The Black Family: Representation, Identity and Diversity

This morning I woke up very early, excited to start my day so I thought I would begin with letting you know about the lecture I attended yesterday with the American Association of Family Therapy. It was free and I received an education credit of one hour so how could I resist? As you know if you have been reading my blogs I have attended quite a few lectures about racism in the past year. I really enjoyed this one. The panel consisted of five black men and women, all family therapists, Camille Lafleur, Phd, Dr George James, Joslyn Armstrong Phd, and Dr Michael Lee Cook. It was respectful and in line with my own education. What did I learn? One of the panelists indicated that for the black community they can only trace their roots for about four generations. Of course. I have watched documentaries about this. Recently I just watched a movie about the heroic Harriet Tubman. What an amazing woman who gained so much freedom for slaves, a slave herself who through determination and love for freedom gained it for herself and many others. I think of the amazing woman whom I shall never forget who talked to me for a full day, she on her way to Savanah and me to Disney World via train. Her father was born a slave on a cotton plantation. My thoughts return to another experience while in Savanah myself driving around looking for a plantation which I never found and when I stopped and asked for directions, a man told me there had been no such thing. There were no plantations in the past that had slaves. I wondered if he was embarrassed or ignorant. My studies in my Masters program was very much understanding cultures and religion. It has served me well in my practice. Toronto is very multicultural. I will at times have clients reach out to me because I am Catholic or Italian descent or have a degree in Ministry and Spirituality or just because they like my picture. I grew up in Toronto where my name was very unusual. It was often of interest to my teachers and I would normally be asked what nationality I was. For a while I wasn’t sure. When I was a good girl I was from Switzerland and not such a good girl I would be Italian. Harmless fun, but I would say I was from Switzerland for a few years. I was fortunate that I could go home and be mentored. As a therapist now I see so much struggle in families and couples and within individuals. The panelists focused on the importance of the different cultures. If I have a client from Africa or a client from Jamaica or elsewhere, that is very much what defines the person. What the panelists stated was the importance of food and music. I love food. Even though I have never mastered cooking, I certainly love someone who can cook well. I was raised with that. My mom was an amazing cook. My father loved her food. My mother’s tip to me was to use butter. Butter is the trick. Last night I ordered from the Mandarin and wondered why my vegetables don’t taste as good. What am I doing wrong? What am I talking about? Food is important to me. Music? I like most music. My radio in my car doesn’t work anymore but when it did just before the pandemic, I had it loud and a young black youth, was staring at me, and began laughing his head off and gesturing in amusement. He couldn’t stop laughing which eventually annoyed me. However, it also dawned on me that the music I was listening to, in his mind was not music I should appreciate. He had perhaps labeled it, his music. That had happened to me years ago when driving a convertible (that car died too), a black man driving beside me asked if I really liked that music. I said yes and he shook his head in disbelief. While at Canada Day celebrations, a few brown skinned men sitting together remarked how surprise they were that white people appeared to be liking the music they enjoyed. I share this because it is all bias. There is an assumption from individuals because they are looking out at the world from their own lens. This is very much in line with presumptions about women and their roles and what defines a man. One question from the audience was, if it is ok for a white person to provide therapy to a black person and I was relieved to hear yes. Because, I know there are biases there as well. She said what a white therapist should be is authentic. That is important. I was going to give up AAMFT because it is expensive, especially paying in Canadian money and because I thought it was no longer relevant to me. But it is. Sometimes you need to pay for what you get. I know many cannot afford to remain with them anymore because of all the costs we incur here in Canada. I have been with AAMFT since I was a student in three programs. I was with them, doing my Masters and in the Toronto School of Theology with Pastoral Counselling. That certainly kept me busy. Recently here in one of the areas outside Toronto, what they call the GTA, a city council group I believe of some sort, got into the news because what they had posted trying to celebrate Black History month. Of course I always see the humour and could not help but chuckle as I heard what they were suggesting. The one that had me in hysterics was something like take a black person out to lunch and get to know the person. Really? They also suggesting eating a particular food etc… How condescending can that be? Well think about what I have just said. We each have our own lens. Can we speak for all? Their justification was that they had two people who were black in colour on their board. We need more education for those trying to educate. I need to keep my chuckles and laughter in check, however humour is very good for me and in my practice. One of the panelists remarked having two young children and her daughter has curly hair. She will gravitate towards a little girl who looks like her when choosing a book. This is important. I didn’t think it was a big deal when I was a teen that dolls were all white. I do now. White is not the end all. Educators need to get a wake up call and teach the different religions and experiences and politics world wide. We need to grow. We need to understand who we are as individuals, a reflection of all we have experienced. Recently I also watched the movie Concussion with Will Smith portraying Dr Bennet Omalu, who discovered during an autopsy that a football player had died because of the repeated trauma to his head. This man was/is brilliant, very educated and from Nigeria. He had to use his own money to research this. What did this movie demonstrate to me? Here is an intelligent man who was dismissed because he was a threat to football. People were dying and he took the interest and discovered why. He had to move. Yet, he prevailed and eventually gained the respect he should have received immediately. I am trying not to tell you to much because both movies are worthwhile watching. Why not show a movie a month in school about something similar and have a discussion. Have it be respectful and begin a zero tolerance for any kind of abuse. I remember myself as a child watching documentaries about the concentration in elementary and reading “Black like me.” Seven years later it was gone from the same school. Why? Anyhow, enough for now. Have a good weekend.