Abortion

Ok, I have one more conference to talk about after this one from November. There is so much to tell you and I realize I am behind, especially regarding notes, but I will get there eventually. Those of you who have come to know me from my writing, realize I do talk about things which may be controversial. This is one topic that certainly is. This is not about taking a side. This is about human suffering and that is my job. I help people deal and cope with their suffering. I don’t normally have people see me because they are happy with life. When that happens, they no longer need me. When I first heard about abortion as a very young person, I did not think much about it. When I grew older and some people I knew had abortions and suffered depression afterwards, I noticed. When mothers had miscarriages and suffered - I noticed. When a grandmother was on the tv news not that long ago because her pregnant daughter was killed and she said she was suffering because her unborn grandchild was not acknowledged in court and therefore the killing of the fetus would not be held into account - I noticed. My first case as an intern, of a woman suffering from having an abortion twenty years earlier was an awakening. Since, I realize that many women still suffer after having an abortion decades earlier. They are mourning their unborn child. I notice. When as an intern at a hospital, one of the supervisors reported how a woman, not a Canadian wanted an abortion. The patient was hysterical and upset and the supervisor informed her which hospitals would help her with that. I remember as an intern wondering why she wasn’t more concerned about helping her deal with her hysteria. What had happened to the Supervisor was that she allowed her own biases being pro abortion, to interfere with actually helping the patient to deal with the pain, the core of what had happened to her. Instead, since she was working in a hospital where abortion was not an option and she didn’t like the policy, her focus was to quickly let the patient know where she could get it. I am not saying that people should not have the right to know what their options are, but the helper’s biases should not take a forefront. During this conference day I again listened to what I had listened to many times before, only from much older women, how they had an abortion, how they felt they were pressured into it and how they could not stop suffering or thinking of their baby and how they had killed their baby. I mostly hear from women blaming others, such as their husbands, parents etc…..I often wonder if they can gradually assume some responsibility if they would be able to begin healing. My question to these mothers are, “Can you forgive yourself?” Sometimes, their partner is brought into the therapy room and the partner does not understand. I find it very common that partners or friends etc….cannot understand why a person who is suffering, suffers years after any incident. This only compounds the suffering. That can be the topic of another blog. I bought and read a book years ago before I was a therapist, The Hand of God A Journey from Death to Life by the Abortion Doctor Who Changed his Mind by Bernard N. Nathanson, M.D., 1996: Regnery Publishing: Washington. Dr Nathanson presided over 60,000 abortions as Director of the world’s largest abortion clinic and was the nation’s most prominent abortionist. He helped through his work legalize abortion. Then he had a change of heart. He became very opposed to abortion. At the writing of his book, Dr Nathanson was a clinical Associate Professor of Obstetrics and Gynaecology at New York Medical College and a visiting scholar at Vanderbilt University. I read the book and will read it one more time before donating it the people who held this conference. I asked myself why a physician who had performed so many abortions would change his mind and become an advocate for the other side? Sorry, but you are going to have to read the book for yourselves. I really took notice this time. I also took notice when a classmate of mine in a biology course was suffering because she had attended to an abortion in a hospital and she too suffered because she held the fetus until she/he died. Fortunately the mother never knew. The fetus had been placed in a bucket and my school mate could not bear it. I notice all this and then have to ponder how to help people heal when they suffer such. For the women talking about their experiences at the conference, I know this promotes their healing. At this conference I learned that clients who suffer from abortions are from all religious dominations and are atheists. I learned that women may attend retreats, monthly support gatherings, and annual weekend retreats. Clients are encouraged to provide names to the children they mourn for. They have an option to do it privately. Roses represent each child. These women suffer greatly especially during Christmas and Mothers day. I was very impressed with this conference and almost didn’t go because I was concerned I would not learn anything new which is becoming the norm in too many conferences, workshops etc… that I attend, but I was very wrong. What would I advise you if you are a woman suffering from an abortion you had? Give your child or grandchild etc….a name. Paint a picture of how you see your baby through your own lens. Don’t judge yourself or let others judge you. Allow yourself to grieve. Forgive yourself. See a professional if this is haunting you and you cannot seem to move on. You do not have to suffer in silence.