Couple therapy is working on the relationship of the couple. Most often separate counselling sessions for each person is required to help the person deal with emotions within, that arise and/or to work on issues that have arisen as part of the process.
Question: Can a person work on their relationship if one is having an affair?
Answer: If one is having an affair (exit, as described earlier) and is not willing to let that person go, than one cannot be serious about having their relationship with their partner work. Therefore, I would not continue to see the offending partner for couple therapy, until a commitment is made to let go the third party. Then the work may begin.
Couple therapy as family therapy and individual therapy/counselling is hard work. A person is required to examine the self and relationship. It is not specific to he is right and she is wrong. It is trying to learn how to communicate and really listen to each other. It is about learning what is causing the couple's relationship to decline and how to control the anger and hurt and all the associated emotions to be able to seriously hear and talk to each other.
I have written in the past, that we are always growing and changing because things are always happening to us to change us just a bit. Sometimes something drastic happens which may alter and skew how we view the world. We have a family of origin which works as a template in how we relate to others. What is our view of a woman, a man, a husband; a wife. What happens when that view in not consistent in our own partner?
What happens if something from our past is stopping us from sharing and commiting fully to our partner?
Couple therapy is a huge step to moving forward to commit to an improved relationship with the other. Are you ready? Are you ready to stop having that affair? Are you ready to get off the computer? Are you ready to get to know your partner and to get to know yourself? Are you ready for change?
Why not take your partner on a date this weekend? It can be as fancy as you can afford or it can be a walk and a coffee shop stop. It can be a start to take another look at your partner and re-kindle something thought lost.
What do you think?
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