Racism

Another conference I attended last November was one that left me quite frankly uncomfortable by the end of the day. I felt I was being beaten up for being white. “Isn’t that good?” a colleague I did not know ask me. I mentioned this a bit earlier. Time speeds by me so fast. I indicated that I would not identify the speaker from an American University who apparently is quite famous and speaks around the world. I feel the same. He began talking about Trump, his President. He spoke about a nine year old Puerto Rican child screaming that he will be sent away because Trump had been elected. The prof stated he was expanding the notion of trauma to social trauma because he believes all experiences of oppression causes trauma. The social locations are LGBT, the poor, war, colour……..He spoke of “men don’t cry.” He spoke of black men being at funerals and wearing dark glasses because they are not allowed to cry. He used the analogy of a pit bull barking but pushing back because of restraints, connected to being a black man in the USA. He talked about his story about how he was arrested and beaten badly by a policeman. He was fortunate to have an attorney to “Police and black.” He is aware he has a reaction which is not comfortable. The police notice that. He spoke about getting pulled over because he is appearing nervous. He spoke of dictorials for children on how to interact with the police. “Keep both hands on the steering wheel” “say yes sir and no sir.” The prof said that when he sees a cop, he should feel safe, but he does not. He indicated that people in the conference room I was at need to know what is important to white people (I am using his terminology of black and white). I asked the question if he had ever been stopped by the police in Canada. I felt that if looks could kill, I would have been very close to it. “Why are you asking that question?” He demanded. I was taken aback. But I explained that I was curious if there was a difference he had experienced by the police here and in the States. “No” he replied. At one point I dropped my pen and he gallantly picked it up for me. Was this make up time? Was this a way to diffuse the tension I was definitely feeling? He went into the role of professor and began talking about Trauma and Oppression. There are two levels, not one better than the other: Primary- silence is hallmark of oppression. Different access to resources. Eg. a woman has less power than a male in abuse. Secondary - no longer requires physical oppression because it is internalized. The oppressed takes on the characteristics of the oppressors; manifestation of helplessness. The classical responses to trauma is that it destroys assumptions of the world. What was taken for granted is destroyed. For example you have an accident, the truck driver is impaired and rams into you failing to stop or yield for you. You are out of work for two years. Now you can no longer assume. You do not trust that a vehicle will stop when it should. If you are raped by a man than all men look the same. A safe and comfortable environment must be provided by the therapist. If a therapist is too detached that may be perceived as disinterest. Regarding poor people: If poor are among the poor it is not poor cuisine but cuisine. But when the poor person leaves the area, eg a child going to school with lunch and another child asks, “what is that?” than the poor child internalizes and feels some disdain for her own lunch. In trauma, the sense of dignity is assaulted. The prof spoke about his arrest. He was riding a motorcycle and was going home for lunch. He did not come to a full stop at a stop sign. He provided his licence to the policeman and was asked if he should not be wearing glasses. The prof replied that he was wearing contact lenses. The officer told him to take them out. He didn’t want to. The policeman told him to take them out or he would take them out for him. The prof didn’t have his registration so a tow truck was called. The policeman kept calling him “boy” and poking him with two fingers. The prof reacted verbally and the policeman broke his nose, took him over to the hood of his car, handcuffed him and beat him. He said that marginalized people are not only marginalized but humiliated and shamed. Where there is shame, there is secrecy. If we work too quickly to expose it we may lose the client. He continued. People of colour are so socially conscious of what people think. With that conscious it is hard to have a clear sense of self. In Asia when a student graduates they have surgery in the eye area to look caucasian. In therapy a black person is the therapist with a white name and the client gasps, when sees that the therapist is black. (It is here that I draw a big heart on my notes, and write “Do I live in a bubble?” within. The prof reports that at his college he is asked why he always brings up race. His response to them, “I always talk about it because you never do.” He feels that white feel superior. People of colour believe white as superior. That is all in the context of how we interact. He talked about the black man in Alabama never eating water melon at functions. He spoke of the picture of a huge watermelon being eaten by a black man. It is how he is portrayed. The next best thing of being white is being liked. He spoke of anger management and how it is not good for rage. It is hard to get rid of the rage if marginalization exists. Rage enrages. Psychology and ecology. “I’m trying to not be the angry black person.” The prof reveals needlessly that he is a black enraged man - not angry. He channels his rage with his microphone. He thinks that people should stop denying rage. The prof spoke of psychological homelessness. The absence of metaphysical spiritual home. eg. Taiwan not fully here; goes to Taiwan and does not fit there. American blacks are going to Africa and seen only as Americans. Did a documentary on slavery. “Who am I” So desperate to claim a home and claim Africa, not having an existential self. He spoke of Americanizing names, taking away from Self. “Fall in love” anyone who has been in a relationship, recovers from the fall. The prof states that regarding Cross racial relationships there cannot be an authentic relationship (I disagree with this). Who am I is difficult to answer when there is psychological homelessness (In my work with clients this is a question I often ask. It is more difficult to answer and at times needs a lot of work and focus for the client to get to know themselves and what they want and need for themselves.) He asks if we like our clients and states that he has clients he does not like. (This is something I hear a lot. I wonder how the client would feel if he or she knew that he or she was not liked. Is it in the benefit of the client?) He states that it is not possible to like everyone. Holy, hopelessly subjective. He refers to the white therapists in the room. White Therapist, no sense as a white clinician. “ I need to know, you know you are white.” He states to us “white” to allow yelling. Yelling is the problem of the therapist. The therapist is entitled to safety but not comfort.” He spoke of a white therapist informing a black client that the police would be called if she did not stop screaming. (This is my third career. My previous two involved being in situations where there was a lot of screaming. I always accepted it. I realized that people were in crises, they were scared, they were hurt etc…….However, I too have not permitted screaming. It would depend on the facility where the client is being seen. I worked for about five years in a rented office in a medical building and screaming clients would have had me evicted. I know the benefits of screaming, of letting it all out and I often recommend to clients who feel rage to scream in the comfort of their cars and to let it all out. I also recommend parks where I should probably be as well for the sake of the client’s protection. In the therapy room itself, especially in couple therapy, loudness often shuts down the partner. It causes fear. It shuts the other person down. I find especially in the first few sessions of therapy clients need to get it all out verbally. Everything they have been holding onto needs to have a voice and it all comes out like boiling water). I did find this conference disturbing. I sat with therapists during lunch where I was the only white person. I then heard of other experiences, the child who went home crying from his first day of school, because he now knew he was not white and could not cope with that knowledge. I heard of mothers trying to prepare their children with this knowledge. I am aware that I am white. I know many who are not and I sometimes forget that. Not all that long ago a person I know very well and have a lot of respect for informed me that she did not buy a condo because of all the black people who were coming in and out of the lobby. They were residents. “You are prejudice.” I blurted out. “No” she replied solemnly. “Would you feel the same if they were all white?” I asked, certain of the answer. “Yes” she replied. “That is why I love Toronto. It is multicultural.” I felt so bad for my friend who had internalized that not being white was inferior and suffered her pain. This brilliant PHD educated soul with such a good heart had been suffering and not only did I not know it, she didn’t until she found her self in a lobby with people not of her race of origin. It is then that I recalled the conference which had made me so uncomfortable, “Know that you are white.”