My power is back on. Michigan and Manitoba is coming to help us.

      Last night my cable and phone came back on.  There is still much of my city powerless.  I was able to watch the news and recharge my computer and phone.  I watched the news and smiled at the acts of kindness these conditions bring.  People are worried about their sick neighbours and the elderly.  People are trying to be patient but concerned.  People are coming together, helping each other.  I kind of enjoyed not having a phone for a bit.  I am not much of a talker on the phone and would rather meet up with a person if it extends two minutes of discussion.
     They have stations throughout the city to help with people who still have no heat.  They also have food for them.  I think that is very nice and it demonstrates that our city is prepared for emergencies.  We also have crews coming from Manitoba and the good USA Michigan coming to help us restore power to the rest of the people in Toronto.  I am feeling more confident that I can retain my heat.  I have learned from this.  As soon as I pay off all tuition and other expenses that have accumilated because of my education, professional etc…….. I will get myself a fireplace where I do not need power to start it and keep it going.   They have a name for that in psychology but I cannot recall it at this moment.  I will eventually go through all my notes and place them on my blog before discarding them all.  This power failure has kept me grounded.  I read half a book yesterday and watched a CD.  I am really resting though there is an element of stress wondering how much longer I will be warm.  Today I am feeling more confident knowing that help is coming to our city.  Our American neighbours and ourselves help each other consistently.  That is what neighbours should do.  How many countries can brag about that?  Well today I am bragging.  I appreciate that people are giving up their holidays to help others, even in a different country.   Soon the rest of our city should be up and running.

     Because of this storm, I started my holidays a bit earlier and took the time to just sit and read in warm clothing and not even thinking about going outside.  Now I will deliver the rest of my Gifts and prepare for Christmas.  I will visit those I need to visit.  My family will be warm.

    Merry Christmas.  Thank you USA for helping us.  Thank you Manitoba for helping us.  Thank you Ottawa for helping us.  Thank you for reminding us what Christmas is all about.  It is about reaching out to others with acts of kindness.  It is about the affairs of the heart and soul.

                                                    Merry Christmas!  

ICE STORM - Shut me down, Thank you Toronto for getting my power back on for the moment.

     We have an ice storm that came up from the good USA.  This America, you may keep.  I am afraid that with global warming this is probably only the beginning.  So, I was told at a seminar a few years ago about Emergency Management.

     The view outside was beautiful as I awoke yesterday.  The trees in my backyard had a beautiful sheen.  The little beasts outside in their nests remained intact.  Once I walked outside my front door and slid down my driveway, I knew I was in trouble.  I had sanded my drive twice that morning before 0800 to no avail.  I realized that walking on the sidewalk in my area was impossible and so walked on the roadway which was ok.  My salute to the city for the hard work that they do.  Our roadway is always taken care of for us.  At a Christmas party at a cousin's house in Richmond hill, with their upscale homes and horrid snowy roadways made me appreciate my bigger city and more effecient clearer roadways.

I saw a nighbour's tree branches on the ground and other branches were crackling and ready to fall.  It seemed that braving the cars was easier than braving falling branches.

On my return home,  I saw one man nearly fall in a lane way as he attempted to walk back on the lane from the snowed area.  People seemed to be in good spirits because it looked Christmasy.  "Looks like we are going to have a white Christmas" one woman who I do not know shouted.  "Yes!"  I replied with a smile.  I like white Christmases myself.  If I ever lived in a warm climate, I would have to return to snow at Christmas.  New York has snow!

I listened to the news as I entered my home after attempts to enter my drive met with negative results and a neighbour said salt did nothing and I had to break the ice.  Break the ice I did and then managed to call it day.  The city warned that it may take 72 hours to get service back and that 250,000 people in our city had no power.  That was enough to have the insight to cancel appointments - safety first.
Good thing too, because my power went out and with that was my heat, my coffee opportunities and my news.  I was alerted that my home phone was not working with someone calling my cell phone.  I need power to utilize Rogers phone.  I knew that but took the better rate than Bell provided after being with them forever.  I knew that my cell would work in power black outs.  I was asked if I would be leaving my home and a hotel was suggested.  I will not leave my pets behind and they would not like a hotel.  It had not reached that stage.  After all I had no power for two hours and I was not in panic mode.  Besides my city with the hotels in them have the same problem, so I would have to leave the city?  No, it is not an emergency yet.  I finished reading Bill Cosby's Love and Marriage which  I enjoyed reading for fun.  I ate realizing I have enough food to last a week and enough chocolate under my tree to last me at least a month.  I would not starve in three days.  I checked up on some elderly neighbours.  Their house was very warm and they had layer after layer of clothing on.  They showed me two measly candles but I was assured that they would be ok as the neighbour next door to them have a wood fireplace and that is where they would go (whether the neighbour liked it or not).  I admired the spunk.   As my home became colder I decided to go to bed much earlier than the norm.  I watched the CN tower boldly shine their lights.  The neighbouring towering buildings did the same while my neighbourhood fell to a blanket of night cold.  One pet found himself under the blankets with me, the other found her own space.

At 0615 this morning the power went back on and I wasted no time to get up and make that coffee, I so much was looking forward to.  As I drank my hot coffee and began to feel the heat once again, the power went out.  When the power came back about 15minutes later, I immediately went to make another pot.  I did not forget to give Rudy, my squirrel, his four peanuts for the day.  My power is still on, though I am expecting it to go off again eventually.  However, my home is almost warm again and I have had a good breakfast of toast, eggs and tomato with I will not tell you how much coffee.  My cable is not working, nor is my phone but I am listening to the radio and the people of Toronto are being informed that we will all have power by Christmas.  We had two hospitals with no power and of course they were given priority as they should.

     As I was drinking my hot coffee and watching the 24 hour news, I thought of my life and how much I have to be grateful for.  How many people live in countries where their well being is not foremost.  I love my country and I love my city.  We don't have politicians trying to convince women that they should not drive cars because it would not be good for their ovaries (really???????How stupid!)  We elect our politicians and if we do not like how they run our cities, provinces and country, we can demonstrate that by voting.  Today I am feeling very very rich.  I have a warming home, I have a city who is working very hard and 24/7 to bring things back to normal in what I am hearing is the worse ice storm for Toronto.  I live in a country that has given me the opportunity to serve it and to choose the education and careers of my choice.  I live in a country where I have the freedom to say what I think.  My parents couldn't have picked a better country to immigrate to.  My parents became citizens so I can be a citizen because I was too young to do so and I asked them to make that move so I could have the occupation I had chosen.  I have a home.  I have good food to eat.  I have people who love me and care for me.  I have retired and though I did not have to work again, I chose to do so.  My country has given me so much that I can never return all I have been provided with.  This Christmas in my now warm house, I realize that I have my greatest gift - my life and my choices I have made for myself with my country supporting me all the way.

         Thank you God and thank you Canada.  To the world I wish you a Merry Christmas.  I wish you a Happy Hannakah, I wish you happy holidays.  I wish your warmth.  I wish you food.  I wish you freedom and I wish you peace and love.

         Thank you to all the city employees who are working so hard and are away from their families to get Toronto back into the life that we have become so accustomed to.

    
        

   
     

Registered Marriage and Family Therapist - Fees are not going up! Merry Christmas

    It has been a long road.  I have just been transferred to clinical fellow.  This is a wonderful Christmas gift.  Next month, I shall have my oral for phase two for specialist as a pastoral counsellor.  In April which may be delayed, the college of psychotherapy should be up and running hopefully.  This will be a College that protects the public.  I will not say too much about it right now, except to say that this is long overdue.  I think that there should be protection for the public in all venues.  People go to someone for help and expect that the person is qualified to do so.  This is not the case at this moment but this will change soon.  I would like to see this expand to all services so that everyone is accountable and is registered with some body.

     I want to thank you for reading my blogs and travelling with me.  I will continue to develop my self professionally as is expected of my Associations and as I expect of myself.

     My fees will continue at $100. for a 50 minute hour.   I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all!

Silva

Professional Numbness - Military, Police etc........

     There are occupations out there where one has to be in control at all times.  One is expected to resolve problems, calm people down in horrific situations and to respond appropriately at all times.  In this day where there are cameras everywhere, there is an expectation of perfect responses to impossible situations.  One is being judged by the media and the public.  These are additional pressures.  

     In my own training many years ago, I was briefed along with others that military, police, and physicians were statistically more prone to abusive relationships at home.  I being young and thinking that such professions were among a higher standard of conduct was surprised.  Now, being more mature, educated and down to earth with experience, understand what was told to me many years ago several times.

    Perfection does not exist.  I think most people understand this.  We all come from various backgrounds with various amount and depth of what is referred to as "baggage".  Much of that baggage is screened for in various testing for various careers.  There are also IQ tests etc.....for various occupations.  What is there for testing the pain and emotional responses one physician feels when she loses a patient?  What is there for testing a soldier who was forced to kill?  What is there for testing a policewoman or man who for a second, had to make an instant decision, right or wrong?  One thing that is common with these occupations is that there is an expectation of higher standard to be in control, to be wonderful; to be a hero.  It is an occupation that an expectation is taken for granted.

Now let's examine the person.  What is going on inside?  Is this person a machine?  Is this person programmed for perfection?  Does this person have anyone on his side?  Who is in control of this person?  Is he or she in the same occupation, with the same experiences?  Is this person a politician who wants to have a job in the future in the right circles?  Is this person going to support the struggles suffered by one man or woman who suffers when a child dies or an animal is abused beyond recognition, when one witnesses the scars and wounds and suffering that many are free from.

I recently heard a speaker talk about a woman who was raped.  As far as the speaker was concerned this woman was ok.  At break time, I blurted out that this woman knew nothing about the sexual assault of a person (male or female).  The thing is that people respond to situations and crises and many times, they do not even know how they feel.  They put themselves on mute.

At another training session, I heard how nurses who are so much in control can completely break down when a member of their own profession dies.  This was not understood by the speaker.  The speaker did not understand, that the tipping point was having someone close, a colleague die.  All that suffering previously experienced was pushed aside, to function, to perform with professionalism.

One aquaintance once was so angry, that others near us just tried to stay away from him.  He was looked at with distaste.  No one wanted to be near him.  He was too angry.  All professionalism gone.....There was no need to be professional.  The setting was safe.  "What happened" I asked.  He told me that he was assisting with an abortion and the fetus was still alive, in a bucket.  He held the fetus, in the room of the hospital until the fetus died.  The mother never knew.  As my aquaintance began to share more suffering without crying, the agitation slowly diminished into sorrow.  He is a professional, able to keep facial and posture purfection at all times.

    There are professions who witness what others who judge them superficiously, cannot imagine.  There is this aura of professional who protects and heals.   Often there is no support system for them.  Often it is inadequate.  Often to seek help which should be considered normal, is deemed as weakness.  There is this "professional numbness" that emergency personnel cultivate and develop, where feelings are surpressed, so that this illusion of professionalism and expectation can continue as expected by the people they serve.  I like to use the anology of a pot with liquid on a stove, heating up and coming to a boil where the top finally pushes outward.  This bottled and contained emotions are still there.  They may be expressed with anger, with violence, and sadly with suicide.  The best solution is to find that person you can talk to and share and explore those feelings.  This is confidential.  The only person who needs to know that you are getting help, is the same person who has contained this suffering without your own awareness.  This Christmas give yourself the gift - the gift of life, the gift of helping yourself for a change.  

           

Pet peeve over ruled, with changes within the service of the Post Office. 8000 posties will be gone?!!!!!!No more delivery!!!!!!!!

     I watched CTV news last night and somehow missed what I heard on channel 24, later when I was checking the weather.   I don't normally watch the weather station, because it takes too long to get the Toronto weather.  However, I was stunned to silence which is rare, when I heard that with government approval, the delivery service will be phased out in the next five years, postage will increase from .60 something to 1.00 (CDN) and 8000 postwomen and men will also be losing their jobs.  And this was approved by our government.  Even Justine Trudeau made sense to me last night as he argued in favour of retaining services.

     "Stay out of Politics, Silva"  I hear the echo of my pastoral advisor warning me.  Is this politics or advocacy?  Ok, forget everything I wrote yesterday about not sending cards etc..........Go viral all the way!!!!!Multiply all responses!!!!!!!!!!  Let's move into the future, full speed ahead.

    It was not too long ago that I was in a cell phone/internet shop and every single person was on the phone (myself included).  As I looked around and observed this and after completing my call, I blurted out, "Look at what has become of us" (raising my phone).  I received nods and smiles and resignations.

Our taxes was raised to support a bit of extension to support Scarborough with the TTC.  I don't use the
TTC (rarely).  It would be interesting to know exactly how many people who live outside Toronto use the TTC as compared to Torontonians.    I am staying out of politics.  I do not know how much the government contributes to the Post office.  I do not know the budget of the Post Office.  I have become sceptic about what is not making enough of money and I have become sceptic about management of businesses.  We have the world economy to thank.  I ponder who runs the country, corporations or the people.  Ok, enough politics.

     I really enjoy receiving my mail in the comfort of my home.  I have really liked each and every Postie who has delivered my mail.  I even wrote a poem about one, that I may post again before Christmas.   I  had one postie who used to knock on my door if he thought I was receiving something very important.  I  think I get a lot of mail.  I certainly use the mail services a lot.  So who is really going to be affected?  Toronto is not the new development where everyone walks from their oversized homes, to get their mail, booming with new young families.  Toronto has it all.  Toronto has an abundance of elderly who are alone, sick who are alone, and the frail who are alone.   Too many struggle, to pay their bills, buy food and pay escalating rent.  The poor is getting poorer and the rich is getting richer.   I know that for me not getting mail at my door is purely selfish and a luxury I have had most of my life, unless I happened to be somewhere for the moment.  8000 people out of work???????  Did I hear right?????   I certainly hope that if this happens, they will be all given pensions for life because how else will they survive?

Employer:  "What are your skills?"

Postie no more:    I have been delivering mail for the last 20 years.  My back hurts a bit now and my knees   are not what they used to be.  But I made sure I delivered the mail each day to every person on my route because they depended on me.

Employer:   I see.  You can carry loads but how does that apply here?  There is no need to carry loads and there are government regulations on how much you can carry anyhow.  It sounds to me that you may have carried a tad too much, hey?

Postie no more:    (thinking  -  How am I going to feed my family.  My wife does not make enough money now to take care of the rent.  What am I going to do?  I need a job and I finally got an interview).

Employer:  What kind of people skills do you have?

Postie:         I always spent time to talk and get to know everyone on my route.  I always made sure to deliver the pension and social service cheques because I know how much they depend on them to survive.  Some of the elderly people on my route wait for me each day because I am the only person that they see all day.  I delivered mail, sir, even when I didn't have to because people depend on me.  It didn't matter how hot it was or how cold or how much snow........people depended on me.

Employer:   I see.   What business skills do you have?

Postie:         Business skills?

Employer:    Yes, business, profits,  ............................

Postie:       Sir, I have just been delivering the mail for all these years.  I have brought the business to the people.  I have given them the bills they cannot pay.  I have given them the advertisements they did not want.  I have provided them with the notices that they did not want.  That is the business part.  I have also delivered them the letter they had never expected to receive by a loved one.  I have delivered them the news that I have heard....oh.....I am sorry.  That is not business, that is called something else, isn't it?

Employer:  My company is doing its best to reach out and give all you people who have lost your jobs the possibility of employment.  We do that because we care.  However, I am afraid that you do not have the qualifications that our mandate requires.  I am sorry, but I am sure you understand.

Postie:    Yes sir.  Thank you for this opportunity and Merry Christmas.  Oh, I am sorry........Happy Holidays.........I don't want to be offensive.

Employer rises and smiles, "Happy Holidays!" He reaches out his arm so he can shake posties hand.  Postie a true gentleman also rises and looks at the chubby hand of the employer.  He feels forced to shake the soft hand that turns him away from the opportunity to feed and house his family.

      Postie leaves the building and sits on a park bench at the park across the building.  It was donated.  The snow falls, caressing his stricken face.   He looks up at the sky and pleads.  "Help me God.  Please help me feed my family. "

      Employer calls for his secretary.  This was a waste of time.  What business skills does a postie have.  "June" he calls out to his secretary,  "I need you to go get something for my wife.  Find something nice ....you know what I mean.  She is upset because she thinks I do not spend enough time with her.  It doesn't bother her the rest of the year.  But there is something about the holidays.  You know women.  Hey, and get something for yourself.  You deserve it.  And why don't you reserve a table for us again at Giovannis?

       The postie is still sitting on a bench in the park praying.  How will he feed his family.  HOw will he feed his little girls?

                                              Merry Christmas everyone.............Ooops Happy Holidays

My pet peeve - no virtual Christmas Cards and no standardized letters please. Santa oops, forgot to write. Will an email do?

     I love Christmas.  I love it all.  I also love the commercialism.  I realized how much I loved that part when I was in a country where it was missing.  Perhaps that is why many people who come to this country hate commercialism or naught.

    I have had a very busy life and though I have retired twice, I have returned to school, worked internships for free (hopefully, the government will change that) and consistently paid out for tuition, association fees, etc........These five years have been an eye opener and I have learned that  you can teach an old dog new tricks.  The one thing I do each year no matter what is make that effort to reconnect to everyone I know, regardless how far.  I spend one full day writing cards to individual people outside the country or province.  To people in Toronto, I actually go visit or they me and we exchange a card or a small gift.  Sometimes it is just the company shared.  To me, the Christmas spirit is not in how much is given or received but in the spirit that it is given and received.  Christmas cards have been coming in and why not?  I have known quite a few people in my short life.  They are scattered.  I do not enforce my love for Christmas.  If I do not get a card for several years, then I stop unless the person is elderly and frail.  Notice I said frail.  I have always had friends of all ages and that I found to be wonderful.  I have learned from them all.  I love getting cards.  Sometimes a neighbour will leave me a gift on my alcove and I marvel at that too.  I love that connection that people make at Christmas, because it is the time of year of reaching out.  HOwever, my pet peeve and I know that it is mine, is getting that letter that is sent out with the card to perhaps 200 other people.    It almost diminishes the card for me (but not quite).  What I also detest is the virtual card in lieu of a card.  The virtual card always appears to be from a person of wealth who cannot be bothered to spend that postage.  I also cannot stand when I receive a phone call from someone who says she does not believe in Christmas Cards or commercialism and therefore is calling as a response to the card.  Off the card list and onto the naughty list.

     Dear Santa, this year I have forgotten to write to you.  So I will email you this and ask that you remind people if they receive a card, it may be just a gesture of a Christmas greeting.  There is no need to reply by phone or virtualality because a card was sent.  There is no requirement to feel guilty.  If a phone call is to be made, make it happen because the person wants to reach out and say Merry Christmas.  Actually, Santa, I think I will send you a letter, or note because my wants are minimal.  So I will get at that and not be a  hypocrite.  Thank you Santa, I still believe in you and watch out for you each year.  Exuse me not leaving cookies and milk because I don't think you actually come in.  I always find something in my porch and am not quite sure who it is so it must be you.

   This year Santa, I ask that you bring the joy of Christmas by having people reaching out to others in a genuine gesture.  I ask that the poor be reminded that they are worthy of all things as are all people.  There is a Santa Claus.

To dream..............      

Book reviews - Dinner at the Home Sick Restaurant and Lives of the Saints (old paper)

THE COMMUNITY EFFECTS 

                                                                       

                                                            ON THE 

                                                                       

                                                                                                     SOUL

                       

The Community Effects on the Soul

The texts Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant  by Anne Tyler and Lives Of The Saints by Nino Ricci both demonstrate the effects the role of the community has in the lives and fates of Pearl and Christina.  This essay will argue that both Pearl and Christina were influenced by the community to conform to a way of life not of their preference and that their reaction to this influence ultimately led to Christina's death and Pearl's isolation.  

                    The Pressure of Conformity

  Both Pearl and Christina live in a community where society dictates the norm of what is expected of a woman.  Women should be married, as in Pearl's case and married women should behave virtuous as is expected from Christina.  Pearl and Christina are both resistant in their actions from the pressures of the community, yet eventually succumb to the pressures.

Pearl is conscious of how her single status is considered inferior.  Being thirty and not married is defiant  but pressure to marry takes its toil.  Pearl understands how the community is reacting towards her,  "They had thought she would be an old maid.  They'd grown tactful …insultingly tactful.  Talk of others' weddings and confinements halted when Pearl stepped out on the porch"  (Tyler 6) Pearl also feels that education is considered a finality to the prospect of marriage, "She felt that going to college would be an admission of defeat."  (Tyler 6)  Marrying Beck and leaving her community immediately because

of his career, gives the reader insight that she marries because of peer pressure rather than love.  This insight is reflected by her not being happy just by being married to Beck.  She appears to need the attention that marriage provides in her community.  "She never even got to enjoy her new status among her girlfriends…Everything seemed so unsatisfying."  (Tyler 6&7)  

The stigma of single life continues to haunt Pearl.  This is demonstrated when Beck leaves her.  Pearl behaves as if this has never occurred.  Not even her children are informed of the truth.  Pearl reflects how the community had responded to her single life prior to marrying Beck,  "They had been so sure no man would marry her.  She could never tell them what had happened." (Tyler 11)  Pearl's pretense that her husband is away on business extends a lifetime.  As an adult, her son Cody recalls, "First he leaves and Mother pretends he hasn't… A thirty-five year business trip…"(Tyler 284)       

  In Lives Of The Saints Christina gives the illusion of not caring what the community thinks about her.  But from the beginning a simple act as changing her clothes after being bitten by a snake while alone with a man provides an insight to the opposite being true.  When Christina's son returns with help he notices," She had put on a new dress, a sleek flowered one…and had combed out her hair." (Ricci 11) 

Comments from the community such as, "You're too proud" (Ricci 46), and "Walking around like a princess" (Ricci, p 47) illustrate that the community feels that Christina is arrogant.  This is reinforced when Giuseppina, Christina's 

Childhood friend tells her, ,"…You can't afford to walk around like a princess.  It turns people against you."  Christina becomes pregnant from a man other than her husband who is in America and Giuseppina's  predications come true.  The community rejects Christina, "no one stopped by anymore…and if people passed my mother sitting in the front of the house they did not look at her…"(Ricci 52)  The effects of the community on Christina is demonstrated by her withdrawal.  Vitto relates the changes in his mother, "My mother began more and more to keep inside…sometimes simply shut up in her room; and she and my grandfather hardly spoke.." (Ricci 52).  Ultimately the pressure from the community is too much for Christina.  In her own moment of desperation she succumbs to a an act of superstition as was advised by her childhood friend, "you take a chicken …drain out the blood, then cut out the heart …wash your hands in the blood…pour into the ground".  Christina had found it humorous and ridiculous at the time (Ricci 54).  The community effects her so profoundly that Christina eventually performs the act.   Vitto provides this insight,  "Now the mystery of the blood on my mother's hands explained itself, for on a wooden block in front of the chicken run lay the limp headless body of a chicken…and a pan of blood resting on the ground nearby (Ricci 114). 

The community's rejection of Christina continues and it is not until Christina's behavior demonstrates a lack of defiance by attending church after a time of absence does this change.  Vitto relates, "And so our home which for

months had known only a lenten silence, was once again filled with a little life and conversation…my mother's presence at church…taken  perhaps as some kind of a sign…of the repentance and guilt…" (Ricci 146)

Both Christina and Pearl succumb to the pressures demanded from the community.  Pearl feels the need to be married, to be socially accepted. Rather than face life without a husband after Beck leaves her, Pearl continues a life of deception to avoid the stigma of being without a husband.  Christina's rejection by the community causes her to perform a superstitious act to redeem herself and to return to church. These women are similar in allowing the community to influence their lives.

                            My Soul Thee Takes

The community leads to Pearl's isolation from others as she attempts to keep her life apart from the community who has judged her.  Christina is led to her death in her attempt to escape the community.  Both women are victims of their community who has condemned them.

It is not until nearing the end of the text Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant that the reader understands the gravity of the community role's in 

diminishing the spirit of Pearl.  "….she hadn't been anyone's wife for over a third of a century; that she'd been frantic, angry, sometimes terrifying mother; and that she'd never shown the faintest interest in her community but dwelt in it like a visitor…doors tightly shut when at home.  That her life had been very long indeed 

but never full, stunted was more like it."(Tyler 285).  This is not the same woman who was once social, happy and content with life before the community 

passed judgement.  Ezra brings this to light has he reads his mothers diary to her recollecting her past, "I baked a few Scottish Fancies but they wouldn't do to take to a tea…I went out behind the house,…I believe that at just this moment I am absolutely happy." (Tyler 277)  It is through these diaries that glimpses of Pearl come to light.  Ezra enlightened indicates, " She [Pearl] had once been a whole different person…had spent her time swinging clubs with the Junior Amazon and cutting up with the Neal boys…and taking first prize at the Autumn Recital Contest (Tyler 264).  Pearl was driven into isolation, Ezra reflects, "Certainly she saw no friends; she had none.  As near as he could recall, she had never had friends."(Tyler 259)

Pearl had many suitors to choose from in her youth, "Frank brought her perfumed blotters and a box of …candy…Roy couldn't seem to tear himself away…Burt Tansy took her to the comic opera…Arthur…Hugh McKinley…"(Tyler 268).  Pearl had no problems attracting men but because she remained single when others considered it inappropriate, it reflected negatively on her persona.  The contrast of her full and happy life before being judged by the community and then trying to hold on to the image of marriage to avoid rebuke by the community leads to her isolation. The final obsession of being married is fulfilled at death at her eulogy.  The minister who never met 

Pearl reads," Pearl Tull, the minister said, was a devoted wife…" (Tyler 285) She had accomplished her deceit to her end.

Christina lives in a very social village.  The desperation and conflict of her own beliefs in contrast to the community leads to a nervous breakdown, "Your mother's staying in the hospital a few days." (Ricci 116).  Christina manages to escape her community, only to be faced with another on the ship to America.  The person she will need the most not only judges her as well but his own problems with alcoholism causes her death."  It was not the first death for this physician who Christina considers, a "drunken idiot" (Ricci 212).  Christina's own death is foreshadowed when the doctor recalls the complications of the last pregnant woman on board three month earlier, "The baby, unfortunately was stillborn." (Ricci 217) When Vitto is sent for his help, the doctor responds, "You're that woman's son, aren't you, the pregnant one who thinks she's a princess." (Ricci 228)  

Ricci and Tyler both demonstrate the influence a community has on its' victims.  Christina and Pearl were both judged.  Pearl acts the part of a married woman through out her life which takes away the joy of life and of living free to love.  Christina more defiant manages to escape after realizing the community is consuming her.  Her escape is not complete for another community is there to judge her, one that Pearl avoided after her marriage to Beck.  The person Christina will need the most on the ship has already judged her.  This judgement from a doctor is ironic due to his incompetence as a physician.  If he had thought 

more about Christina as a person,  he would have remained sober and would have had Christina monitored after giving birth.   Both Pearl and Christina failed to be able to live the life they wanted.  Though Pearl and Christina both left the community they lived in, Pearl chose to do so in isolation.  Christina bolder than Pearl escapes the country only to die at the hands of another community in judgement of her.  These two women were victims of a community who betrayed them.

Bibliography

Ricci, Nino.  Lives of the Saints.  Toronto: Cormorant, 2004.

Tyler, Anne.  Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant.  Toronto: Random House, 1996.

  

Two Veterans commit suicide - Veteran out there please get help. Do not kill yourself.

    I was going to write today about my seminar yesterday, about Mississauga, about Christmas and about a hoarder the news broadcasted, who is sleeping on his porch with his cats while his house is being cleared of debris and his belongings.   I was going to write about how the community is complaining.  Not one person was interviewed who had anything good to say.  Not one has offered him a place to sleep or is assisting him.  They are simply embarrassed or annoyed or whatever.  I was not impressed with his neighbours.  Here is a man who needs help and is not getting it.  However,  I have just finished reading my emails and what was sent to me from a retiree is something about shame on Canada and the news that two veterans have killed themselves.

     Christmas though a happy occasion for some is devastating to others.  That is why I never take holidays during the Christmas season.  It is when people kill themselves.  One veteran who kills himself, is one too many.

     There is a lot of hoopla for veterans when they become crippled and when they die.  We have our Highway of Hero's to honour them.  What do we have for those who are alive?  What do we do for those who appear physically healthy?

    I had a personal friend, a priest who served loyally for over 20 years in the military.  He was also in the Persian Gulf War.  I was at his Parade when he received his medals.  I was there when he told me how a priest was killed in South America for defending two youths who were imprisoned.  The youths however were released because of him and the mother thanked him, by dictating that it was his job (the priest) to die for his vocation.  There was no concern that he had died defending her son.  There was no need to die.  My friend had a story to tell and I always encouraged him, to tell it for the world, to know.
     I was there when he suffered because of those too young to die affected him.  I was there to encourage him to take a weapon to defend himself.  Clergy have a choice to carry arms.  Or at least then.  So many things have changed and I have been told that I am fortunate to have been spared the changes.
   
    I was there when he became ill with Lou Gerhrig's disease which killed him but not until it ravaged his body.   He had to be hospitalized. He told me he wanted to go to Sunnybrook Hospital as a veteran but they had told him no.  I was stunned.  I had been at a retiree meeting years ago where they said that veterans were dying and were wondering what the hospital would  do with that wing.  It was built for veterans.  I contacted the hospital and the same was re-iterated as my old friend had told me.  I couldn't believe it and I contacted Veteran Affairs.  I  was told that because he was not a veteran from a World War, he did not qualify.  I argued that it was not right and the person I talked to agreed with me.  This man was abandoned by the government.  There was nothing I could do.  The last time I saw him was Christmas day last year.  I always made a point of visiting him at Christmas.  He had no family here.  I told him I had wrote to some editor about him being rejected by Sunnybrook and he replied, "good."  He added,  "the military taught us how to live among the people."  That is why he chose to be on the floor where he was among the people, rather than other priests.  But in his heart he wanted to be with other veterans.  His death was very upsetting to me.  He was much older than me.  He was the brother I never had.

       If you are a veteran out there and feel alone, please be aware that you are not alone.  I know how much you have sacrificed for your country.   I also know how you may feel alone or abandoned by those you have protected.  There is no job out there that sacrifices more of one self.  You are not alone. There are people who are you.  Find the person you need to talk to.  If one rejects you, find another.  No one should suffer their pain alone.  The services in place may be inadequate but there is such a place and such a person...........find him or her.  And Canada, "Shame on you."

Book sale at Show Case, York University

     My book sale at York University was fun as usual.  I re-connected with people I know.   I saw quite a few pictures of new babies. I also met some new interesting people. The woman who sat next to me this year was selling her art. I loved her bright cheerful colours. The islands influenced her work. Her husband is also an author and he is just as interesting. He is a retired professor and is also writing his second book. He however donates all his proceeds to a Lepercy foundation. I cannot afford to do this even though 10 percent would be my objective, if it was affordable. It costs so little to cure so many young people and prevent such a devestating desease from damaging and crippling so many people. Yet it is not being done. It is rather sad.  In some countries it is hidden from the world.  Our country could do more to pressure these countries.  What is that called?  Politics?   I did not know it was a problem in India as well.  He was not selling his book this year, but I shall buy it next year when he brings copies. My book is nothing so serious. I wrote it for fun in two months. My second book is more serious and it is most unfortunate that I always have to put it aside. Soon I will be sending off the final documentations for two Associations that I belong to. Then I will prepare for the new college. If I could have two weeks just to myself in the middle of nowhere land,  I could finish this book. Life gets in the way. However, I love all that I do and am constantly re-organizing my schedule and time. I go to York University once a year to sell my book, but more importantly I get re-energized by the people I meet. York is a fun place, full of interesting people. I love talking to the students, professors and staff equally. It is days like that I feel tempted to return to academia but I want to stay firm.  I was also asked how I am enjoying retirement. I reply that it is busy. To the University of Toronto, I return twice a year unless it is for a conference. I volunteer once a year as my way of giving back at my college book sale. I enjoy greeting the people into our building and hearing their stories. There are so many interesting people who enter and the topic is books, what they are studying or teaching and what brings them to the college. I also attend their culture night held in January. The artistic songs, playing of instruments, comedy and dance from both the students and professors always leaves me in awe. I am so fortunate to be an ulumni from both universities. I have learned so much from both. At Guelph University I took only one course that I needed and it too was nice. I really enjoyed the food in their cafeteria. It would be nice to check out each university and take one course just to compare. Now I must begin my day. Thank you for reading my blogs. What do you do? Are you happy doing it? What can you change to find something you like to do? What do you think?

Disaster in the Philippines

I notice that one of my readers today is from the Philippines. The news is full of reports and updates. It is sad to hear people beg for help, but help is coming. A woman recently asked me why God permits this? I spoke about global warming and free choice. But, in reality disasters have always occurred. What I marvel when I see the news is how countries bound to help. I also notice which countries are not helping. I dream of a world where everyone unites to help those who need it. Our country is matching donation dollars. I just want to say to my Philippine reader that I am thinking of your country and am watching and praying for you as many others are. I believe that prayer is very powerful and there have been a few studies to demonstrate that. From the sadness, there is a glimpse of humanity, as people gather to put aside their quarrels and unite for a greater purpose. This is what I call hope.

Continue from The Developing Brain : Forms of Mercury (Hg) Psychology notes

There are three forms of Mercury: - metallic (silver stuff in thermometer) - Inorganic compounds - Organic compounds (eg. Methyl mercury) (all exists in the environment) Biotransformation Metallic and inorganic mercury | Algae >> organic mercury compounds | fish | humans certain fish concentrate mercury - some fish: swordfish; tuna are high mercury concentrates Hunter - Russell Syndrome ME Hg poisoning in adults: - peripheral sensory loss (start to experience numbness and tingling in limbs and can result in loss of sensation - Ataxia (movements - cerebellum) - Dysarthria - problem forming speech - tunnel vision - people lose peripheral vision Large - Scale Me Hg Poisoning episodes . Minimata Japan (1956 -65) Industrial Plant dumped some form of mercury in the Bay. Fish became contaminated. There was a major fish diet among the people in the area. They therefore had higher mercury. It is different with alcohol which diffuses mother to fetus. It goes back and forth and does not get caught in the tissue. It's in the body for a short time. In the case of heavy metal, once in the body tissue, it does not go away in a few hours. Many cases are overt in adults and children - Children are born with problems. IRAQ (1972) - There was a large shipment of grain seed sent there and it was treated with pesticides. It was milled to make bread and not planted. It effected perhaps 6000 people among them who died. There is a considerable amount of studies. Japan was gradual. Iraq, acute in about a month. Certain females were pregnant therefore infants and fetuses were effected. Minamata Disease became a concern. There is delayed milestones of motor development (mom may not be sick and the fetus may not be apparent abnormal - after a few months there was slow development - similar to cerebral palsy) - abnormal reflexes, muscle tone and movements - difficulties feeding - severe language and cognitive delays It lodges in hair and teeth. Hair has mercury in it. It can be determined how long the person was exposed. Effects of Me Hg on the developing brain 1. Toxic effects - diffuse cell loss throughout neocortex (Adult damage limited. The brain of children exposed after birth is more widespread in fetal brain (killing cells toxic) 2. Teratogenic Effects - - abnormal neuronal migration - abnormalities in cortical layers - cerebellum cortex abnormalities - micr cephally (reduced brain size) to be continued............with Lead (PB) exposure

Another conference - More to think about

Yesterday I was at another conference with another association that I belong to - the Spiritual one. The speaker who has written quite a few books did not impact me as much as my previous conference. I found this one too basic; too 101. I did not buy a book this time. I still have much to read. At my table, were students and some old classmates who I like very much and who I missed seeing. In the next table was my mentor and more previous classmates who are now working towards being instructors/supervisors. I enjoyed the food but did notice that one person left to buy a sandwich and that tells me that the menu needs to be revised. No one should feel that they need to eat elsewhere when food is provided. I have no desire to be a supervisor or instructor. I have been an instructor in another field. I networked and talked to my network of friends about starting a peer review. It was decided that getting together once a month is a good idea to discuss our work, etc....This is something I have been working on for some time. This is my last year getting any student rates. My hours are over. My internship is over. My mentorship is coming to an end. As I looked around me at my previous instructors, new bushy tail students, my peers etc....I saw a group of people coming together for the same purpose - that of helping others with their hardships, their struggles, their sufferings and their preparation for dying. I thought of my own internship at working at a hospital with people living and dying. I worked with cancer and HIV patients. I worked with HIV. It was not my interest. I wanted to work on a floor where I would be exposed to a variety of illnesses. However, when as an intern we were being brought to the different areas, one head nurse said something that no one else said. He said we were needed. So, because no one in my small group wanted to work with this group for their own reasons - I decided to work with the Cancer and HIV patients. It was the most difficult work I did as an intern. Patients not only suffered because of their illness but some also suffered from the stigma of having such a disease. As my days of being mentored are coming to an end, I am grateful to my mentor and some of my supervisors from my growth in this stream. The speaker spoke of the integration of different streams or school of thought. I have always integrated all I have learned. When I was studying psychology, a PHD student whom I had hired to tutor me for stats told me that I am psychology. I had told him that I was not interested in doing research. I wanted to help people with a variety of issues. That is what I have been doing. However the money is-in research. What the States has eventually comes here good and bad (Toronto the good is obviously no longer considered Toronto the good). Adler's School of Psychology is now in Toronto and they are accredited. When I was considering my Masters, I called many schools and did not opt for them because the focus was too much research, specialization, or that it was not accredited. I think research is extremely important. I just don't want that to be my focus or work. As I look back at what I have accomplished and my journey towards helping others, I am aware that my entire life has been helping others. I chose careers where I would always be doing that in one form or another. What I have learned is that people have their own specific reasons for choosing their specific work. In my undergrad I heard that some professors were not supportive of students. In grad studies I did not find this but I did not care for one professor who thought it was his way of thinking or the highway. I suppose what I learned yesterday was nothing new from the speaker, but I looked around at the audience and realized that there were many students. I have been so fortunate to have had such wonderful people around me supporting me and that is what I would advise students to do. Surround yourself with people who have a heart. There are studies that reveal that what is even more important for a client who is seeking help is their connection with someone providing counselling, therapy etc....than the knowledge the person has who they are seeing. I don't have the stats at the moment but there it is. I think that having knowledge is extremely important but I normally ask if a client who is seeing me is comfortable with me. For anyone seeking this type of work I urge them to find a mentor they can learn from and feel safe with. Hang in there. I will be a student for life. Knowledge is very important to me because I realize how much there is too learn. I once told one of my Advance level supervisors that I know nothing. She understood me and my comment. There is just so much information out there. I learn in academia, I learn from workshops, I learn from conferences and I learn from my own clients. They are a gift to me. So for students out there, find someone with a heart to mentor you. For clients I urge you also to find someone who you feel comfortable with. I realize that people read this blog from all over the world and I feel honoured. If you are considering seeing someone, do not stop at the first, if you are not comfortable with that person. Check also what their qualifications are. In Ontario soon people without the proper qualifications will no longer be able to provide psychotherapy. This is long overdue in my opinion. What do you think?

Post Hallowe'en and conference

I do not normally do anything resembling work on Sundays but today I shall make an exception because I shall be attending two more conferences this month and want to keep you up to date. But- first Hallowe'en. I have no more excuses not to go out for Hallowe'en since I had so many adults who came to my house for treats. The eldest must have been in her seventies. I called her mama, as I put a chocolate in her bag. They were all dressed up too. I did not expect too many people because it was raining but I had more than previous years. I stopped counting at 150. The costumes were amazing and I finally got to see Dracula. "I have been waiting for you all night!" I exclaimed to the boy. His mother looked at her child and said, "I told you, he is so yesterday!" "No" I responded not wanting to make Dracula feel all alone. I also could not help noticing a mother telling her child not to do that or this before the little kid had a chance to get the candy. This was accompanied by a light slap each time. "Stop that" I repeated each time. "Don't do that." I am sure that she did not realize that she was doing it since it was so automatic. no = slight slap. I really think that all parents should have a solid week of training before having a child. You need a test for driving, a test for passing any subject but for the most important job, a parent will ever have is experimental learning. I loved the conference. I loved meeting old classmates and reconnecting with instructors and other people in my field old and new. It was hard for me to leave after the first day because so many were staying overnight at the hotel. They even had a pool and the price was lowered for our association. However, this time, I left every one behind and drove home until the next morning bright and early. The food was wonderful and I came out of there with new ideas and tools to implement in my own practice. The speaker was Michele Weiner-Davis, an American living in New York City. She is very personable and I can see why she is so successful. She also has years of working with couples at the brink of divorce and is very capable of bringing them back to a place of partnership. One of the things she provides is two day therapy for clients. Though that would be very expensive for clients, I think that it is well worth providing and will implement that into my own practise. I have been in the mindset that more than one session is too much and that people need to process. But what I have come to learn in my own practise from those on the brink of ending their relationship is that perhaps if they commit to two full days, they may leave with a different perspective than one session and perhaps never returning because they do not think it is worth working on. Most of the information, I already know and notes were therefore kept to a minimum, but there were handouts I can use as tools and there was some information I could use in future. As I have said in earlier blogs I incorporate everything I have learned and use it when I think I should. I work with all people. And so when I listen to someone with vast amount of experience working with only one type of what I will call issue, than I listen. I am forever growing and learning. I bought one book which she recommended and I will be looking forward to reading it after what I am presently reading. I will be providing you with some statistics that she gave us. One thing she did say is that if one couple has more than one therapist, it is one to many. That is something I will also review. I have a lot to think about. How I work is what is best for my client from their perspective. "Know thyself" Are you in a relationship that you are not happy with? What have you done about it to make it workable? What do you think?

Hallowe'en, conferences and balancing life

Give me a reason to celebrate and I shall. I really like Hallowe'en. I used to get all dressed up myself with different type of costumes, I found in my own wardrobe. When I bought a "scream mask" I thought it was really cool, until one Hallowe'en night when I opened the door, I sent a young woman screaming and running away as fast as she could run. I thought she would have been prepared and not as terrified as she was, so I placed the mask on an outside pole, knowing someone would steal it. I also hung a stuffed fake man on my tree until I realized that was too scary as well. So I decided to just wear some fake blood on my face and that was not too bad, until I saw how visibly shaken a neighbour was when she thought I had been injured. So no more blood, no more gore, no more scary, scary, house. Now I just use my own face and if it scares anyone, it cannot be helped. Last year I had over one hundred kids and teens drop by and a few adults. I even gave out a treat to a doggy who was all dressed up. I don't give out apples, or anything else that is not wrapped. I remember my own mom cutting and peeling the apples I brought home when I was younger, checking for razar blades. There are always those on Hallowe'en who are more scary and cruel and mean, than any mask or fake anything else, that superficially frightens. For those, I wish that for one night they behave and leave the children and animals alone. Get some real help or lock yourself up. Why not go to the police station and talk to them about what you are up to? How nice if it could be that easy. Anyhow, back to the good stuff. I was raised in Toronto and Hallowe'en has always been part of the culture. I look at it as just clean fun. So I make sure that I bought plenty of stuff that I could give out, to ensure that I would not run out. I always buy what I like as well so that if I have anything left over, I eat it. I can no longer go out to trick or treat and if it was acceptable for adults, I would be out there. That is why I always give out treats, to anyone of any age. You don't want to know how old I was when I finally stopped going out with friends trick or treating. Now my home is kid friendly. I also keep the pumpkin intact so I can recycle it to the neighour who uses it to make pumpkin pie, something I could never get into no matter how much whip cream is on top. I bought more chocolate because I was dipping into the Hallowe'en kids stock. I have a two day seminar to attend which I am looking forward to. I shall miss the wine and cheese afterwards because I have to drive and I am not staying overnight as others are. I also have to deliver papers etc... for my own step process. In there, I shall take time for fun, even though I consider it all fun. That is the beauty of doing what you love. Have a wonderful Hallowe'en!!!!! Keep safe!!!!

A tribute to Carlo

My cousin died yesterday at 0100 am. He was one of my favourites. When I was in Europe, and I went to visit my family, they always welcomed me warmly. When they came to visit Canada, my cousin would remind me cheerfully, that it was he who was my blood relative and not his wife, who is now alone in grief. If there was an ideal marriage, aside from my own parents, it was them. They had romantic love which is very difficult to maintain, they had mutual respect and they had a bond that fastened each other. I love them both equally. "He has gone to heaven, she wrote." Just a few nights ago, I was watching a program, that I had taped. Scholars from various universities were reporting God as fiction and wishful thinking. I thought it was interesting because normally more than one perspective is provided. The more I live life, the more I learn, the more I realize how little I do know. There is just so much to know and learn and that is why I consider myself a life long student. I can never cease to learn. There is so much contradiction out there, that it is difficult to know what is truth. What is true one day is disproved on another. Even experiments, cannot prove but only disprove. What is fact? What is fiction? What is fantasy? What is wishful thinking? We used to believe that the world is flat? We used to deny evolution? We are constantly evolving, though repeating mistakes. There are definitely good people out there and there are those who commit such horrible crimes, that one must question why? There is always a truth. But, how does one find it? When I look out at nature in my backyard. When I see the birds and squirrels feeling safe in the nature I cultivate for them, I am quite aware that others are ridding themselves of anything natural. When I look up at the stars and moon, I am aware that I cannot see what is really there. I am aware that my planet is moving along in a galaxy, that my human eyes cannot see. I do not feel myself moving. I do not see. I sometimes imagine what it must be like to watch our planet from space. We know that there are many planets, moons, stars, galaxies etc....We know because we are a curious people who thrive for truth. We have science and we have technology. Is there a God? Is there an afterlife? Am I delusional because I believe there is something more? I was watching a Nova series, one was about utilizing nature to improve our industry. They were duplicating the movements of specific animals to enhance what is available today. They were also altering DNA of a specific part of a fish to have it function as a battery. We as a people are always growing, tampering and experimenting. Yet when it comes to believing in God, it is wishful thinking. Why is it that some people believe in a God and others don't? One scholar in another session I was watching, said that he believes it is in our DNA. Has anything ever happened to you that you do not understand? Have you ever felt someone near and no one was there? Have you felt someone close to you when that person has died? Is it all psychological? Is there the possibility of something more? Is it only faith? And who are the fraudsters and fortune tellers explaining all this and taking money from those suffering? There is always an opportunist. I have had a great and interesting life. I have people in my life that I would not trade for all the money in the world. I have been provided with one gift after another. I was sad and and stunned to hear about the non-expectant death of my cousin. I was more sad for his wife, who will grieve a life time. I know that my cousin is not suffering anymore, nor scared anymore. I appreciate every moment, I have on this earth. There is a phrase that says only taxes and death is a sure thing. I don't know about taxes, as I understand there is an island or two where that is not a problem, but I know that we cannot escape death, as we know it. I remember being horrified when I realized that people die. I am not horrified anymore. It is a process. I think of death as a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. We all have a belief system and part of that is a selection of what to believe. I had one professor in a psychology class who said you can prove there is a God. He suddenly began a class saying that the solar system is not as perfect as we think. He said if you threw something in its' path, it would cause chaos. I wondered at the time, why he would introduce that in class? What was he thinking about, that made him say that in a motivational psychology class? I think that we all have different lives. Some of us are fortunate to have a lot of love in our lives which began in infancy, others naught. Some of us were raised in a particular religious background that was nurturing or was the opposite for others. Some of us had the opportunity to grow intellectually, spiritually etc....Some of us were stunted by life. Some of us reached out and felt a hand pulling us out of an abys. Why not take the time this weekend to write down what you believe in. Then write down below each belief why you believe? Is it rational? Is it spiritual? Is it right in your opinion? Is it wrong in your opinion? How do you search for truth? How do you search for the possibility of a God? Is your God terrifying and cruel? Is your God loving and warm. This is a challenging year. Someone very close to me said that she cannot wait til the year is over, because there has been so much loss. But, I do not share that view because I think of years as merely strings that ultimately comes to an end at any time. I enjoy each day and breathe in the air that allows me to live. I enjoy each morsel of food that I eat. I enjoy each flower I can inhale. What is it that you enjoy. What do you think? Bye Carlo. You gave so much love to others. You had such a beautiful and infectious laugh. You were a beautiful charmer with so much to give and you gave it. You had such a sense of humour. I am sorry that in these past three months you had to suffer so. Now, please watch over us, as the angel that you are.

It's Official, I am now on the board as assistant health benefit's officer, FSNA (Toronto). I need to re-evaluate who I vote for.

Today I was at our fall National Association of Federal Retirees meeting at our Toronto branch. We were honoured with the presence of the President of the Association, a retired RCMP Officer. I did not realize that his position was a volunteer position and his passion did not go unnoticed. Though I have been assisting for a while as I mentioned in an earlier blog, today I was actually sworn in as an assistant Health Benefits Officer, and therefore, I will no longer utilize humour. Ethics is important to me and so is humour, but I understand what is humorous for one may not be for another. Therefore, officially today, no more humour (when I speak of FSNA). My position is simply passing on information regarding the public service health care. The government is presently trying to charge us 50% more. It is sad that the government keeps dipping at the expense of retirees. Agreements made prior to retirement seem to no longer be honoured. But we still have a voice and politicians should remember that they are elected. That is why it is so important to vote. I encourage all retirees of the Federal Public Service to join our Association. When I retired, this information was provided in a flyer and I immediately joined. I have been part of this organization since 1994. It appears that flyers no longer are automatically enclosed in all retirement packages. Many do not even know of our existence. When the government dipped into the military pension surplus, I was astonished. This is a democratic country and I expected that to be the partaking of a communist community who do as they wish. People need to protect their pension and reserves for future requirement. Governments need to take responsibility to its people. I remember my counsellor's advice to stay out of politics when I toyed with the idea of supporting a city office. I intend to stay out of politics. However, when my pension may be tampered with and my health plan may be tampered with, I need to examine what I consider is politics and what I consider is advocacy. I do not think that anyone in the world should be hungry. I do not think that anyone in Canada should be hungry. I need to take a closer look at why Seniors and the vulnerable are hungry or neglected or both. I need to examine my present government closer from the city level where a counsellor posted a sleeping employee on line for the world to see and then have the argument introduced that city employees should be replaced by contractors. If this wasn't an excellent example of being fallacious, I do not know what is. If this is not against the human rights of the city employee, I do not know what is. Imagine if every employer started posting who they considered a bad employee on line, rather than taking appropriate disciplinary action? There is a process. I am not in favour of anyone losing their jobs nowadays when our world and finances are so unpredictable. I am taking a closer look at my city and a closer look at all levels of government. I received a letter back from my Liberal representative regarding the Conservative government trying to take more from pensioners. I have been a conservative for many years. But, I may have to take another look at who I vote for and why. Every once in a while, I need to regroup. I marvelled when Obama became President. I feared for his life, when he became President. I see what he has been trying to do with bringing fair health care for the American people. I know and have heard of Americans coming to our country because of our health care system. I have heard of Canadians losing their shirts when travelling without insurance or if they have not filled in the forms properly for greedy insurance companies. Perhaps it is time to take a closer look at fat corporations, getting fatter and fat corporations getting bailed out by governments using our tax dollars. Perhaps, it is time to slap the wrists of those tampering with what has been paid into and earned. Perhaps it is time for people to utilize the voice given to them and to say no to bullying at all levels. What do you think?

Why not try to be kind to others?

Today was an interesting day. I took a day off and continued to read what I have written in book two, editing it and noticing big chunks removed. How did that happen? Then I was off and running to a huge department store. While there, I heard an older couple chastise a poor salesman. The woman was loud and demeaning. She spoke in broken English, with a thick European accent. Her partner filled in the gaps, in their attempts to humiliate the worker, simply because he could not provide them with the product they wanted. As I continued to walk, I saw who they had demeaned. He was a student, with special needs. He stood frozen in shock. I asked him if they had hurt his feelings and he said a little. I could see his turmoil, from within, and my heart ached for him. He asked me something I was unprepared for. He asked me if all people were like that? I replied, some are, but that he should feel sorry for them. It had to do with them. I tried to comfort him, and placed my hand on his shoulder for some human contact. After trying to comfort him for a while, I left him. I was boiling mad at the old couple who had been so mean, to this young person. I knew that this couple did not have the insight that they had hurt a person with special needs. Nor, did they have the insight to know, to what degree they had. As I walked away, the student continued to stare at me, standing firm where he had first been approached by the couple, still frozen in time. Have you ever been angry with a salesperson where you went too far? What made you lose your temper? What is it really about? How do you think he or she felt? How do you treat people? How are you treated by people? As I was driving home from a day of getting all I need and stopping at Home Depot, I saw a covered red scooter on the road, attempting to climb the sidewalk. I anticipated the vehicle tilting and falling to its side and it did. I stopped my car, behind another which had stopped and suddenly there were three of us ready to help the elderly man. I did my 911 call, while the two men, helped the old man out. He insisted that he did not want emergency services. The two men, lifted the vehicle upright and the elderly man kept thanking me in the Italian language. I didn't quite know why because I did none of the lifting or dragging. I just spoke on the phone and observed. That did not last long and suddenly I found myself continuing home. As I drove, I wondered if I would find so much excitement in the country. I stopped to buy a lottery ticket and told the man behind the counter that if I won the fifty million, I would go up North for a while. "Take me with you!" He exclaimed. "No, I am taking my pets." I replied without hesitation. Though I spent no time in my office today, I did do a lot of work for it as well. I need a small sofa, and that will eventually come. I want people to be comfortable, to relax from the cares of the world. It is all a work in progress. I always admire companies that hire and intern people with special needs. Each of us need to feel valued and productive and often that is found in the work that we do. No one deserves to be treated poorly at work. This weekend, why not be nice to someone you do not know. Be kind, to someone you do not know. And while you are at it, why not be kind to someone you do know.

Taking time for my book

I find it best to write as soon as I get up after my morning ritual with coffee by my side. I am reviewing and editing what I have written so far and I believe it is quite a lot. I am trying to get myself psyched back to the period of time I am writing about. This book is not the same as my first. My first I wrote in two months during my breaks surrounded by crowds of students. I had fun with it. I also learned how hard it is to sell a book. I have learned from that. If any of you want to buy a copy, send me a cheque to my business office and I will mail you a copy (no taxes, or delivery charges). Next month I shall be at York University again selling it there at their show case. This book requires reflection, a quiet space and nature. I cannot write from my office. I look out at the trees from my home and pause to see a chirping bird or funny squirrel who I feed incognito. I don't want the neighbours to see because they do not share my love. My squirrel likes to lay down on my deck while I sit and read. The other day, my squirrel was cleaning himself and it looked more like an aerobic exercise. I had to stop my writing to laugh. It is so unfortunate that people can be so cruel to animals because they bring such joy and love. Being cruel to animals should be taken very seriously, even if one does not care about animals because it escalates to people. I can always spot an unhappy pet which reveals so much about the owner. Anyhow, I am moving away from my topic of writing. My space for this book requires peaceful reflection and nature. Friday, I began reading and editing early morning and before I kne w it was 1pm. Where did the time go? I understand how writers can write so many books if they have the time to do it. I am very structural and so I have to redesign my life to fit my writing early morning before I am distracted by life. I like to work at my writing when my mind is clear and that is not very often because I am busy with so many things. I thought I would share this with you. If any of you like to write, just do it. Start now! Just write what you want to talk about and not worry how it looks in print. You may return to it later. I have a few more hours to work on my book and then I have to focus on Thanksgiving. I have to decide what I need for it. Again, Happy Thanksgiving. Thank you for reading my blog. Don't hesitate to contact me if you need counselling. That is why I am here - Silva style.

Happy Thanksgiving

This is a time of celebrating what we have. It is a North American tradition. The States celebrates on a different day. I stopped eating meat when I saw a neighbour kill a rabbit which quite affected me and so what I once feasted on has changed. I no longer eat animals. Most of my closest family and friends have died and so my celebration with my definition of family has also changed. I have always dreamed of having a huge family because my friends who did have big families partied hard and I always loved parties and still do. What I celebrate now is what I have accomplished, who my closest friends are and my immediate family in my own home. I celebrate life. I celebrate that Canada is my home. I honour her and love her. I celebrate the sacrifices that people make to help us live in such a beautiful country so "glorious and free." I celebrate our standard of living, keeping in mind that we are so better off than many in the rest of the world. I celebrate my freedom of having a voice and not be hindered to succeed because I am a woman. When people came to North America, they came with the hope and desires for a better life and I know that my parents got that for themselves. As babies or children we need to go where our parents take us and where we are born, is not our decision. As adults we sometimes have a choice. As I watch the news and hear how many people die trying to escape their countries, there is an awareness that I can never take freedom for granted. Where ever you are today, why not ask yourself, what you can celebrate? It may be just being alive and that is indeed something to celebrate! Take a look at your life. Who is your family? Are you happy? Are you happy with what life style you have? Are you happy in your chosen career? Are you happy in the country that you have either chosen to live in or are forced to live in? Do you feel free to be yourself and accomplish what you want to accomplish? Are you proud of your country? Are you proud of your accomplishments or where you are headed to? I always say that we cannot change others. We can only change ourselves. You cannot live to fulfill the dreams of others. You cannot be there to meet the standards of what others may want from you. That may be appropriate in the work force, but it is a strain within those closest to you. Why not take the time this Thanksgiving weekend, to examine your life. Take 15 minutes and write down what you are struggling with and then write down what you are thankful for. Where do you find that you had to think the hardest about? What was easier for you to write down? Why? Are you sad? Why? What would make you less sad and even more what would make you happier? I want to thank everyone in my life who has enhanced it. I want to thank my country for having me. I want to thank God and country for all I have. Happy Thanksgiving everyone, turkey or not!

My new posted picture, politics, and my seminar yesterday

At my last book sale event downtown, one of the men who approached my table remarked that I did not look like my picture in my back cover. I was not too disturbed about that. The author on my right was constantly being informed that she did not look like her picture. So recently, I looked at myself in the mirror and decided it was time to put on another face. During one of my business seminars, I learned that we should post professional pictures etc......So of course in this instance I did the opposite. This is me, in the morning, with no makeup, with blonde hair, making faces, snapping pictures and having fun. The birds are a nice contribution from my new computer. It is two years since my last photo. I forgot that I change my hair colour as often as the sales permit. Anyhow, enough about my photo. We need humour in life. Yesterday, I attended another day event. This was outside my professional organizations. It began with a politician. We were informed that she came, regardless of her busy schedule. That killed me. I am always amused by politicians. They have this aura of importance, sophistication and smoothness. This of course excludes the city favourite "Rob Ford". After all the people voted for him, perhaps because of his no nonsence, matter of fact, let's stop the "gravy train." After her short speech and before she disappeared to another venue, where she would be appreciated because of her busy schedule, we were informed by the host to vote for her. Again, I was amused. I turned to the woman at my right and said "conservative." She nodded in agreement. So much for that attempt at voting liberal. However, I am sure that many will vote for who they are told to vote for. We forget that in a democratic society that voting should always be a personal and informed choice. All I can think of is what I call the "billion dollar apology." We were placed in groups of about fifteen or twenty and then my group went into our first stream. The facilitator is an actor and he conducts some sort of what I would call therapy. He has everyone describing themselves as a fruit. Then we play a game where we call out the fruit, from one place of the room and exchange places with that person at the centre of the room. It was quite fun and I determined that it was a form of memory exercise. I was also interested in how people defined themselves as a particular fruit. Then we had to identify some aspect of ourselves and if someone else shared that, then we would have to move to a place that was emptied by another, and if we were the odd person out, than we would be the ones to identify something new. Finally, and before a bell rang that our time was up in this group work, we described our health perspective from when we were 10 years old, to our present time, from a half point time in our lives. We would move from one portion of the room to the other from a percentage of 1 to 100. At the end of that, people had the opportunity to share why they felt their health merited the score they gave themselves. I found it interesting to note that health changed and reversed itself. Some of the group felt better as an older person. Before people had the opportunity to share the bell rang that our session was over. This was too bad, because it would have offered the people to share more. I found this technique quite interesting and will certainly want to lear more about it. I deduced that this was a type of memory exercise, reflective exercise, physical exercise and support exercise. It also offered the group to talk about something that bothers them. I stored this into memory for the future. A fairly big space is required. During our next session, the woman identified herself as a "specialist," the word medical was in there and something else that I cannot recall. I never heard of this title before and no qualifications were offered. I have no idea if she has university training, college or a certificate. I am always cautious when no education is revealed. I am cautious when no college or association is revealed that the person is responsible to. It did not take long for her biases to be revealed. She believes that female physicians are better than male physicians. She talked about being informed and medications that may not be suitable for the individual. I listened and then having a big mouth, I called it. I spoke of biases. I informed her and the group that there are no differences in the quality of service by a doctor simply by gender alone. I also spoke of the importance of not disregarding the importance of medication. I was afraid that people would leave the room and stop taking their medications. I said as much. I think her information was much more guarded afterwards - biases removed. Later she approached me, thanking me for making her more aware of the consequences. I told her that people come from a variation of cultures and education. With some in the group, their English language is limited. They may not have access to what is available to make an informed decision. In other words they may take what she is saying as gospel. I was not impressed. OUr final session was very informative. She is a dietician and she quickly made us a smoothie and a healthy bean spread. I left there deciding that I am replacing ice cream with yogurt. I will search for my blender and will eat more healthy. Lunch was also very, very healthy. Let's see how I make out? I believe in balance so I am not giving up my pizza, banana splits etc....However, they will not be my staple food, no sireeeee. It was a very informative day in more ways than one. Next week I will be going to a FSNA meeting and a business forum type of day. The latter will be my first. I shall let you know if there is anything I learn that may be of interest. To summarize from what I learned today which was either learned through observation, omission and actual instruction: Vote for who you want and not from a person telling you who to vote for. There may be interior motives. There are countries where people have no choices. We are not one of them. Know the qualifications of who is speaking to you. Titles can be very glossy and misleading. Try to separate biases. This is learned and subjective. Always take medication as prescribed and don't just stop medication prescribed. This can have serious consequences. Speak to your doctor about your concerns and if you are not happy with your physician, find another. I shopped around after my last physician closed up shop. I saw three before I halted at this one. It is your body and it is your final decision but you want the best care and need to get it from the people who are trained to provide it. What do you think?