Loneliness

I want to share with you a bit from what I read in Psychology Today, April 2018 edition regarding loneliness because I do think it is a problem in today’s society. I see it with teens who spend excessive time alone on the internet. I see it with people suffering who are unable to share and become withdrawn. I see it in occupations where socializing is restricted. I see it so much that I am glad it is a topic of concern. They are roughly twice as likely to die of all causes. “Loneliness is not simply being alone,” indicates John Cacioppo, the director of the University of Chicago’s Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience and author of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection (p 45). Researchers make a point of distinguishing the effects of loneliness from those of depression. Depression does elevate the risk for Alzheimer’s slightly but not as much as loneliness (p 46). Being married does not protect you from being lonely. A 2012 study followed 1600 adults over 60 for six years. Out of 43% of participants who reported chronic loneliness, more than half were married. Loneliness has also increased dramatically among teens and young adults. A recent British study found that the youngest people surveyed between 16 and 24 were the most likely of all age groups to report feeling lonely (p48). In the USA loneliness is especially lethal for military veterans. A 2017 study by Yale researchers found the biggest contributor to veteran suicides on average 20 a day was not war related trauma but loneliness. Approximately 40% of Americans reported regularly feeling lonely in 2010, up from about 20% in the 80’s. The number of Americans who say they have no one to confide in nearly tripled between 1985 and 2005 (p49). Now of course being Canadian, I will like to talk about the Canadian Veteran. Sage, spring edition, 2018, dedicated the entire magazine to Veterans. According to Veteran Affairs Canada, the number of homeless veterans has grown each year since 2015. On Jan 1, 2015, the department reported 475 homeless vets. In one year that number has grown to 578. As of Jan 1, 2017, there were 687 homeless vets, then 770 in Sept 2017. Canadian Vets are more prone to suicide. Suicide risk for male veterans of all ages is 36% higher than for men who never served. Those under 25 years of age are 242% more likely to kill themselves than non vets of the same age (SAGE, p 28). Homeless shelters only began being asked about veterans a year ago….”unlike the U.S., Canada was doing practically nothing about homeless vets (SAGE, p 8). I have provided you with some info regarding the articles and if you want more, please feel free to look up the references. It was during my first basic psychology course that my professor said that the Aunt Martha that people used to confide in is no longer for many. Sometimes, just being able to talk to someone, to confide in someone has been replaced by the therapist. I know that for myself as a therapist, I normally ask if the client has a confident, a social network, a group of friends, however what is important is the quality of those relations. I always promote a balance, a hobby, an outlet for those who need it. I do not find it amazing that some have no time for themselves because they spend all their time helping or nurturing others. They need to slow down, reflect and begin to take care of themselves, to have a life so to speak. They need to spend time with others to have “fun.” I hope for those of you who read this article and can identify with this, that you begin to think of ways to feel less lonely. Alone time is important. However, socialization is important too. We need others in our lives. Why not take a chance on someone today who you would like to meet? Why not tell your partner how you are feeling? Why not join a club, take a cooking course etc…and meet other people who you may have something in common with? Why not smile at a person today? What do you think? I wish you all a Happy Easter this weekend. If you have no family why not invite a friend? You can choose your friends. You can choose to mingle with those you feel a commonality with. You cannot really change others, but you can certainly make changes yourself. If you think no one cares, you are wrong. Many do care and do great things to reach out. Feeling lonely surrounded by lots of people? Go find someone you have something in common with. Go find someone who appreciates you for you. I find that so many feel guilt and shame when that has been instilled by the actions of others. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how much you love you. Then go out there and start talking to people. Meet a friend for lunch and tell her or him how you are feeling. What do you think? Happy Easter everyone and thank you for reading my blogs.