Women's Day! Male Bashing???????

I like working in the mornings and taking breaks in the afternoon. I believe in balance. I believe in play and work and the company of good friends. I am a very social creature. Yesterday after a morning of being swamped with paper work, I decided to go out and celebrate being a woman. Two college students had organized the event. Aesthetically they did a wonderful job. However, what they knew about the accomplishments of women in Canada was zero. I began to think of the differences between college and university. I remembered fellow students teaching at a college and comparing the differences. It was not flattering. I then began to think of people who I knew who had went to college and I began to think that perhaps I am bias. What I thought was to be an event to celebrate women became an event to bash men. One of the students exclaimed that “men are heartless!” If I was to give a grade to these two students it would be 50% with the requirement of a twenty page paper submission of the accomplishments of women in Canada for a passing grade. When I mentioned why they had no information about women in Canada, one said there was none. Really? I asked if there was a day to celebrate men and the audience informed me that every day is a celebration of men. Again my brain began to tick. What is the demographic in the room? What is the education of the women? What are their occupations? What……………..How………..??????????? I don’t think that these students did any harm to the strong women in the room. I do not think that the students are responsible. Their instructor is responsible. There was no representation to assess the students. I asked them what their program was and I must admit that I had not heard of it before. It was however to work in the social stream with communities. If one is to work with communities, one must perhaps work on one’s biases. I like men. I like working with men. I remember one of my first psychology papers to be about fathers abusing their sons. I have been accused of being a traitor to women, by wanting to work at helping men. When they started a Community Centre for women, I asked the politician, if there was a community centre for men. Of course there was not. I love being a woman. I do not need to wear spike heels to define myself as a woman. I love being a woman and being myself. I would not want to be anyone else. However, I also have a real appreciation for men. There has not been a balanced relationship between men and women. Look at the world! We have men who think it is ok for women to walk 10 paces behind them. We have women who cover themselves completely whether it is by choice or not and they call it religion. We have women holding women done so that they can be circumsized and never feel sexual pleasure. We have powerful women who abuse men. We have discrimination in the work force by both men and women. We have men who abuse and we have women who abuse. Women are not all sugar and spice and everything nice. Women have fought hard for a semblance of equality and men have helped them to get there. More elderly men kill themselves in Canada than any other. Men are raped, abused and violated by both men and women. Men suffer shame as do women. Men may hesitate to get the help they need because they feel that they will not be men if they do. Men are hesitant to call the police when they are being abused by their wives or girlfriends because they may be ridiculed. And they are. So what I thought was going to be an afternoon of celebrating and clean fun turned out to be an afternoon of listening to biases, hatred and stereotyping. However, I did have fun after the bashing stopped. I pondered this morning about my relationships with men. I like men because I have had good relationships with them from early childhood. Men treated me lovingly as a child and protected me. Men taught me about other men. Men loved me. Men prepared me for living in a world of imbalance in the work place. Men taught me how to deal with other men who are perhaps not so nice. I do not tolerate abusive men. I do not like abusive men and stay clear of them in my personal life. It was my mother who once remarked that all the men in my life were gentlemen. I had not realized that until she spoke about it. The men in my life have been kind and gentle. I wanted that because the men at work have not always been so kind and gentle. My second book is about gender inequality. It is about the culture of men and women in Canada during a life span. Being in celebration yesterday with women bashing men mercilessly and listening to college students talking about the celebrations of women without knowing anything about the contribution or suffering of women in Canada was enlightening. It is important that books be written by women who have a story. What was it like for a medical student to need higher grades to get into university? What was it like for a woman in a position of authority forty years ago? What was it like for a woman not to be able to vote? Maybe it is time for bashing to stop. Maybe it is time for healing and having the cycle stopped. Maybe it is time to begin respecting each other as individuals. Maybe it is time to actually examine ourselves more closely to why we have the views we have. Do we really hate women? Do we really hate men? What caused that? Is it skewed? Is it rational? Can we really lump all species etc…..in one negative connotation? Why not take some time this weekend to examine your own struggles and experiences with the opposite sex? Has it been positive or negative? What have been your struggles with those of the same sex as you? Who are the people who have shown you kindness? Who are the people who have reached out to you? What was their gender? What was their race? What was their……….? Can we really lump everyone in a negative category? What are we really revealing about ourselves? What has happened to you to really believe that one gender is better than another? Is it your personal experiences? Is it your religion? Is it your culture? Do you really believe that you are better than anyone else? Why? How do you live with others? How do you balance your life? Who are you really mad at? Make time with that special someone. Hold hands. Take a walk. Have some pleasure in the company of another.