Merry Christmas

Twice it has happened to me that I felt complete and utter peacefulness. Once I was at Mass and once I was at the office. Since I began to train as a therapist six years now one of the first things I needed to focus on was my self. I had to become mindful of transference and counter transference. I had to really focus on self care so I could care for others. I had to ensure that I was healthy minded so I could help others. So, since I am always mindful of myself, my own feelings and self care; if I am even slightly agitated I examine it. It may mean slowing down. It may be shortening my day. It may be having more fun. It may be spending more time outside. It may be ensuring that those in my circle are good for me. I have always chosen my friends and sometimes others have chosen me. Ultimately it has always been my decision and what I have always based that on was their kindness, their honesty and their own path on life. As I have grown older, I tolerate less in my circle. I cannot tolerate gossip anymore. I cannot stand talking on the phone for any long period. I have little tolerance for arrogance. What I am drawn to is love, which is innocent and open. I do not like men who stare at me as if they have never seen a woman in their lives and they want to dissect me. I do not like men who are loud and put others down. I do not settle for less. I learned in my early life about love and respect for a partner and that has helped me in the therapy I provide. I do not judge. I help guide them to what each wants and what they can compromise for each other. I help them realize that they are two distinct people who come from two distinct lives and they have selected each other for their met and unmet needs. I help them to communicate with each other. Sometimes there is abuse and sometimes the abuse is from the person who thinks she or he has been the victim. Perhaps that has been so in the past, but in the present, he or she has learned to abuse. Last night when I heard Pope Francis chastise the leaders of the Church, I chuckled. This morning I chuckled again and then I prayed for him. It is not easy being a leader. It is much easier to go with the flow. It is not easy to say something is wrong. In families when one child is different, the others can gang up as they think they are right and the one that is different is wrong. That is why I always encourage outside influences. It may be sports, clubs, a larger circle of positive influences so that the person struggling does not feel alone, but realizes that his or her family has a lot of power over him or her, but she or he has options of seeing how other people feel and think. One positive adult in a child’s life can make all the difference in how the child sees herself. It may be a teacher, a policeman, a Priest etc…….one person can make the difference in how the person sees himself. That is how therapy works too. It offers the person to step back from the abuse, or gossip or anything else that is destructive in his life. No one has the right to harm another, especially a child. Christmas is such a difficult time for some people and I want to remind you , who are lonely and sad and thinking suicide to realize that there is another choice. You have the choice to decide who should be in your life. You have the choice to decide how you can make your life more peaceful, happy etc…..You may have been convinced that you are not worthy of love but they are wrong. Take a look at the mirror and tell yourself how beautiful you are each day. Give yourself the positive feedback. This Christmas why not examine who is in your life and who makes you happy? Why? This Christmas why not give yourself a gift, the gift of life. Why not close your eyes and take a deep breath and shake off all the negativity that surrounds you, while you decide that there are options, find them and begin to breath a new life giving breath. This Christmas, why not reach out to someone who is alone with no family, no friends; no pets. It can be a warm smile making all the difference for that person. Why not spend a moment of your time instead of gossiping about someone, doing something nice for that person. Why not examine yourself and what you are lacking in yourself that makes you want to demean others. Are you afraid of the attention you may get? This year has been good to me. My practise is slowly growing at my own speed. I have begun my third book. I am now reading and proof reading my second book which has been sent to me from my editor. There were hiccups about the title but it is my book and I decide on the title, as my publisher understood. I need to be fresh when I read the editor’s notes, so my blogs need to be reduced while I proof read. However, my family and friends are first, clients are a very close second and my beloved books are third. So, no rushing me! This year I wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah; Happy Holidays. If I see one more Santa movie I am going to scream. I would like to see more about the birth of Jesus and have to wait until boxing day to tape that. Why not take a moment to be thankful for everything you have? Why not take a moment to examine your inner feelings? Why not take a moment to wonder who you are, who you can be and how to get there? Merry Christmas. And Santa, I am sorry that I forgot to write to you this year. However, I see that you already delivered many of my presents. I must have been sleeping. What do you think?