Sneakers died.

I was walking to work accompanying a neighbour, when I heard Sneakers bark to let me know he was there. I left the neighbour to continue on her own, while I paid a short visit to say hello to Sneakers. He looked so elderly as he should, being 15 years old. I didn’t know what breed he was until I saw a Russell Terrier and realized that this was who Sneakers was, though much more rounder and fatter. I patted Sneakers’ head and talked to him for a short while, before leaving him. I didn’t want to leave him, but I did have an appointment to meet. He barked one more time, while I was walking away and I explained that I had to go. That was one week yesterday. Yesterday his owner came with his ashes and we sat and talked for a bit. She is grieving the loss of her pet. I thought it was a blessing that I got to see him, one last time before he died that very same day. His owner, a wonderful neighbour came home from work to find him dead. How horrible for her. However, she has a great support system. Sneakers was almost blind and deaf, but he realized it was me walking across the street from him. I have never walked away from his calling and I am grateful that I did not on that day as well. It is not always possible that you get to say goodbye to a friend, even when you do not know that it will be the last time. Sneakers would run away from home to visit me when he could and as he got older, he would walk away from home to visit me. I would hear him bark outside my front door and I would grab his treats and give them to him while we carried on with a great conversation. It has been a very cold and unpredicatable winter and so I had not seen Sneakers for a long time. Some people do not understand how much unconditional love from a pet means to those who have the honour to respect them and to love them back. Single people with pets are actually happier than single people without pets. I have altered my lifestyle because of my pets. I can no longer travel with the pair I have. I keep my pets for life. Therefore, my love of travel is on pause. I can still take a short trip, perhaps overnight, but no longer the lengthy trips, I have loved to take. They are worth it to me because they are my mini holiday each day. So when my neighbour came with Sneakers’ ashes, I understood her grief and my heart went out to her. It is difficult at times for people to stand up for their beliefs. It is difficult for others to understand the impact a treasured pet has on those who love animals. Loss of a pet is sometimes the first experience of death for a child. Death in this country is a sad occasion. Death is a finality of never seeing who we love again in our life time. People all grieve differently and they need to process death in their own terms. This sometimes causes friction in couples and families, when one partner or family person feels that grief should be demonstrated in a version similar to themselves. People need to be allowed to grieve. They need to talk about the person or pet or the death of their relationship. They need to grieve before they can move on. If they are not permitted to grieve because of the tensions mounting in their relationships, than that grief and hurt remains inside festering. Sometimes people mean well such as “you can have another child,”you are young enough to remarry,” “you can get another cat.” That I assure you is not helpful or appreciated. That is something you may be thinking is rational. However, grief is a deep sorrow that the person is suffering and comments like that, just do not cut it. If you know someone who is experiencing any sorrow, allow them to talk about their experiences and just simply listen. Reserve your opinions to yourself. Allow your friend or family or partner to pour their sufferings outside of themselves. This is your gift to them. Bring them a card or a plant or just yourself and be with them. The worse that anyone can do is criticize or blame or gossip. We all grieve differently because we all have different backgrounds. Though each of us have qualities in common, we are also separate individuals. I have taken the experience of Sneakers dying to introduce the existence of pet therapy as well. People do not always have family to understand them. People do not always have friends to talk to. One of my psychology professor comes to mind when he said that the “Aunt Martha” of yesterday is no longer there for todays people. Who do people turn to when they can not trust anyone completely? We live in a very fast paced life that sometimes misses the human factor. When someone dies, life comes to a halt and a survivor’s life is re-examined. At times one begins to re-evaluate the people in their lives, who were fine when everything was well. All is well when everything is as it should be for one. Do you know who you are and how you express grief and react to the grief of others? Has someone died and you cannot seem to forget something about that death? Do you relive the experience of that person's death? This is complicated grief. How do you respond to others in general? What happens when they think differently than you? If you do not know who you are, it may be because people have expected you to be like them. Why not take sometime today to write down a description of yourself and of your qualities. Then answer the question, “Who am I?” Put it away for a week. Next week read what you wrote. What do your answers say about how you feel about yourself? Are you content? Why not? Now what are you going to do about it? Sneakers, I shall miss you! I know that you have had a wonderful life and I appreciate all your visits. You were the ultimate best neighbour.

The Home Show was grey this year. No more Wednesdays ever - at the Home Show for me!

The disappointment began before I even got there. There was construction blocking the Dufferin Gates entrance with no prior warning. Since I am from this city, it is not difficult to maneuver myself around, but what about visitors? Surely they must have been confused. But who cares? Hey? Where has our hospitality gone to? As I drove around the side streets, I do not normally check out, I saw new condos and town homes that looked nice but did not offer the location I would like. It had a lot of buildings but not enough shops. Actually, all I saw was one eating establishment. Was that not thought out? Perhaps it takes time to figure out if one needs a coffee shop nearby or a bakery or a ………… What I did see was several men walking their well groomed dogs. It did not take long, though I would have preferred the heads up, to drive out of my way and into the East side of the CNE grounds. I drove right into the almost empty parking garage and provided my $14.00 parking fee. I then went to find my way up the stairs into the Home Show entrance. I normally park much closer to the centre and take the lazy way up, but I toughed it and walked. I passed by the VIP sections where greeters were seated with their bags and tags to give out to the very important people. I asked where the tickets were being sold as all I seemed to see was VIP signs everywhere. I payed my $20.00 and and then left my coat for another $2.50 (that was very worthwhile). I tried to find the entrance for the little people who are not VIP’s. I stopped at one, and told an usher that if I walked by one more VIP entrance, I would leave. That inspired a smile and I was allowed in. There was no greeter for me, no bag for me and no guide, for me this year. I was having a great start. I wondered if I should have gone with a group I knew last week. However, I prefer to go by myself so I can move fast when I want to and stop as well without holding anyone else up. I went directly to the back, to tour the house. I looked down at the grey floors and up at the grey walls and realized that the greyness matched the greyness, outside the grounds. I did not feel inspired. I felt the need for a splash of colour. I wondered if painting my hallway grey was a good idea after all? I left the home, and the boat outside caught my interest. It was the first thing that caught my interest but it was really there just for decoration. I could not examine it. I left a tad disappointed in the greyness of the day so far. I thought that a coffee would perk me up. I saw some people seated and I looked and saw that some had coffee near by. I looked at the coffee pot at the stand, which held less than a quarter of what looked like tar. I asked a woman who had coffee sitting near by how it tasted. She shook her head and I thanked her. I bought no coffee that day. Normally at the home show there is always some brand name coffee but not this day. I was so desperate for a good cup of coffee that I would have paid the price to have it. However, I was saved by the Italian manufacturer of expresso machines and I was provided with a most coveted expresso. I told them that they should sell to the public. The response was that others had suggested the same thing. I wasn’t the only person who was not happy with the coffee being sold at the home show. Lunch cost $19.50. The service was good but the rice had uncooked grains in it. How does that happen? How can you go wrong with stir fry? The fish was good. As I was having lunch, I heard the demonstrators talk about gardening. I finished lunch and was just enjoying sitting. Then the announcer said that we (the little people) should not listen to the experts about how much sun is required for plant growth. I thought I was listening to an expert, so since I was not, I got up and left. That was a first. I kept walking and there was another demo and so I sat as close as possible not to intrude on the VIP seating. I was not sure what was VIP since the chairs all looked the same to me. I sat in the third row hoping that it was just the first and second empty rows that were for VIP’s. The two speakers were wonderful and very knowledgeable about their profession which was selling ramps and things to help people who are old or have special needs to get into their homes and able to live inside more safely and comfortably. I sat there because I had walked a lot and was tired. After a while as I felt I could walk again, I ventured out to see what else there was to see. I was stopped by one man who wanted to give me a sample of some cream. He complimented me on my skin. My skin is not flawless and never has been so I wondered if my makeup was making me glow. Then he came in for the kill and tried to sell me some cream that was wonderful for my skin and it would keep me from getting old. I told him I was ok with getting older. I told him that I wanted to grow old gracefully. He wanted to help me delay the process. I reminded him that he thought my skin was lovely (with the creams I do use that I am sure, do not carry the same price tag). I saw controlled anger behind the eyes of this man that I would never take a second look at regardless of my age. His Eastern European accent became more evident has his ire increased. I continued to walk away and thankfully he gave up on me. I did not go to the home show to buy make up. I did not go to the home show to try to be persuaded to buy a product by cheap psychological shots. I looked at the ingredients this morning at the sample he provided and quite frankly, I don’t know if the alcohol in it is good for my soft dry skin. It also has to be kept away from children and pets. I would need to look up most of the words in the dictionary to understand all this wonderful ingredients that he inferred is the fountain of youth in some magical tub - another annoyance at the Home Show. By three o’clock I had seen it all. Normally, it would take much longer to see everything. I did meet some very nice people as I normally do. There was one woman giving out samples of good (that was a saving grace yesterday) coffee who demonstrated great kindness in her attention to a small group of people with special needs. I watched her as she treated this group as VIP’s. When it was my turn, she remarked that she has a special interest in treating people with special needs with more care because she sees how badly some people treat them. I saw a shift from what I was experiencing so far, to someone with a heart. Will I go to the home show next year? Probably not. There was nothing there that inspired me this year which was the real reason why I went there. I saw no designers to advise me. I feel lucky that when I went the last time, there was Glen Peloso to advise me on a colour. I have used it and I will continue to paint with that colour. If I use any grey in any of the rooms, I do not want it to be a grey that reminds of a rainy day. I have a lot of painting to do. I did pick up a lot of magazines and hopefully I will see something in there that will inspire me. My taking pictures of some projects I wanted advice on was for naught. Did I get my money’s worth yesterday? Not in my opinion. Oh, by the way? Where were all the VIP’s? Maybe we should remember that Canada is a democracy. One VIP entrance is enough. I remember a Home Show when everyone was treated like a VIP. I also remember a Home Show where you could dine like a Queen. It was pricy but worth it. Now a baked potato will cost you more than 6.00. Please……….

Answer to Question of a theory of personality

A theory of personality which I am essentially in agreement with is Maslow’s Theory of Human Motivation. Maslow emphasized the healthy aspect of personality. Maslow theorized that human needs are common to us and therefore they have a biological basis. However, we are only minimally influenced by biological instincts. Behaviors depend on a person’s unique biological and environment experiences. Maslow indicated that there are five levels of basic human needs. These needs from weakest needs to strongest needs are Self-Actualization, Esteem, Belongingness and Love, Safety and physiological needs. The lower a need is in the hierarchy; the more basic it is in terms of survival. Lower needs exert a more powerful influence on behavior. The higher the need, the less basic it is, and therefore weaker in its potential influence and more human. As people satisfy their needs at one level of the hierarchy they can progress to the next level. The needs at one level do not need to be completely satisfied to go on to the next level. Usually, needs at one level have to be at least partially satisfied though. There are always exceptions to this rule that a spiritual care-giver needs to keep in mind. Physiological Needs: this includes food, water, oxygen, elimination, and rest. Because these needs are directly related to survival, it is the most powerful need. Lack of food for example can consume a person’s life until it is satisfied. Starving people rarely move beyond the physiological level. This is evident in Haiti now but it is also evident here in Toronto where a meal is becoming a luxury for more people. An exception to the rule would be the cliché of the starving artist. He may forgo basic needs such as food or sleep in order to persevere at some work. Safety Needs: includes physical well being as well as psychological security. This involves the need for stability, order and structure in our lives. Most of our needs at this level are met in Western Cultures bi-laws, and by police, and fire departments. It can be met by purchasing insurance and having a savings account. However, safety needs are dominant in children, especially infants. They will respond as if in danger by rough handling, loud noises, disturbed or dropped (esp. infants). Children also need undisrupted routines such as having meals at a set time. An adult too may exhibit abnormal behavior similar to the child’s desire for safety. The adult may see the world as hostile, threatening and overwhelming. An example is people with obsessive-compulsive disorder. They will try frantically to order and stabilize the world so that no unmanageable, unexpected or unfamiliar dangers will ever appear. Belongingness and Love needs : When physiological and safety needs are substantially met, needs related to affiliation, affection and love emerge. Individuals experience deep feelings of loneliness when friends, family and other loved ones are absent. This is a problem in Western Culture. Esteem Needs: Maslow distinguished two types of esteem needs: Esteem from others: This includes the desire for appreciation, attention, reputation and status. Individuals need to feel respected by other people. This is something I incorporate in my spiritual care for others. Self esteem: includes a desire for competency, mastery, achievement, strength, confidence, adequacy, independence and freedom. When these are met, people feel worthwhile, confident, useful and capable. If inadequate people will feel inferior, weak and helpless. Self-Actualization Needs: Maslow’s definition is the desire to become more and more what idiosyncratically is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming. Self-actualization is a goal that is never fully achieved. First, it is the weakest in the of the instinctoid needs. Second, Maslow believed that people fear self-knowledge necessary for self-actualization. Accurate self knowledge is threatening since it may alter one’s self concept. Third, this level needs requires freedom to express oneself, to explore and to act without restriction (without harming) and to pursue such values such as truth, justice and values. Maslow theorized that that the first four levels of needs motivate people by deficit. There are two types of motivation: Deficit motivation - is reducing tension or filling a temporary lack such as drinking because we are thirsty; and Growth Motivation - process orientated. This is a process of continued enhancement or growth with self-actualization tendency. Satisfying growth motives often increases tension. Satisfying deficit motives often decreases tension. There is much more than can be said regarding this theory of personality but I think I have covered the basics without the necessity of breaking it down further. Each client that comes to us may be hungry, or lost, or lack self-esteem. Understanding the stage that she may be in helps the care-giver understand what she may be lacking and needing. If someone needs food, we may be able to find resources to fulfill that need. If someone has suffered a sexual assault we may be there for him and fulfill that need, keeping in mind that being a presence of support is a very powerful tool in our clients fulfilling their hierarchal needs.

American Veteran living in Canada getting into trouble for feeding birds in harsh winter

I received my Toronto Sun paper this morning and as I read and read, I wondered why I still buy the paper. One writer who knew nothing about global warming was carrying on. Another writer, I stopped reading a long time ago because she had written an article side by side with another writer which were so different and yet they were in the same court room. There is perception and then there is misinformation. Who was telling the truth about what was heard? I chose to select the other writer, merely because it was more comparable to other print and news. I could have been wrong but with what I had, I chose the other. I understand that papers like to sensationalize and get people going, but I think that people today deserve "news." I do not need to pay to buy the paper and when I do I like to get my money's worth. However, reading about the American Veteran this morning was getting my money's worth today. It warmed my heart. People at times do not understand veterans. They do not understand veterans who return home from wars and they do not understand veterans who served in the cold war. People can be very insensitive when it comes to their views about veterans in general. But, in this insensitivety you learn a lot about the person who is bashing. They have the freedom to bash because of the military that protects them, their country and the countries of others. We have a responsibility to protect those who are vulnerable. That is my opinion. This 73 year old, USA Veteran who has made his home in Canada according to the Toronto Sun, p4 by Joe Warmington, has received two bylaw offence tickets with the promise of more for "feeding the waterfowl in Cobourg Harbour." This U.S. Vet is quoted as saying that he will be planning to do whatever to "try to save these birds." The vet had reportd finding 31 dead ducks. When he began to feed them corn, they became "alive and and now they are happy bunnies." This veteran also has people supporting him and offering to pay for food and fines. The vet reports in the Toronto Sun, ""I was told by an official that if they die that's just the way it goes."" I remember not too long ago being told, "I do not like the military and my two ex husbands were Catholic." Three times is a charm. I imagine they are still Catholic. The venom told me I could be in trouble but a higher power, was there in the room as well. Do challenges ever stop if we dare venture to live in the world? I cannot help but admire this US Veteran who keeps on trying to protect, even against impossible odds. I cannot help but admire this man who has so much heart that he believes in the protection of life. I cannot help but admire such a man who at 73 still cares. So for you people who like to tell veterans how heartless they are, how much life is important and how they are just killing machines, take a good look at yourself this morning. Maybe be a bit more kinder to the next vet you speak to. Or perhaps do the vet a favour and do not speak at all.

It is not so nice out there.........burrrrrrr paper war............Even birds are flying South with the planes - Read any good books?

I completed reading, The Informer. Confessions of an Ex-Terrorist by Carole de Vault with William Johnson. When I picked up the book which I received from a local high school that was discarding their books, I thought it would be about terrorism in the Middle East. It was about terrorism here at home, in the province of Quebec. Even though I heard about the FLQ, I was too young to understand. I was more concerned about having fun and dancing than politics, happening so far from where I lived.I was also very self absorbed. I was sent to Montreal to work for a short assignment in my twenties and there was a feeling of being unwanted, with Ontario Plates on my vehicle. I couldn’t understand why I was not being served in a restaurant and I could not understand why my two colleagues who spoke the French language, refused to do so. I did get served by utilizing my elementary French from a few years in grade school and with the appropriate tone of voice. That was not my only experience of negativity. I experienced it again in Ottawa, but it was not tolerated. However, I was surprised at the misplaced anger. Reading this book, I am sad for that time and for the author who had informed on her contacts and rightly so. Violence should never be tolerated. Killing people, placing bombs and explosives to bring about attention, should never be accepted. Unfortunately the author had to change her name and identity after losing her friends and being betrayed by those she depended to help her. I would like to think that the government she had helped, did protect her somehow in having a new identity and place to start living anew. It is women who like her that should not be condemned but hailed. That is what I felt as I read her story. I not only read her story, I read about violence. I read about violence in my country which I am glad I did not witness. Killing is never justifiable to get a point across. Terrorism is terrorism. It is the ultimate act of cowardliness. This morning as I looked out at the beautiful coat of white, I could feel the chill, though I knew it was my imagination. The heat is blaring from where I sit. I looked up at some black birds flying South West and thought that was a good idea. Then I saw a plane flying South East and I wondered why I was still here. Should I too go South? What do Snow birds do? They go South in the winter and return home in summer? How does that work? Just last week I was invited to Florida. I cannot. My pets do not like people so getting a pet sitter is out of the question. Well one of them do not like people. The other who wasn't as abused is coming around. Canada will always be my home and Toronto will always be my hometown. It is like having parents; they will always be your parents even when it is time to leave the nest. If this weather does not change maybe it is time to fly, pets and all. What do you think? Where do you live? Where would you like to live? Where do you think the best place to live is, where they speak English that is. Well?

What a beautiful day. It is also Lent. Have you given up anything, you Catholics out there?

Yesterday, when I was returning home, my neighour called out to me and I sat with him on his porch, as we soaked in the better weather and caught up with our lives. He is an Author of reputable status and I always enjoy time with him and his wife. They are two blessings in my life. Today being very aware of tomorrow's snow storm or should I say this evening, I decided to stop at Dairy Queen to have a Banana Split with whip cream (she forgot the cherries on top). I sat on the picnic bench outside, soaking in the sun. After our freezing temperatures, enjoying a Split outside in a few degrees above zero, is enchanting. Normally, I do not do this until the summer, but this winter has gone on forever and so why not celebrate a beautiful day that promises to disappear by nightfall. One of the great things about my city is that it is ok to have ice cream outside at a picnic table in the winter. That is mundane compared to what happens in my beautiful city. I came home and called a dear friend to wish him a Happy Birthday. I have been doing doing a lot of thinking as usual and this Sunday while listening to the homily, I realized that I did not give up anything for Lent. Normally, I give up a food choice. I already had my pizza and I was going to spend the afternoon being treated by a friend for coffee and desert. The elderly priest spoke about praying the rosary. I thought about that and nodded to myself yes. What else could I do, since I did not really consider that a deprivation or sacrifice. The priest talked on and he said television and computers. I love movies. Computers I do not love so much. I use a computer because I must. You cannot have one business, let alone two and not have a computer. So, my thoughts returned to what I love. I love movies. If I have a tiresome or difficult day, I may come home and watch a movie in the afternoon. I may even pick a day with friends to watch movies. Can I give up all tv? Yes, but I decided to just give up any form of television until the six oclock news. I tape everything for the week, as I have mentioned before and so I watch two hours of news with CTV and City Pulse. I fast forward if anything is too repititious and I fast forward all sports. So technically, I do not watch two hours of news because I do speed watching. Many evenings in winter if nothing is planned, I do like to watch a movie or show. The summer is different of course because I like to be outside. My fantasy is an outdoor movie space. So rosary every morning. No more movies which I really enjoy during the day. No mid-day movie at the theatre. Have you given up something for Lent? Baby steps. I find that sometimes when people are very sad, they look for truth or answers in their church of origin. Sometimes they look for answers to other religions and sometimes they become prey for cults because they are so vulnerable. Religious cults are very prominent. Be careful that you do not become a victim of one. This week why not examine your theology and your spirituality? Do you know who you are? Do you know why you belong to the religion that you do? If you are a Roman Catholic have you given up anything for Lent? Why and how do you define yourself as Roman Catholic? If you were in a Castle like Therisa's, which room would you be in in relation to God? Remember that health is a priority in anything you consider. What do you think?

Women's Day! Male Bashing???????

I like working in the mornings and taking breaks in the afternoon. I believe in balance. I believe in play and work and the company of good friends. I am a very social creature. Yesterday after a morning of being swamped with paper work, I decided to go out and celebrate being a woman. Two college students had organized the event. Aesthetically they did a wonderful job. However, what they knew about the accomplishments of women in Canada was zero. I began to think of the differences between college and university. I remembered fellow students teaching at a college and comparing the differences. It was not flattering. I then began to think of people who I knew who had went to college and I began to think that perhaps I am bias. What I thought was to be an event to celebrate women became an event to bash men. One of the students exclaimed that “men are heartless!” If I was to give a grade to these two students it would be 50% with the requirement of a twenty page paper submission of the accomplishments of women in Canada for a passing grade. When I mentioned why they had no information about women in Canada, one said there was none. Really? I asked if there was a day to celebrate men and the audience informed me that every day is a celebration of men. Again my brain began to tick. What is the demographic in the room? What is the education of the women? What are their occupations? What……………..How………..??????????? I don’t think that these students did any harm to the strong women in the room. I do not think that the students are responsible. Their instructor is responsible. There was no representation to assess the students. I asked them what their program was and I must admit that I had not heard of it before. It was however to work in the social stream with communities. If one is to work with communities, one must perhaps work on one’s biases. I like men. I like working with men. I remember one of my first psychology papers to be about fathers abusing their sons. I have been accused of being a traitor to women, by wanting to work at helping men. When they started a Community Centre for women, I asked the politician, if there was a community centre for men. Of course there was not. I love being a woman. I do not need to wear spike heels to define myself as a woman. I love being a woman and being myself. I would not want to be anyone else. However, I also have a real appreciation for men. There has not been a balanced relationship between men and women. Look at the world! We have men who think it is ok for women to walk 10 paces behind them. We have women who cover themselves completely whether it is by choice or not and they call it religion. We have women holding women done so that they can be circumsized and never feel sexual pleasure. We have powerful women who abuse men. We have discrimination in the work force by both men and women. We have men who abuse and we have women who abuse. Women are not all sugar and spice and everything nice. Women have fought hard for a semblance of equality and men have helped them to get there. More elderly men kill themselves in Canada than any other. Men are raped, abused and violated by both men and women. Men suffer shame as do women. Men may hesitate to get the help they need because they feel that they will not be men if they do. Men are hesitant to call the police when they are being abused by their wives or girlfriends because they may be ridiculed. And they are. So what I thought was going to be an afternoon of celebrating and clean fun turned out to be an afternoon of listening to biases, hatred and stereotyping. However, I did have fun after the bashing stopped. I pondered this morning about my relationships with men. I like men because I have had good relationships with them from early childhood. Men treated me lovingly as a child and protected me. Men taught me about other men. Men loved me. Men prepared me for living in a world of imbalance in the work place. Men taught me how to deal with other men who are perhaps not so nice. I do not tolerate abusive men. I do not like abusive men and stay clear of them in my personal life. It was my mother who once remarked that all the men in my life were gentlemen. I had not realized that until she spoke about it. The men in my life have been kind and gentle. I wanted that because the men at work have not always been so kind and gentle. My second book is about gender inequality. It is about the culture of men and women in Canada during a life span. Being in celebration yesterday with women bashing men mercilessly and listening to college students talking about the celebrations of women without knowing anything about the contribution or suffering of women in Canada was enlightening. It is important that books be written by women who have a story. What was it like for a medical student to need higher grades to get into university? What was it like for a woman in a position of authority forty years ago? What was it like for a woman not to be able to vote? Maybe it is time for bashing to stop. Maybe it is time for healing and having the cycle stopped. Maybe it is time to begin respecting each other as individuals. Maybe it is time to actually examine ourselves more closely to why we have the views we have. Do we really hate women? Do we really hate men? What caused that? Is it skewed? Is it rational? Can we really lump all species etc…..in one negative connotation? Why not take some time this weekend to examine your own struggles and experiences with the opposite sex? Has it been positive or negative? What have been your struggles with those of the same sex as you? Who are the people who have shown you kindness? Who are the people who have reached out to you? What was their gender? What was their race? What was their……….? Can we really lump everyone in a negative category? What are we really revealing about ourselves? What has happened to you to really believe that one gender is better than another? Is it your personal experiences? Is it your religion? Is it your culture? Do you really believe that you are better than anyone else? Why? How do you live with others? How do you balance your life? Who are you really mad at? Make time with that special someone. Hold hands. Take a walk. Have some pleasure in the company of another.

Tell someone what has happened to you.

There are times when something happens and you suffer in silence. If you do not think about it, you think it may go away. However, it is not that easy. It will fester and show its ugly face in other venues. If something has happened to you, you must remember that it is not your fault, regardless of the ideology of your culture, religion or family opinion. Too many times that abuse comes from within the family. Guilt is very powerful and guilt is used to silence someone. There is a fear of shame, self blame etc...If something has happened to you, tell someone who can help you. If that person fails to help you go to another. It is possible to regain control of your life. What do you think?