My thoughts on Prince Harry’s SPARE

I have to admit I was tired of hearing all about the Royals which was becoming big news. I remember Madonna telling the Royals to go to the States because Canada is boring. Whose boring? I guess she should know coming from Detroit before it became nice. I think that is where she is from. There was also news about Canadians complaining about not providing security for Prince Harry. And before all that it was the constant news about how Megan was being treated by the Press. I couldn’t believe how they could get away talking like that - so unprofessional. Racism seems to be a big problem over there and it somewhat saddened me because I have an acquaintance who loves England and goes there frequently. She brought me back a chocolate bar from England in one of her trips and I thought that was so nice. She is Black and I am honoured to know her. I could not help but wonder how the media in England affects other non whites who have to listen to that nonsense. I did watch Prince Harry and Megan when they were being interviewed by Oprah and I was a bit confused about what this was all about. I didn’t watch the Netflicks series because I don’t have Netflix. When Harry’s book came out, my first thought was - more drama. I didn’t think he would need the money so I ordered the book through my library and I got to read it, completing it yesterday. I got to read it in the much needed sun. I was trying to shut off my therapist hat and just enjoy the book. As a therapist I often recommend that clients write their own book especially when they have suffered sexual abuse or any other trauma. I also indicate that if they find themselves becoming overwhelmed to stop and bring their suffering into the therapy room so we can examine and process what is happening. Memories trigger. I also know as a devoted reader and writer that people react differently from what they read. They read from their perspective. I know from writing Hey Guy Buy Me, one man kept buying my books at a local bakery until I asked that they stop selling to him. I didn’t want to take advantage of his motivations. I have had men accost me with anger at Word on The Street because they expected to read non fiction. I wrote it for fun only, since I had worked with men for most of my life. Then there were other men who loved it and bought another book of mine. My own biography had people tell me they cried because of emotions it evoked and men who I worked with tell me that it brought back so many memories that they just had to tell me. I was careful how I wrote For Love of Country - Military Policewoman because I didn’t want to share anything except the social aspect of those times. Has it bit me once in a while, yup, but not from the men. So when I decided to read SPARE, I was curious. I have always been fond of Prince Harry, though I was disappointed when I read about his ventures. However, he joined the military, went to war and helped veterans and that meant a lot to me. It meant enough for me to order his book. SPARE is his story, his suffering, his agency to speak up and clarity of his life; his thoughts. I was discussing his book when the person I was speaking to said that the book would probably cost the loss of his family. I have been a family therapist for more than a decade and if I had my way everyone would bring their families into the therapy room whether it be for individual therapy or couple therapy. However, this is always the choice for those who come for help. What I can tell you is that the energy in the room, the tension, the suffering is very different as more become involved. The dynamics when the family is together or alone or as a couple - changes. Everyone thinks they are right and what I try to do is have everyone share their perspective while the other is listening which can be challenging depending on the issues and also on the amount of suffering and willingness to actually work on the issues. Sometimes I have “it’s my way or the highway”, sometimes “it is you and not me”. Sometimes it is “I don’t know what the big deal is so why can’t you change?” Maybe not a big deal for you, but not for the others. How do we work this out? I have seen so much love in the most dysfunctional families. When I see love - I see the hope and willingness they have to work things out. I read this book wearing different hats. I studied England in history. I had to memorize all the Royals and I enjoyed the topic very much. My life interactions with the British was touchy at times as I found many especially in the military - arrogant. I never liked that attitude - I am better than you. However, because I met many wonderful elderly women in my travels, I realized that there were wonderful Brits as well. Isn’t that the way it works? We judge others by our relationships with them which may skew our ideas and therefore our biases. I was very interested reading this book because I thought it would have been great if we could have had an inside look when we studied the history of England. - The then and now. What I did see when I read this book is Harry telling his story - his truth. What I saw was a young man who lost his mother too soon and that love was never replenished until he married. He wanted to marry. He wanted love. Harry is an affectionate man and needs that. I would recommend reading this book. I think it is interesting and loving at the same time. What bothered me most is that the Press showed a monkey between Megan and Harry after the birth of their child. How does anyone get away with that? I have no respect for the English Press that think it is ok to do that. I also have no respect for anyone who permits that to continue. You cannot be silenced when you write your story. Thank you Prince Harry. You are your mother and that is a great compliment. I am so sorry that you had to suffer so. Countries are separating from the Commonwealth. In Canada ( a quick web search) we provided $58, 749, 485.52 in 2019-2020 to England. In my own story within the military I swore allegiance to the Queen. What I forgot until I cut and pasted my own story for you is that I also swore allegiance to her heirs. My word is good, but do I think the same now? Is the Royalty history? Should it become history? If there was a referendum in Canada would we continue supporting this venue? The person I had discussed this book with said she detested the idea of the image of the King being printed on our money. I had never heard of a complaint about the Queen. She was always there on our bills. She was loved. Diana was loved but for the rest is there love? Perhaps - but for the rest of the world? Is it time to keep our money and cut the Figure head? What do you think?