Couplehood in Close Quarters: Impact of COVID on Couples (notes)

One of the lectures I attended during the American Association of Family Therapists conference is about the impact of COVID on couples. It was reported that there was an imbalance of work division. Couples were going back to traditional roles. Keep focus on effect from each other and not the income. How one was socialized came into the relationship and re-socialized. When changes need to be met, it is very difficult to make those changes. Why do I need to change? Having that conversation is needed. Blended families during COVID had to be re-organized. Children went from one home to the other. Some used the pandemic to stop visits. People didn’t always agree with how the other family dealt with COVID. Rules may have changed for pick up. New partner had to agree with partners from other family. There was a feeling of helplessness. Everyone had to agree/deal with COVID. There was a need to communicate and find a compromise. This also had an affect on grandparents and non-biological family members and the community, causing problems for each other. Children often play one parent against the other. Child may say my mom lets me play in the park when the step mother doesn’t. Empty nesting - can be stressful - can have major changes. Some teens decided to stay home when parents thought they were moving out. After empty nesting, divorce increases. There was no prom, families visiting etc…Many other rituals were abruptly taken away. There was a reconstruction of identities, parents of first grads, actually driving to their child’s school and mock a move in to residence. Couples planning derailed. Couldn’t sell their houses when they had planned to. Pandemic forced close contact among couples and families. More challenges of not being able to see doctors on top of transitioning to retire. Recommendations: Finding new meaning. How to reconnect themselves. Seeking a new mate during the pandemic, individual adults and non-monogamous were forced to put on the brakes, which at times caused havoc. Others dating were faced with challenges - had to negotiate with themselves and others. For non-monogamous it was back to listing new agreements. Example: two primary couples, rules - conflict between new and long term couples. Didn’t agree in masking, and same rules on couples. There were new forms of lying and betrayal. Some were less concerned about safety. There was an increase in fertility during the pandemic. Others because of uncertainty, decided to postpone. Others in fertility had to postpone because resources were for COVID. Couples had to put things on hold. Others re-awakened the thought of having children and other partners may have changed their mind. Revisited if desired children or not. Families missed activities. What does it mean to be bored with your partner? How do you go on a date without going anywhere? Virtual movie nights and dress up and mimic going out. In my own practice what I found was people having more of a burden of work. There was an expectation that because people worked at home they could produce more or because a parent was at home, the role of mother involvement could increase, while the partner did not help. Duties had to be re-defined. I did at times recommend that a parent return to the office to decrease stress. We must also acknowledge that abuse increased.