Compassionate Fatigue

I practice a lot of self care and I encourage others to do the same. If I am not able to take care of myself, I can certainly not take care of others. I make it a practise to surround myself with people who love life, who want to enjoy what life offers and who are kind. For the first several years of interning and working, I found it rather difficult to either turn people away who could not afford therapy or to charge people what I should be charging. I still do not charge what I can be charging but I have learned to be more firm. At one seminar a physician from another country, now a motivational speaker of sorts (I have talked about him in an earlier blog) said everyone wants to be your great friend when it is free. Of course they are nice to you. That resonated with me at the time. My mother told me that I was making money from the grief of others. I replied that physicians do too. She pondered and agreed. However, aside from all this, one must remember how paramount self care is. I was reading a blog the other day from CRTI (I have taken a few workshops with them PTSD being one). It talked about one social worker knowing three who took their own lives within ten years. I often hear clients in professions of helping others trying to cope with the overwhelming amount of people who burden them with problems. These people are not in their care. My advice is to inform these acquantances to see a therapist and to let them know they they require to maintain self care so they can continue to help the people that they do. With people working in the care of others, this is sometimes rather difficult at times but I encourage all of you reading this today to begin to take care of yourself, if you are not doing so. I was at a conference when I was informed that a chaplain working with those suffering from PTSD, developed it himself after listening to so much sorrow. I am fortunate that I see clients suffering from a variety of reasons. I am not focused only on self harm, or PTSD, grief etc…. Of course clients do not call me because they are happy. They call because they are in crises or need help or need a consultation. Couples see me because they want to re-ignite their relationship or save it and families need to resolve the anxiousness in their household etc…..Sometimes it is difficult and sometimes it is not. What I do is ensure I am not overwhelmed. If I see that I am heading that way I take more time to self care and to spend time having fun. I think that one of the things that help me is my years of experience working with people in crises and practising self care and balance as a way of life. I now limit how much I listen to people suffering who are not my clients or family. There is an expectation at times that one who helps people needs to be readily available to do so free of charge whenever someone wants. That is not practical nor is it self care. So, if you have someone in your life who is always complaining or upset and you are noticing that you are becoming overwhelmed say you are. You are not obligated to surround yourself with sorrow. This life is so short and can be so wonderful but you never know what is going to happen around the corner. There is nothing wrong to be there for a friend who has always been there for you. There is nothing wrong with listening. However, if you see that you are being affected and overwhelmed, because you are suffering yourself, or working in the service of others who need you to be there for them because it is your work, than perhaps it is time to separate your work from those who you see that make your life a bit better for having them in your life. Maybe, just maybe, it is time to have a balance in your life. Don’t be afraid to say no. If they cannot afford therapy, there are many charity organizations to help them. Why not begin today to take care of your own wellbeing? What do you think?