I actually see once a year at the conference. I did have fun but did not really learn anything. I need to learn. Funds are low and since I did have a wonderful suite, jacuzzi, two large screen tv's in each room and a separate shower etc....with mandatory starbucks coffee to boot, I did not hesitate to donate when someone mentioned it. So many things were booked for the conference and it still had to be paid for so to ensure people would come, it was free. That is rather sad, but I understand to be expected at conferences opened to the world. Trauma is of great interest to me and I want to always be up to date with it so I learned about another avenue I can take. As part of the college, I need to have 40 hours of education every two years. I am also keeping track of my hours and should be doing that for the books and research I do on my own, so that is something I should keep in mind. I do record each seminar; conference I now go to. I do not realize how much I do until I see it listed in hours and I have to stop taking that time for granted and record all. I definitely had me time and I count that as a mini vacation. I only stayed the one night regrettably due to my pets having separation anxiety. So, the final banquet was finished about 7:30 pm and though tempted to stay, I drove home much to the happiness of all. Me time is a priority and I do take it when ever I can. Yesterday, I attended the FSNA meeting which is held twice annually. I was late getting there due to traffic, parking and congestion downtown. I normally leave much earlier but I had other things to do since I have no hot water at home. Hot water and a new dryer will be arriving tomorrow hopefully. Heating water can be consuming and I am glad I am living in this era. The vegetarian food was mostly gone but someone found me two bites worth and I piled cheese on my plate with a few treats. Oh, well, mia culpa. I did get one free pedometer. Now I have two to lose. I was sworn in again for another two years as Assistant Benefits Officer with the Executive Board. Once again, I read out about inteqrity etc....I shall be......I will be so ethical by the end of all this. If you are a retired Public Servant with the Federal Government please join us. There has been a big change with people from the National Executive resigning but I am hopeful for positive change. We have a new electee who is a Judge and that is what we need as well to help each other. I found a similar request of what can we do for you? What would you like to see from us? There is also name changes. It is now SAGE, rather than FSNA. I have found a lot of consistency in all my associations regarding what we want and how to get there, name changes etc......The public is feeling their pockets emptying too much and so are becoming more discriminating in what they want to pay for and which associations they wish to belong to. FSNA is also increasing their memberships but it is no where near the therapy side of the house. At the meeting with OAMFT they were saying that the average member pays about 1500, 1600 a year annually and so that tells me I am spending over two grand a year to do my work and that is only for associations and insurance. Have I decided what I am going to drop? No. I have decided to give my self three to four years to make that decision. However, I cannot take on anything new without dropping one existing association. I have friends who have gone in different directions and I just love seeing them and catching up. Everyone is scattered once agin and busy and so it is difficult to see each other. Again, at OAMFT I notice some disconnect from those living in rural areas. As professionals we should always be up todate with all training and terminology so I wonder how that sometimes gets lost. With todays technology of reaching out everywhere I have to ask why some people do not have up to date information. In the city I suppose we come into contact with so many people and it is common everyday language related to our field that I try to use. I imagine if there is an area where a therapist is alone she or he may somehow be left in the wayside. HOwever, that should be corrected. One of the things that still keep me here is the opportunities that I have, the great universities, the professional development etc.... plus the last house I liked in Niagara Falls had all the toys I liked with a grand pool and family room etc....but it had problems which I am not willing to take on such as water leakage, etc...Now back to the serious side at the Federal Retiree meeting, I mentioned that Via Rail gives 25% off for veterans and military in case there were veterans in the room. Two veterans came to seek me out at the end of the meeting and I was so pleased to be able to give them some information. One told me he joined the military when he was sixteen to go off to war. I couldn't hug him enough. When I joined FSNA there were quite a few veterans and yearly I saw less. I thought there were no more so to see these two elderly men was so endearing for me. So for the most part I have completed all meetings, conferences etc for this month and now I can focus on my clientale base and book, in that order. Next month I shall be attending a seminar with the new law regarding assistant dying and how it affects me as a therapist and pastoral counsellor. I will also be selling my two books and signing at York Unversity, Show case at Central Square for one day, I believe it is the 10th. So, do not hesitate to contact me if you want an appointment for counselling or if you want to buy one of my books. The elections last night was very interesting and I taped some to watch this morning. It seems that change is in the air everywhere. I wonder what that will all mean moving forward. What do you think?

Personality Disorders - psychology notes cont.......from.........

Personality Disorders developmental delay Over 90% of Schizophrenics are never arrested. Why some people come into frequent contact while most never do? - because subset of that population have particular personality traits making it difficult to get along. Personality Disorder - if person has a persistent or enduring collection of traits that interferes with their ability to maintain close relationships or ability to sustain employment or causes them significant subjective distress. Avoidant Personality Disorder - A pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy and hypersensitivity to negative evaluation beginning by early childhood and present in a variety of contexts as indicated by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts as indicated by four or more of the following: 1. Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact because of fears of criticism, disapproval or rejection. 2. Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked. 3. Shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed. 4. Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations - (will go to party if has to, but will not say much). 5. Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy (similar idea). 6. Views self as socially inept, personally unappealing or inferior to others. 7. is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing. Dependant Disorder. Primary criterion for Dependant Disorder is one up on Avoidant because they have found someone that did not reject them and maybe values them. - can abuse them etc…and will still stay. Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder A pervasive pattern of preoccupations with orderliness, perfectionism and mental and interpersonal control, at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency, beginning by early childhood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four or more of the following: is preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order, organization or schedules to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost. shows perfectionism that interferes with task completion (eg. is unable to complete a project because his/her own overly strict standards are not met). is excessively devoted to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure activities and friendships (not accounted for by obvious economic necessity). is overconscientious, scrupulous and inflexible about matters of morality, ethics, or values (not accounted for by cultural or religious identification. is unable to discard worn out or worthless objects even when they have no sentimental value. is reluctant to delegate tasks or to work with others unless they submit to exactly his or her way of doing things. adopts a miserly spending style toward both self and others. Money is viewed as something to be hoarded for future catastrophes. shows rigidity and stubbornness. To be continued with Schizotypical Personality

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!

Yesterday afternoon as I finished my day at the office, I returned home and decided to do my shopping for Thanksgiving. Needless to say I have a lot of treats (so much for healthy food). I looked around me and was thankful that I have the opportunity to live in a city that is so multi-cultural. There is so much to gain in such a diverse culture - great food as well. So, I just want to say Happy Thanksgiving! Instead of thinking today what you do not have in your life, why not take a moment to think what you do have. What do you think? I can hear you.................. I wish you a wonderful weekend.

Update

It has been busy as usual and I cannot believe that I have turned on the furnace. Since my dryer has died, I have to eventually shop for a new one, but first I should put the hard top on my car. I have finally completed reading two books. I recommend Froma Walsh's "Strenghening Family Resilience." The book is recommended for therapists, however, I think that is a very easy and basic read for the public who want to understand each other so they can move and grow in relationships. The other book I read for pleasure is Ashley Judd, the actress' biography. Yes, you can have two careers or more if you want. It is always amazing to me how people think that they can dictate to others how they should live their lives. I had no idea she was so interested in such important causes and an advocate for them. You need to read the books for more. I have returned to my own book and realized that I already wrote 130 pages. I am beginning from Chapter One, ensuring that the teaser in my second book is the same as my first draft. I made a few changes in my draft and am placing my clues, characters and points on my brand new white board. I realize that I would like to have an accent wall as a blackboard or whiteboard because I think I will need to have more space. However, I do not think that would be a good selling feature. Friday I went to what I thought was the assistant dying conference but I mistook the months. That will be held next month at the same time. It was great to network and I learned that Niagara may be underserviced though my fees may be a problem. I take my time for any big move and may just stay where I am. I joined a club with a big pool so that desire to have my own pool may have diminished, naught! I noticed that they took the availability for a mass to be said at one hospital away and I have to ponder why any hospital would take away a Catholic mass which would be very important for people who are suffering so much. I saw the benefits of a chapel with religious services for people who are sick; dying and their families. I find this somewhat disturbing. Even at Disney World I got to go to mass at one of the hotels. The conference wasn't about that however, I learned the tidbits from networking which is very beneficial. All of Ontario got together with different Satellite locations from where we were. It became very evident for me that those working from remote areas do not have the same accessabitly to the benefits of education and updates I have here in Toronto. That is a constant, it seems. I was asked again to volunteer for a fund raising by making some sessions of psychotherapy for free as a prize. I am checking into the ethics of that. I haven't had that one before. I must have volunteer me stamped somewhere on my body. As I look outside my window, I see how gloomy it is, but my interior space is nice and pleasant. I am having a good time with my life. So, my next few entries will be about Personality disorders from my psychology class. I always write my notes (did you know that it is more effective in retaining memory than typing it?). I am almost at the end of one note book, so then I will discard it and just keep my notes on usb and on the internet if I ever want to. I am also pondering placing my books in some bookstores here in Toronto. I won't make any money doing that, however, I need to consider it to get Book Two out there. So far with both books, book one is selling more than previous years and book two which I thought would be very powerful is not quite gaining interest. So, I have to explore more options. I wrote a lot more but my computer froze and it is now lost so I shall leave you by saying: try to balance your life and your relationships, gravitate towards nice people who fulfill you and are kind. What do you think?

Word on the Street - What a beautiful day at the new venue.

I could not have asked for a better day. Though I could not see the waterfront from where I was because it was hidden by tents, I had a clear view of the CN Tower and the condo right next to it which I had seen from within when I was in grad school. The only reason I did not buy it was because of my pets. They love the outdoors too much. What some people will do for their pets. Probably not a wise financial move, because it was a bargain. Sometimes people cannot see beyond an unfurnished place but looking out at the CN tower from one full length side and watching planes land from another with a full view of the water, what more could I ask for? How could I write from there? Easy. Aw......Anyhow, there were many interesting people who stopped at my booth. Some were attracted to my Italian name and they would buy a book. My first book, "Hey Guy Buy Me" was the seller once again. I couldn't believe it though I make more money on that one. I had one guy come to me and complained about the same book. He bought it last year and was hoping for a gem. What he got, he told me was a lot of talk and nothing else beyond the humour (which I don't think he found very funny). Another man came to look at my second book "For love of Country: Military Policewoman" and he wanted to know if it would be better than Eisenhower's biography. Nope I cannot compete with the 34th President. So, he did not buy my book. One guy bought two copies of my first book just because I am Italian born. I really should join an Italian Club. I also had some very nice and interesting people stop by to talk. One had moved to Hamilton to buy his dream home and he offered his opinion about Niagara on the Lake. I won't share that. I always like to hear the perspective of people who are from Toronto living outside the city. There was an American from Maryland who was very upset about our traffic. Join the club. I suggested he complain to the Mayor, saying he likes tourism. Maryland wanted to know if it was the drug etc.....one. "No we have a new one." I replied reserving comments. There were a lot of tourists and I enjoyed having them stop by. I am proud of my city and do like it when people are having fun here. Then there were the activists. No I don't want to sign anything. I don't want to stop any bill. Hey I believe Canada's security is paramount! Whatever it takes. There was a lot of soliciting but how do you control that? I can't even get rid of them when they come to my door. But all in all a wonderful day. My next booksale will be at York University in November. I have to sort out some paperwork and then post it. So, if any of you were there, you did not tell me. Rest assured I had a wonderful day in the sun and at the end of it enjoyed a Pizza with a glass of wine. Nice.

Rejected for writer's grant.

Oh well, I got rejected. No funding for me. No sireeee. I guess they didn't like the opening for "The Internet Murders." At least I tried. I am feeling sick today and so rested much of the day. I am presently sitting in my backyard with one of my pets nearby enjoying the first day of fall in my pj's. Tomorrow I will will re-read a student's paper so I shall be fresh Friday. If a student writes, than I should honour the student by reading and re-reading her papers. It was not too long since I had her experiences and more. So, I am fortunate enough to be able to do this resting thing. How do you take care of yourself when you get a bug? Do you rest? Do you plug on, til you drop? What I do is stretch out, watch movies and rest. I do hope to see some of you on Sunday. Til then take care of yourselves and stay healthy. What do you think?