There are occupations out there where one has to be in control at all times. One is expected to resolve problems, calm people down in horrific situations and to respond appropriately at all times. In this day where there are cameras everywhere, there is an expectation of perfect responses to impossible situations. One is being judged by the media and the public. These are additional pressures.
In my own training many years ago, I was briefed along with others that military, police, and physicians were statistically more prone to abusive relationships at home. I being young and thinking that such professions were among a higher standard of conduct was surprised. Now, being more mature, educated and down to earth with experience, understand what was told to me many years ago several times.
Perfection does not exist. I think most people understand this. We all come from various backgrounds with various amount and depth of what is referred to as "baggage". Much of that baggage is screened for in various testing for various careers. There are also IQ tests etc.....for various occupations. What is there for testing the pain and emotional responses one physician feels when she loses a patient? What is there for testing a soldier who was forced to kill? What is there for testing a policewoman or man who for a second, had to make an instant decision, right or wrong? One thing that is common with these occupations is that there is an expectation of higher standard to be in control, to be wonderful; to be a hero. It is an occupation that an expectation is taken for granted.
Now let's examine the person. What is going on inside? Is this person a machine? Is this person programmed for perfection? Does this person have anyone on his side? Who is in control of this person? Is he or she in the same occupation, with the same experiences? Is this person a politician who wants to have a job in the future in the right circles? Is this person going to support the struggles suffered by one man or woman who suffers when a child dies or an animal is abused beyond recognition, when one witnesses the scars and wounds and suffering that many are free from.
I recently heard a speaker talk about a woman who was raped. As far as the speaker was concerned this woman was ok. At break time, I blurted out that this woman knew nothing about the sexual assault of a person (male or female). The thing is that people respond to situations and crises and many times, they do not even know how they feel. They put themselves on mute.
At another training session, I heard how nurses who are so much in control can completely break down when a member of their own profession dies. This was not understood by the speaker. The speaker did not understand, that the tipping point was having someone close, a colleague die. All that suffering previously experienced was pushed aside, to function, to perform with professionalism.
One aquaintance once was so angry, that others near us just tried to stay away from him. He was looked at with distaste. No one wanted to be near him. He was too angry. All professionalism gone.....There was no need to be professional. The setting was safe. "What happened" I asked. He told me that he was assisting with an abortion and the fetus was still alive, in a bucket. He held the fetus, in the room of the hospital until the fetus died. The mother never knew. As my aquaintance began to share more suffering without crying, the agitation slowly diminished into sorrow. He is a professional, able to keep facial and posture purfection at all times.
There are professions who witness what others who judge them superficiously, cannot imagine. There is this aura of professional who protects and heals. Often there is no support system for them. Often it is inadequate. Often to seek help which should be considered normal, is deemed as weakness. There is this "professional numbness" that emergency personnel cultivate and develop, where feelings are surpressed, so that this illusion of professionalism and expectation can continue as expected by the people they serve. I like to use the anology of a pot with liquid on a stove, heating up and coming to a boil where the top finally pushes outward. This bottled and contained emotions are still there. They may be expressed with anger, with violence, and sadly with suicide. The best solution is to find that person you can talk to and share and explore those feelings. This is confidential. The only person who needs to know that you are getting help, is the same person who has contained this suffering without your own awareness. This Christmas give yourself the gift - the gift of life, the gift of helping yourself for a change.
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