Why do People forgive their cheating partners?

I read an interesting article in Psychology today, pp 16-17, Oct 22 edition, which I will like to share with you. Dr Bockarova is a researcher at the University of Toronto who wrote the article. She reports that infidelity occurs in 20% to 25% of marriages and close to 75% in dating relationships. The partner cheated on may experience symptoms such as flashbacks, depression and anxiety. I have provided couple therapy for marriages exceeding 30 years and for others who are dating. I have found that long term marriages seem to be more invested on working on the relationship, though not in all cases, while those dating may normally decide that their partner doesn’t meet their needs and therefore terminates the relationship. I have found that newly married couples will work hard to make their marriages work. They also seem more willing to do the homework and to continue to utilize the tools they have learned. The University of of Nicosia in Cyprus found that people are most likely to forgive a partner’s affair when they have children together to minimize upheaval in the children’s lives, when they themselves have been unfaithful in the past, when there feel there is a low likelihood of a repetition or when they depend financially on their partners. Younger people were more willing to forgive in general. Psychology Today ends with the notation that cheating often leads to the end of a relationship, but in some cases, it marks the beginning of a new relationship, perhaps more painful and less trusting. What I do with couples when there is an affair is for the cheating partner to terminate the affair. If the partner is unwilling to do so I cannot help them and therefore stop seeing them. I let them know at the beginning of the session. If a person is not willing to let go the affair than how can they seriously work on their relationship? I also encourage the cheating partner to be completely open with their partner in regards to access to their phone etc…where they were corresponding with the other party. I have found that it takes a lot of healing and the person who has cheated cannot expect immediate trust without a lot of hard work, and that trust may never be achieved, but there may be compromises to continue in the relationship. With yesterday’s seminar regarding polygamous relationships what is very different is that there is open agreements in the relationships. That is all for today. Remember you can always ask me a question. I will talk more about yesterday's session in the future because I think there were some important aspects. I have lots to share with you and want to catch up. For now have a good weekend. Take some time for yourself each day to enjoy some quiet time, to relax, to enjoy nature and to re-energize. What do you think?