When I was selling my book last month “Hey Guy By Me” quite a few men at Queens Park told me that they were gay and that my book was probably not suited to them. Of course they were handsome. I argued at first indicating that anyone can read a book, but then I realized by the approach of the second man, that they were right. Who is the audience is always kept in the back of the mind for selling, but is it for writing? Do we write for others or do we write for ourselves?
As I look at my psychology notes, I see reference to tid bits about homosexuality without references. Should I post them or not, I wonder and I decide to do so. As I write in my blog, I think that perhaps one day I shall break down and buy my own blogs in book form so I can throw away all my notes and have something more clean in my limited book stand. I say limited because I am taking the time to go through all my books and decide what I need to keep and what I can give away and to whom. Why am I doing this? I have decided to paint my walls and refresh everything in my free time, which includes decreasing the volumes of my books.
I used to use lots of colour when I painted my rooms, but I now prefer a more spa like, neutral classic, probably due from all the shows I like to watch such as Property Brothers, Candice and Hillary. I am bad with names but I have the designer’s first name right. Right? Anyhow, as I watch these people perform magic, I want to try to perform my own, which is more cost effective. In the living room I am removing all things from it and deciding what I shall keep and what I will transfer to another room. This is where I am at. One of the designers (Peloso) I saw at the exhibition recommended a particular shade which is his favorite colour. I wrote the name down and that is what I will buy, once I remove the bold loud colour I have now. I have travelled and picked up lovely souvenirs but my tastes have changed and so what I am doing once again is deciding who would like this or that and then offer it to them. But am I getting away from homosexuality? In my book, I make reference to the excellent taste of homosexual men.
I never assume a man is a homosexual. Too many people assume and what does that mean? When you assume you make an ass of u and me (ass/u/me). Bullies like to pick on homosexuals and bullies like to label heterosexual people as homosexuals as a ploy to degrade them. And of course there are those who are hidden homosexuals who like to condemn others because they do not like it in themselves. Bullies are too popular, so I will leave them alone for the moment. Society is starting to look at the bully and deciding that something needs to be done. It is about time. I like to think that in today’s society we can respect others for who they are. I understand homophobia. Many people grow up in homes where the idea of homosexuality is worse than death. I once had someone tell me (not in counselling. I never talk about clients) “Do you think this is the life I would have chosen?” It was not until I studied psychology that I examined homosexuality. It was removed from the DSM as a disorder because of pressure from the homosexual community. This is what I was taught. When I studied the biology portion I was told that homosexual men, like women use both portions of the brain, while heterosexual men usually use one. Of course we all laughed. At least the women did. I can go deeper there, but maybe you should do a bit of work to examine this more closely yourself. I never thought of the biological differences. When I hear of someone being bullied to the point that they kill themselves for whatever reason, my heart bleeds for them. I like the changes in education where we learn to embrace others who may not think like ourselves. I remember taking a taxi once and the man behind the wheel was telling me how in his country people kill homosexuals and that this was one thing that he did not like about Canada. I mentioned to him that Canada is a free country. Canada is a place where people can feel free and are protected by law. We need to educate, to enhance the self esteem of ourselves and others while educating the bullies who unfortunately have most likely been bullied themselves. Prejudice is prejudging and there have been studies to indicate that if one is living and working with a segment of the population who one thinks is inferior to him or her due to race, religion, orientation etc….than one’s prejudice decreases and can be eliminated. You actually discover that the person you hated is not so bad after all. This person is just like you who suffers and bleeds and is happy and cries. Imagine that? It is time for all bullying to stop. When bullying happens, it may be time for institutions to examine the home life of the bully at large and implement more positive change. Who is teaching the bully to bully? We are always learning and changing because of what we learn.
Now my tid bits:
(1999)
If one identical twin is homosexual, there is a 50% chance of the other. Fraternal – 20%, adopted – 10%.
Male homosexuality may run in some families and there are differences in the male brain antonomy in response to hormones and in psychological abilities such as spatial skills.
Fewer than 2% of sexually active men and women say they had a homosexual encounter and fewer than 19% report it.
Only 17% of heterosexual men with multiple partners and 13% of high risk, use condoms.
8-10 million American children are living with homosexual parents.
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More tid bits in general:
One half of the population in their early 30’s have cohabitated, 4% are at any given time.
1992 - Sweden has twice as many new marriages.
9 out of 10 Americans and 3 out of 4 African American women will eventually marry, down 95% before the late 70’s.
Conventional marriage - Women work and both participate in house chores and child care.
Modern Pattern - Husband and wife share parenting but wife does more housework.
Role sharing - most equalitarian.
About 1/3 of mothers find parenting enjoyable and meaningful.
1/3 find it neither
And 1/3 have mixed feelings.
Empty nest may be harder on fathers who may regret that they did not spend more time with their children when they were younger.
About 1 in 5 marriages last 50 years.
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One of my favourite professors in my undergrad, was an Anthropologist, Carol Yawney. If she had not died I would have probably followed in her footsteps. She was also an expert witness in court for issues of racism. I believe I posted a published poem that I wrote for her, when I heard of her death. I remember her bringing us brochures regarding racism and I was surprised that some of what was written, I never considered racism. She also taught me humility by her own example of teaching and living life to its fullest.
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Maybe it is time to sit back, reflect and ask yourself are you happy being who you are? Are you being bullied? What can you do about it? Please do something. Tell someone and get someone to help you. Are you a bully? Why? Are you suffering at home? Take a look at yourself? Do you really want to do to others what may be happening to you? Why not break the cycle? Why not break the silence? Are you homophobic? Why? Do you really think that you are better than anyone else? Where did you learn this? Do you consider yourself prejudice? Have you prejudged others? Why not decide to take some responsibility of making this world a better place? Why not start with ourselves as individuals? Why not reach out to someone who may be different than ourselves today and accept them as a fellow human being? What do you think?
I have taken a one day work shop for counselling Catholic homosexuals in the Catholic Church. Our Lady of Lourdes at Sherbourne and Wellesley area has mass for homosexuals, I believe once a month.
If I have used the wrong terminology here at any time, please forgive me. Also please forgive all the underlines. That was done in error and I cannot seem to erase it.
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