Promoting Compassionate Psychosocial Spiritual Care and Counselling During COVID 19 Crises Demands - Challenges - Responses

Monday I attended a full day workshop with TCPCE (Toronto Centre for Psychotherapy and Counselling Education) held by Eugene Dufour. He is with Huron Perth Palliative Care Outreach Team, Palliative Care, Bereavement - Trauma Specialist and Death Notification Trainer. It was a long day, an emotional day and a very productive day. I was quite impressed with the speaker and believe I talked to him at a Conference a few years back where again he impressed me. He said he will be sending us all the slides and that we can remove his name, put ours on because what is important is that the message gets out. I would never do that but after being to so many seminars, conferences etc….I am at times disappointed at how rigid some are about slides. I agree that it is important to educate and let the public know, however, I also believe it is unethical to take someone else’s work and claim it as my own. So, here goes, from my notes because I don’t have yet have the slides. Once I receive them, I will definitely share. Eugene is a Psycho Spiritual Care Specialist and I shall refer to him as Eugene. Much of what he talked about resonated with me and thus that stirred up much of our shared experiences. He spoke of one person who had come home to die and when the parents were called they said that they did not have a son. I have found this happening as well, when children do not turn out the way their parents would like them to be. I see adults struggle and conform to what their families want at their own sacrifices. I see this not only in dealing with grief but also family systems. I worked as an intern with HIV patients, cancer and palliative care. I have to commend people who work for years seeing so many suffer. In my own practice I have the luxury of selecting my own hours, my own EAP’s etc…..I can manage self care to be the best I can for my clients. For others working in retirement homes or hospitals cannot afford this luxury. I have closed down my office during the second wave and went totally on line or telephone. But there are those who physically stay with patients as they die and be there with them so they do not have to die alone. Working with HIV patients was not my plan. However, no one wanted to work with HIV on my team and when the Head nurse said we were needed, I knew that if I didn’t volunteer, no intern would be available. That time in the hospital I witnessed so much pain and suffering that I would come home and just stare at my garden engulfing myself with nature. However, now, years later, I know I made a difference in many lives. For two months I was also working daily. I would never recommend that. It takes a toll on people. I knew it was for only two months and that made it workable. Again, I was in multiple programs. I saw families completely disowning children because they were gay. I have spoken about one, whose family was only concerned if they would get any money from him. Imagine a mother refusing to see or care about her dying son simply because he is gay but ask if there will be any inheritance for her. There are incidents of course that I can never share, but that is one of the reasons why I recoil when I hear about how wonderful mothers are as their children suffer. Of course this is not all mothers and perhaps only a small percentage. I don’t have the stats but that is something Clergy should be mindful as they tell children to obey, especially when they are being abused. This does not only involve mothers. This involves all facets of society. A niece may tell her uncle that if the uncle marries in his late age, he will be disowned by the family. Unfortunately this type of bullying often works and the uncle is left behind mourning a life without his love that could have happened. It is so interesting for me to work with families. I see the dynamics of how one who seems emotionally balanced can become a shadow of themselves when surrounded by family. I can see a seemingly mild person become the dominant aggressive person in the room with family who are completely controlled by the person regardless of their education or career. The take away today is to think of your own family and your position in it. Are you living the life you want to live? Are you an adult and feel controlled? Are you a teen being abused? Are you surrounded by so many people who think that they know what is best for you, regardless of your own feelings? Perhaps it is time to examine your life and what it is you really want? Perhaps if you are a parent with grown children, you should ask yourself, why you feel you can control them? Are you abandoning your child right now because they think differently than you or act differently than you would like? Perhaps it is time for you to reflect why this has dominated your life to the point that it effects the love of someone in your family? That is all for now. Work is calling. To be continued…..