I find that people usually ask me what I am going to do with my weekend. Now that I have retired twice, returned to school, wrote a book that does not sell very well, am writing another that should get people going and counsel, I don't think weekends are too important because I can claim any days of the week unless I have scheduled them as a weekend. Have I made sense? But, I have decided to take weekends and utilizing them as such. Saturdays therefore will be a Saturday where I will either do chores during the day or go out, give back, and have fun. Sunday will be my quiet day used for reading, basking in the sun or going out with no concept of work. I have worked shift for a great part of my life and weekends were more of a chore than anything else. I would love to go to a movie or museum or amusement park when it was much more quieter. However, most people do have weekends where they like to celebrate.
This Saturday, I returned to school to help with a book sale. I greeted people as they entered my school and gave them a breakdown of the price list and categories of where the books were. I met many interesting people and new students. I was humbled. One woman said she had returned to buy books several times and had accidentally bought one she had written. Others shared what they had bought and I realized that I had missed this so much. I missed speaking to others about books and what they were learning. I missed the academic life. It was fun reconnecting and some of my previous fellow students were still there. As I got my fill of people, I wondered if I was really suited to the country. Yes, I would love one year away to just write, but would I be able to do that in isolation? I am a people person. I love people and I love meeting new people and having discussions and connecting. Do you see yourself anywhere in here? Do you like people or try to get away from them? Do you like to read? What do you do with what you learn? What situations do you thrive in? What makes you feel stifled?
When I returned from the sale (I bought four myself, which I don't need but want). It was easy reading with Stephen King and Robin Cook. The Dean of Students recommended one book and I took it. Why not explore new authors. Anyhow, when I returned home, I received a call from the past. He told me he was retiring, he was going to rent a hall, have an open bar and lots of food. He also told me he expected me there. I assured him, if there was food I would be there. I told him that I could not drink however, since I cannot seem to drink enough to be able to hold the alcohol. One drink and that is enough to keep me in a haze for a few hours. Food however, no problem. I shared that I had turned into a vegetarian but I would eat anything else that was not meat. He is big on meat.
"If you don't come. I will hunt you down and kill you!" I assured him I was coming and felt happy that he threatened to kill me. He belonged to my days of political incorrectness and I was amused and enchanted because I know that what he was really saying was that it was important for him to have me at his retirement party. This man will really be retiring!
"Are you going to go live in Jamaica?" I asked. He loved his homeland.
His family is all here and so here is where he will remain. Besides he is a Canadian now. He threatens to kill me again. I laugh.
"Make sure no one kills me at the party!" I know that I can say that to him as easy as it is for him to tell me about my own demise, if I do not go. I tell him I would like to sit with the old team and he assures me that I will. I tell him I will bring him a copy of my book because he will see the humour in it.
I realize that I miss that life which he belongs to which I left when I retired. It seems to me that I have missed much of my past and that is because it was so good. Yet, I love my life now. I am in a place where I can do what I want to do and just need to weigh my options. That is what I have done most of my life. How did I get from my early life to where I am now? Who formed me and shaped me? Who am I today? These are all questions I suggest you ask yourself.
I am reading a document for a book that was sent to me. The author's are targeting a Catholic teenage audience. Do I like the book? Well, I am not used to targeting teens. I am still reading it. However, they have excellent questions and one was to write down five things that you like about yourself and five things that you would like to change. I wrote down five things I liked about myself without effort. When it came to five things I would like to change, I could only think about not having patience. Then I was stuck. I shared that with a friend of mine and she said it was good. But it bothered me that I could not think of anything else that I would like to change about myself. When I went to school, I saw a statue of a homeless man laying on a bench at the front of the school. Initially, I though it was a homeless man and not a statue. Different people who came to the book sale told me that the statue was rejected by different institutions. "Politics" one academic summarised. I continued to look at the "Homeless Jesus" and watched people, mostly tourists taking pictures of him. At one point I went out for some fresh air and sat next to the homeless Jesus and rested my arm on him while drinking my coffee. "Homeless Jesus" followed me home because I could not stop thinking of him and the next day while I was sitting in MacDonald's because I was too early for an event, a homeless woman came into the restaurant and approached me. She asked me for money to buy a coffee and I gave her two dollars. I don't normally give money. I would rather buy the food so I know where the money is being spent. She took the money and she told me that I was beautiful and then she continued to ask others for money for a donut. She left without buying the coffee. I wondered why I was more lenient with women than men when they were homeless. I realized that this woman could not get employment. I realized that there are different expectations when it comes to employment. A man who is rugged and unkept may still get some work. How about a woman? Where will she work? I kept thinking of the homeless people I encounter on the street and my experiences with them. I remembered a homeless woman I met at a government seminar where the homeless were invited to ask about their needs. She told me how beds were infested with bugs at the shelters she had been at and so she would not stay there. "Could I blame her?" She asked. "No" I replied.
I remember the last person I bought a meal for was wearing running shoes with no socks and he appeared frozen while selling his homeless paper. Him I bought a meal. I went to my event and then went to what I thought was a community centre for the homeless. A woman inside was not appreciating that I was asking about a homeless centre. The man was more obliging when the woman turned away from me. I always see a crowd of people here that appear homeless so I thought...............By searching about what I would like to change about myself I wondered about how I could make a difference to the homeless. Can I not give half a day a week to reach out and counsel the homeless?
So, it was a weekend of discovery for me. As I went to visit my parents, I sat in silence and remembered the words of my mom. "You make money from the misery of people." No mom, I do not. Thanks for inspiring me.
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