Pre-marital couple counselling

Why wait until you are married to sort out your differences?  Some organisations/religions offer marriage preparation courses.  However, some do not.  I know of one person who went on a marriage preparation course and learnt so much about himself and his partner, that he found himself no longer being able to go through the marriage.   Does that happen to everyone.  Of course not.  But if there is a problem learnt before the marriage, than perhaps it is a good time to explore why.
     We are attracted to those who are similar to ourselves.  You may feel after one date, that you have known this person all your life.  You have.  There is something in that person, who has a similar quality, to someone who has been or is close to you.  After some time though, you may find that what you thought was charming, may become quite irritating.  This is part of social psychology.  However, it is in Pastoral Counselling theory that I discovered that pre-marriage counselling is quite practical.  One question that we were asked by Dr Beech this week is, if it is possible for only one person to partake in couple counselling?  The question was rather rhetorical to more senior students.  The answer is yes.  I have had that opportunity.  Is it ideal?  I do not think so.  But, it is better than no counselling, if one partner is not willing to attend as well, or does not have the opportunity.  In couple counselling, it is the relationship that is being explored.  What do you think?    

Affairs and Couple Counselling

Is it possible to work on your marriage and still have an affair?  Personally, I won't work with a couple who is not willing to let go that extra party.  Why?  Because how do you work on your marriage, if you do not close the exits?  What is an exit?  It can be an affair, another life on the web, a tool shed.......It is your escape from your marriage.  Everyone needs their own personal time.  That is not what I am saying.  However, if you are having an affair, you are not giving your marriage the attention it needs.  Why don't you examine today, your relationship with your partner?  In couple counselling, you each tell the other how you feel.  It is about listening to the other, really listening.  It is about equal time, equal respect and equal effort.  Our template in our relationships, is our own family background, our early relationships.  Something to think about.  Where are you in your relationship with your partner?

Forgiveness

Last week in class, the discussion was about forgiveness.  It raised a lot of opinions, questions, concerns......It forced me to re-examine forgiveness.  I have always forgiven.  Perhaps it is ingrained in my Catholicism.  We studied that forgiveness is a process.  Others who have also studied forgiveness, in detail, thought it could be instant.  I could relate to that as well.  But I raised the question of what is unforgivable?  Was what Hitler did forgivable?  Was the destruction of the twin towers forgivable?  Is a person who has been tortured, mutilated, raped always able to forgive?  Is there an extra burden, expecting a person to forgive?  So many questions.  Think of someone that you are not in peace with and examine what it is doing to you?  Perhaps forgiving someone else, is also about forgiving ourselves?  I know that each time I forgave, I felt better. What do you think?   Something to think about.  

Christmas saddness

Christmas is a wonderful time for some, but for others, it is a reminder of how lonely they are.  They feel isolated which is only compounded by the excitement around them.  Elderly men commit more successful suicides than any other.  Please, if you find yourself feeling so sad, reach out to someone and go for counselling.  Let them know how horrible you are feeling.  If you think you will actually do it, call the medical authorities or dial 911.  Please remember that many people whose attempt at suicide failed, later realized that they did have a reason to live.