Are you ready for Christmas? Made in China....using acronyms - gotcha

Recently I was asked if I was all ready for Christmas. Ready? For Christmas? Naught! Times goes so fast and putting on the breaks just doesn't do it. So yesterday while conducting one of my chores, I happened to be at a store and noticed a beautiful house coat with two accessories of soap or lotions, presented and packaged so beautifully that it caught my eye. It had an opening ecouraging me to touch the softness. The marketing worked. I approached the beckening gift and picked it up for closer observation. I did not touch the tempting fabric. I read where it was made. I was confused. It had three letters. I approached the saleswoman and asked where the item was made. She looked at it and said it was made in the U.S. I told her it was packaged there but not made there. She nods and notices the three letters. She then went to Siri and asked. I hear the voice indicating it is from the Republic of China. Gottcha! It is made in China. The saleswoman states they are trying to fool us. I respond that the mega companies think we are all stupid. I inform the Saleswoman that I only buy Canadian, USA or European (or at least I try to) I buy from other non communist countries where people are not exploited. I saved some money as I walk away from what was a tempting parcel. Christmas is that time of year that I try to get everyone I care for something. I want them to know that I am thinking of them. I want to make them smile. Christmas is so quickly approaching and I realize that I should begin to write my cards. December is the month, that aside from work, I focus on family and friends. I make a point to visit everyone in their home or ours. Christmas is also a time that is very difficult for many. It can consume some with saddness. Not all homes are happy ones. Some homes are very abusive and sometimes Christmas can triggr many unhappy memories. This Christmas why not make a point of changing negativity into something positive. Don't have any family at all or don't want to be with family? Start thinking if it is possible to forgive. Volunteer at a food bank or shelter to help someone else have a taste of being cared for even if it is only at Christmas. Take that time to do something nice for someone else and focus on how that makes you feel? Visit a lonely senior. Take an animal for a walk from a shelter. Move away from all the electronics and go out and feel the joy of Christmas and being with people. It may be contagious. If it is too much to take, see someone professionally before it consumes you. Find a support group. Suffering alone is not helpful. You need to make the changes yourself. Reach out for that help. Christmas is coming and I have a hope for all who need it that this is the year that one reaches out for a helping hand and finds joy. What do you think?

A moment with a veteran

It has been busy. Too busy. However, now I can slow down. I have attended at least three conferences, education days etc….revolving around the person of the therapist, ethics etc….I have been to functions and was even a clown at the Christmas parade. When I got a call for another function, this weekend, too tired, I had to decline. Play hard and work hard has its moments and too much fun can be exhausting as well. So, it is time to refocus and R&R. I have been thinking of my horror story which I have spent more time on thinking, than any other book I have written. Normally I have a thought and just write. However, this is a scary story and in the Christmas spirit which is my favourite time, it is difficult to think of horror. Or is it? There is much sadness during the holidays for too many. I will figure it out. Yesterday I had a day off for a bit of fun and other stuff so after an appointment, I decided to have breakfast at Tim Horton’s, prior to my next function. I normally prefer to make my own breakfast because I buy free range eggs which are bigger and healthier looking. It also tastes fresher. That is just me. I brought my Dean Koontz, The Silent Corner with me to read. I am almost three quarters finished, and read portions whenever I just want to read for fun. Dean Koontz is one of my favourite writers. After one book, I was hooked. So, I get my order, ask the server to clean my table, which I never had to do in the past. Tim’s was always clean. I sit, open my bag of an egg and cheese on a tea biscuit with hash brown and my enormous coffee which they call medium. I begin to eat and then while sipping my coffee, I open my book and begin to read. I become fully immersed, oblivious to the full coffee shop. I have read for about ten minutes, no longer noticing that I am turning pages when I hear a man with a loud and anxious voice asking who is the vet. It distracts me, partially thinking that the man is looking for a veterinarian since there is an animal hospital near by. I don’t look up as I am really enjoying my moments with Dean Koontz. Again the man bellows who the vet is and talks about the make of my car with my IV plates. He gets my attention. I am wondering how my car got into trouble without me in it. I feel my heart pacing, from the tranquility I was feeling, reading about a woman, bad guys want to kill as she tries to find answers of who killed her husband. I look up towards the voice and see the anxious tall man, looking at me. I wonder how he knows, as I say “I am.” He tells me he served for ten years and where. He asks me and I tell him, how many years I served outside my country. He continues with which regiment he served and now it is my turn, and I comply. He then tells me his occupation now and wants to know if I am doing anything. I reply that I am a psychotherapist. He is standing in the middle of the coffee shop while I am sitting by the window. He found me. He wanted a moment with a fellow veteran in a city which he travels to work but does not live in. The commute seems incredible to me and I wonder how often he gets to go home. There is no time. He came in to get a coffee to go, but he also had a need to know who the veteran was because that is the connection. That is the recognition of one knowing another by shared experiences. He leaves and I return to my reading. I continue to wonder how he knew it was me. I look around the coffee shop and believe there could have been others who were veterans, but he knew. One woman almost turned around to look at us, but stopped herself. All others seemed as oblivious as I had been earlier. It was a special moment. I too have approached other veterans but a tad more subtle. I ponder how when there is education of therapy in how to deal with the veteran the focus is the mindset of the military culture. I know that there are some trying to reach out and wonder of the effectiveness. Treating veterans as a strange specie is not the answer. I haven’t seen that with any other group. If I was wealthy I would have a place where veterans and emergency persons could go and only be surrounded by others who are the same and are now therapists etc…. It would be a safe place where one can find opportunities for therapies, including group therapies, help with resumes, or any other supportive requests. I think of the homeless veterans who do not identify themselves as such because of shame. They are proud. They need a place to be where they can re-adjust and feel valued by being with their own. It would have a recreation area, a library, a fire place and a few cots to sleep or rest. It would have a cinema room, a pool table, a dart area. It would be alcohol free and that would need to be enforced. No others would be allowed except for special functions or open houses. However, there would be a coffee shop adjacent to it where one could bring their loved ones and there would also be a space for couple and family therapy adjacent to that coffee place. Why don’t we have this? What do you think? www.silvaredigonda.com www.redigondapsychotherapy.com

Colours / barriers

I have just one more mini mini lecture I attended at Deerhurst. I don’t have the name of the lecturer but it is from an art committee at CAMH. John Henry was/is on the project. What was said is that colours will be bright but the wood would be tectured, for clients to feel comfort. Pastoral Connection by helping them with art. The question is, “Do you want to do art? No. Want to take pictures? Their reality was creative. When one is arrested and not seen as responsible he or she can be placed within for 6 months, for review in a security environment. In the Criminal process it would be less time. There is extensive renovation now at CAMH. I do my best to maintain an office peaceful for clients. The walls are white and the floors are wooden. I have books and some plants and artwork. I normally ask clients if they are comfortable. My objective is to provide a peaceful and safe atmosphere as well as a comfortable one which is warm in the winter and cool in the summer. I take all feedback seriously. People are able to express themselves through art. I have found it extremely important when one cannot verbalize how one feels but can do so by drawing a smile or frown and using colour to express their own emotions. www.redigondapsychotherapy

Last lecture from annual conference last spring. Disenfranchised grief.

I thought I would just cut and paste the paper I asked for regarding the last session which I did not report to you until now. This is the research and paper from Aubrey McCann eta.....listed below from Brock University. I thank them for the information which I share with you. I have written to you about grief before as I have attended lectures and from notes I have taken. I have also studied grief in the Pastoral Counselling studies. As I am still providing notes from recent lectures and undergrad psychology notes, I shall eventually get there. I have one more day event to attend about ethics and that should be it for the year. I won't be providing notes for that. I still have a few notes from the last education event about journaling. That shall come. www.redigondapsychotherapy.com Disenfranchised Grief: The Toll of Unacknowledged Loss on Well-Being Aubrey McCann, Jessica Ralph-Emberley, Kathryn Belicki, & Joshua Black Paper presented to the annual meeting of the Canadian Association for Spiritual Care, April, 2018, Huntsvile, ON Note: font in green represents a transition to a new slide. As we look at disenfranchised grief, we need to begin with the fact that humans are quintessentially a social species. There is lots of evidence for this. For example, events are much more likely to be experienced as traumatic and exert a greater toll on us when they involve a disruption of a social bond, which is why betrayal cuts so deeply and is so hard to forgive. And so it follows that bereavement is particularly painful because of that loss of a cherished social connection. Having social connections is such a part of who we are as a species that the loss of someone close can be experienced as part of yourself dying. Consider this quote from one of the participants in our research: It is definitely the most intense grief I have ever experienced...as if a piece of my soul was ripped out. (Miscarriage study, birth mother, age 35) Therefore it is no wonder then that social support is so helpful in times of bereavement. That brings us to the important distinction between grief and mourning. Grief is the inner and private experience of loss—what you feel in your mind, spirit and body. In contrast, mourning is the public expression of grief. Mourning publically allows us to convey our pain to others, thereby inviting them to support us, and therefore can play an important role in helping people to process their grief. But what happens when grief is disenfranchised? What do I mean by disenfranchised grief? This is when the grief we feel is not acknowledged or validated by others. When is grief disenfranchised? When it is not “permitted”—for example, if you love someone that those around you don’t approve of. When it is not understood—I know a woman who had a very abusive husband whom she left. When he died several decades later, she was devastated because she had never stopped loving him. But most people around her didn’t give his death a second thought. She certainly wasn’t plied with condolence cards, let alone visits and casseroles. As a result with disenfranchised grief we don’t get the benefits of mourning—the support that ideally comes with mourning. Therefore, it is not surprising that initial research has found that the more we feel disenfranchised in our grief, the greater the grief intensity. So our research team did two studies aimed at better understanding the effects of disenfranchisement on grief. Our analyses are ongoing but let me share what we have so far. In one study we studied people who had lost a dog or cat in the prior six months, a loss that can be disenfranchised. For example in a talk given by Joshua Black, a person said “ I don't know why people grief over a pet, they can just get another one” The second study was of people who had experienced a miscarriage in the prior year, a loss that can be under estimated by others, and all the moreso if it is early in the term. In both studies the participants were adults, mostly US residents, who were enrolled in an online employment pool managed by Amazon. They were mostly Caucasian (84% in pet loss, 66% in the miscarriage study), and mostly well educated (though we had a range from pre high school through graduate school). We also had multiple warnings about not participating if this was a time when they felt vulnerable, and we had a number of people leave the survey after those warnings. So this was a group that was doing relatively well emotionally. In the pet loss study there were 199 participants (108 men, 91 women, 0 other) of whom 99 had lost a cat and 100 had lost a dog in the prior six months. They ranged in age from 18 to 69 with a mean of 32.5. We thought that grief over a cat would be even more disenfranchised than a dog, but at least in our sample we were wrong--there was no difference in grief intensity or in feeling disenfranchised, so we ended up treating it as one sample. We asked participants about the nature of their relationship with their pet and provided a list of options ranging from the very intimate (e.g. a child) to potentially impersonal (a possession, a status symbol) and instructed them to check off all that applied. Most endorsed something in the relationship end; specifically In the order endorsed this is what participants indicated: Friend 81.5% Companion 77.9% Pet 69.68% One who loves me 66.3% Child 30.2% Guard 11.1% Therapy dog/cat 9.0% Sibling 7.5% Possession 6.0% Caregiver 4.0% Parent 1.0% Status Symbol 1.0% Worker 0.5% Other (“Teacher”) 0.5% Other (“My Mr. kitty face”) 0.5% On a self rating scale of how much they were grieving from 1 (not at all) to 7 (very intensely grieving), 7% indicated not at all or very little while 24.5% indicated intensely or very intensely grieving and the mean was 4.5 (half way between “moderately grieving” to “somewhat intensely grieving”). We asked about public mourning—how frequent and how intense—and found there was a real disconnect between grief and mourning. While only 7% had none or little grief, 63.7% reported no or very little public signs of mourning. So as a group they were feeling more grief than they were showing to the world. So if we know an animal has died, we shouldn’t wait for a public sign that the person is grieving to offer condolences. In the second study, we focused on miscarriage defined as any death before birth and our final sample had 226 individuals including 140 birth mothers (139 women, 1 other) and 86 partners (83 men, 3 women). We thought partners’ grief would be even more disenfranchised, but again there were no differences in disenfranchisement or grief intensity in this sample. They ranged in age from 20 to 50 with a mean age of 31. As with the pet loss study, we saw a disconnect between grief and mourning. 19.6% of birth mothers and 14.3% of partners reported that they were currently experiencing no or little grief. In contrast, 17.4% of birth mother and 21.4% of partners were experiencing intense or very intense grief, but 59.9% of birth mothers and 59.3 % of partners reported no or very little public mourning. So as a group showing much less than they experience. In this study we asked explicitly about support: 28.4% of birth mothers and 19.5% of partners wished they had received more support; 50% and 58.5% said the support received was about right, and just to show that things can be complicated, 21.5% and 22% received more support than they wanted. So again generally well supported. That said, when asked if they had received condolence gifts such as food or flowers, about 50% said they received nothing. This suggests to me that people have lesser expectations about support when they lose a pre-term baby than when another class of family member dies—and this may in turn affect their perception, seeing themselves as more supported than tey actually are. We asked a number questions about their involvement and closeness to the fetus—whether participants had set up a bedroom; whether they had discussed their pregnancy with others or on social media,and a number of questions about whether they had thought about the future of the baby. The questions that were most highly endorsed were questions about the future. Between 2/3’s to ¾’s depending on the question said they had spent quite a bit of time imagining what the baby would look like when they grew up, their personality, what the baby would do in life, etc. So whereas with the pets for many they had lost a source of social support, with the miscarriages people had lost a future. And this reflected in their night dreams, by the way, where they often dreamt about an imagined future—toddler playing in the yard or even the baby as a young adult. So one way into a conversation is to remember that with animals it’s about the relationship they’ve lost so talking about what that animal was or is to the person is a good avenue -and with the miscarriage it’s about the loss of a future. So asking about that future they had imagined is likely a good approach . Here’s another quote: I was just surprised at how attached I got to an unborn child, the thought of what could have been. (Miscarriage study, male partner, age 27) In addition to the kinds of questions I have described, in the pet loss study participants completed several measures Inventory of Traumatic Grief—a measure of complicated extreme and protracted grief Witnessing of Disenfranchised Grief—a measure of disenfranchisement, whether you were supported in your grief. Physical health Continuing Bonds—a range of experiences which have at their core a continuance of the relationship after death Two measures of attachment and closeness to the animal Questionnaire concerning dreams about the deceased In the miscarriage study, they completed Inventory of traumatic grief Witnessing of Disenfranchised Grief Continuing Bonds Questionnaire concerning dreams about the deceased RESULTS When we looked at the correlations among these measures they basically behaved exactly the way they do in studies of conventional grief—for example we have studied grief following spousal or romantic partner death. As in our study of partner loss, we observed moderate correlations between grief and continuing bonds and having worse physical health. Even the mean scores on the traumatic grief measure were quite comparable. This is a measure of extreme intensity grief. It includes items like “Ever since_____________ died I feel like I have lost the ability to care about others.” As a result the means tend to be low. So comparing our three studies we find Pet Loss, M = 2.21, SD = 0.78 Miscarriage M = 2.59, SD = 0.81 Spousal loss M = 2.85 SD = 0.79 Where 2 = “Rarely = once a month or more, less than once a week” and 3 = “Sometimes = once a week or more, less than once a day” In terms of the disenfranchisment measure. We expected less grief in people who had more support, and while that is generally true it is proving to be more complex. In the pet loss study we found that having support was related slightly to less traumatic grief but there was no relation to just grief ratings. Probably the issue here is that a lot of this sample was now doing well. In the miscarriage study a slightly more complicated picture appears—having support was slightly associated with MORE traumatic grief but with lower ratings of grief. Best guess at this point—people whose grief is now in the complicated or traumatic range are more likely to elicit some support, but that aside, control for it statistically, for most people less support means you suffer more. So clearly more research needed and in that vein a participant made an excellent observation—we didn’t ask about detractors. In both studies we also asked for feedback about the study with open ended questions, and this provided an unexpectedly rich set of material. People didn’t just comment on the study, but on their experience. There were some excellent descriptions disenfranchisement: Nobody wanted to touch this. When you're the husband, people REALLY don't know how to approach your grief. They wonder if I was really connected to the baby, was I really invested, can I be in pain over something I never even felt? I just kept to myself and grieved privately with my wife. I didn't want to reach out to anyone because it might make them uncomfortable, both with me being the husband and us being non-religious. Everyone always loves to say god got another angel or some such crap. (Miscarriage, male partner, age 31) I felt like people didn't know how to go about helping me. They were unsure of what to say, because it wasn't quite a still birth, or like a real child that I had held and loved died. People know what to do when your dad dies, or even a child that you've raised for a while. When it's something like this, everyone is almost completely silent. They have no idea what it feels like unless it happens to them. Which I don't blame anyone for. How could they know that it's EXACTLY like that, like losing your dad or a child you've raised? (Miscarriage, birth mother, age 34) Perhaps what was most telling was that the most common response from participants was to thank us for having this study and for giving people the opportunity to share their experience, with several making it clear that this was a rare opportunity. In 45 years of doing research, I have never had so many people thank me. Here’s a particularly eloquent example. Thank you very much for this opportunity. It has been a difficult time for me to cope with this loss, because it is the first time I've experienced a pet loss in my adult life. I find that it's been much more difficult now than when I was a child, as this cat was entirely my responsibility. He was afflicted with bladder cancer, and died young and suddenly. The very quick turnaround from diagnosis to putting him to sleep resulted in a strong sense of disbelief about the event. I'm getting better about accepting it now, but the emotional pain is still prominent. I appreciate this opportunity to give my honest responses about how this has affected me. I think you're doing very important research, and I commend you for that. Thank you very much! (Woman, 31, Cat loss) To them we are strangers, faceless researchers and it was kind of sad that so many found it helpful to pour out their hearts anonymously to us. So it indirectly shows how important is social support even to people who are largely doing quite well. And as this is a conference on spiritual care, we’ll give the last word to a participant who observed something we omitted from the study: What helped me the most is my faith. I think that if you included questions about God, the afterlife, peace and comfort, it might be even more revealing to you. (Woman, 46, Dog loss) In short the same sources of strength we turn to when facing conventional losses are the sources of strength and comfort we need when facing a loss that is not understood. So hopefully we can all be sensitive to the possibility of disenfranchised grief, because often the bereaved will not show it publically, and by being aware be people who help make true… Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Thank you.

Update: York Showcase, The Temptations "Ain't Too Proud" and The Santa Clause Parade memememe

I loved being back at York University, "Showcase". It is always fun and exciting talking to students, faculty and staff. I had a slow start but the afternoon was good. I also had a few from last year return which motivates me to want to write more. I was sitting beside an author who writes 2000 words a day. Mind you she does it full time and has a steady paycheck for doing so from a publisher. I need one of those. However, while I am practicing, I need to have the best interest of my clients first. When I really retire, then I shall do that. Write everyday but not quite 2000. I was told that is a work of progress. I also spoke to a professor who told me how wonderful I am and of course I agreed,"Yes I am." He was a tad taken back by my agreement. I guess he does not get that response too often from compliments he gives out. He also writes and I encouraged him to come sell his serious books. I told him there would not be any conflict since he writes "serious" books and I write "fluff." I may just be sitting next to him next year. It is all good. I got to speak to so many interesting people. I have to say I love the university life. Yesterday, I went to see the Temptations. While in the lobby I found the sign asking the audience not to sing or dance during the show hilarious. I never knew how difficult it was to be anchored in a seat when all I wanted to do was dance and sing but I remained glued to the seat, but the rest of me was moving. I really recommend this show. I thought they were Canadian but spoiler alert, these actors were from the U.S.A. I read just a bit from my favourites and their credits are amazing. I may have to watch a show of law and order. Amazing singing and acting and etc.......Wow! And the fun is not over. This weekend is the Santa Clause Parade and I have volunteered and signed my life away to be a spare marcher. Now, I just learned that my Health Club has re-opened, so I have been doing no excercise since August. That is when they had a bad flood. So, if I get to "march" on Santa's Parade you may recognize me staggering behind. They provide the makeup and no hoods allowed so that should be interesting. Being on a Santa Parade I suppose is on my bucket list. My mom used to take me faithfully until I grew up and then went with friends. Due to other obligations, I was just watching it on TV. However, this year, I made a point of taking that responsibility off my plate for one Sunday at least. Oh what the heck. I will take that parade day off each year from now on. Now, the Disney Parade, that would be a dream! I shall let you know next week, if I got in since I am a "spare" and I did not forget to bring my waiver form..... Regardless of how I do, I shall reveal............ I also have to find the time to read about ethics, since I will be taking a one day ethics course which is required for my college. So, remember, work and study but do make time for fun and perhaps enjoy the gifted artists who provide so much joy with their creativity. www.silvaredigonda.com www.redigondapsychotherapy.com

Show case tomorrow to sell my books - Please visit and get your signed copy

It has been busy since I last wrote. My heart felt sympathies to another needless mass casualities in the States and the horrible loss of lives in the fires of California. I have never been there but it is on my bucket list. As for me, I was at another conference. Mass casualties was part of the discussion but due to the amount of people who may be suffering, I shall refrain from revealing that portion. A psychiatrist also spoke about journaling among 10 HIV patients of his. I think I shall be putting myself on a contact list for more information. I usually do recommend journaling in my practice. I will be providing you with information of that portion in my next entry. It has been busy and it does not look like it is going to stop anytime soon. This will be my last book sale for the year unless the sisters of crime offer anything for me. I always tell you how I want to focus more on marketing my books but it remains a hobby. While I have a private practice, the focus on my clients and professional development must take a priority. However, my self care is always a priority and again the focus and talk in my last conference spoke of the importance of self care. Self care has always been paramount for me in my previous two careers. Our motto in my first career was work hard and play hard and so I did. If you are living in Toronto, please feel free to come to York University tomorrow and find me in Central Square. I shall be in a different location. If memory serves me well I should be closer to Tim Hortons. I am ok with that. I am decreasing the amount of books I shall be bringing, but it will be more than enough. I am also bringing my author sign where I am holding Holy Terror. One woman bought a book at my last book event simply because she liked the picture of HOly Terror. She felt that if I had a kitty, I couldn't be all that bad. Whatever works. Holy Terror always gets treats and is spoiled so I don't know what more I can offer her. I tried to sing to her but she hollers when I do that. I take it she does not like my singing voice. Anyhow, Christmas is coming so don't hesitate to buy one of my books as a gift to someone. Book two and three, you can also download (ebook) at www.silvaredigonda.com Hope to see you. I am being summoned by a feline who wants supper. What do you think?

Conference, November 3, 2018 Person of the Therapist

Saturday I was at a conference for the Ontario Association of Family Therapists. I have been with this group since I began as a student. As you know I also belong to the American Association of Family Therapists. To continue with my title of Registered Marriage and Family Therapists I need to belong to the Canadian Association of Registered Marriage and Family Therapists who have divorced from the American Association of Family Therapy. Are you confused yet? I am a clinical fellow. So, moving forward I will drop the Ontario Association of Family Therapists by not renewing next year. I informed one member of the board I was leaving because it can be very expensive belonging to all these associations. If you have caught up reading all my blogs, you would know that I dropped my title of Pastoral Counsellor, Specialist, for two reasons, but mainly one. The name of Pastoral Counsellor has changed and I cannot call myself a Psycho Spiritual therapist. It was causing too much confusion. I was mistaken for a spiritualist as in fortune tellers etc…..It was quite awful and though it may be working for people working in hospitals, it certainly was not working for me. I am not a fortune teller. I do not read minds. I do not consult with the dead, etc………..I am a Registered Psychotherapist in Ontario and am regulated. Many provinces are not regulated and be mindful of that if you assume we are all one and the same. The college exists to ensure that the public is protected. We are moving towards change and I am in agreement with that. I would like to see more consistency among all colleges without one being more difficult than the other, including the medical profession. I think we should all have a high standard of ethics without exception. I think that because we have an enormous responsibility to people who come into our care. So, I shall continue to be a clinical fellow with the Americans (AAMFT) I will be dropping Ontario (OAMFT) next year because it will no longer be relevant for me due to the changes and keeping in mind my budget. I will continue to be a member of the Canadian Association (CAMFT) because that will be required to maintain my status as RMFT. I will continue as an associate with CASC because I do not have the heart to drop them since I know so many people there. I can also keep up with what is happening in hospitals with chaplains. I was wondering why an email went out cautioning therapists not to refer to themselves as Registered Marriage and Family Therapists when they are not, but now I know it is because they have opened the doors to other practitioners who began referring to themselves as such. Catching on? It is important that you know if you are a therapist, what kind of therapist you are and it is also important for the public to know that they are seeing who they think they should be seeing. I see individuals, couples and families and am qualified to do so. My degrees and some certificates are on the wall. I have a drawer full of other certificates that if I put on the wall it would probably overwhelm people and it is not necessary. When I walk into an office and see only one day seminar certificates I pause. Now, some time ago there was a program indicating how much of a scam there is with people practising or teaching at colleges with degrees they purchased on line. I am so happy they got caught even though one teaching at a college was not fired. That I found very disturbing. Look up to see if the certificates or degrees exist. Dr John, may not be Dr John at all. Anyhow, the speaker of the conference is Dr Harry Apponte, HPhd, MSW, LCSW, LMFT, a family therapist, spirituality in therapy, etc…….He is presently a clinical associate professor in the Couple and Family therapy program of Drexel University in Philadelphia. I did not buy a book this time because it appears I learned what he was teaching in how to form a therapist. However, his book is “The Person of the Therapist Training model, Mastering of the Self, Edited by Harry J. Aponte and Karni Kissil. He reminded me of my own Supervisor, Dr Beech who ran the programs I studied in a very similar way. I have a degree of psychology from York University and a Masters of Ministry and Spirituality from Regis College at the University of Toronto. I also have another three years years of Pastoral Counselling from the Toronto School of Theology, University of Toronto, which I squeezed as much as I could in not to make it four years. It all cost me lots of money. Education is expensive however, don’t let that discourage you. In this time of age, it is more important than it was in the past. There are many who cannot proceed with an education. They have the funds but not the determination or ability and that is ok. Then there are others, who are brilliant but who do not have the funds or able to do so because they need to take care of their families. However, if you can and if it is only one course at a time do so. There are amazing professors out there and then there are others who enjoying watching students fail. As far as I am concerned they should not be teaching. They may have knowledge, but they may not have much compassion. I never heard of Dr Harry Aponte, but I could not help but like him. I believe he was born in Peurto Rica. He was raised in black Harlem. He was poor. As an intern he was assigned to go in a white, rich area where movie stars reign (my language; not his). He felt he had nothing in common and I heard some struggle in this but eventually he saw them as fellow humans. I learned that as a teenager taking swimming lessons. “Whom ever you see in distress, recognize in him a fellow man.” Dr Aponte talked about the importance of self knowledge and about transference and countertransference but not in those words necessarily. One woman who practiced for 54 years informed me that her clients have all been physicians. I remember another advertising for lawyers. I pondered over this specific selection of clients. How does one broaden their knowledge and range if who they see is so specific? Of course this means big bucks. How do we care for all? Also this is not quite ethical but if the fee is 400 hr a session, who else could afford it? I believe my education and training has been quite intensive. I charge a particular fee of 130. a fifty minute session. I went through a stage where I wanted to spend half a day with the poor at another location but as a white straight woman, my services have been rejected. As I mention this to some therapists, I am informed that I should understand. Of course I understand how my appearance which has served me well, will cause concern for certain groups, but is that not what self awareness is all about? When does personal biases and past history effect the best care and needs for your clients? It is so important to work on the personal affect because it can get in the way of being a good therapist. If emotions are being evoked of what a therapist is suffering, when with a client, can she or he, be fully present to their client? How much of that gets in the way for helping the client. There are enough services in Toronto for people who cannot afford to pay. They are always looking for clients as well, since they are funded. I know that now. Dr Aponte stated that therapists are not receiving the care that they need to become the best in the U.S.A, because of money. A woman in the audience states it is the same here. I wonder about her response. I think it is getting better here. Everyone is now regulated and if caught without being so is in trouble. That is a movement towards progress. As for quality of one who is qualified? I think we are doing ok. Therapists who are not qualified are being filtered out. There is no such thing as perfection. We are only human. I know that for the first five years or so, I so worried about causing harm. I am now confident as a therapist which can be very isolating. I have and have had a variety of clients from all walks of life, rich and poor, religious, spiritual and atheists, educated, non educated, people abused from partners either male, or female. Adults who were abused as children in ways that are not imaginable. People who were tortured and raped because of their religion and people who were tortured because of war. People who suffer grief, either through abortion, having a child killed or loss of a parent etc….. Living in Toronto, I have the opportunity and gift to serve all people regardless of religion, class, colour and race, opportunity and lack of. As a therapist I need to really know myself and to be focused on self care and ensure that my personal life is a healthy and happy one. That can take years for a therapist to achieve and if money is a problem and the forming of a therapist is not developed, than there can be a problem. I did enjoy Dr Aponte’s lecture. I think his students are lucky to have him as I was lucky to have all the mentors I have had such as Dr Beech who instructed me and supervised me and Fr Bill German, a Jesuit, who ensured I was on the straight and narrow. My own personal growth is as important to me as ever. In closing if you are a therapist, I hope this has helped. If you are looking for a therapist, I also hope this has helped. I have one more conference to go to, and I have a few plays to go see this month and a book selling and signing at York University (I only write for fun). This is a busy month working and having lots of fun. I shall keep you briefed. My next blog will probably be about the next conference I shall be attending shortly. Take care of yourself and know what your limits are and how much self care you need. Are you pleased with the life you are leading? Are you suffering? Why not take the time to make some needed changes in your life? Take time to go for a walk and be with nature. Read a book. Watch a movie. Listen to the laughter of children. What is triggered in you? What do you think?