Brief Therapy for Couples in Crises (notes)

During our Annual General Meeting with CAMFT last fall we also had a session regarding brief therapy of couples in crisis. Front line workers were struggling with some sleeping in garages because of concern for families. There was an interest from the CAMFT community. The emergency Response Therapists was launched. We were asked to consider volunteering. There was a request for emergency response for families who were uprooted. What is brief therapy? There was a five year study of 100,000 scheduled outpatient appointments. The model or most frequently occurring number of sessions in all models of therapy is one. Even one session of therapy is effective. There are six essential components: 1. rapid positve alliance between client and one therapist. 2. Smart goal. What is the most useful step to talk in this session? 3. Clear responsibilities. 4. Emphasis in strengths - resources. 5. Introduction of novelty can be a reframe, a story, the miracle? 6. Here and now and next and not so much of the past. The purpose of therapy is hope. Dr Charles Snyder indicates - have a goal, a pathway there and a sense of agency. A solution focused modality is good for brief timed lined work. 1. Goals. 2. Exceptions. 3. Scaling 4. Relationship 5. Coping - we focus a lot on what sustains them. Strengths: resources. The five regrets of people on their death bed: 1. I wish I had stayed in touch with friend. 2. Let myself be happier. 3. Courage to express myself. 4. Wish I had lived a life true to my dreams instead of what others expect. 5. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. A definition of crises - a state of psychological disequilibrium and unable to cope. Criteria -1. exposed to a stressful or hazardous 2. Considerable upset or disruption. 3. Individual unable to cope with methods that previously worked. People who found meaning had more adaptive hormonal responses, making them more resilience in the face of the stressful event. Actions: What can I do for my client? Ask client to do something. Post card study: Post cards recipients reduced suicides. Volunteer therapists were asked to contact the client in 24 hours. The quicker one could respond, the better. Be timely to build the therapeutic alliance. Volunteers were asked to provide 3 free sessions. The first session was the key. We are building a connection. What is the problem? the concern? Everything is overwhelming. Session one is what is the essential single concern (so no longer a big overwhelming thing). At the end of session One, paperwork is so key to a lot of what we do. Are we able to do a mountain of paperwork when there is a crises? Scaling - rating and ask how clients are feeling at the end. Session Two: Brief therapy about active work doing. We can start to do some work. Now an alliance has been developed. Then ask for paperwork. How many more sessions? Session 3. Where are we headed? Not a mystery at this point. Summary of what is done and what will they take with them. After three sessions, the client becomes our own. To be continued later in the week.

The Black Family: Representation, Identity and Diversity, AAMFT, notes

The lecture panel is from five black panelists: Four with PHD’s. Definition: What is black? Most families can only go back four generations. There is not one way to think about black families. There is different cultures, food, music, and fashion which has been connected. There is a history of being Kings and Queens - all is part of a society. Where are you from? The blackness of what is expressed. You can be born in the U.S.A., raised in Africa and return to the US. What is important is self definition. Real representation is in the individual person. What is the value of diversity? Resiliency of black love - falling in love and staying married. What is taught in school is not enough. Diversity is also about diversity - clinically - to let people explore themselves. What connects black people to one another? There is hope against all odds that connect black people. One panelist commented that you don’t normally hear white people say it is going to be alright. It’s a sense of community which connects black people. There is a history of oppression. Creativity, hope and pain connects them. It’s about being seen. One panelist said that her child is bi-racial with curly hair. She gravitates to books where she looks for the same. Is there a representation for everyone in the black family? Are there some, more under represented? What about those who are silent and no one helps them? One panelist studies black fathers. What does fatherhood look like? Black men and black fathers - some are over represented. Full representation fully matters. There have been people who have never had anyone to model. One therapist said he wanted to see other people like him, for him to see. To see black success is important - to hear that story. Yes, I can do that too. As a therapist, others can say, I can do that too. Distinction Canadian vs American? The US focuses on Black history. What is the history of black people in the States who moved to Canada? The way slavery was liberated was not afforded to America. What is it like to be American? Hope - can be just to reconnect with families. Thoughts and prayers today are with the people in Miami. At this point there are 159 people still missing. Four have been found dead.

Do you like to read? What I have been reading lately.

Whenever I get a chance to read, I do. It may be during a meal if alone, or resting outside. I need to read much for work, however I also enjoy to read for fun. I get periodicals regarding Couple and Family Therapy from the American Association and Family Therapy Ass. I also get periodicals from Psychology today. I started reading Hemingway because I watched a movie based on his relationship with his second wife. I have a volume of classics. When I started his volume, I cringed because of a lion hunt. I find it difficult to read because I love animals and think of hunting as a primitive sport especially such majestic animals. However, his writing deserves his acclaim. I had to take a break after a few pages. I am also reading a small book about the Jesuits when they came to Canada and their experiences with the Native community. I also completed reading Coping With Family Violence by Dr Morton L. Kurland, MD. a psychiatrist, published in 1986. It is dated but very much still informative for young people who it is meant for. He mentions the Barbara Sinatra Center for children. I looked it up and am pleased it is still there in the U.S.A.This will be left out for someone to pick up. I also read a small illustration of the Islam religion. That already has been picked up by a frequent drive by person. I received the booklet on the Islam religion when I was touring a Mosque during “Doors Open.” There was another I skimmed through about the Hindu Religion some time ago but it was too massive to read completely. As you know I have donated most of my books at the beginning of the pandemic. What I find amusing is that now because of the pandemic and everyone going on line, they are buying books in bulk at used bookstores to give the impression they are well read. Now that is a research study for you. I am glad that my sense of humour is flourishing. It appears we are going into phase two where salons will open and I will be able to get my hair done. Right now it feels I am wearing a mop. It is heavy and longish. Fortunately it doesn’t look bad, but many a time, I have been tempted to cut it off myself. Thankfully, I didn’t do that. Unfortunately, I haven’t had time to focus and write my book lately, due to other commitments. It would be easier if I was writing about therapy, but I just need to catch up and then be able to concentrate on my creative juices. I shall get there. I am always evaluating my associations and my services. I have decided to decrease my services and focus more on my private practice. I have turned down opportunities of interest because of my work load, so I am changing the load. What are you reading? Do you like your work? Do you have control of your life and where you want to be at? Please do not hesitate to ask if you have a question or if you want to share. What do you think?

Scam Alert : Please don't reply to these emails. No one will ever give you this. You would fare better with losing money on a lottery ticket.

Hi, I know that I am a stranger to you but I ask for your understanding as you read this email. I am Lee Byungha from Gunsan, South Korea. I want to transfer the sum of eighteen million three hundred thousand Great British pound ( £18,300,000.00 GBP ) to your bank account. I want to immigrate to your country where I intend to buy a house in your country and also invest in a good business there. I am also willing to invest in your company or project for a yearly return on investment. When you help me to succeed with this plan, I will give you some of the eighteen million three hundred thousand Great British pound to show appreciation for your help. How you can help me to succeed with this plan are as follows; 1.You will provide your bank account in your country where the eighteen million three hundred thousand Great British pound ( £18,300,000.00 GBP ) will be paid into or transferred into 2. You will safekeep the money for me pending when I can come to your country to meet you. I am waiting for your reply at my email address written below:

Some definitions for you if you are interested in Theology

Ebla- a city of ancient Syria. Edomites – Traditional enemies of the Israelites, the Edomites were the descendants of Esau who often battled the Jewish nation. Edom was in southeast Palestine, stretched from the Red Sea at Elath to the Dead Sea. Enuma Elish – the creation of the world begins with the universe in a formless state, from which emerge two primary gods, male and female. Etiological stories - creation stories or stories that explain or justify certain things. Exile- The Babylonian captivity of the Jews, 597 – 538 B.C.E. Gilgamesh epic – the hero of Sumerian and Babylonian epics. Henotheism – the worship of a particular God without disbelieving in the existence of others. Hexateuch – the first six books of the Old Testament. Hittite Grant – is similar to the grant of the dynasty of David. It is found in the decree of Hattsilis concerning Middannamuwas, his chief scribe. Jamnia – A place near Joppa. circa 90 where a council of rabbis declared the Old Testament canon to be completed. This eventually became known as the Masoretic text. Levites – The subordinate ministers appointed in the Mosaic Law for the service of the Tabernacle and of the Temple. Mari – an ancient city on the Euphrates, in Syria. Masoretes, Masoretic Text (MT) The authoritative Hebrew text of the Jewish Bible regarded almost universally as the official version.

What a week!!!!

Do you ever get a week where everything is nutso? Well, I am very solution focused. Sorry I am a tad behind in my writing to you. One day was spent trying to figure out how to waste my time by trying to find my second vaccine which was not available though the press said it was. Another day was spent trying to make Revenue Canada happy. Fortunately I keep everything for 10 years, but how do I deliver all that out East? I never procrastinate. I believe in getting things done now, so it does not load up. This is why I sleep like a baby. How did that phrase start? Anyhow, my first experience with the vaccine was rather smooth. I went on line, signed up and ended up going where there is lots of free parking. I entered the line where people were squabbling and a fireman was loud enough to make the trees shake. Then there was a younger fireman more gently telling the elderly ladies that everyone would get in. I went for a walk and returned in time for my cue. I went in, all was organized and I showed my expired health card about five times and the print out of my appointment, once I believe. I saw another fireman vaccinating people and wondered who was at the station in case of a fire? I wouldn't mind being taken out of a building by a fireperson but getting a needle by one? Fortunately, I was sent to a woman and still wondering I asked how long she was giving needles? She said she had experience before attending for COVID. "Are you a nurse?" I asked hopefully. "I am a doctor," she replied. I breathed a sigh of relief. She then talked about what a beautiful day it was, attempting to distract me from the fatal shot. Of course I played along and said it was certainly a beautiful day as the needle pricked my arm. I thanked her and was informed I would not be getting a chocolate bar when I asked (Saw on the news that they were getting nice chocolate bars during the first days)went to sit down while I watched another woman being rude to one of the workers. I have my second date confirmed, however when the news told us we could get our second shot sooner and book on line if we received our first shot before a certain date, which I did, was a mess when I attempted that. I would share that but I have to prepare to work. So, I hope I am forgiven for being late this week. Hopefully things will get back to normal sooner rather than later.

The Internet Murders - continues http://silvaredigonda.ca

The paramedics soon arrived, and everyone moved out of the way to give them space to work on the woman, who was swiftly provided with proper bandaging and moved into the ambulance headed to St Michael’s hospital. Cory answered all the questions asked by the black officer, who looked too sophisticated and polite to be in the police uniform. “Just call me Philip. Do you mind if I call you Cory?” Cory didn’t mind. He was tired and confused. The short officer went to talk to Cory’s friends, who were starting to sober up because of what they had witnessed, but remained too confused to make any sense of the night. “Can you describe him?” Philip asked. “No, it was too dark, just a flash.” It didn’t take long to be obvious that none of the information was helpful except that it had to be a man or a powerful woman to send the girl flying out the door. Tomasso finished off with the stripper drunks. He looked up at the entrance to the building and began looking for cameras. Nothing. How could there not be a surveillance camera in this day and age? How does that happen? He[…]” Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “The Internet Murders.” iBooks.

I'm No Hero #ShowUpforOurHeroes

Fundraising Opportunity June is PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) Awareness Month. PTSD Awareness Day is on June 27, 2021 - as a charitable organization we want to empower Canadian Public Safety personnel who are dealing with operational stress injuries, including post-traumatic stress, to promote healthy living and post-traumatic growth. In that regard, we are promoting a fundraising initiative to assist with reducing the stigma surrounding #mentalhealth as well as promote our charitable endeavours via delivery of our Mission & Programs with an on-line SHOP fundraiser.

A message to the world - How about sending this 103 year old Veteran a birthday card?

Dear Friends of the RCAF Association, Please send a birthday card to 103-year old RCAF Association member George Kelley, 50 Glengarry Drive, Saint John, NB, E2J 2Y5 Canada

Families in Cinically Unsafe Environments

It has been quite busy, so much so, that my poor book has taken a stand still. I mentioned I would be attending another seminar and this time I won’t be able to share. It had all to do with on line therapy and it was very interesting but the speaker made it quite clear that there is no sharing, so I shall say sorry but my lips are sealed. I attended another webinar that I haven’t talked about yet. It was with the American Association of Family Therapy. The speaker was Dr Gwyn Daniel. Gwyn is a Jewish woman and sympathizes with the Palestinians. She works overseas and has been trained as a social worker. Her husband is a professor. She stated that Palestinians need permission to build but permission is rarely given, so they build and then soldiers can come and demolish it. She spoke of a new group called Defence of Children International. It’s a project of giving children agency. Children (usually 14-16 years of age)can interview other children about their lives and feed it back to a children’s parliament. She said that there are many Israeli’s who do not support what is happening. She spoke of Palestinians who feel shame for not being able to protect their children who can be taken. Her work is done in Gaza so since she can’t go there, work is often via Skype. She provided the history within the Middle East. I won’t go into the history which can easily be found on line. One of the therapists who attended asked her if she takes sides or is neutral? Her response was how as a therapist do you stay open? In social justice, she stated, you cannot stay neutral but you can be open to different narratives. She used domestic violence as an example. We stand against the domestic abuse to protect the victim but also to understand how this occurred. What are my views? Well, I worked in the Middle East and will stay out of the politics for now. But, the hatred which exists touches us here. Not all that long ago when protests were going on here at City Hall there was a large group of Palestinians and also another of Israelis. We could see a group of about five youths carrying a Palestinian flag surrounding and beating a Jewish elderly man. Obviously I cringed. I think that protests are a right. However, abuse of any kind is not. And when a group attack one man I find it despicable. There is a lot of hate going around these days. We need to remember that in Canada regardless of where we come from, we have chosen to be here. Well, my parents chose to be here and I came along for the ride. It is our home. Some people who fight here are fighting fellow Canadians who happen to have immigrated from somewhere at some time. As for myself, I believe in doing no harm. Therefore, if it causes harm, step back. I have been watching documentaries lately and reading about the most horrible things that people to others, because of religion or political motives. I wonder how we have survived? Yet we have. I do believe that there is more good than bad. As a therapist my concern is my client regardless of gender, religion, political view etc……It is not my job to judge them. It is my job to help them as they wish to be. However, I do have times when I have a duty to report and each client knows that. That is all for today. Maybe you can spend some time reflecting. Have you been harmed by any group? Do you belong to a group that causes harm? What do you think?

Email received from Archdiocese regarding the 215 children in unmarked graves. This is already on line but I thought I would share on my blog.

June 3, 2021 “If one member suffers, all suffer together with it.” (1 Cor 12:26) In recent days, the country has been shocked, saddened and angered by the discovery of the remains of 215 children in unmarked graves who attended a residential school in Kamloops, British Columbia. We pray for the children who died in Kamloops and in residential schools throughout the country – they must not be forgotten. We must also recognize the betrayal of trust by many Catholic leaders who were responsible for operating residential schools, abandoning their obligation to care for young and innocent children. We all seek the truth and this tragic discovery provides yet another opportunity for us to learn more about this dark chapter in our history and the painful journey experienced by so many of our Indigenous brothers and sisters. There is much more work to be done. Since the 1990’s, many of the Catholic entities responsible for the operation of residential schools have apologized publicly for their actions and have journeyed together with victims on the path to truth and reconciliation. This includes the Oblates of Mary Immaculate, the religious order that operated the residential school in Kamloops, which over the weekend again apologized for its role in the residential school system. Pope Benedict XVI also had the chance to meet with Indigenous leaders in 2009 to personally express his sorrow and anguish. These actions do not erase our history; they acknowledge our past, force us to face the consequences of our behaviour and compel us to ensure that our sins are not repeated. While the Archdiocese of Toronto did not operate residential schools, we join with the Indigenous peoples, the Catholic community and Canadians from coast to coast to coast in a period of collective grief for those who are physically, emotionally and spiritually wounded. This Sunday, I will offer Mass for those who died or were abused at residential schools and for all those who deal with the intergenerational trauma caused by this system. We must also continue to build on the tangible initiatives present throughout the country, like the Our Lady of Guadalupe Circle, where bishops and priests, women religious, laity and Indigenous peoples are committed to walking together on a path to reconciliation. As I have stated previously when speaking of abuse in the Church, the real scandal is when evil festers in the darkness. Once in the open, evil can be rooted out. That must happen. Then new life can begin. Let us journey together to find light through the darkness once again. Saint Kateri Tekakwitha, pray for us. Thomas Collins Archbishop of Toronto Apology from the Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate Additional resources from the Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops Frequently Asked Questions re Catholic Organizations and Residential Schools Frequently Asked Questions Regarding Residential Schools – June 2021 There has been considerable media coverage and discussion in recent days following the discovery of children’s remains at the former residential school in Kamloops, British Columbia. The discovery has reopened a painful wound for many in our country and has identified the need for all Canadians to learn more about our history, the role of residential schools as part of that journey and to seek the truth regarding all those who suffered and continue to do so to this day. The abuse of Indigenous peoples is a dark chapter in the history of Canada and the Catholic Church. While the Church has cared for and served Indigenous people in many ways, it is undeniable that some members of the Church undermined the dignity of First Nations people. There is evidence that much of this abuse occurred at residential schools, which were largely operated by Christian denominations. This communication is intended to provide some context and address some frequently asked questions about this important issue. We must all join in the collective efforts on the path to healing and reconciliation with Indigenous peoples. 1. I am deeply troubled by the discovery of children’s remains in Kamloops on the site of a former residential school. Who operated the school? The discovery of 215 unmarked graves in late May 2021 will require further investigation to help seek the truth of who these children were, how they died and how they were buried so far from home. The school was built and initially operated by the federal government, opening in 1890. In 1892, the federal government asked a Catholic order, the Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate, to take over operations, which they did until 1969. The federal government resumed operations of the school from 1969 until its closure in 1979. The religious order issued a formal apology in 1991 in addition to paying settlements to residential school survivors. An excerpt of the apology reads as follows: “We wish to apologize in a very particular way for the instances of physical and sexual abuse that occurred in those schools…Far from attempting to defend or rationalize these cases of abuse in any way, we wish to state publicly that we acknowledge they were inexcusable, intolerable and a betrayal of trust in one of its most serious forms. We deeply and very specifically, apologize to every victim of such abuse and we seek help in searching for means to bring about healing.” 2. Is the Catholic Church assisting with the efforts to seek the truth in Kamloops and elsewhere? Father Ken Thorson, current Superior of the Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate, has reached out to the Tk'emlups te Secwépemc Chief Rosanne Casimir to offer assistance and to express sympathies following the discovery of the remains of 215 children on the grounds of the former school. Father Thorson has communicated that records from the Kamloops Indian Residential School are with the Royal British Columbia Museum and has indicated the order will assist in sharing any information regarding records at this and other locations where the order operated schools. Among the groups of dioceses and religious communities that operated residential schools, there is a spirit of cooperation with Indigenous peoples with regards to personal records and information relating to the former schools. At the same time, there are also privacy rights, including those of Indigenous peoples who attended these schools, which need to be taken into consideration on a case by case basis. 3. Why aren’t we hearing an apology from the Catholic Church in Canada? There is no such entity as the Catholic Church of Canada. Each Catholic diocese and religious order is an independent legal entity. Despite this reality, in 1991, Canadian Catholic Bishops, along with leaders of men and women religious communities, issued a statement that “We are sorry and deeply regret the pain, suffering and alienation that so many experienced” at residential schools. Approximately 16 out of 70 Roman Catholic dioceses in Canada were associated with the former residential schools, in addition to about three dozen out of over one hundred Catholic institutes (commonly referred to as religious orders). Each diocese and institute is corporately and legally responsible for its own actions. Many of the dioceses or orders operating schools have offered apologies, dating back to the early 1990s. In recent days, many bishops throughout Canada have offered statements and introduced other initiatives to continue our ongoing path to truth and reconciliation. A listing of some of the numerous apologies and other resources can be found at: http://bit.ly/CCCBreconciliationDocuments 4. Did the Archdiocese of Toronto operate residential schools? The Archdiocese of Toronto did not operate residential schools yet we share the collective grief and sorrow as the result of any representative of the Catholic Church inflicting pain or abuse on an individual, especially vulnerable children. 5. Have Indigenous leaders met with the Pope? Yes, in 2009, the National Chief of the Assembly of First Nations, Phil Fontaine, along with other Indigenous representatives, had a moving encounter with Pope Benedict XVI at the Vatican. In describing the meeting, Chief Fontaine told the media he hoped the expression of regret would “close the book” on the issue of apologies for residential school survivors. Another attendee at the meeting with Pope Benedict, Edward John, Grand Chief of the First Nations Summit in British Columbia, said the Pope acknowledged the suffering of those who are still living with the effects of their experiences at the schools. In comments to the media he said, “I think in that sense, there was that apology that we were certainly looking for.” The Catholic Church continues to work alongside and with Indigenous communities in order to foster an ongoing culture of reconciliation. There have been, and continue to be, numerous initiatives by Catholic dioceses, institutes and organizations throughout Canada to assist with support the ongoing healing and reconciliation journey. 6. I understand there was a formal request in the Truth and Reconciliation Commission report for the Pope to personally apologize in Canada? The Holy Father has already been invited to Canada by the present and previous Prime Minister. The Catholic Bishops of Canada, including the current and past Presidents of the Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops, have assured the Pope they would joyfully and gratefully welcome him in a visit to Canada. Likewise, in a number of instances, Canadian Bishops, individually and collectively, have formally invited Pope Francis to visit, including with specific reference to Call to Action #58 (a recommendation of the 2015 Truth & Reconciliation Commission asking the Holy Father to apologize on Canadian soil within one year of the report being issued). Pope Francis has encouraged the Bishops to continue taking leadership and assuming their proper role in pursuing their pastoral engagement and reconciliation efforts with Indigenous peoples, including ongoing conversations among the Bishops and Elders. This work builds on past apologies, dialogue and the desire to move forward together. A formal papal visit involves a number of steps from both government and church leadership as well as significant logistical, financial commitments and other considerations. No papal visit has been publicly announced at this time. 7. Will the Catholic Church pay financial reparations to those harmed by residential schools? The Catholic entities that operated residential schools were part of the 2006 Indian Residential School Settlement Agreement (IRSSA). The Holy See and the Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops were never involved in running the former schools. The “Roman Catholic Entities” named as parties in the IRSSA were legally deemed to have fulfilled the requirements of the settlement agreement by a judicial review. Following this review, the former Conservative government released the entities from further obligations – a decision which the present Liberal government did not appeal. The 50 or so individual entities which signed the IRSSA paid: i. $29 million in cash (less legal costs); ii. more than the required $25 million of “in-kind” contributions; and iii. an additional $3.7 million from a “best efforts” campaign. Those same entities, together with other dioceses, institutes and national Catholic organizations, continue to be involved in efforts across the country to provide in-kind contributions, which go well beyond the scope of the Indian Residential School Settlement Agreement. 8. Where can I find additional resources? Our Lady of Guadalupe Circle is a Catholic coalition of Indigenous people, bishops, lay movements, clergy and institutes of consecrated life, engaged in renewing and fostering relationships between the Catholic Church and Indigenous Peoples in Canada. For more information visit: www.ourladyofguadalupecircle.ca.

CONFUCIANISM – CHILDREN AND PARENTS

By Silva Redigonda The parent and child relationship varies from family to family. This essay will depict the parent and child relationship according to Confucianism. This view will be compared to that of the Roman Catholic Church. Finally, a theological reflection will be provided as it pertains to the parent and child from this writer’s perspective. Confucius was born around 551 B.C. in what is now Shantung province. At the age of three Confucius’ father died and he was raised by his mother. That Confucius was raised by a single parent and found himself in “a not too successful marriage” in his twenties is significant because Confucius placed great importance on the family. Confucius’ approach to love was that it extended outwards, although less intensely, from the family center. Confucius believed that there are five basic constant relationships and that specific relationships are each different and reciprocal. These are referred to “The Five Constant Relationships,” one being those between parent and child. “Parents should be loving, children reverential” (Smith, pp 175-176). Confucius expected one to serve his parents as he would expect his children to serve him. A list of expectations of the child’s duty towards his parents is from warming the bed for the parent to how a son should specifically stand (Novak, p.121). Confucianism ideal of a relationship between child and parent appears specific and rigid. Yet this can be compared to the Roman Catholic translation of the fourth Commandment. The fourth Commandment is explicit to honoring one’s parents. Here too there is a reciprocality of a child’s expectation toward a parent and a parent toward a child. Grown children are responsible towards their parents. “As much as they can, they must give them material and moral support in old age.” There is a list of duties for children as there are for parents, “Parents must regard their children as children of God and respect them as human persons.” Unlike Confucianism it is not taken to the extreme to the point of how a child stands but the time of Confucianism and the interpretation of the commandment is of separate eras. There is a clear similarity though not all Catholics may understand this. For many the commandment is not taken reciprocal. The belief is that children should honor the parents and not vice versa. Confucianism, however, is very clear, certainly because Confucius was an educator. Catholicism and Confucianism both have strong positive values when it concerns the family unit. Both are reciprocal. Both seem clearly guided. Both are of another time. How does this apply in our modern era? What does this raise for me? If all people carried the basic principal of honouring each other as parent and child our world would be reasonably better off. Both religions clearly understand the importance of such close relations and the associated responsibility. However, children are too often exploited by one or both parents. It is far too common for a child to be physically or sexually abused by a parent who is entrusted to care for the child. Children also physically abuse their parents, rob them and in today’s society abandon them by ignoring them, in a world they find too busy. There is also the parent child relationship that is wonderful, aspiring, spiritual and warm. This is life. I think that there is a need of guidance for parents and children to promote a healthy relationship. Total obedience may not be practical or justified when a child is abused. The child needs to break away from that silence. This has significance to me as a counsellor. Too often, counsellors do not want to deal with a child because of the complications such as having to report cases of abuse. After recently attending a seminar and learning that a counsellor may see a child without the parent’s knowledge as long as the child is competent in the counsellor’s opinion makes it a lot easier for me to report the parent. In the past, when I revealed that I would have to report any type of abuse, the parent would not permit me to see the child again. I have learned. A child is not property. A child is a human being that should be afforded protection. The limitation of the readings is that a child is expected to behave for the parent without exception. There is a denial that a parent is unsuitable. There are so many different types of relationships with children and parents. Some are healthy and others are not. Parents do not require a degree to raise children and perhaps they do not have enough resources to learn. Others inspire a child to grow into a healthy human being. I marvel in church when I hear a priest guiding a parent to be loving toward a child and vice versa. I cringe when I hear that the parent is to be honoured and it is left with parent and child to take it literally. I think of how my own parents who formed me and provided me with a template to become who I am today. Confucius realized the importance of guidance for a parent towards his child and a child towards his parents. Our Catholic tradition does as well. BIBLIOGRAPHY Catechism Of The Catholic Church. Publication Service, Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops: Ottawa, 1994. Novak, Philip. The World’s Wisdom. Sacred Texts of the World’s Religons. Harper Collins: New York, 1994. Rodrigues Hillary and Robinson Thomas, World Religions. A guide to the Essentials. Peabody, Massachusetts.: Hendrickson Publishers, 2006. Smith, Huston. The World Religions. 50th Anniversary Edition. Harper Collins: New York, 1991.