The Ref (1994) - Therapy Session (This was a video clip shown in a prelude of dealing with difficult couples) one swear word in it.

Writers Corner First Official corner from me to you people, all over the world. Each corner of it.

Ok, this will be my official Start of my Writer’s Corner. How many hats must I wear? Well, for now I am blogging my notes from my schooling in psychology, theology and notes from conferences. Now I am also beginning my Writers Corner. I belong to the Sisters in Crime here in Toronto and the States. I am also with Canadian Crime Writers. I have attended their meetings when I can and it is of interest. So, I shall be sharing their stuff for you as well. Here I will be speaking to people who love books, want to write and want to sell their own books. I am trying to balance my life more so I can practice what I preach. As you know I have written three books and now Ominous is completed with a short start to two others. This year I decided not to have my own booth at Word on the Street because it was simply too expensive. I also have to get a smart phone just to park at my old school grounds at the University of Toronto. Unfortunately my phone is not smart. I would hesitate to say he is stupid. He has served me well. He is loyal to me but unfortunately my loyalty as limitations in the world we live in. Just to go to York University to park I will also need a smart phone. Why can’t we just be flexible? I have never been one to keep up with the Jones. My car is on its’ last legs and I was forbidden by my car mechanic to drive it out of the city. I am forever hoping that they don’t ground it, like they did my last car. Having a nice car doesn’t work in Toronto because they (the bad guys) steal them. They just caught four so that was nice. Anyhow, back to my corner. I attended a Sisters talk by Zoom in Northern California. The sister spoke of zoom bombs which are fake emails and people. Oh, boy. One of our sisters said that when an Author’s book came out six years ago she didn’t know what to do. I am not identifying the sister because I don’t know if it is ok to share this story, so if you don’t know who the sister is then it should be ok. Now, one thing you should know is though we are called Sisters in Crime, men like it too, so they are members as well. Now Rule of 7 book promotion is - Getting your name out there. So, here I am trying to get my rule 7 of getting my name out there. I am Silva Redigonda and my books may be bought at www.silvaredigonda.ca . What is Rule 1 - 6? No clue. There may be no 1-6 rule because you see my American sister said a person needs to see it 7 times before buying it. Ok, that is all from that talk right now. If you wrote a book remember you must sound like a parrot and people need to see it 7 times before buying. So, now you can forgive me. I hope, for my little paragraphs here and there about each book works for you. That is all for today. I want you to remember the Rule of 7 book promotion. I rest my case. What do you think? Please be kind.

Effective Systemic Approaches to resolve high conflict co-parenting. Keys to success. Notes from AAMFT Conference

5% to 10% of divorces with children have conflict relationships. Contributing factors: high conflict; emotional reactivity; negative attributions; exaggeration of parental differences; excessive court filings and litigation. Common problems: Justifying actions, blaming etc… Help them in how they can be different for the children. Intervention Point: - pre separation - post separation/pre-divorce - post divorce. Children benefit from relationships with both parents. 2. Children benefit from parent cooperatively co-parenting.3. Divorce is stressful and painful for all. 4. Children have different needs during divorce than parents do. Children are resilient but we won’t know how resilient they will be for years to come. Not all children are resilient and parents need to know how they impact the other effects resiliency. First key to success: Strategery - in take process; in person meetings; phone sessions; video sessions; texts/emails; co - parenting apps. The speaker likes to do 2 hour sessions. The first is together usually. Meets with the estranged to re-establish. If received bad emails from partner: What was the intention of it? Both see themselves in the same way. Boundaries are important. Divorce is a shared responsibility. Best interest of the child. Study or have handy any custody agreements. Have a clear contract. What have they tried before, so don’t repeat. Clarify values, preferences, and choices: communication, problem pyramid all as a couple. Balloon ride/hockey team because hockey is of value to father (or either parent I am adding). If the other parent doesn’t value hockey missing a game at 11:00? Why will get out if misses a few games. What is common is bringing up the past; saying nasty things to each other. An example is he often shushes people and often interrupts. Who is responsible for the solution? Who brought up the issue? Who is upset about the problem? What exactly is the problem? It’s mom’s weekend and she can choose what she wants to do. The speaker at one time had to write up a script for them. Father would inform mom of events. Have five minutes to raise concerns. Speaker had to tell them who will take pictures, saying good-bye longer. It anything affects the child text therapist and reply. Taking concerns of the child first. Key 2. Change is constant- you have to adapt. 1. No one likes/wants to change. Our brain wants what we know. 2. People much prefer someone else to change. What can you do to do that? People won’t change unless they see the benefits of doing so. Stages of Change: conscious raising; dramatic relief; environmental re-evaluation; self and social liberation; stimulus control; counter conditioning and reinforcement management. Key 3. Balance is not difficult because it is not balanced. Women more active and involved in home life. Women are squeezed because they are expected to have a full time job and children. This patriarchal system is known. Loss and Gains: 50/50 split in custody - may feel like a loss to women because provided more with children and household. Women are doing more in the home and when men initiate the divorce it feels worse. Emotions and Grief: - loss of marital relationships; anger, hurt, resentment. - Justifying bad behaviours, fright, flight or freeze. The speaker states that it is harder for men to talk. I don’t necessarily see that in my practice. The speaker concludes for couples to share with their lawyers. I just want to add that roles may change in households and to keep that in mind. Sometimes unfinished business needs to be discussed and worked on so couples can move on from the other and work on what is best for the children. Sometimes individual therapy is required. At this moment I don’t readily have the name of the speaker but will add it in future when found. Sorry.

Hey Guy Buy Me - First book published (This was written for fun only after working with men forever) It has pictures too www.silvaredigonda.ca

Cologne - I personally like cologne on men. There are times when a man has a scent that just turns me off. There is a popular brand that smells really bad to me when some men wear it. There are others like “Obsession” that really wants me to get close and personal……..remember the pies. Of course there are women out there that who are allergic to colognes. They get headaches if you get too close, so keep that in mind. Please don’t get insulted but teeth are important too. Start brushing if you haven’t and mouthwash is good. Do floss. It is yucky to see food squished between teeth. Nice smell is good. If you can afford to get the dentist to clean your teeth do it and take her suggestions. Forget about your fear of dentists. Get over it. Why do I say her, rather than him? We’ll get to that later. I hope I don’t forget, but now is not the time.

Mattering - Psychology notes from yesterday's lecture.

Yesterday I attended a webinar lecture from York University. The speaker Prof Gordon Flett, Psychologist Professor is from the Faculty of Health. Though I believe he was there when I was a student, I never took any of his courses. The topic is The Role of Mattering in Hope, Health and Fulfillment. Prof Flett stated that Mattering is deeply felt. It satisfies the need to connect with others especially when one feels different. Mattering is an essential resource for life transitions. Morris Rossenberg created “the Mattering Construct” but passed away before he could delve deeper in this work. Mattering means feeling like you are important to others and they are paying attention to you and depend on you, that is they need you. It is being valued by having value to others. If one feels marginalized, one feels that no one cares. Mattering is about people. Fast facts: Less loneliness; better transition to on-line learning; less stress and physical “wear and tear”; Support for efficacy and mattering is one of six keys to positive youth development (Eecles & Gootmon, 2002). One in four gifted UK adolescents have low mattering. The good news of mattering is hope. It is linked with life satisfaction. It provides adolescents with greater hope and positive future orientation, motivation, greater achievement, and less problematic behaviour. (He is in the process of writing a book). You can talk about Mattering at home, at work - greater satisfaction, less job stress and burnout, less turnover from leaving the profession. Mattering in the community and Mattering to a parent. School boards (York, Durham and Niagara) will be implementing Mattering. There is a program of Mattering now being implemented for retirement groups of men and now also with the Military and Police. Dr Flett believes in a promotion to prevent youth homelessness. Promoting Mattering: 1. People by name (see me) 2. Listen actively (pay attention). 3. Give them their sense of voice (hear me). 4. Encourage them (express your belief at them, don’t cut them off) 5. Say no, set limits when needed. 6. Encourage expressing emotions and accept them. 7. Limit any messages of not mattering. Spend time with people. Anytime is quality time. Volunteer, get involved. Let them know when they have been missed. Remember things important to them by reaching out to see all is ok. Parents over estimate that their children know they matter. Too busy. Not checking in. Looking at phone when someone is talking. Share activities, Matter unconditionally. Remember when they were little, that first glimpse of the baby? - that look - keep it when seeing them. International students felt that they didn’t matter due to Racism and Stigma. Older people and adolescents need to feel mattered. Express appreciation. Google Aging Process. Coping with loss - adjustment. Parents need to feel they matter. Important for parents who feel they are no longer needed, to recognize that they are. Any errors here are my own and not that of Prof Flett. This video lecture will be posted at York University. Should you not be able to see it, please let me know and I can post it here for you. It is interesting that yesterday I also read a short article in Psychology today. It stated that one should ask what one needs from his/her partner. I utilize this very much in couple therapy, family therapy and individual therapy.

Warning about Publishers Clearing House scam

Weekly Thoughts - blah Home Show; Word On the Street - Skipping this year in all probability

It has been one of those weeks. One day it is a snow storm and the next it is sunny and of course it takes my breath away. I am sick of winter which seems to drag on mercilessly. I think I prefer cold, cold cold without the ups and downs but of course with global warming this will only continue mercilessly. I did go to the Home Show and found it was very slow without the usual booths I was looking for. Michael Pape Art Inc was there and I enjoyed talking to the Artist. His work is amazing and his love for wild life is amazing. However, I cannot afford his work and I really don't have any more space on my walls at the moment. I did buy a 50. T shirt, but funds go to support the wild life. I did find starbucks coffee and I had a delicious bagel with salmon, pimentos and the works. But, there were no flowers in bloom which I was really looking forward to. The information booth person told me that people don't want to work. I kind of find that hard to believe. Forever the skeptic. Regarding Word on the Street, I have been going every year it was open since I wrote Hey Guy Buy Me. But this year the price is crazy. I would have to take the full two days, rather than one which would cost $850.00. for just a small booth which would be half the size I had last year. The price has gotten c-r-a-z-y. I have a few faithful fans each year and I thank you so much. I haven't published my last book yet which I had been hoping to but I am doing things differently this year. I have joined different writing associations and Authors are amazing people. They share and provide tips and so I am learning more as times goes on regarding the business side of the house. I have not accepted any offers I have received because I think I can do better. However, I have not sent out as many as I should. So I am trying to focus on doing that, but I must admit I am not really interested in that part. I love to write stories but I have come to realize that there is a business side of the house. Publishers seem to being doing less and wanting more and authors are beginning to notice. Stephen King thank you for speaking out on behalf of all of us. York University Retirees are considering having an authors day and I will certainly go to that if they have it. I belong to the Sisters of Crime and if they get a booth at Word on the Street, I will certainly go and it would be free for me. I haven't been an active participant due to other obligations. It is all a work in progress as I learn and share. I want to thank all the people who have bought my books and ebooks directly from me. I appreciate it. I love meeting people at book signing opportunities and when they return I am completely in awe of the support. For now, another week has sped by and I am having difficulty using the brakes. There is so much to do in one lifetime. Have a good weekend. I am also trying to spend as much as possible with Mr Attitude because he seems to need me more, now that Holy Terror is in heaven. Just the other day I found a statue of a cat with wings at HOme Sense. It was made in China but I did it anyway. I will bring it outside in the Spring and place it near flowers. www.silvaredigonda.ca

Research Studies Reflection from a pastoral perspective (theology ) paper

Research Studies Reflection Silva Redigonda Reflection Paper Three Research is such an important aspect of psychology in Canada that at present, there is no psychology degree program that paves a way, without an extensive incorporating program of both statistics and research methods. I have no interest in conducting research because my focus is counselling. However, I acknowledge the importance of research in all my work and am hesitant when statistics and research information is not provided in my learning formation. I think that counsellors and psychotherapists need to have an extensive knowledge of data that has been tested to determine what is best for each client. This paper is one of reflection, and not analytical, I will compare two researches journals, one written by Gubi and the other by Carlson and Erikson and reflect on the importance of objectivity. When reading Carlson’s and Erikson’s paper, I paused wondering if it was a philosophical paper. Key words that I read were repeated throughout the paper, “we believe.., we feel…, we wish…, we have heard…we hold…what we are calling for…we do not believe…” What I heard was subjectivity. Yet, the paper’s format included an abstract and provided a format equivalent to a research journal. Perhaps, I am restricting myself, by being so critical. As this is a reflection paper, I am permitted to ponder but as a student, I also need to evaluate what may be a hindrance, in how my profession as a pastoral counsellor is perceived by professionals, of other disciplines. Reading Gubi’s paper, I immediately feel more comfortable with the objectivity and professionalism of the writing. Gubi provides research sources for his study, while evaluating the benefits and problems that can and have occurred, as it pertains to praying. In contrast, Carlson and Erickson (1999) offer united, extensive, personal beliefs enforced, by the inclusive term of “we”. This stream of personal beliefs overshadows any objectivity. Carlson and Erickson are encouraging personal exploration, in presently deficient training programs (p 58). There seems to be an assumption that the reader is aware of what the training program is. There are so many questions and possibilities to explore. Gubi however, is methodical and systematical in his approach. His purpose is clear, precise and contained, “The purpose of the research was to discover if counsellors who use prayer were aware of, or encountered, ethical problems with their use of prayer” (p 116). As I read each paper, I wonder if Carlson’s and Erikson’s paper published in 1999 is perhaps too dated (p 57) compared to Gubi’s more recent paper, presented in 2009. Does this indicate a progression of sophistication or am I missing something very important? Is it possible, that Carlson and Erikson are presenting a paper that is quite acceptable and I am unfamiliar with? After all, there may be an assumption that I am failing to understand. References are indicated to support statements. But even the references that Carlson and Erikson provide, seem outdated and too lengthy for a paper. Is it necessary to provide 14 references, for one statement especially when it dates from 1978 (p 59)? Is it not more practical to limit references, and to provide the latest information, unless it has a bearing to what the author, wants the reader to know? Carlson and Erikson have something very important to say. An example is that “a therapist will choose a theory that is compatible with his or her own values and world view” (p 59). Again, three references are provided. Rather than look up the references, I would prefer to read how this conclusion was determined. Was this statement based on research or is it also the opinions of the authors referenced? There is ambiguity, when there need not be. This takes away from the purpose of the paper. Gubi is clear in what he wants to project to the reader. He provides easily understood results from the format he uses, such as a table to provide a code for the type of psychological approach used, as well as the gender and qualification of the counsellor. Titles provide a guide for referral, such as “prayer results that can change the way the counsellor is regarded” (p 116). Carlson and Erickson also provide a table, listing the five stances therapists commonly take (p 71). It provided me with the same sense of objectivity as that of Gubi. But it was listed towards the end of the paper and I felt it came a little too late. It is obvious that I have a preference and respect for Gubi’s research article. Unfortunately, I do not feel the same for Carlson’s and Erikson’s paper. Perhaps, it is because I do not understand what kind of paper it is. Perhaps I am assuming that it is not well written, when it may be. Perhaps, I need to be more open to what I read and less critical. Carlson and Erikson are calling for “an integration of personal and theoretical beliefs, for the development of personal ethics” (p 63). This is exactly what I am doing. Carlson and Erikson probably did not presume to have their own paper so critically scrutinized, to support this claim. The points that Carlson and Erikson make are important, “We believe that a therapist should personally believe in the principles and values of the theory that is guiding their work” (p 63). What Carlson and Erikson has failed to do and where Gubi is successful, is convincing the reader by providing substance. Am I being subjective? I don’t think I am entirely. I think that if we are to be taken seriously in our profession, we need to meet a standard that is recognized by the medical field. It is in this reflection, that I realize what is important to me, as I provide a service to others. Science and theology need to be complementary of each other and not separate. Jesus lived among the people of their time. We need a balance of science and theology to be taken seriously. We need to work with professional structures already in place, as well as our hearts.

Hey Guy Buy Me ( This is my first book at only 9.95. I want to keep this Friday light.) Have a good weekend. www.silvaredigonda.ca

Chapter One PRESENTATION Ok men (don’t turn around, I am speaking to you. There is no one here except me and you or is it you and me?). Let us take a stroll down the street and gaze into the windows of shops. You will notice (let’s say it is a bakery) all sorts of treats. What is your preference? Look at what you find interesting. What do you prefer? Is it the appearance of good old fashion apple pie? Take a look at its form, fresh apples protruding from a browned flaky pie crust. Smell the aroma penetrating onto the outside air as the front glass door opens. Yes, good old fashion apple pie. Or, is it the taunting Tira mi su. Yes, with a hint of alcohol in between layers of melting biscuits and cream…….We can go on, and on. Do you get the point? Hey stop looking at the Cherry pie! You are so not there, yet. This is elementary. Don’t worry. I will explain. You are choosing what you want by what appeals to you and your senses. We are going to keep this simple because I don’t want to waste your time. The first thing you must do is make yourself desirable. Don’t laugh. I am serious. Remember when I said aroma…..senses…Yes, you should smell nice and clean all the time. Daily baths or showers are important. Now if you work hard all day and go home smelling like fish, you need to get that smell off you as best as you can. Don’t just accept it because it is part of your job or life or body odor. Find out how to make yourself smell nice and clean. Do you have a mom or sister who can help you with this? Ask her. Don’t just ask any girl (woman). Some women are not as honest as I am. They may be afraid to hurt your feelings (my sister is like that). That will not help you, will it? You will continue to smell badly and girls (women) will try to avoid you. Don’t ask your buddies either, unless you grew up with them, and they are honest with you. You are the competition! Yes, you are now the competition. Get over the loser part. You are going to be the man, when I am finished with you. www.silvaredigonda.ca

Letter for Minister Bennett to request stopping this inhumane treatment/slaughter of our beautiful horses https://www.horseshit.ca

The Hon. Carolyn Bennett House of Commons Ottawa, Ontario K1A 0A6 Dear Minister Bennett, I am writing today to draw your attention to an important issue - that of live horses being shipped as air cargo to Japan for slaughter. In December 2021, a mandate to ban this cruel practice was issued to the Agriculture Minister by PM Justin Trudeau. To date there is still no ban in place and the exports continue. Now is the time to ensure that this barbaric trade ends. I would like to see all parties pulling together to ban these horrific exports and, as my Member of Parliament in the riding of Toronto--St. Paul's, I ask for your support in helping to achieve this. The brutal practice of shipping live draft horses overseas as air cargo violates all decent animal welfare principles and it must stop. Please ask Agriculture Minister Marie-Claude Bibeau to do her job and follow through on the Prime Minister's mandate without further delay! The horses are terrified. They often fall over on take off and landing. Some horses arrive deceased. Imagine making a flight beside your dead comrade and having nowhere to step except on a carcass. They are deprived of food and water for up to 28 hours. They are crammed into small wooden crates and can’t move or lift their heads adequately. They spend countless hours waiting to be loaded and offloaded in horrendous weather conditions- extreme heat and extreme cold. This is a betrayal of the worst kind. Horses are our companions and they are taught to trust us. They’ve fought wars for us, ploughed our fields, pulled our wagons. And this is how we treat them? And that's not all. At the end of the overseas flight, the exported draft horses are at the mercy of the laws and policies of a foreign country - butchered and fed to people raw. Canada doesn't have to be complicit in this. It's time to bring an end to the betrayal and the cruelty! In 2021,nearly 78,000 Canadians called for an end to this trade by signing petition e-3187, sponsored by MP Nathaniel Erskine-Smith. Now a new petition, e-4190, initiated by singer/songwriter Jann Arden and sponsored by MP Alistair MacGregor, is online and rapidly collecting signatures. I look forward to your prompt response and a sincere promise from you that you will support an end to the exports of live horses for slaughter. Thank you. Yours truly, silva redigonda (https://www.horseshit.ca)

Weekly thoughts

I have attached an English paper and a proposal I once submitted successfully. I am still going through my paperwork carefully before discarding anything that may be useful to you. I attended an interesting talk from a professor at York University regarding books and am going to wait until the video is out and place it here for you. I attended another at York regarding body weight which was very interesting. I haven't sent my next book out to many publishers. I have received offers, but none that I am happy with. The professor said that authors are becoming more savy regarding offers (too bad we have to be). He also mentioned Stephen King complaining that offers are low/insufficient to make a living (which I mentioned to you). You should be able to see that one on line. I just mailed out a book yesterday to Eastern Canada and I was surprised that the book transport would be costing more than the book. I will incur some of that cost. Again Corporations want the money and hate sharing properly though they do not do anything creative themselves. Remember what I told you about the farmers? I did do my income tax but am still in the lookout for a learned accountant. I had a really nice guy doing it but he consistenly had to ask questions to someone senior which was disappointing because I knew the answers. I am not going to bang my head. The year has gone much too fast. Anyhow that is it for now. Take care and have a wonderful weekend. If you are interested in buying any of my books check out www.silvaredigonda.ca

BUISINESS PLAN FOR WOMEN FOCUSED PROGRAMS - feel free to use as a template

BUISINESS PLAN FOR WOMEN FOCUSED PROGRAMS By Silva Redigonda, Dated Executive Summary Women based programs will be implemented in partnership with female , staff and of …………community. Security needs and concerns will be examined to implement the empowerment of women by taking ownership of their security concerns. Mission Women of the community perceive ……… as a safe environment by addressing their concerns and ...... providing information to incorporate such perception. OUR KEYS TO SUCCESS Women issues will be addressed by considering and implementing the following: Continue being an active member of the ………. which has included ……. in the past Continue Women For Women where women receive information regarding ………department’s policies, referrals to other departments to deal with their specific concerns and reading material for women in a male free safe environment Proposal for a sexual assault course in conjunction with the ……… Networking with ………….. to determine what the concerns are and initiate programs to meet the demand ACTION PLAN There are two programs in effect, the ………..which I have been asked to stop being a participant upon approval of continuation and Women For Women which has never been offered full support in advertisement. It is proposed that Women for Women continue for another year where it will be afforded its due to succeed. A proposal for a sexual assault course will be forwarded for consideration. Networking has been an ongoing process. I have been and wish to continue being a representative from the ………. for meetings such as sexual assault response, women and safety and women’s s…….. committee. I have also been liaison in general for specific groups such as………………………. etc…where though many concerns have been about women this has not been exclusive. PERSONNEL Silva Redigonda with the assistance ………………… will be responsible for the establishment and maintaining of women based programs. Such programs such as the sexual assault course will be open to both men and women as will be the co-ordinators. Silva Redigonda will continue to act as ........ when timing permits. COST Cost is negotiable. There are women focused groups that will assist with cost if required. Women For Women beverages/ desserts will cost $71.88 weekly. Poster costs and handouts are approximately $500. Courses required will depend on the type, timing and available resources. Estimate is determined at $5000.

The Survival of the Weakest - Essay (English)

THE SURVIVAL OF WEAKEST: THE OLDER WOMAN BY: Silva Redigonda SURVIVAL OF THE WEAKEST: THE OLDER WOMAN Women have survived patriarchy and at what expense? In today’s society, at least in our society, women are educated, have careers, and have the freedom to be a free spirit on equal par with men. Does this have a false note? Perhaps, and perhaps women are no longer considered the weakest link to men. Perhaps, independent living taken for granted by the majority of people is not more restrictive to the older woman. The Older Women's Network identified poverty, housing and community among the needs of older women. The Stone Angel and The Book of Eve are texts illustrating and exploring how an older woman's life is forced into poverty, and how desperately she seeks her identity within her home and community. This is captured in each respective quest as the women escape from their homes in search of their independence and selves. What will be argued is that the older woman suffers poverty and that Housing and Community needs are less than adequate and are not affordable. THE FACE OF POVERTY – THE ESCAPE Older women have been identified as being among the poorest in Canada and getting poorer (Older Women’s Network, pg 11). Beresford-Howe illustrates the fall into poverty when Eva escapes from her husband after forty years of marriage. This escape includes leaving behind the comfort of a middle class environment and its’ possessions. Sadly, the reason for the delay in leaving her husband is simply the need to wait for her first pension check at the age of sixty-five. The following day she escapes. This small pension will offer her the independence she needs but also keeps her living with less than the bare necessities. Sadly, this woman after teaching for fifteen years, and taking her School Board pension in a lump sum, as a downpayment for her mortgage, has no legal claim to her house. Quebec law releases her husband of any responsibility when she chooses to live independently from him (Beresford-Howe, pgs 13 and 27). “You know those days a woman had no property in Quebec, could have no separate bank account…(Beresford-Howe pg 135). The Stone Angel depicts Hagar wanting to keep her house only to learn that it is now considered her son’s property. She had signed the house to him when he took over her business affairs. What she thought of as convenience at the time is now the reality that the house is no longer hers and that her son, Marvin wants to sell her home. Her bank account is also in his name (Laurence, pg 139). Feeling completely dependent without any resources, she too like Eva, runs away with her unsigned pension check and cashes it (Laurence, pg 145). How do these women manage? Eva describes her poverty, “…Have to renew the pressure pills, which leaves so little of my dwindling cash that I don’t buy so much as a toothpick…” (Beresford-Howe, pg 23). Eva realizes how she looks to others after trying to live on a meager pension,” I looked so different now. Just how different, those dark and startled eyes told me plainly enough” (Beresford-Howe, pg 87). “People slide curious eyes at me. Am I talking out loud?… (Beresford-Howe 148). “…they all averted their eyes and hurried past us weirdly drop-outs” Beresford-Howe (pg 180). “But you look so poor”, blurts her niece.” (pg 89) When Hagar escapes, she relishes her freedom. Hagar treats herself with small amounts of her favorite food, learning instantly that the cost for the few items she has bought is surprisingly high (Laurence, pg 148). Hagar finds joy with her new found independence, “I’m not weary at all, nor heavy laden. I could sing” (Laurence, pg 151). But quickly she finds herself desolate as she settles in an abandoned house, “My window has a broken pane, and the rain is slanting in. I realize that I am shivering…I’m terribly cold now, lying upon this lumpy mattress that reeks of mold and damp (Laurence, pg 161). Poverty in exchange for independence is what faces these two women. Eve is basically healthy to deal with and manage her poverty but Hagar, over ninety, is too frail and sick to deal with her homelessness. The Older Women’s Network relates startling figures regarding the average income for women over age 55 in Canada. In 1990 the average income was $17,525. This declined to $17,122, five years later (pg 12). Is this sufficient income for women? Is this sufficient income for anyone in Canada? How does one substantiate decreases with the high cost of living expenses rising each year? Statistics Canada, indicates that women over age 55 having an annual income of $14,999 or below (Older Women’s Network, pg 13) – survival of the weakest. HOUSING AND COMMUNITY The Older Women’s Network identifies that, “one of the most important needs of older women is for adequate and affordable housing located in a community and neighbourhood where they feel at home” (pgs iv, 28). Eva manages to find an apartment in an area of town, less than desirable, while Hagar would rather face homelessness than entry into an old age home. The authors explore the ramifications for older women. Eva describes her apartment as a “hole” (Beresford-Howe, pg 7). But regardless, she also feels that her new residence is her “empire.” (Beresford-Howe, pg 8). Perhaps the move from a middle class community to this “hole” may be the only affordable housing for her but what cannot be ignored and equally important was her lacking sense of community within her life with Burt. She found herself living “mechanically together” with Burt, sharing a roof, a name, a son…(Beresford-Howe, pg 78). She found herself to be a stranger even to her neighbour Janet Gordon who anxiously criticizes her with make believe tales of her disappearance (Beresford-Howe, pg 20). Though poor after her escape, she manages to make her apartment home with things she scavenges such as a plant disposed in the garbage (Beresford-Howe, pg 58). She finds her new life, ”private and satisfying” (Beresford-Howe, pg 58). But, she also falls victim to a deep depression. There is no community center or resources mentioned in the text which can aid Eva or assist her with her transition. Eventually she finds in her community a mate with Johnny Horvath, who re-awakens her sexuality (Beresford-Howe pg 125), and neighbours she makes time for including a young child, Jean-Paul Leblanc and his family, as well as Mrs Cooper (Beresford-Howe, pgs 172,192, and 205). Her old wise Tom Cat is also very much a part of her life as he watches her through the window and graduates to moving into the house (Beresford-Howe, pg 62). Eva has succeeded in making her home adequate for herself though by limited means and much below the level she was accustomed to. What truly enhances her life is her sense of community as she discovers herself. Hagar’s community consists of her family, doctors and the boring minister, Mr Troy, all who seem to want her in a nursing home. Though Hagar is not religious, she is forced to endure Mr Troy (Laurence, pg 117-119). It is not until she runs away that she has a lengthy conversation with someone on her own accord, Murray Lees, “His strangeness interests me and I wonder how I could have thought him a bore.” (Laurence, pg 230) Both share their grief regarding their losses and Hagar is surprised regarding their exchanges, “I’m not sorry I’ve talked to him, not sorry at all, and that’s remarkable… (Laurence, pg 245). She shares much needed laughter with Sandra Wong her roommate in the hospital after being caught by a nurse helping her to the bathroom. “Convulsed with our paining laughter, we bellow and wheeze” (Laurence, pg 302). Hagar appears much more content with her exchange of conversations with people who are not thrust upon her by her family. In this small way she not only gains a sense of community but also a sense of self. The Older Women’s Network found that the “one thing the older women …do not want is to move into a retirement home or senior’s residence…” (pg 32). Most of the reasons found had to do with their independence, privacy and need to continue living in a familiar space. Hagar though very ill and dying is still furiously independent in her mannerism, speech and behaviour as was illustrated by her escape. Hagar considers that perhaps her house is not truly home but it is hers and “familiar.” Hagar is horrified at the idea of leaving familiar grounds for a nursing home, “If you make me go there, you’re only signing my death warrant…How can I leave my house, my things…?.” This need for familiar space is again stressed by Hagar, “How can I leave my house? I don’t want to leave my house and all my things” (Beresford-Howe, pg 119). Hagar wonders what her rights are, “Can I obtain legal advice against a son? How would I go about it?” (Laurence, pg 76). She is unaware of any community services that may assist her. The Older Women’s Network identifies the lack of information that is available to older woman (pg 31). When Hagar is tricked into seeing Silverthreads and asked how she likes it, she replies, “I never cared for barracks.” She describes her surroundings, “ The little cells looked unlived-in and they smell of creosote. An iron cot, a dresser, a bedspread of that cheap…”, (Beresford-Howe, pg 98). The Older Women’s network reveals that 51% of the women felt that cold and unwelcome surroundings were a factor in rejecting retirement homes and seniors’ residences. 
CONCLUSION Poverty, Housing and Community are among the needs of older women, which need to be seriously addressed by society and improved. Margaret Laurence eloquently addresses the predicament a woman finds herself when she is trapped in a marriage because of lack of funds and the consequence of leaving. Sadly, the period is not too long ago and though situations have improved, elderly women are still suffering poverty. Pensions are extremely too low and for women who have never worked outside their home, it is even lower. Constance Beresford-Howe has guided the reader through this journey of poverty---from riches---to rags, and all for independence. Margaret Laurence also takes us on a journey from a seemingly comfortable lifestyle to another escape, this time from the nightmare of a nursing home, barrack like and lacking the warmth of familiar surroundings. Homelessness appears a better option. Again the author addresses the pitfall of poverty and inadequate housing. It is society’s responsibility to take care of our older women. It is our responsibility to ensure that our elderly are comfortable with a suitable pension, and have a voice in what they consider suitable housing and community. Women have survived patriarchy and at what expense.

One final tid bit regarding suicide idealation

Last Saturday I attended a few hours meeting with a group of my alumni peers. I thought it was very interesting when one therapist reported that farmers have four more times the rate of suicide idealation. I thought that this was one important statistic which was missed in the last lecture. However, in all fairness, I believe this is new. The Association for Farmers (I am sure I am not saying this correctly) is organizing to pay for therapy for the farming community which would include vetinarians etc... The only time I reported farming was when I attended a series of lectures at Guelph University. If you check back to that period in my blogs, you will read a piece about how technology is changing for farmers. But there is much more. It appears Corporations are making most of the money and the farmer is at the low end, though in my opinion most important. Their income is not secure and with global warming of course this will in combination with uncertainities contribute to their stress. Another point that was raised is how some suffer because their children don't want to continue with the family business. I love farmers markets and do my best to attend them for selfish reasons. I love fresh produce. However, I also will choose free range eggs from marked local farming communities or other foods rather than from Corporations whenever possible. Something to think about. I wish you all a nice weekend. Here in Toronto we are expecting the worse storm of the season I believe is coming up from Texas. Did I hear that wrong? Anyhow, as long as the electricity and gas stays on I'm good. Take care.

A Business Proposal I once submitted after a sexual assault course. I have deleted anything identifiable - Please feel free to use this as a template

BUSINESS PLAN FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT INVESTIGATION WORKSHOP Executive Summary The Sexual Assault Investigation Workshop will be implemented as an educational tool to educate members of the community regarding sexual assault, stalking laws and how to receive help within the community and outside sources. Mission Goal in implementing this program is to provide resources for survivors of sexual abuse and for awareness training and resource options availability. OUR KEYS TO SUCCESS Networking with police and hospital staff at Sunnybrook Hospital and Women College Networking with support systems within the community The Sexual Assault Investigation workshop shall be advertised using media ). This advertising will be at minimal cost to the department. The program would be set up as follows with some periods modified or eliminated: Day One 0900- 1030 - Victim’s Perspective (a victim would talk about her/his experience) 1030 –1100 – break 1100- 1200 - Victim Services in the Community 1200 -1300 Lunch 1300 – 1430 – Introducing the Sexual Assault Kit 1430 - 1500 – Refreshment break 1500 – 1630 – Criminal code Day Two 0900 – 1030 -Impact on the Victim and Rape Trauma Syndrome (preferably a health practitioner) 1030 – 1100 - break 1100 – 1200 - Sexual assault drugs 1200 - 1300 - lunch 1300 - 1430 - Initial Contact / Interview Day Three 0900 – 1030 - Interview Suspects 1030 - 1100 - break 1200 - 1300 - lunch 1300 - 1430- Protecting Crime Scenes PERSONNEL Silva Redigonda will be responsible for the establishment and coordinating and maintaining this program. Silva Redigonda will be inviting COST Training is estimated at $2000. Poster Costs and handouts are approximately $500. Beverages/desserts is estimated at $100 - $300 for each workshop. Silva Redigonda date

For Love of Country - Military Policewoman www.silvaredigonda.ca

“You have to gain five pounds. 130 pounds is the minimum required weight. Those nails…” She stared at my hands in disgust. “Gone! And your hair…” she hissed, “must be short.” At the time, my dark mane reached to my buttocks, and that is how I had always worn it. When I was a child, my mother braided my hair or pinned it up. She told me that when I was very young I had cut one braid, forcing my parents to cut the other side to make it even. After that, never again, only trims to keep the ends healthy. Peter had refused to cut it all at once. “It would be too much for you my dear. We will cut it in stages. That will be much better for you. Oh my, such beautiful hair… why?” I continued to stare at my new image and wanted to cry. After spending the remainder of the afternoon with Sally and Rebecca, that evening I stayed home to be with my family. It was my last night before leaving for the Armed Forces. “You will write once a week, at least,” my father instructed. “Yes Daddy,” I responded. He loved to be addressed as Daddy. He hated Pops, tolerated Father and Dad, but cringed and hollered upon hearing the term “Old Man”, whether it was directed at him or not. “On the first day of each month you may phone…” he continued, “… and you better make it in the Armed Forces!” At eleven that night my last telephone call came to wish me luck. It was Twig. She was slightly older than I and we had been friends for a while. Her mother owned a delicatessen and I remember sleeping over at her house and stuffing myself with pastries. We always had fun. Twig married young and was unhappy about it. Her husband played in a band and wore makeup. She was afraid that he enjoyed the makeup a bit too much. After exchanging promises to write, we[…]” Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “For love of country : military policewoman.” www.silvaredigonda.ca