Mattering - Psychology notes from yesterday's lecture.

Yesterday I attended a webinar lecture from York University. The speaker Prof Gordon Flett, Psychologist Professor is from the Faculty of Health. Though I believe he was there when I was a student, I never took any of his courses. The topic is The Role of Mattering in Hope, Health and Fulfillment. Prof Flett stated that Mattering is deeply felt. It satisfies the need to connect with others especially when one feels different. Mattering is an essential resource for life transitions. Morris Rossenberg created “the Mattering Construct” but passed away before he could delve deeper in this work. Mattering means feeling like you are important to others and they are paying attention to you and depend on you, that is they need you. It is being valued by having value to others. If one feels marginalized, one feels that no one cares. Mattering is about people. Fast facts: Less loneliness; better transition to on-line learning; less stress and physical “wear and tear”; Support for efficacy and mattering is one of six keys to positive youth development (Eecles & Gootmon, 2002). One in four gifted UK adolescents have low mattering. The good news of mattering is hope. It is linked with life satisfaction. It provides adolescents with greater hope and positive future orientation, motivation, greater achievement, and less problematic behaviour. (He is in the process of writing a book). You can talk about Mattering at home, at work - greater satisfaction, less job stress and burnout, less turnover from leaving the profession. Mattering in the community and Mattering to a parent. School boards (York, Durham and Niagara) will be implementing Mattering. There is a program of Mattering now being implemented for retirement groups of men and now also with the Military and Police. Dr Flett believes in a promotion to prevent youth homelessness. Promoting Mattering: 1. People by name (see me) 2. Listen actively (pay attention). 3. Give them their sense of voice (hear me). 4. Encourage them (express your belief at them, don’t cut them off) 5. Say no, set limits when needed. 6. Encourage expressing emotions and accept them. 7. Limit any messages of not mattering. Spend time with people. Anytime is quality time. Volunteer, get involved. Let them know when they have been missed. Remember things important to them by reaching out to see all is ok. Parents over estimate that their children know they matter. Too busy. Not checking in. Looking at phone when someone is talking. Share activities, Matter unconditionally. Remember when they were little, that first glimpse of the baby? - that look - keep it when seeing them. International students felt that they didn’t matter due to Racism and Stigma. Older people and adolescents need to feel mattered. Express appreciation. Google Aging Process. Coping with loss - adjustment. Parents need to feel they matter. Important for parents who feel they are no longer needed, to recognize that they are. Any errors here are my own and not that of Prof Flett. This video lecture will be posted at York University. Should you not be able to see it, please let me know and I can post it here for you. It is interesting that yesterday I also read a short article in Psychology today. It stated that one should ask what one needs from his/her partner. I utilize this very much in couple therapy, family therapy and individual therapy.