For Love of Country - Military Policewoman www.silvaredigonda.ca

“She’s a real pain!” complained Carl. “I don’t care who she thinks she is. If she doesn’t stop bossing me around, I’m quitting.” Carl was shaken. “Relax, Carl and tell me what happened.” I said sympathetically. Carl was a good worker. He had also saved my life once by pulling me away from an oncoming farm tractor. The driver had failed to see me trip into its path. We had been working at the Exhibition during a fair. “That woman is some army-type supervisor, and she is ordering me around like I’m one of her little soldiers and I won’t stand for it.” “I’ll take care of it Carl. Take a break. I’ll join you later for a cigarette. I’ll buy the coffee.” I grinned at him, but he was still too furious to respond. I approached the non-descript, rather masculine woman who had the ability to upset Carl so much. “Hi, is there a problem here,” I asked? “No there isn’t a problem,” she replied arrogantly. “I happen to be a supervisor in the army and security here could be improved. I was telling Carl…” She avoided looking at me. “You are not in the position to tell Carl anything,” I began. “What you do in the army does not impress me or anyone else here. You will not dictate to anyone further. You will remain in your position and guard your area.” Not once did she look at me as I spoke. My serious tone meant business and she refrained from further demonstration of self importance. I left. The remainder of the evening was wonderful. I loved the excitement of the fair. I spoke to an OPP officer in the arena and told him of my future occupation. He was about my father’s age. “The worse part is the children,” he said. “You never get used to it. I’ve been to so many vehicle accidents…” His memories were too painful for words. Walking alone, away from the bright lights and people, I approached a young man about my own age who was also working at the fair. He lived outside Markham. There is something appealing about men from the countryside. He talked about the earth and being in tune with nature. He spoke of values, traditions and of being at peace with oneself. He was so unlike the men I knew. He did not care for dance clubs, fashions or city life. Here he was, all alone and comfortable. The mystery of it dazzled me. Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “For love of country : military policewoman.

The Year is Coming to an end - Time to reflect, celebrate for a new Year!!!!!

I was watching the news and did not have to hear the stats at how Canadians feel about the state of the world. We have China believing they are superior, we have North Korea confusing fireworks with missiles and of course the supreme - Puta - I mean Putin who believes that Peace is Ukraine surrendering their land and people, while it bombards it consistently responsible for the loss of so many lives of children, the elderly, mothers etc....How proud Puta should be. I mean Putin. I have never noticed such extremes of leaders. Ukraine has not only gained my respect but I also have a little flag they gave me at one of their festivals which I have on display on my porch. I feel so sorry for the Russian people who have such a coward for a leader who just causes so much suffering and for what? Greed. However, we don't need to tolerate all this for long. There will be change. There must be change. I was thinking of how much havoc men of simple minds have created. I am not even going to talk about the Taliban. I think all the women there should escape and have those creatures, not worthy to be called men dissipate. This is my hope for the new year. That people realize how much power the general public has and to not only be aware but decide how to use it. We have choices and sometimes people can become so sad and accustomed to a feeling of hopelessness that they just surrender to their circumstances. However, only a spark is required to light up and see through the darkness. The holidays can be a difficult time as people suffer the loss of families they no longer have, tolerate the families they do and struggle living in a questionable economic time. How would you sum the end of the year and what do you have to look forward to the future? Look at us!!!!!!!! Look at the Ukraine people how they fight galantly for their right of country. What amazing leadership. Look at those who have much help those who do not. Look at the average person at home who makes such a difference in what may seem trivial by just a smile who may change the perspective of another. I think we have more good, than bad. It just seems that bad has power to overshadow good, but it does not. It is fleeting. I see the positivity of people all the time. I see how people who are suffering can take that step they need to rise out of their pit. I see the good in people. My hope for 2023 is that we unite more as a world, we help each other more, we take global warming seriously, we take archaic wars and make it obsolute by removing small men from powerful positions and throwing them where they belong - in a jail cell. I want for myself to continue helping people to heal, to take my writing more seriously in finding a traditional publisher and to recognize the scams. I want to enjoy my pet for as long as possible as he achieves 20 years of life. I hope for another summer with him while he continues to enjoy life. I see travel in my future and more times with family and friends. I wish you all a Happy New Year. If you are celebrating tonight - be safe. Happy New Year and blessings for the future. God speed.

Harry Potter - on Christmas Eve?

Ok, I did it on Christmas Eve. I picked the last show just because there are so many people seeing Harry Potter and of course I didn't want to get sick. I did prior to Christmas and that really set me back. It was some strain of the flu which I already shared with you. As you know I love the theatre. However, though I found the play amazing with the acting and visual effects (probably the best I have seen to date) and that I got a Christmas bulb as a souvenir was wonderful, it was a tad dark for Christmas. I would say it is more appropriate for Hallowe'en. Oh well, but great just the same. That I had front row seats is a bonus. The play has been extended for six more months. It was packed. Of course there was a snow storm as well to contend with but when you live in the city it is easy to call "taxi." I normally love to see the Christmas show at Niagara and though I could get free tickets this year, it was not meant to be. Chuck it all in for experience - Christmas, stick to Christmas stuff. It is not over yet. There is still New Years Eve. I wish you all a wonderful time. The Christmas season can be difficult. Try to find time for yourself to wrap up the year and to look forward to making some changes for the New Year if you like. Small steps are always easier than big strides. Have some inner reflections. Check in with your soul. Take care of yourselves during this time. What do you think?

Condolences to the families in Buffalo

I had turned on the tv to watch the Disney Christmas show and what I saw instead for the first portion was the devastation in Buffalo due to the blizzard which is not all that far from Toronto. People were asked to stay home and there were 10 deaths. 34 people were killed in the States and I want to extend my sympathies to all.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Happy New

Baby it's cold outside. It's so cold I don't even want to deliver presents to the neighbours. Thankfully two came for some treats and I was able to exchange. However, some seemed to come and disappear like Santa Clause. I am so thankful for the team who shovels my snow. Brrrrrrrrr, cold outside. I am thankful that our city has kept the warming centres open and that the mayor is trying to find homes for the homeless. He is the best. That is why our city keeps voting for him. No one should be out in the cold during our cold winters. I am always happy to see how good triumphs over evil which is evident during Christmas, as people reach out to others and help. Mr Attitude wants me to wish you all a joyful time (no he doesn't, hence the name). I want to wish you a peaceful and thankful Christmas. This time of the year can be very difficult for many. Please be kind during this season. A sincere smile, sincere greeting and love can be felt. From my family to yours, I wish you the best. God bless.

The Internet Murders continues

Philip left him and entered the room. Sandra was sitting up against an array of pillows. “Hi, I’m Philip.” She focused intently on him. Philip realized that his charm did not affect this woman. “My partner and I were first on the scene when you were attacked.” She looked out at Tomasso who was flirting with the nurse. “I guess I am in great hands,” she replied sarcastically, casually looking out at Tomasso. “Don’t let his looks fool you. He is very smart.” “I’m noticing.” She remained stone faced. “I’m sorry about what happened to you. I am wondering if you can remember anything?” Sandra was wondering why she was so defensive. She wanted to know who did this to her. Her body ached, but she was managing to eat. “I remember sitting at my desk and being attacked from behind.” Sandra had remembered more since she first awakened from the horror. “I flipped him and was running away. I thought I had made it, but the door wouldn’t open. I don’t really remember anything after that. I think I saw you once before though, but not there.” “I came to the hospital before to see you, but you[…]” Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “The Internet Murders. www.sivaredigonda.ca

It's the most beautiful time of the year

I am almost ready but not quite yet. It is the journey. I am trying to keep it light this year. Christmas for me is amazing. I love the lights, music and well wishes. I love watching the community reaching out to help. This Christmas is extra special because COVID, wars and dictatorship seems to have taken a toil. I would wish that during this period that everyone would put down their arms and look up at our beautiful planet and unite to make it better. It is so possible. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays my friends. I wish you a healthy New Year. I shall be posting excerpts from my books in the days to come. Is that a bell I hear ringing? What do you think?

The Internet Murders continues www.silvaredigonda.ca

She was too close to the nursing station to risk finishing her off. Waiting for the right opportunity was fine. In the meantime … on the computer, there she is, another whore …. A Starbucks coffee rested nearby for the figure to sip on. Aw there was nothing better than Starbucks … and the little minxes. The figure typed expertly. “Why don’t we go into the private room to chat? I find you charming, and please forgive me if I am too forward, you very sexy cat woman.” “Spiderman, you are forgiven. I can be a very bad girl.” Philip and Tomasso were talking in the patrol car. It was another nice day in Toronto. The sun was bright and traffic was moving again. Rush hour was over. They were going to check up on the girl at St Mike’s hospital. “So?” Tomasso asked Philip. “How did you like your meal last night?” Philip grinned. “It was great. Your mom is the best.” “I thought you said your mom is the best?” Philip smiled. “Our moms are both the best!” They parked outside the coffee shop and entered the hospital. The angel stood boldly in the hallway; a light streaming on it offered a brilliance of power. “That is one beautiful angel, hey Philip?” Philip grinned at him. “Isn’t Raphael the angel for those who are sick? This is more like St Michael, the archangel. See, he has a sword.” “How should I know?” Tomasso replied. “Angels are angels. They have wings. See – look at the wings. And, this is St. Michael’s hospital. Ain’t it?” They took the elevator to the fifth floor and walked to the nursing station to check out the latest on Sandra. She was recuperating nicely and she would be able to speak today. Tomasso decided to stay at the nursing counter to talk to the cute brunette. He had a thing for nurses. They could make you feel better. That’s what he told Philip. Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “The Internet Murders.”

It's that time of the year to be sick

I have been so good at removing my mask only when eating outdoors but it is seemingly imposible to sit six feet apart and so there were six of us and now all six of us are sick. I am however getting better even though just a few nights ago I felt my head was going to explode. I tested myself twice for Covid and it was negative. I cannot imagine what it would have been like if I wasn't fully vacinated for Covid and the flu. I am slowly healing and grateful for that. I have had to delay and delay and thoughtful people have arrived bearing Christmas gifts while staying safely on the porch away from me as if I have the plague and righfully so. It does feel like Christmas. I have my lights outside and my beautiful tree inside with a miniature small fire place next to my tv. I have been watching Christmas movies which have become redundant since it is always the same. A rocky relationship and then there is prince charming sometimes literally who arrives and then there is a new location and/or new or ex boyfriend and romance blooms once again. If I was lucky there would actually be a Christmas song. Do I have to write my own Christmas story? Ok, let there be romance but really how about something more substantial. Then there are those really low budgets but they hire one known popular male figure who is getting older but the women are getting younger to the point that they look like their daughters. That's when I change the channel. However, there have been Christmas musical shows that I have enjoyed. I watched the Voice last night and was not surprised by the winner. I agreed with America as they eliminated one by one in the same order as I had in my head. We were on the same page. Being Canadian I can't vote and I understand. I am expecting family when I heal and so need to heal fast since I haven't even started shopping. Wait. I did. I went to Homesense and Walmart before I was struck down. At Homesense I did Christmas shopping but I kept it all for myself. Walmart? I bought two boxes of Italian chocolates and the rest again was for me and Mr Attitude. One box of chocolates I gave out as a gift to someone still unwrapped. I need to do better next year. When you're sick, you're sick. I do feel much better though and may not need the anti-biotics some others are on. Anyhow, that is it for now. Sorry for the delay in writing my blog, but I was dying over here. What do you think?

Hey Guy Buy Me - Half price for the holidays ($4.98 world wide) www.silvaredigonda.ca

It is the Holiday Season and it is time for gift sharing. Hey Guy Buy Me is my first book which I wrote in no time during my breaks. It was so much fun. I have had so much different responses to this book. Men and women buy it. Secure men love it. I won't share what the others have told me. Can't please everyone, however remember I wrote it in fun! I have dropped the price for this book for the holiday season and let me know who you are buying it for so I can acknowlege them with my John Henry. If you want me to write something, keep it clean. Have a good weekend people!!!!!!!!!!!

Improving Desire in long term Relationships - notes from AAMFT Conference (9 Nov 22) Speaker is Angela Skurtu, LMFT.

The speaker is a sex therapist. She stated that 70% of males are spontaneous and 30% are responsive. 70% of females are responsive and 30% of female are spontaneous. Responsive Desire types are forever maybe. They need to move into desire. Responsive to desire - feeling loved, feeling seen or appreciated, feeling beautiful or handsome, feeling having a great conversation, being affectionate in non-sexual ways. (Creating warmth and attention). Talking dirty or flirty. Putting mind on a sexy topic. Watching a sexy movie. Laying naked with each other and rubbing bodies together. Making out or cuddling. Creative waves, dry H——ing. May suggest a date night. May affectionately touch partner (not necessarily sexually. May not be fully invested in sex as it starts but may get there. Likely will suggest an activity that will build desire over time (if that’s an option). For Spontaneous persons- if available why not take it? Think about sex more frequently. Feeling sexually aroused and then act. Many post they can have sex daily, often initiate sex more frequently in sickness and even potential death would not prevent sex. A person can be blends between Spontaneous and Responsive. There is no hard fast rule. As people age they become more responsive. There can be times when one is more responsive or spontaneous. Everyone has some response traits. Nerve endings fire differently as we age. We numb more and so need more build up and direct stimulation. Desire strategies in therapy Individual sessions. Assess for trauma, relationship stress, underlying resentment. Assess for sex education background and general comfort with sex. Help the individual identify a personal goal for their sex life. “What’s something you can get out of this for you? What makes sex good for you? Is the sex good? What kind of sex are you having? Some clients have struggled with sex from the beginning. Boundaries in relationships. Have date nights and find ways to be alone. Maybe challenge old belief systems that sex is not good. If a person doesn’t want sex, go back to when it was good. Nostalgia. When you have enjoyed it, what was good for you. Has there ever been good sex? What do you see around you that looks appealing or not? Try to remove the idea that sex is for the other partner. Sexual Journey: 1. Try anything, 1, 2, or thrice. Bring a sense of non judgemental curiosity. 2. My body is beautiful. (There is no need to arrive or get somewhere first. I am worthy of pleasure. 3. Exploration mentally, physically, emotionally and spirituality in core values. It can be common if one doesn’t like his/her body now, didn’t before. Maybe said ten years ago. 4. How can you see yourself as your partner does? Explore the body and what is felt. How self compassion facilitates hot sex. Understanding and respecting brakes. The idea of having intimacy of some kind that works for you. Develop sexual creativity. Developing a personal connection around sex. Massage, nude nights. 5. Some dissociate when having sex. - feelings are flexible. - Make a choice to move toward a feeling - create a setting or a mood that would enhance said feeling. - Cultivating curiosity when selling and action state. - Deeply love and accept yourself even when you can’t get there. (cultivate self compassion). Sex Routines: Hobby sex (not a chore) - anticipation. Maybe be flirty. Looking at different aides. Thinking about it, talking to partner about it. It is not something that just happens. Intimacy can be flirty, touching etc…affection not sex. Social, emotional (talk about feelings) intellectual - talk about sex. You can be intimate during stress. You need to find creative ways. Talking, watching a romantic film, cuddling naked etc…creating shift. Awkwardly go for it. Build tolerance for the uncomfortable. Taking risks. Flirting. Non serial affection. Changing the meaning of touch. The speaker provided an example of a man who was slapping his partners butt. He was asked what was going through his mind. His response was pretty and he wants to be close. He had to adjust his touch. Get clients to express what they mean when they touch and how the other feels when received. Angela Skurtu is a sex therapist and works solely on this topic. She is on u tube where she shares with clients.

PTSD and Moral Injury (mental health and military research)

I mentioned yesterday that I would attend a one hour webinar which I did. Dr Anthony Nazarov, Phd, spoke about the latest information regarding Mental Health and Military research results. I found the topic very informative and interesting. Even though this is based on our military and veterans it can apply to anyone who has suffered PTSD and Moral Injury. I will be receiving a copy of the slides and video. I asked if I would be able to share what I receive. I was informed that I could share with anyone who would benefit from it. I think information is very important for people suffering with moral injury and PTSD. I will be reaching out to the Veteran community and CF I know. I will also be sharing this with clients who may have or still are suffering from moral injury or/and PTSD. If anyone of you are reading my blog and feel this one hour video or slides or both may help you please provide me with your email and I shall attach the info for you or forward what I receive. I will receive one education hour for this but no one else would be able to use this as education hours because you were not in attendance. It will take about one or two weeks before I receive this. I have reached out to Dr Nazarov and asked to be kept in the loop with the latest research. I have a special interest in providing therapy for veterans, military, and emergency response persons. I do not provide therapy through Veteran Affairs because I refuse to share any information which is disclosed to me. I have a duty to report if I believe a person is going to commit suicide, the key word is believe. I also have to report any child abuse, or if a client is going to cause harm to someone. Of course if I am subpoened to go to court, I also have to disclose. Otherwise, I will not share even if the client signs a release form (under duress). The reason for this is that trust between a therapist and client is very important. People carry so much and when they realize that information with be shared with their employer or organization who has some control over them with employment or benefits they will not share what may be bothering them the most. They will censor themselves. The therapuetic relationship is very important. Please note that I cannot provide therapy to anyone I know. What do you think? Have a good weekend.

Wow - Christmas is coming to town..........tid bits

Last night I finally got into the Christmas spirit watching the Rockefeller Center Christmas show. I have fond memories of taking holidays to New York City and it is my favorite city by far. I know Toronto is a big deal in Canada for better or worse, but it is New York that fills me with excitement. Though I had planned on living and working there one day, I am still here people. Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton is my favorite celebrity couple and I am a sucker for the Voice and watch it faithfully. I don't know what that is going to look like without Shelton. The invitations for Christmas parties and gatherings are arriving at my door but I am very much aware that COVID is still here and not my friend, so I am keeping that to a bare minimum with my social bubble community. I recently turned down a meet and greet and was so happy I did, when the host picked up something and became ill. Call me a sucky baby, but I want to be as healthy as possible. So far, so good. I enjoyed the warm weather where I spent most of my time outdoors. Today I am working and I will also be attending a one hour webinar "Intro Meassurement of Moral Injury." As you know I have more than enough courses under my belt for the year, but I just couldn't help myself when I read how PTSD is known for veterans and burn out for Doctors. That caught my attention because PTSD and burn out are very different. Burn out is something many of us have experienced from over work. PTSD is a physical response to trauma. So, my curiousity was perked. I shall let you know if there is anything of interest to you. I try to get all my work done in December for the year and of course that is not going to happen. But, that is ok, because self care is very important for all of us. I am not going to talk about China and Russia provoking us and begging for war by flying close to our air space. I am surprised that Putin is still alive to cause so much havoc in the world. Now there is starvation in the forecast for so many people suffering poverty. Putin, you are not respected. It is too bad it is not you flying in our space. However, I am not going to talk about that. Tis is the season for sharing, loving each other and doing something for someone else and don't forget ourselves. Christmas is a very difficult time for some people but remember that this is also a time for hope. There has been a lot of suffering in the world but don't forget that there has been so many reaching out to help. What do you think? I have included a photo of Holy Terror. I miss my baby girl. www.silvaredigonda.ca

redigondapsychotherapy.com

Adult ADHD and Addiction

It’s December and here are some notes from a one hour lecture I attended on line provided by Dr Tim Ayas, an addiction Psychiatrist. I was impressed by him and would definitely recommend him should the need arise. Definition provided: Adult attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a mental health disorder that includes a combination of persistent problems such as difficulty paying attention, hyperactivity and impulsive behaviour. Studies have shown a strong connection between ADHD, drug use and alcoholism. ADHD is 5 times to ten times more common among adult alcoholics than it is in people without the condition - 25%. Treatment can be challenging because medication used can be also become habit forming. Dr Tim Ayas indicated that ADHD has to interfere with functioning or development and present itself before age 12. He suggested that the questions to ask clients is: How many phones have you lost in the past year? Are you able to meet deadlines? He stated that in France, one needs to be hospitalized before being diagnosed with ADHT. Comorbitities go up as time goes by, usually as more than one condition. Do not recommend marijuana (I never do) as it impairs cognition and motivation. It’s like putting fuel on fire. There are safer things to try such as anger management training; support. They can change their lives with medication. Treat heart burn. No fruit juice or pop or coffee within one hour of medication. Water is fine. When there is no medication taken, risk can increase for drug abuse which can rise 4 times, speeding increase to rise risk of trauma. With medication social interaction gets better. One should be re-assessed each year for medication use ( neural re-wiring). One may have one or two coffees a day, no energy drinks. Marijuana can cause psychotic state. I have just finished reading an interesting article about ADHD in psychology today. I shall share that another time.

Belated Happy Thanksgiving to my American neighbours and tid bits

Time is flying and it is difficult to find the brakes. I taped the New York Thanksgiving Parade and managed to watch five minutes of it. I want to spend sometime today preparing Christmas cards to give out this year and will be able to watch, if not too distracted. I love the Christmas season and it is definitely the best time of year for celebrations. My own gift to myself this year is to see Harry Potter at the theatre with front row seats. I got an invite to Niagara Falls to watch the Christmas show there but I won't be able to go. There is so much to do in my city but I am still quite aware that COVID is causing our hospitals to overflow and the strain it has on health care workers. The Ontario government has asked our Doctors and Nurses to step up and work more. My advice as a psychotherapist is don't. You are already working at maximum capacity and self care is paramount during this time. This is a systemic problem which has been going on for a very long time before COVID started. Individuals cannot take the burden and I provided you with an earlier blog which provided stats which health care workers had submitted. As for myself, self care is paramount. How can I take care of others if I am to be overwhelmed myself. When my Holy Terror died, I took time to mourn her and have increased my social time since. Mr Attitude is now getting all my attention and he loves that. However, I know he misses her terribly as well. He has no one to swat now. I was going to write at about one of the sessions I have been attending and still need to record as my hours. However, I have a small time frame before I work so I thought I would just share this. I haven't been writing about Putin still hurting the world, or North Korea playing with missles and China being stopped from Canada to spy here and bringing their police forces here and all the other stuff dictators do. We have our own pal, so stay home. I really don't like these guys. I will not buy anything from countries where there is dictatorship. The reason I have sort of stopped writing about them for awhile is because I don't want to add to suffering. People are so overwhelmed by what is happening in the world, that I don't want to add to that. I have so much information to pass on about the seminars and I promise that will soon be my agenda. Enjoy the festivities and be kind to those who need that kindness so much. It is amazing what a smile can do for someone who is feeling so alone. Christmas is difficult for many. Let's be generous if we can and if we can't gestures go a long way. Have a great weekend! What do you think?

Christmas is coming to town - This Christmas one free book of Hey Guy for all orders at www.silvaredigonda.ca

It is the Christmas season, so with every order of any book (ebooks excluded), I will throw in a copy of Hey Guy Buy Me. Regarding my new book, I have turned down all the offers I have had from Publishers to date. I learned from a neighbour who wants to publish her late husband's book (who was also my dear friend) that I have not been sending out enough. He and I never discussed the business side, only our love of reading and writing. ( I cannot shut down my practice to accomplish what she suggested). Christmas time is busy for my practice as is the entire winter so once I have the time to focus more on traditional publishing, I shall give it the attention it needs. More of that another time. Be a sport and buy a book. I don't care where you are in the world. I will reach you.

Eschatology notes continues

Rapture - Theory of people going to heaven and others staying. Ignatius - can be deceived by own ego. Marcel - Theology of Hope, related to Philosophy. John Macquarie (Western) 1. Individual vs cosmic/social (will overlap). 2. This worldly reality vs other worldly. Buddhist enlightenment - world does not end until all human suffering is over. 3. Evolutionary vs Revolutionary - compared to seed turning into great tree. Reign of God so contradictory it is going to be like a revolutionary. 4. Present vs Future Eschatology - End still lies ahead. Past - future/(Heaven - Earth). Part of our eschatology reality as Christians is we will never be completely home in this existence. But, at the same time, may have had moments. Eschatology is not just myth - grace is part of the creative - flight from authenticity - good - evil. God’s grace is victory over evil. Reality we are living now. Each of these poles has eschatology reality in the Christian life. The very cross is a tension. The struggle for authenticity is within me. Eschatology humanity is within me. Eschatology humanity is part of our reality. to be continued.

Eschatology continues (notes)

One third of Europeans believe in re-incarnation according to Lane. 1992. 1992 question in eschatology against re-incarnation. Response - It is better to talk about theories of re-incarnation - Hinduism; Genises. Eschatology - the last things. There is tension in eschatology - that tension is the cross. Escalation event of the end of the world. Death and Judgement. The last thing (Greek). Eschata/logy - theology, death, dying, eternal. Life, hell, purgatory. Some don’t believe in purgatory. Limbo - Church never taught there was a limbo. It was a theological hypothesis. Medical - can it explain transformation of experience. Second part - something happens when someone dies. Balvazar - causing a renewal interest of Hell. He states everyone will be saved. Eschatology ultimate goal - why am I here? What is the ultimate reason for being here? St Augustine - heart is restless. Tradition - rest in peace. Resting in the beauty of God. Tradition of dying - resting in peace can also think in terms of two dimensions of Eschatology: 1. Individual - what is going to happen? Why I die? Why am I here? 2. Collection: What is going to happen to us? Why are we here? Realm of human freedom - final judgement is absolute. Angels don’t have the luxury of making a distinction. We learn not to put hands on fire. Saint Paul - God is Judge; not us. Difference - fundamental option. Ignatius - have to retain human freedom to make absolute decisions of God. Speculation conditions of Purgatory - three options: heaven, rejecting God and not ready for heaven - more schooling. Eschatology = theology of Hope. Second Vatican Council did not deal with Eschatology in detail but did speak to it in communion of Saints and Church of modern world. Eastern religions - people don’t survive death. Christians we do. Buddhism - interconnectivity; Liberation theologian - I’m clearing my corner of the world. Rapture theory - of people going to heaven and others staying. To be continued this week.

Three Day Conference with AAMFT was amazing

It was an exhausting week, but well worth it. Now I want to put up my Christmas decorations before I miss Christmas because time is speeding by. One day I would like to attend a conference live in the States, but I still I have an old pet who needs me. As for my clients, the more I learn, the more I can offer them. The weather here went from warm to freezing in just a short time. Anyhow, I would like to continue with some theology notes as well this week. More soon......

♥ A Neuroscience Love Song ♥

For Love of Country - Military Policewoman

He suddenly sprang away from me, holding me at arm’s length. I was surprised and pleased. As he escorted me back to my seat, I relished his reaction to my new occupation. Ridding myself of him had been easy. I enjoyed the remainder of the evening. Someone announced that I was leaving Toronto, and a fuss was made. By the end of the evening, Sam was drunk. We all teased him mercilessly as we walked him to the bus stop. Sam was always in control, always serious, and forever the true gentleman. Seeing him intoxicated was refreshing. I had seven days left, but I would miss everyone terribly. The following day was to be my last with the security firm. It began with the harsh ringing of the telephone in my room at only ten minutes to six. Ken, my supervisor, needed me earlier for the day’s work assignments at Bell Canada. Sam was a half hour late arriving. This was extraordinary as he had never been late before. Sandy arrived to relieve me at eleven so I could provide security for the football game at the Exhibition grounds. I was teamed with Paul, who was vulgar, but cute. At a quarter to four I was on the move again; now I was being sent to supervise security at the Markham Fair with Carl. ” Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “For love of country : military policewoman. www.silvaredigonda.ca Today, Remembrance Day, I want to acknowledge all those who have died during war. I want to especially say a prayer to my friends who have been in war and have since died. I miss you.

The Ref (1994) - Therapy Session - Intro to Effective Systemic approaches to resolve high conflict co-parenting:keys to success (some swearing words) Today is day 2.

Tomorrow, Thurs and Friday I am attending the conference. I tried to cut and paste what I am attending - no luck. Humour requried.

For Love of Country : Military Policewoman www.silvaredigonda.ca

The next evening I returned to the Ranch with Sandy, her sister May, and Sam for a few drinks. Sandy and I had met Sam at the security firm where we worked. Both Sandy and I had previously worked in an office full time. Sandy left to work for a security firm and enjoyed it, so when my boss said his company was not in the position to offer me an increase in salary, I resigned and started to work at the security firm part time: I enjoyed security more than office work. I started to work full time, but though it was fun, I knew it was not sufficient. I had always wanted to travel and be a policewoman. What occupation could offer me both? We decided to go dancing at the Calek Club. It was my first time there, though several of my friends had frequented this venue. “Would you like to dance?” an unfamiliar voice asked from behind me. I accepted willingly. As we danced, his arms tightened around me. “Do you come here often?” he asked. “First time,” I replied. He continued to move his body closer to mine. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. “You seem to be celebrating,” he whispered into my ear. “We are. I’m joining the Canadian Armed Forces,” I replied proudly. I felt his arms loosening from me. “What are you going to be doing?” he asked cautiously. “I’m going to be a Military Policewoman!” I exclaimed. Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “For love of country : military policewoman.”

TGIF (Thank God it's Friday - to those from countries who may not feel this) and Tid bits

I have caught up with client work and am doing fairly well. Since the loss of Holy Terror, I took the time to baby Mr Attitute who is replacing much of Holy Terror's duties, such as greeting me with kisses every morning and trying to imitate her vocal cords. We are almost back to normal. I am still waiting for Revenue Canada to do my taxes after contacting them four times. Really? I have caught up with telling them how annoyed I am. I am behind in paper work which is normal and my book stuff has taken a back seat. I had sent out my last book for traditional publishing and am waiting for two more responses. Traditional is difficult to find when you are an independant author, however, it is possible. I have reached out with my own self publisher and told her what I am doing. I need to reach out to more traditional publishers and again that could be a full time job. Authors have become big business for scammers and publishers who are finding ways to diminish costs. It does get tiresome. So, I have had to put that aside since my practice gets busier in the Fall when the sun is not so bright. I have another three day conference with the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists which I will be attending on-line and have managed ideas to work around it. I have taken much more education hours than I need, but I think it is important to keep up to date with whatever is out there. My hair has gotten darker because my hairdresser cannot keep me as a blond. I have decided to continue seeing him to wash and set and to find another who knows how to provide me with my favourite colour of the moment. I shall keep him, because he is funny and charming. I wish he would take half the courses I do so he could learn how to colour. How complicated can it be? Oh boy. I have received my flu shot and will be getting my 5th vaccine for the pandemic. What fun. So, that is all for now. Today will be a short day and then my weekend arrives. I am really looking forward to it. It is supposed to be 20 tomorrow and I am debating putting up my Christmas lights while it is still warm. However, I am still in the Hallowe'en spirit. I normally get into the Christmas spirit at the first fall of snow. It energizes me like the sun. I was actually looking at a Christmas bus trip to Florida just incase I may want to do that in the future. I love travel. However, I don't know if I can be in the Christmas spirit when it is beautiful and sunny and I can go swimming? Time will tell. For now, I am busy working but keeping it balanced. Also, if you are a charity organization in Toronto I can provide you with copies of my first book, "Hey Guy Buy Me". It does need to be a legitmate charity so scammers, I am not in the mood for you. I stopped providing pro bono therapy because I was reminded by Revenue Canada that I am not a charity organization so cannot claim anything if I do that. My books however, I will not claim but am able to help charities, because it was my first book and I ordered lots. Of course I never made that mistake again. Live and learn. So that is all for now. I have lots of notes for you. So be patient with me. If you want to buy my books or ebooks regardless of where you are in the world, please feel free to order from me directly at www.silvaredigonda.ca or ebooks through my site or Indigo. Have a wonderful weekend. Mr Attitude is howling for me to privide him with fresh air and fresh lunch. What do you think?

For Love of Country - Military Policewoman

My mother’s face remained serious. “You are at the peak of womanhood. You will be able to withstand the physical training.” On October 3, 1974, at the Canadian Forces Recruiting Centre, I swore the oath of allegiance. I felt proud as I placed my right hand on the Holy Bible. “I Silva Redigonda do swear that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to her majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, her heirs and successors according to law, so help me God.” Capt Fowler faced me and the other four women in the room. “Your training will be exactly the same as the men’s,” he stated. That evening I went for a walk with Sandy, and we stopped at the Ranch Restaurant. “I love him,” Sandy said, pain stricken. That night as I slept, my nightmare returned. I was on a passenger flight and as it flew through the clouds, it exploded.

Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “For love of country : military policewoman.”

I have been asked to post the itinerary of the Seminar I attended. Done! https://www.internationalfamiliesalliance.com

I have cut and pasted the itinerary. Of course I took notes and that will be provided in due time. Though I cancelled the Nov conference regarding famililies due to the death of a pet, I am looking forward to next year events. Remember that this is also open to the public. https://www.internationalfamiliesalliance.com Program design by the EDGE of COMFORT ZONE edgeofthecomfortzone@gmail.com 2 Welcome We are honoured and excited to welcome all of you, presenters and delegates, from around the world. This is one of the first government- funded conferences to collectively discuss research, practice, and policy on men’s and boys’ experiences with violence and victimization. This multidisciplinary conference will also address issues of fatherhood, father involvement, and fathers’ relationships with their families. With two keynote speakers, three panel sessions, and 60 presentations from 21 countries and regions across six continents, we hope this momentous event will be meaningful to you professionally and personally. Lead Organizer—Susan Chuang, University of Guelph, ON Co-organizers—Susan Burke, University of Northern British Columbia, BC Myriam Denov, McGill University, QC Alexandra Lysova, Simon Fraser University, BC Benjamin Roebuck, Algonquin College, ON 3 DAY 1—THURSDAY Wellesley Room 7:45–8:45AM 8:45–9:05AM REGISTRATION WELCOME & INTRODUCTIONS Susan Chuang, Lead Organizer University of Guelph, ON, Canada WELCOME FROM Hon. MP Judy Sgro Humber River-Black Creek, Member of Parliament INTRODUCTION OF KEYNOTE SPEAKER Alexandra Lysova, Co-organizer Simon Fraser University, BC, Canada KEYNOTE SPEAKER—Denise Hines George Mason University, VA, USA Men’s Partner Violence Victimization: What We Know and Implications for Family Policy and Practice Sponsor—Jake Shen Criminal Defence Lawyer, Canada FROM THE VOICES OF MEN Benjamin Roebuck, Co-organizer Algonquin College, ON, Canada Sponsor—Phil Thompson Transaction Advisor, Business Lawyer, Canada LUNCH—Bangkok Garden, 18 Elm Street Sponsor—Gene C. Colman Gene C. Colman Family Law Centre, Canada 9:05–10:00AM 10:05–11:15AM 11:30–1:00PM SESSIONS 1:00–2:20PM 2:25 –3:45PM 3:50–5:10PM 6:00–Onwards! Wellesley Intimate Partner Violence Intimate Partner Violence Intimate Partner Violence Rosedale We for He: Extended Families Children, Men, and Communities The Spheres of Family & Work Life Avenue Fathering, Father Involvement Violence, Stigma Gender Equality 10—COURSE CHINESE DINNER! 421 Dundas Street West, 3rd Floor Sponsor—Brian Ludmer Ludmer Law, Canada 4 DAY 2—FRIDAY Wellesley Room 9:00–9:10AM ANNOUNCEMENTS Susan Chuang, Lead Organizer University of Guelph, ON, Canada WELCOME FROM MP Karen Vecchio Shadow Minister for Women and Gender Equality and Youth Elgin-Middlesex-London, Member of Parliament INTRODUCTION OF KEYNOTE SPEAKER Myriam Denov, Co-organizer McGill University, QC, Canada KEYNOTE SPEAKER—Joshua Coleman Council on Contemporary Families, CA, USA A Cult of One: The Role of the Troubled Wife in Causing Parental Estrangement 9:10–10:10AM Sponsors—Inzola Group Taro Inoue Criminal Defence Lawyer SESSIONS 10:15–11:35AM 11:45–1:15PM 1:30 –2:50PM 2:55–4:15PM 4:20–4:40PM Wellesley Sexual Victimization, Domestic Violence Rosedale Parental Alienation, False Allegations Avenue Government’s & Organizations’ Responses to Men’s Issues Programs & Services for Men Programs & Services for Men LUNCH—Bangkok Garden, 18 Elm Street Legal Perspectives Words of Legal Wisdom Treatment & Digital Applications From Violence to Homicide FUTURE DIRECTIONS & CONCLUDING REMARKS Benjamin Roebuck, Co-organizer Algonquin College, Canada See you all in Fall 2023! 5 DAY 1—THURSDAY Sessions 1:00 – 2:20PM Wellesley Violence Against Men: Fragmented Commission of Patriarchy M. Mahapatro National Institute of Health & Family Welfare, India Am I Always the Perpetrator?: Revisiting the Cycle of Violence Through the Lens of Male Survivors in Bangladesh M. Khatun1, M. Faruk2, & S. Mahima2 University of Guelph, Canada1 & University of Dhaka, Bangladesh2 Experiences of Male IPV in a Rainbow of Sexuality B. Russell & J. Hillman The Pennsylvania State University, Berks, USA How Men Talk About IPV Victimization M. Corbally Trinity College Dublin, Ireland Rosedale We for He: Extended Families Avenue The Impact of the COVID Pandemic and Links to Parental Burnout among Brazilian Mothers and Fathers L. de Santis & A. Noronha Universidade São Francisco, Brazil Gender Equality Denied: Social Forces That Impede Positive Father Involvement and Steps Moving Forward J. Ball & J. Pratezina University of Victoria, Canada Spousal Roles of Supporting Husbands’ Fatherhood in Chinese Families: An Intervention Perspective A. Wan & W. Tsang Family Value Foundation of Hong Kong & The Hong Kong Polytechnic University, HKSAR Parental Impact on Children’s Psycho-Social Adjustment in Chinese Immigrant Families: A Critical Review of the Use of Theories G. Wang University of Minnesota, Twin Cities, USA 6 DAY 1—THURSDAY Sessions 2:25 – 3:45PM Wellesley Chinese Male Survivors’ Account of Stigma Masculinity in IPV W. Tsang The Hong Kong Polytechnic University, HKSAR Perceptions of Men and Women on Healthy and Violence-Free Intimate Relationships in Vietnam S. Sirikantraporn Fullbright University, Vietnam Male Victims of Abuse: Systems of Coercive Control and Victimization E. Tavares ChildWatch, Bermuda Silenced, Invisible, and (In)vulnerble Masculinity: Men Subjected to Heterosexual IPV C. Hansén Linnaeus University, Sweden Rosedale Fatherlessness: The Crisis for Our Boys V. Greene The Boys Initiative, USA Exploring Fathers’ and Children’s Experiences of Domestic Violence and Abuse E. Bates, J. Taylor, & D. Gibbons University of Cumbria, UK Men Victims’ Experiences and Meanings During the Period of Residential Care in a Portuguese Shelter A. Machado Universidade Lusófona do Porto, Portugal An Interpretative Descriptive Study on the Mental Health Impact of Cumulative Lifetime Violence in Men Avenue The Complexity of Fatherhood for Children Born of Conflict-Related Sexual Violence M. Denov McGill University, Canada Who Is Walking With Our Brothers?: Indigenous Men, Colonial Violence, and Parenting S. Burke University of Northern British Columbia, Canada Childhood and Adolescent Experiences With Violence Among Crime-Involved Males H. Van Ngo University of Calgary, Canada Building Community Support for Boys in Kenya: Leave No Boy Behind J. Ouma Lifesong Kenya, Kenya P. Taylor, K. Scott-Storey, S. O’Donnell et al. University of New Brunswick, Canada 7 DAY 1—THURSDAY Sessions 3:50 – 5:10PM Wellesley Fathers’ History of Interpersonal Trauma and Challenges at the Transition to Parenthood E. Woodin, L. Waldis, & E. Spargo University of Victoria, Canada Barriers To and Facilitators of Help- Seeking Behaviour Among Israeli Men Who Experience IPV K. Gueta & T. Shlichove Bar-Ilan University, Israel How My Work Led Me to Question the DV Narrative and Investigate Male Stigma L. Robertson University of Regina, Canada Fathers and IPV: An Autoethnographic Analysis of Current Literature on Men’s Experiences of Abuse Involving Children B. Hine University of West London, UK Rosedale Work-Family Balance of First-Time Fathers in Urban China X. Li1, K. Sun1, L. Ren2 et al. New York University Shanghai1 & East China Normal University2, China Men’s Experiences of IPV in Australia: Impact on Personal and Working Lives A. Walker, K. Heine, C. Kanizay et al. Deakin University, Australia The Differential Effects of COVID Pandemic on the Labour Market Outcomes of Canadian Men and Women With Young Children T. Fang & V. Ha Memorial University of Newfoundland, Canada Rescuing Men Who Are Marginalized and Homeless To Regain Their Stability, Dignity To Realize Their Potential O. Matsi People on the Side of the Road, South Africa Avenue “Why Did I Think I Had To Do That?”: Mother-Father Couples’ Changes Towards Gender Equality J. Pratezina University of Victoria, Canada Conflict, Abuse, and Violence: Political Resolution Through Equal Shared Parenting G. Cheriton Canadian Equal Parenting Council, Canada Where Are the Authentic Men? J. Jeanetta-Wark Center for Integrated Well- Being, Inc., USA Stop Abuse For Everyone: A Critical Component of Equity T. Henke Stop Abuse For Everyone, USA 6:00PM —10-Course Chinese Dinner! 8 DAY 2—FRIDAY 10:15 – 11:35PM Sessions Rosedale Addressing Paternal Alienation as a Form of Family Violence in Parent-Child Relationships: Toward a ‘Responsibility-to- Needs’ Framework E. Kruk University of British Columbia, Canada Child Custody and the Best Interest of Children: Helping Fathers Responsibly Address Charges of IPV J. Hamel Private Practice, USA Accusations and Allegations Against Fathers Y.- S. Teoh, P. Chen, & P.- H. Chiang National Taiwan University, Taiwan And the Family Court Judge Says?: Allegations Against Parents in Ontario S. Chuang, C. Ali, M. Mathew et al. University of Guelph, Canada Wellesley Black Male Sexual Victimization R. Wright The Peoples’ Counselling Clinic, Canada The Effects of Victim Gender on Rape Blame Attribution C.- Y. Huang Keele University, UK Developing a Culturally-Competent Response to Male Victims of Domestic Abuse Avenue Challenges and Successes of a Men’s Charity Organization T. Moore & J. Trottier Canadian Centre for Men and Families-National, Canada Ending the Battle of the Sexes: Depolarizing the Gender Discourse and Broadening Our Understanding of Gender Equality J. Trottier Canadian Centre for Men and Families-National, Canada Family Violence in Thailand: Are Wives Only the Victims? N. Pichyayothin Chulalongkorn University, Thailand S. Green & C. Crabson Stop Abuse For Everyone & Valley Oasis, USA 9 DAY 2—FRIDAY 1:30 – 2:50PM Wellesley The Newly Expanded Definitions of “Family Violence” in the Divorce Act G. Colman & T. Campbell-Dailey Gene C. Colman Family Law Centre, Canada How Family Law Deals With Coercive Control, Gatekeeping, Enmeshment, False Allegations, and Alienation B. Ludmer Ludmer Law, Canada Sessions Rosedale Male Sexual Victim/ Perpetrator Treatment J. Dubé & R. Wright The Peoples’ Counselling Clinic, Canada Developing a Digital Intervention for Survivors of IPV: Possibilities and Challenges H. Micklitz, G. Andersson, J. Bengel et al. University of Freiburg, Germany Mobile Applications for Low-Income Fathers: A Systematic Content and Comprehensiveness Analysis and User Rating Review M. Trahan, L. Schneider, & D. Hernandez Texas State University, USA Development, Digital Media, and Defence: Exploring the Gendered Aspects of IPV in Teen Relationships S. Bekaert Oxford Brookes University, UK Avenue Values, Culture, and Effective Social Services for Men S. McMurtry, B. Barberree, J. Dickson et al. Canadian Centre for Men and Families-Alberta, Canada The Nexus Story: Past, Present, and Future of a Peer-Led Men’s Trauma Recovery Program M. Healey Canadian Centre for Men and Families-National, Canada Masculinities and Care: Men’s Experiences as Victim Service Providers in Canada B. Roebuck & D. McGlinchey Algonquin College, Canada 10 DAY 2—FRIDAY 2:55 – 4:15PM Wellesley JJ Desgranges Lawyer, Adjudicator for the Law Society Tribunal, Canada T. Inoue Criminal Defence Lawyer J. Kirshen Gene C. Colman Family Law Centre, Canada J. Shen Jake Shen Criminal Defense Lawyer, Canada B. Hay Black Daddies Club, Canada How to Thrive With Your Children After Family Break Up H. Nabert Father Resource Inc., Canada Sessions Rosedale Male Victims of Intimate Partner Homicide: A Preliminary Typology A. Lysova1, B. Roebuck2, & K. Hanson1 Simon Fraser University1 & Algonquin College2, Canada Sentencing Men in Cases of Intimate Partner Homicide: Relevant Factors K. Hanson & A. Lysova Simon Fraser University, Canada Engagement of Black Fathers and Black Men in Toronto Avenue Programs and Services for Fathers D. Soleyn Dad Central, Canada The New Kid on the Block: A Case Study on Building an Effective Mental Health Agency B. Rafii Canadian Centre for Men and Families-York Region, Canada The Policy of IPV Service Providers in Israel Regarding Men as Clients A. Ben-Porat1, R. Dekel1, & O. Gilbar2 1 Bar-Ilan University & The Hebrew University of Jerusalem, Israel2 Men’s Experiences of Family Violence: A Community Mental Health Perspective S. de Villiers & C. Berry Calgary Counselling Centre, Canada See You Next Fall 2023!!! 11

Self Psychology - Harvard Medical on line continues

Strengths - Ask someone you respect who knows you well what your strengths are. Notice what people compliment you on. Think about what now comes easily to you. Strengths linked to happiness: gratitude, hope, vitality, curiosity and love} closely linked to happiness. Apply to daily life. Pick one of your strengths and use it in a new way every day for a week. Bravery - new activity that makes you nervous. eg. public speaking. Curiosity - read an article or watch a documentary of what you know nothing about. Self Control - make your week free of insincere comments. Appreciation - set a beautiful table for an ordinary meal. Open mindedness - listen or watch or read something you disagree with and consider legitimate points it may rise. Creativity - find an alternative use of an ordinary household object. Love - write a note to someone you love and place it where the person will find it (such as in brief case, lunch box or under the pillow. If curiosity is one of your strengths, pick an article covering a topic foreign to you and learn all about it. Benefits of mindfulness - path to well being. Open your mind to the pleasant and unpleasant. Mastering mindfulness - Calming fight and flight effects. Key to self awareness. Positive effects is the awareness of each moment. If mind wanders bring it back. This helps with cancer, heart disease and diabetes. Prayer and Meditation: a larger perspective of life. Next topic regarding self psychology continues with key to mindfulness

Introduction to Psychotherapy with Non-monogamous Clients

During 22 Sep 22, I attended a two hour Introduction regarding psychotherapy with non-monogamous clients. These are from my notes, further to my earlier entry regarding this topic. This talk was provided by Carling Mashinter, MSc, RP. No statistics were provided which I find important. I indicated that I was curious of the statistics regarding the percentage of the population of different countries who are polygamous. From what I recall from my undergrad is that the majority of the world is serial monogamous. If I haven't shared those stats to you, then they are somewhere in my notes to provide to you. The speaker stated that her clients have complained that therapists don't understand the terminology. Common concern from clients was social isolation including shame and secrecy, dicision making challenges, internalized negative beliefs about self and their relationships. Another concern was safe and secure attachments: boundary isolations do happen. As an example nights when all partners are together but one arrives late. The speaker stated that this could lead to attachment injury. There could be jelousy, differentiation process - difference in relationship structure preferences. The speaker talked about the Use of Capacity - decision making on use of finite resources (time, energy, physical, space; finances. Maintenance of safe and secure attachments in the context of capacity changes one or limitations. Sites and Podcasts for this topic is more than two.com; www.polydictionary.org; podcast: www.mutiamory.com and intellectualerection.wordpress.com. I have not checked out the resources. What do you think?

Happy Hallowe-en from Mr Attitude.

Actually Mr Attitude hates Hallowe'en as much as I enjoy it.

Eating Disorders - a bit more

Eating Disorders I wanted to talk more about Eating Disorders further to the video I posted. A reminder : Kids help line text Wellness to 741741 to access 24 hrs daily. There is support for any issues big or small. Some people feeling no control over their lives, may develop Eating Disorders because this may be the only thing in their lives they feel is within their control. So though the video talked a lot about coaching, what is very important is the psychological. What I always recommend is being under the care of a physician. Unfortunately, many do not want to talk to their doctors about any mental health concerns. What I suggest is to find a physician whom you would feel comfortable with to talk about anything. When my physician retired, I went to about three, at least before I found someone I wanted to keep. I still have him years later. Finding a therapist you feel comfortable with is also just as important. It is more important that the competence of the therapist according to studies. If you cannot reveal all that is bothering you and cannot trust your therapist or feel comfortable with your therapist, find another. (Also ensure that your therapist belongs to a college and is registered, for your protection). Record what you eat and when you eat it. Do you notice a pattern? Do you eat with others? I enjoy watching “Trust Me, I’m a Doctor,” a British Show and in Season 6, Episode two, there is a topic on Eating Disorders. In the episode what is revealed is that in the UK about three quarters of a million people suffer from an eating disorder. Anorexia has the highest mortality risk of any mental illness with up to 20% dying prematurely. This can effect anyone, men and women at any age. Psychological factors such as low self esteem, anxiety, or depression can be triggers. Common among eating disorders are: obsession with food, diet and exercise, complaining about being overweight, even when they’re not, weighing yourself repeatedly, skipping meals, bingeing, frequent visits to the bathroom, especially after meals, social withdrawal, being withdrawn and secretive. Often in early stages of the disease there is denial or ambivalence. Friends and family who notice should talk carefully to their friend or family member and encourage the person to get help, keeping in mind that the person may be very anxious. Breaking the silence may be the first step of recovery. What do you think?

Veteran told MAID is 'better than blowing your brains out,' committee hears. Shameful!!!!!!on so many levels.

Tid Bits for you and bringing you up to date

I have had a difficult week due to Holy Terror dying. Her brother, Mr Attitude has been developing behaviours she used to have. He now jumps up on a table to greet me in the mornings for kisses, which he never did before. That was Holy Terror's job. He spent the first few days resting on my chest or lap at every opportunity. He has been eating for two, which I need to watch. I have spent more time socializing and less working. I have given myself another week of more adventure, than work and than I will slowly get back to normal. I wanted to talk a bit more about the seminar I posted about Eating Disorders, but will do so next week, when my brain is clear, since I will be relying on memory. I posted the video for you because Eating Disorder is a problem and people should have all resources open to them, so they can be informed and make their own decisions. If you do have a disorder I suggest you see a Registered Psychotherapist, Social Worker, Psychologist or Psychiatrist. Remember that in Ontario every therapist needs to be registered. You can find out if your therapist is registered by visiting their specific college. To be a therapist in Ontario, one must have a Masters. Now for your tidbits. The Canadian Medical Association Survey (conducted last fall) which consisted of more than 41,000 doctors and medical students,revealed the following: 53% of physicians have symptoms of burn out. It is suggested that 1/4 experience severe or moderate anxiety. 1/2 are struggling with depression. 36% had suicidal thoughts in their lifetime, up from 18% in 2017. Now about Americans moving to Canada: Almost 12,000 people from the USA were granted permanent residency in 2021. More than 3,200 applicants were approved in the first quarter of 2022. This is the highest since 1980. I wish you all a good weekend. In tribute to Holy Terror, I will like to share photos with you in her memory. If you hate the idea, let me know.

Body Peace 2022- The Latest in Eating Disorders and Eating Disorder Trea...

Holy Terror - my beautiful baby girl is dead

I wasn’t sure what I was going to write about today and didn’t want to miss the entire week. I decided to share about my beautiful baby girl, I had for about 19 years. It was Misty, a stray I adopted and had fallen in love with who brought Holy Terror to me. What struck me about Holy Terror was her beauty. She had the most beautiful blue eyes and silky smooth brown and beige hair. What I didn’t account for was how loud she could be telling me exactly what she wanted and when, meaning now. Twice she broke into my therapy room by squeezing herself under the divider. Fortunately for me because she was so beautiful, no one minded. Today the house is eerily quiet. Her brother has cried out only once after I came home without her. He has been a source of comfort but the house feels empty without her. I have cancelled all appointments outside including the two day conference in Markham not to leave Mr Attitude alone. I didn’t want pets this last time around because I enjoyed my lifestyle that I knew pets would alter. However, no one wanted these animals and they were going to be put down since they were considerd too wild to ever tame. It is surprising what love, security and consistency does not only for animals but for children too. Holy Terror had been having some difficulty whenever she went to the litter box or outside to defecate. When she wanted to go into my tv stand with one door closed underneath, I made a bed for her there. Holy Terror always wanted to be my side. If I went out, she came too. She never strayed too far from the back deck or front yard. If I worked on the computer, she would raise her paws onto my chair for me to move or pick her up so she could stay close. No matter where I was, she wanted to rest on me. So, when I saw her discomfort and couldn’t find her in the house and she had missed her morning meal, I was afraid that I would find her dead. She was hiding in the basement and this was the first time I could get her into a pet carrier. Once she was in my car, she yelled her annoyance half way to the hospital. I drove as carefully as possible with her trying to make her journey as comfortable as possible. At one point I had to swerve to the left because the driver of a parked mega truck, failed to check if the road was clear and came out quickly, causing me to swerve not to hit it. I was surprisingly calm, since my focus was Holy Terror and not the terrible drivers in my city. I went to the pet emergency hospital and the drive around where I normally would park to bring her in was now full of construction. So, I left the car on the roadway at the stop sign with my four way flashers on. After she went into triage and I provided all the info. I went out to see if my car was still there. It was and I was grateful that the parking people didn’t give me a ticket. I drove around trying to find a parking space and then saw a limousine driver get a spot. I asked the driver if he needed the spot, since my pet was at the hospital. He gave it to me (we have very kind people in Toronto). I went to pay my nine dollars for three hours and I rushed back to the hospital. They wanted me there ASAP. They were surprised I got a parking space and in no time I was informed that Holy Terror’s vitals were fine. However, I knew that she wasn’t fine. I returned to put more money into the meter (I need a smart phone). I went to place the new paid stub of nine dollars on the dash of the car and boy oh boy, I find a 50.00 parking fine waiting for me. I examine the parking sign along with a construction worker and we both find it confusing. Why did I get a ticket? There are parking meters all around the area with signs indicating when one could park. Doesn’t matter. I don’t have time for this nonsense. Looks like I have to pay 78.00 for this trip to the hospital (no. I would pay much more). I drive around and on the same street as the hospital where I have parked before to take Misty there, I find a spot as one driver is leaving. I park and examine exactly where I am. There is another meter, cars parked on the entire street and I carefully examine the sign, the same as the other. I notice a no parking sign and really find it confusing. There is an arrow showing that parking is only available just in front of me. There is one car and motorcycle there and no more room. I am baffled. How is it possible that there are only two spots on an entire street, full of cars and meters. I call parking customer service listed on my ticket and talk to a man about the confusion. He is sorry and tells me to contest the fine. I tell him that I will pay it, (for peace of mind) but that if I find it confusing, how do visitors to this city find it? It should be simple. I park in an underground parking and return to the hospital via walking tunnels. There is no way I would go through this area after nightfall. I decide I will have to take a taxi in future and hope they accept pets. The female Vet comes to talk to me. I approve the testing she recommends since I know there is something wrong though all the preliminary is fine. She suggests I go for lunch, that it will take a while and so I walk to Yorkville and go to Flo’s, a restaurant I used to go to when I was a student at the University of Toronto. You need a buzzer now to get it, but someone lets me in. I take an elevator to the floor and I recognize it as the same, but more worn. It is badly in need of freshness. The outside patio is bare of people and I know it is too cold for me for a sit down, the waiter agrees. He clears a table for me inside, but it is not my favourite seat where I can watch the people walking below. I order my meal and it doesn’t taste the same as I remember it. Has it really been 14 years? No, but at least 11 years. It is still a university favourite as I hear three International students speak. I feel outdated here. Yet, there are people here older than myself. I feel misplaced. I eat my meal, provide a generous tip and realize that this will be the cheapest I will spend this day. I walk back to the hospital and finally the same Vet comes to get me. She wants to go through the details. I am looking at a chart on the computer that is mostly green and she goes through all the positive. Everything is all good and then I notice the red. There are quite a few charts. I must have copies but I folded everything and placed it into my purse. She has found a poly in her rectum. I look at the photo of the polyp and it seems rather big to me. The vet provides me with options. Just to determine if the polyp is cancerous, surgery would need to be conducted to cut the polyp out and surrounding tissue. If cancer is involved it is an entire story. Then there are the additional complications because of the area. I think of my beautiful happy nineteen year old baby as I realize I am going to have to let her go. Tears form and I think the Vet is going to cry too. As tears continue, she shows me the x-ray or scan of her spinal cord and how that is worn due to her age. She can’t jump anymore like she used to. And then, the final heartbreak is that her kidneys are starting to diminish. The Vet will get ready to bring Holy Terror back and describes how she will die. I already know. I think of MAID. I think of my last long living cat who I also had for 19 years and had the vet come to my house to put him down. He had found it difficult to do because he had so many animals he had to put down in the same week. Someone comes in to take more money to put her down. I wait and then the attendant brings her in all bundled in a warm portable bed. He tells me she is a real sweet cat. I appreciate the comment. I can see that she has won hearts at the hospital with her beauty and kind nature. I can have as much time with her as I like but I ask for four to five minutes, because I don’t want to extend the pain. I kiss her tiny head until I feel she is becoming wet by my kisses and wrap my arms gently around her and she begins to purr and this makes it harder. She is happy to see me. I kiss her tiny face and she just keeps on purring with pleasure. She is home because she is with me. The Vet comes in and as I am holding her and feeling her little head, I see the fluid draining into her and then her little tongue hangs out. “Is she gone?” The Vet listens for a heart beat and there is none. I mention to the Vet that it must be hard for her. She tells me that this was a very peaceful death and she was 19 years old. So, I sit here and share this with you. At some point before her death I had thanked her. I merely said “thank you.” She has brought me so much joy and I shall miss her voice wanting me to stop working or to hold her or anything else she wanted. She has been the star of my books. I believe in God. I want to believe she is in heaven playing and having a great time with my family and other pets. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Til next week.

PhD student examines clash of masculine identities on internet hate site (cut and pasted for you from University of Toronto news)

I took a seminar yesterday about Eating Disorders which is on my list for you and part of the discussion was about the media influence. So, as I am now catching up on my emails, I thought I would cut and paste this article for you since I am not able to share it to this blog. I was able to share to my facebook page and twitter. More next week. Have a good weekend and Happy Thanksgiving. We are also voting here for the municipal elections. I wish they wouldn't have that on a holiday weekend. Regardless, voting is important. What do you think? Now for the article: As a biracial woman, it wasn’t easy for Jillian Sunderland to spend countless hours studying a website devoted to racism, misogyny and hate. But she persevered with her research on the internet hate site Stormfront.org, which promotes white nationalism and the alt-right movement. Created by former Alabama Ku Klux Klan leader and long-time white supremacist Don Black in 1995, the site’s 300,000 members openly share their racist, violent and misogynistic views. “It's the longest running white nationalist forum for hate, and originally, I wanted to look at the common ideology of the people in this white supremacist forum,” says Sunderland, a PhD student in the University of Toronto’s department of sociology in the Faculty of Arts & Science. “But what I found were two groups: one prioritizing the hatred of women and one prioritizing the hatred of non-white people – and a lot of disagreements that led to a fracture within the movement. I wasn’t expecting to find this at all.” Her work – “Fighting for Masculine Hegemony: Contestation Between Alt-Right and White Nationalist Masculinities on Stormfront.org” – was recently published in the academic journal, Men and Masculinities. “It felt really, really great – and it was a long time coming,” says Sunderland of learning that her first peer-reviewed paper had been accepted. Sunderland says she was fascinated by her findings in what she described as a relatively understudied area, noting they could be used to help disrupt hate movements. But she adds that her long engagement with the platform affected her on a personal level. “Spending hours a day reading hateful comments was sometimes very upsetting,” she says, adding that she relied on support from her academic supervisors and from fellow academics studying the same field. “I'm one of the people the forum targets in terms of saying horrible things about Black women, Black men and how biracial people are abominations,” she says. “And I couldn't believe the level of hatred of women. There was a lot of racism but the way they talked about women was shocking.” Sunderland used the label “alt-misogynists” for the group of Stormfront.org users who formed their identities around the opposition to women. Men in this group, she says, were usually under 40, though some were much younger. Many were single and opposed marriage. “They see women as representing the breakdown of civilization,” says Sunderland. “In their minds, women are irresponsible, opportunistic, as well as promiscuous, continually seeking to take advantage of, and exploit, men.” The other group Sunderland called “Aryan men.” Defining themselves through race, not gender, they were often older, more established and had families. “They identify as defending themselves against Black men, Jewish men and other groups,” says Sunderland, adding that they portray themselves as superior to other cultures and races with respect to raising families and possessing traditional family values. Sunderland was shocked to see just how much “alt-misogynists” and “Aryan men” quarreled on the site. “In my paper, I show fighting between these two groups where they try to invalidate and criticize each other,” she says. “The ‘alt-misogynists’ were often critical of the older members, accusing them of being out of touch with contemporary society. The fighting got so bad on some occasions, the ‘alt-misogynists’ would leave the platform altogether.” Often that fighting centred around women and their role in society. “The older 'Aryan' members have established gender norms that men and women are complementary – that the man takes care of the woman,” says Sunderland. “Their base idea is to create a white homeland with growing white families.” The "alt-misogynists," by contrast, have vastly different views on gender – and many of them expressed their belief and support for a society that’s based on the total domination of women. “They’re very different from the traditional white nationalists who see women as a part of their movement,” says Sunderland. “A lot of the older white nationalist members found these views offensive.” Sunderland says she was jarred by the number of posts devoted to victimization. “A big part of the far-right is the sense of superiority, but also this deep sense that society is no longer set up in their favour,” she says. Any kind of boost in diversity or a shift in equity was regarded as a threat to their way of life. “They were referencing divorce rates, declining marriage rates, declining fertility – and they viewed these things as examples of a society that was now gynocentric, dominated by women and feminism. And that it’s actively disadvantaging them. “There's this phrase that ‘equality feels like oppression when you're used to having more privileges.’ So, they see themselves as victims.” Sunderland says she would sometimes step back and totally disengage from the site and her paper for a week or two to clear her head and then return with a renewed sense of purpose. “My goal is to better understand these movements to help disrupt them, so that kept me level-headed,” she says. “But studying the extreme right is not for everyone; it’s studying people who literally advocate for a genocide of non-white people. That's why it's very understudied.” Her paper concluded with the idea that this split between these two groups could offer an opportunity to further impede the wave of hate. “Within social movements, if it’s a successful movement, there tends to be a unification within a masculine or feminine strategy,” she says. “But on this site, that didn’t happen. It’s a more fractured movement and I think acknowledging their internal dynamics can provide an entry point in how people desist, leave – or migrate to and from – the far-right.” But to pursue this idea, much more research is needed, Sunderland says. “Future research can lead to more clarity when attempting to deradicalize or prevent radicalization from happening, and I hope my paper offers a way for experts to really grapple with the complexity of hate/far-right movements.” September 26, 2022 Sean McNeely From the Series Breaking ResearchOur Community Tagged with Faculty of Arts & ScienceGraduate StudentsResearch & InnovationSociology SHARE THIS PAGE Most Popular "" ‘The entire country is on fire’: U of T’s Shahrzad Mojab on the uprising in Iran following Mahsa Jina Amini’s death Wind turbines and solar panels - Palm Springs, California Why some countries lead – and others lag – in the race to clean energy: Study "" Students pack U of T's Hart House for discussion on democracy with Margaret Atwood The Bulletin Brief logo Get faculty and staff news delivered straight to your inbox. 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Ernst. Block. Jewish Atheist not approved by gospel. Hope. - Theology notes continues

Existence is being in the way and the hope of that way is in the future which does not yet exists. Incompetence means that humanity is. He divides essence } future; and existence } humanity now. Distinguishes two forms of hope - 1. Recognizing disparity of injustice in this world and how it could be, hope to bring about change. 2. Hope that brings people to complacency. Block - avowed Atheist but respected Christianity - is a hope and so they didn’t have responsibility. Faith, hope and charity - faith should have all three. Theology of Hope - Moltmav - states from first to last - is eschatology, revolutionary and evolutionary, the future. Central theme of eschatology is hope. History is viewed as the sphere of God’s promise of the community is not in existence: 1. The second coming is not a radical break in history. 2. Promises one of moving towards fulfillment. Given enough time that eventually we will re-cur - live in the same experience. Moltman states - yes there is a sense of Block - unfulfillment of history. But, for the final time, will be a fulfillment of history. We have freedom to obey or not obey. Jerimach states that “I can’t help but speak the truth and then is killed for it.” Sublate def. - promise of Israel is taken up by Christians: trying to connect promise of Christianity and promise of Israel. How patient is with Pharaohs. - Nice? Plaques? Jesus death and resurrection is God’s promise, but fulfillment is yet to come. Hope is knowledge of future on the promise. Hope of future too - of the Church. Philosophy is not about interpreting history but changing it. Proclaim history, fostering Church and individual existence, suffering in present world. Christians for Moltman are construction workers. Next Metz, Shardane and wrap up.

Thoughts are with Eastern Canada and the States - huricanes

Eastern Canada was hit badly and the States even more so. The devastation and loss of life is terrible. I just want to express my sympathies. I have driven down to Disney World at least three times and taken the train once. I have often stopped along the way taking in the sites. It is beautiful. I have always found the people kind and dreamt of spending some winters there when possible. So much sadness. Eastern Canada, I haven't seen but I know and have known many wonderful souls from there. They also have such a generous spirit. My thoughts and prayers.

For Love of Country - Military Policewoman www.silvaredigonda.ca

“My mother’s smile vanished, replaced by a somber stare. “You are so fortunate to be living during a time when you have all these opportunities that were previously taboo for women.” A sadness shadowed her beautiful face. She continued solemnly, “If I only had the opportunities that you now have when I was young. It was a different time then; I had no choices. If I were young today, I would be doing the same thing you are doing.” The sun shone, its rays reflecting into the diner. “The basic training.” I paused. “It’s a killer.” When I had told Phillip I was joining the Canadian Armed Forces, a cloud had masked his handsome face, as his own memories returned to torment him. Phillip was a medical student whose idea of a date was to take me to an autopsy where he could carve some poor cadaver in his attempts to dissuade me from smoking. A health fanatic, he acknowledged that his own parents were being tortured by his constant nagging about the merits of proper posture. In spite of his attractive blond hair and blue eyes, being in his company was a chore. I would not date him Phillip and his best friend had joined the Forces to have their medical degrees paid for. During training, his best friend died. Phillip resigned as a result, and not without bitterness. He blamed the Forces for his friend’s death. His attempts to discourage me from joining failed. Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “For love of country : military policewoman.”

Bringing you up to date - me, me, me

I have booked way too many educational events but it is all good. I have a thirst for knowledge and have a curious spirit. I had found that most of what I was learning was redundant. Addictions I have been drowning in, however, there is such a problem out there that I cannot ignore it. I have been attending anything new but what is most important to me is the research out there. I have also been incorporating more fun. We are social creatures and I am definitely one of them. I have always enjoyed groups of people, functions, social gatherings etc….I have also enjoyed spending time with close friends though death has claimed too many. Last weekend I was in my favourite place in Canada - Niagara Falls. I was with a group and someone told me that one person had free tickets to catch the show. Knowing my love for theatre I was asked if I was interested. In a heart beat I flew to the area, but behold the person with tickets was not there. I asked the Usher if anyone had left a ticket - nope. So I hurried back to find the host and she too was invisible, so I returned to the Usher to pay for a ticket. Hold and behold there was a man telling the same Usher that he had an extra ticket for anyone who wanted it. (I am anyone) I reached out my palm and said yes. He gave it to me and we were off. He told me we had the front seats and I thought that we would be just near the front. Nope. We literally had first row seats. Of course I offered him payment for the tickets and he declined saying it had not cost him anything. Not used to getting anything for free, I took out 20.00 ’s from my wallet and suggested he take at least a bit of money. He declined once again and I was floored. The man is from Scarborough and I was impressed. I loved the show. It was “Spirit of the Dance” and they had the Irish Tenors and Celtic girls singers. Before I knew it, it was finished. I had a real good time and then I thanked my gentleman and departed. I told him he had made my week. I wanted to give him at least a book, but he asked me no questions except a few basic ones and I didn’t want to ruin his generous spirit by giving him any cards. It was a very nice gesture. This was just a nice guy and it was refreshing. The next day I called Revenue Canada and the woman I talked to helped me out (because I still have not received my return after seven months). She too went out of her way to be nice. She even checked my last years return and indeed my accountant had royally erred and not in my favour. She provided me with some instructions and am sure that will all be sorted out. I was flying. I went to see my host and told her about the kind man with a generous soul and she said nice things happen to good people. Do I agree with that comment? Nope, but I took it anyway, but here is where I become the psychotherapist and not the writer. Bad things happen to good people all the time. I cannot recall how many times I have heard people say how upset they are because they have fallen in bad times at no fault of their own and how they feel they are being punished by God. Sometimes their reality tumbles and they are devastated. They are not alone and this is where it also benefits them to get support. There are children starving and dying in certain countries. Do they deserve that? There is an exploitation of children women and men. Do they deserve it? No. When people are dying from a disease, do they deserve that? No, no, no. So remember take the good but also remember that it doesn’t define you. This guy I met was simply an honest man and a giving man. I am appreciative of this, because we are living in a world where it can be quite dangerous. Seeing such souls as this is uplifting. Why not do something nice for someone if you can today. How was your week?

Why do People forgive their cheating partners?

I read an interesting article in Psychology today, pp 16-17, Oct 22 edition, which I will like to share with you. Dr Bockarova is a researcher at the University of Toronto who wrote the article. She reports that infidelity occurs in 20% to 25% of marriages and close to 75% in dating relationships. The partner cheated on may experience symptoms such as flashbacks, depression and anxiety. I have provided couple therapy for marriages exceeding 30 years and for others who are dating. I have found that long term marriages seem to be more invested on working on the relationship, though not in all cases, while those dating may normally decide that their partner doesn’t meet their needs and therefore terminates the relationship. I have found that newly married couples will work hard to make their marriages work. They also seem more willing to do the homework and to continue to utilize the tools they have learned. The University of of Nicosia in Cyprus found that people are most likely to forgive a partner’s affair when they have children together to minimize upheaval in the children’s lives, when they themselves have been unfaithful in the past, when there feel there is a low likelihood of a repetition or when they depend financially on their partners. Younger people were more willing to forgive in general. Psychology Today ends with the notation that cheating often leads to the end of a relationship, but in some cases, it marks the beginning of a new relationship, perhaps more painful and less trusting. What I do with couples when there is an affair is for the cheating partner to terminate the affair. If the partner is unwilling to do so I cannot help them and therefore stop seeing them. I let them know at the beginning of the session. If a person is not willing to let go the affair than how can they seriously work on their relationship? I also encourage the cheating partner to be completely open with their partner in regards to access to their phone etc…where they were corresponding with the other party. I have found that it takes a lot of healing and the person who has cheated cannot expect immediate trust without a lot of hard work, and that trust may never be achieved, but there may be compromises to continue in the relationship. With yesterday’s seminar regarding polygamous relationships what is very different is that there is open agreements in the relationships. That is all for today. Remember you can always ask me a question. I will talk more about yesterday's session in the future because I think there were some important aspects. I have lots to share with you and want to catch up. For now have a good weekend. Take some time for yourself each day to enjoy some quiet time, to relax, to enjoy nature and to re-energize. What do you think?

Introduction to Psychotherapy with consensual non-magamous clients

Hi, well in about twenty minutes I am going to attend this workshop. I have had polygymous clients but mostly it was about them trying to determine if this is what they really want. 100% decided they did not wish to continue. This will be the first official training with CAMFT regarding this. What I normally tell clients is that sometimes one of the couples becomes emotionally invested with the third person and then the relationship of the couple is pretty well over. Anyhow, unless I learn something that I think will be of interest to you, this is about all I will share. However, I do have slides and I don't think it will be a problem to share if you are interested. Have a good weekend. I know I shall. Autumn is officially here and I am looking for warmer clothes to stick in the wash from last year. I may write a blurp tomorrow about why people stay in marriages when partners stray. I read an interesting article in Psychology today about that and I wish to share. Later.