Sneakers died.

I was walking to work accompanying a neighbour, when I heard Sneakers bark to let me know he was there. I left the neighbour to continue on her own, while I paid a short visit to say hello to Sneakers. He looked so elderly as he should, being 15 years old. I didn’t know what breed he was until I saw a Russell Terrier and realized that this was who Sneakers was, though much more rounder and fatter. I patted Sneakers’ head and talked to him for a short while, before leaving him. I didn’t want to leave him, but I did have an appointment to meet. He barked one more time, while I was walking away and I explained that I had to go. That was one week yesterday. Yesterday his owner came with his ashes and we sat and talked for a bit. She is grieving the loss of her pet. I thought it was a blessing that I got to see him, one last time before he died that very same day. His owner, a wonderful neighbour came home from work to find him dead. How horrible for her. However, she has a great support system. Sneakers was almost blind and deaf, but he realized it was me walking across the street from him. I have never walked away from his calling and I am grateful that I did not on that day as well. It is not always possible that you get to say goodbye to a friend, even when you do not know that it will be the last time. Sneakers would run away from home to visit me when he could and as he got older, he would walk away from home to visit me. I would hear him bark outside my front door and I would grab his treats and give them to him while we carried on with a great conversation. It has been a very cold and unpredicatable winter and so I had not seen Sneakers for a long time. Some people do not understand how much unconditional love from a pet means to those who have the honour to respect them and to love them back. Single people with pets are actually happier than single people without pets. I have altered my lifestyle because of my pets. I can no longer travel with the pair I have. I keep my pets for life. Therefore, my love of travel is on pause. I can still take a short trip, perhaps overnight, but no longer the lengthy trips, I have loved to take. They are worth it to me because they are my mini holiday each day. So when my neighbour came with Sneakers’ ashes, I understood her grief and my heart went out to her. It is difficult at times for people to stand up for their beliefs. It is difficult for others to understand the impact a treasured pet has on those who love animals. Loss of a pet is sometimes the first experience of death for a child. Death in this country is a sad occasion. Death is a finality of never seeing who we love again in our life time. People all grieve differently and they need to process death in their own terms. This sometimes causes friction in couples and families, when one partner or family person feels that grief should be demonstrated in a version similar to themselves. People need to be allowed to grieve. They need to talk about the person or pet or the death of their relationship. They need to grieve before they can move on. If they are not permitted to grieve because of the tensions mounting in their relationships, than that grief and hurt remains inside festering. Sometimes people mean well such as “you can have another child,”you are young enough to remarry,” “you can get another cat.” That I assure you is not helpful or appreciated. That is something you may be thinking is rational. However, grief is a deep sorrow that the person is suffering and comments like that, just do not cut it. If you know someone who is experiencing any sorrow, allow them to talk about their experiences and just simply listen. Reserve your opinions to yourself. Allow your friend or family or partner to pour their sufferings outside of themselves. This is your gift to them. Bring them a card or a plant or just yourself and be with them. The worse that anyone can do is criticize or blame or gossip. We all grieve differently because we all have different backgrounds. Though each of us have qualities in common, we are also separate individuals. I have taken the experience of Sneakers dying to introduce the existence of pet therapy as well. People do not always have family to understand them. People do not always have friends to talk to. One of my psychology professor comes to mind when he said that the “Aunt Martha” of yesterday is no longer there for todays people. Who do people turn to when they can not trust anyone completely? We live in a very fast paced life that sometimes misses the human factor. When someone dies, life comes to a halt and a survivor’s life is re-examined. At times one begins to re-evaluate the people in their lives, who were fine when everything was well. All is well when everything is as it should be for one. Do you know who you are and how you express grief and react to the grief of others? Has someone died and you cannot seem to forget something about that death? Do you relive the experience of that person's death? This is complicated grief. How do you respond to others in general? What happens when they think differently than you? If you do not know who you are, it may be because people have expected you to be like them. Why not take sometime today to write down a description of yourself and of your qualities. Then answer the question, “Who am I?” Put it away for a week. Next week read what you wrote. What do your answers say about how you feel about yourself? Are you content? Why not? Now what are you going to do about it? Sneakers, I shall miss you! I know that you have had a wonderful life and I appreciate all your visits. You were the ultimate best neighbour.