CONFUCIANISM – CHILDREN AND PARENTS

By Silva Redigonda The parent and child relationship varies from family to family. This essay will depict the parent and child relationship according to Confucianism. This view will be compared to that of the Roman Catholic Church. Finally, a theological reflection will be provided as it pertains to the parent and child from this writer’s perspective. Confucius was born around 551 B.C. in what is now Shantung province. At the age of three Confucius’ father died and he was raised by his mother. That Confucius was raised by a single parent and found himself in “a not too successful marriage” in his twenties is significant because Confucius placed great importance on the family. Confucius’ approach to love was that it extended outwards, although less intensely, from the family center. Confucius believed that there are five basic constant relationships and that specific relationships are each different and reciprocal. These are referred to “The Five Constant Relationships,” one being those between parent and child. “Parents should be loving, children reverential” (Smith, pp 175-176). Confucius expected one to serve his parents as he would expect his children to serve him. A list of expectations of the child’s duty towards his parents is from warming the bed for the parent to how a son should specifically stand (Novak, p.121). Confucianism ideal of a relationship between child and parent appears specific and rigid. Yet this can be compared to the Roman Catholic translation of the fourth Commandment. The fourth Commandment is explicit to honoring one’s parents. Here too there is a reciprocality of a child’s expectation toward a parent and a parent toward a child. Grown children are responsible towards their parents. “As much as they can, they must give them material and moral support in old age.” There is a list of duties for children as there are for parents, “Parents must regard their children as children of God and respect them as human persons.” Unlike Confucianism it is not taken to the extreme to the point of how a child stands but the time of Confucianism and the interpretation of the commandment is of separate eras. There is a clear similarity though not all Catholics may understand this. For many the commandment is not taken reciprocal. The belief is that children should honor the parents and not vice versa. Confucianism, however, is very clear, certainly because Confucius was an educator. Catholicism and Confucianism both have strong positive values when it concerns the family unit. Both are reciprocal. Both seem clearly guided. Both are of another time. How does this apply in our modern era? What does this raise for me? If all people carried the basic principal of honouring each other as parent and child our world would be reasonably better off. Both religions clearly understand the importance of such close relations and the associated responsibility. However, children are too often exploited by one or both parents. It is far too common for a child to be physically or sexually abused by a parent who is entrusted to care for the child. Children also physically abuse their parents, rob them and in today’s society abandon them by ignoring them, in a world they find too busy. There is also the parent child relationship that is wonderful, aspiring, spiritual and warm. This is life. I think that there is a need of guidance for parents and children to promote a healthy relationship. Total obedience may not be practical or justified when a child is abused. The child needs to break away from that silence. This has significance to me as a counsellor. Too often, counsellors do not want to deal with a child because of the complications such as having to report cases of abuse. After recently attending a seminar and learning that a counsellor may see a child without the parent’s knowledge as long as the child is competent in the counsellor’s opinion makes it a lot easier for me to report the parent. In the past, when I revealed that I would have to report any type of abuse, the parent would not permit me to see the child again. I have learned. A child is not property. A child is a human being that should be afforded protection. The limitation of the readings is that a child is expected to behave for the parent without exception. There is a denial that a parent is unsuitable. There are so many different types of relationships with children and parents. Some are healthy and others are not. Parents do not require a degree to raise children and perhaps they do not have enough resources to learn. Others inspire a child to grow into a healthy human being. I marvel in church when I hear a priest guiding a parent to be loving toward a child and vice versa. I cringe when I hear that the parent is to be honoured and it is left with parent and child to take it literally. I think of how my own parents who formed me and provided me with a template to become who I am today. Confucius realized the importance of guidance for a parent towards his child and a child towards his parents. Our Catholic tradition does as well. BIBLIOGRAPHY Catechism Of The Catholic Church. Publication Service, Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops: Ottawa, 1994. Novak, Philip. The World’s Wisdom. Sacred Texts of the World’s Religons. Harper Collins: New York, 1994. Rodrigues Hillary and Robinson Thomas, World Religions. A guide to the Essentials. Peabody, Massachusetts.: Hendrickson Publishers, 2006. Smith, Huston. The World Religions. 50th Anniversary Edition. Harper Collins: New York, 1991.