Another Title change? Will Couple and Family Therapy change with the times?

One of my Associations is considering another name change from Marriage and Family Therapy. As you remember I used to hold the title of Pastoral counselling Specialist until they talked about a name change and once it was completed, I let go the designation because it wasn’t working out with my private practice. Spiritual Psycho therapist was too confusing and more than once I was thought to be a fortune teller, mystic or some other. So, I dropped the title and stayed as an Associate. I have a Masters in Ministry and Spirituality so I am not too concerned. Some people believe in God, some do not, and others are on the fence. If they want to explore that part of themselves, have questions, etc……I can work there as well. Religion is often a part of a culture. Some, want to have a title as say Roman Catholic and want baptism, have communion, confirmation and get married in a church but that is the extent of what they want. It is a part of their family tradition. They may go to church once or twice a year for fulfillment. Then there are those in other religions, still Christian who like to “shun” anyone who thinks differently from them. They believe that all will go to hell, except for their small group. It is also them who make the rules and they consider themselves elevated to a level as that of God. There are other religions who are so fanatic that they will slaughter anyone who does not believe what they do, because of course what they believe in, is their correct religion. Than of course there are the Satanists that like pretending to be followers and others who do not pretend at all. It reminds me of a lecture from a doctor from the States, where a physician approached him and didn’t know what to do because the patient had said he is a Satanist. The speaker told him to ask him if it made him happy. I have found that in most religions but not all, people find comfort and solace. They get comfort knowing there is someone good who looks after them. However, there are some who suffer because they feel they have been abandoned. Then there are others who suffer because they have left a religion and are now shunned. I spoke once of being at a conference and someone shunning me because I no longer wanted to use the term of the change in title. That had nothing to do with the Association but with the person’s own religion where shunning is the norm. I found it amusing, though surprised. My bad. Then there are those who suffer terribly because of “sin”. People have so many beliefs that define them. Everyone has the right to question and to choose. Now, another name change may be coming. I belong to the American Association of Family Therapy, The Canadian Association of Family Therapy and the Ontario Association of Family Therapy. I am also a Registered Psychotherapist. I have families and couples who come to me to help them with problems they are having, not because they are happy. In my years of experience I have found that people may come to me because they are in a polygamous relationship, they are having affairs and want help with the relationship not of their spouse but with the man or woman they are having an affair with. Sometimes there are those who have multiple relationships with multiple people. In marriages there are at times what we call a triangle. One person escapes a marriage by going to the garage, a man cave, a woman cave, another lover. What I try to do is reconnect relationships when it is wanted. I have one rule when a couple comes to me and wants to heal their relationship. It is to give up the person they are having an affair with. Sometimes they agree but do not comply and when that happens I refer them. Why? Because how can a couple be serious of working on their own relationship if they are not willing to let go “the escape.” The whole idea is to actually get their relationship back on track. There are those who would be willing to pay me anything to help them achieve what they want which is part of their control issues. Sorry, I cannot be bought. I sometimes see couples separately and together which is quite successful when both parties really want to work on their relationship. I find this quite successful for the most part. Change is usually required which is compromise and that is not always a motivating factor for one who is quite happy in a role of power and control. There are those who have another motive than trying to work on their relationship and there too I suggest they find someone else. I have refused to go to court on anyone’s behalf because there are always two sides. So it would be unfair. In couple and family therapy what is worked on is the relationship. When working one on one for other reasons, it is their personal care. I am not open to a name change because I am very serious in trying to help couples succeed in their relationships. A couple is a couple. I have had people in an open relationship ask me what I think. It is not about what I think. It does not matter what I think. What matters is what they think and how it is effecting them. Most often, one person will let go the person they are having an affair with and terminate the relationship on their own, once they have processed their thoughts. More often than not, there is a complete surprise of infidelity. One thought everything was great. The other person did not. I was once asked by a Priest and educator what I found to be the most common problem with couples. My response was communication and he agreed. Now this is just a simple walk through the park without any real depth. It is a scratch on the surface. Now let’s talk about families. Again, there is incest, (if I know of child abuse I report it as per law). However, it is adults who tell me of their painful youths, both men and women. There are sexual relations with in in-laws which destroys the dynamics of the family. There is addiction to gambling, sex, alcohol, drugs, shopping etc….There is hoarding of clothing, animals etc….I need to always consider the welfare of the child and though there may be a fine line between abuse and bad parenting skills, there is a way of navigating that. A child once he or she is fourteen what is talked about in the therapy room does not need to be shared with the parent. A child is not personal property. A child needs to be loved and feel safe. A child needs routine. There are parents who have no idea how to raise children and think a session or two will resolve them of responsibility. I can honestly say that in many cases, it is the parent with the problem and not the child. The City of Toronto has an on line site where parent(s) can sign on to have guidance in raising their child. Then there are others who believe it is everyone else’s fault and who refuse to look at themselves. Then there are those who think it is all their fault, and they too need to have some self reflection. Abuse is never anyone’s fault who is being abused. They should never feel ashamed and they need help in processing that themselves. So, what does this all mean? I will continue to support the term Marriage and Family therapist. Of course there are changes. Our world is becoming more confusing. Everything is more violent in gaming and on television. Where children used to find comfort watching what could be a loving and supporting family, when they had none and depended on that for hope, now see everything which is more confusing. They are learning about having sex before they are mentally prepared. I remember asking one child how she learned to cut herself. She said she learned how watching a family show. We need to be mindful of what children are watching and explaining what they are seeing. They cannot be sheltered in this day and age with the internet and therefore education and being open is the key. Children can only share if they feel safe to do so. So, there are at times when I am challenged with what I am working with. I must always be mindful that it is the person who comes to me for help to provide that without judgement. If it does not fall under Family and Couple therapy it does under psychotherapy. If you are looking for a therapist, find one who you feel connected with. That has been found to be more therapeutic than their own knowledge. I encourage you to surround yourself with people who are supportive and not consistently telling you what you should do, how to behave, and think they have a better grasp of who you are than yourself. Practice self care which can be meditating, being in nature, listening to music, dancing etc…..Take up a new hobby such as an art class, learn to play an instrument, join a zoom group with shared values. Get to know who you are, not what others have notions of you. Learn to live life and love life. Find that hope and examine what is stifling that. So this Easter have a good one with family, friends and pets. Happy Easter.

Taking a mini break for psychotherapy and seminars this week. Writing and reading for fun only. "The Internet Murders" continues

I have decided to keep this week a me week. Of course, I still have to make appointments, answer calls etc……but that happens when you have your own business. I ordered two books on line. One was disappointing. It was an author I really liked for many years but for now I don’t really want to read about incest, swearing and using Jesus - xxxx. I also put his book out on the sidewalk and no one, to my surprise picked it up. The book had such hype. However, I continue to watch movies which is based on his books. Someone did pick up a binder I put out. The second author’s book I plan to continue reading today while basking in the sun. It is supposed to be 20 degrees today, the warmest it has been to date. It is from Dean Koontz, “Devoted”. He never disappoints. I have now written about 100 pages of my next book. Because of Covid and everything going on line, I have attended quite a few seminars from another Association I belong to “Sisters of Crime”. There are brothers too who belong and one of them visits my booth at Word on The Street each year and told me about the Association. I quickly joined. The book I am presently writing is about murder of course, has my darling “Holy Terror” in it of course with a more profound evil vs good in it. There is no swearing in it to fill in the blanks. I want to write another 100 pages. This week since I am taking a break from therapy, I shall insert more of “The Internet Murders”. If you are interested in buying one of my books or ebooks, feel free to order from http://silvaredigonda.ca. “The group of young men saw the girl flying out of the building as they stumbled along towards her. They began laughing. All but one – the designated driver. He called 911 as he ran to the girl’s side and moved quickly to help. Her head had hit the pavement and there was a lot of blood. His buddies stopped laughing as reality hit. One of the men began to vomit. Cory quickly removed his shirt and pressed it against the wound to try to stop the bleeding. His friends removed their shirts in turn and finally Cory managed to staunch the flow of blood. He ripped up more shirts to apply pressure, and he bandaged her head wound. She was breathing and moving in and out of consciousness. He looked at her features and realized that despite the wounds, she was beautiful. His awareness was interrupted by the sirens of the approaching fire trucks. Where was the ambulance? The cruiser pulled around the corner after the fire truck, a short distance from a small group of people. Why was the fire department always first on the scene, Philip wondered? Philip silenced the siren, but kept the red flashing lights activated. His partner, Tomasso, smirked and began to chuckle. “Look at all those bozos stripping for the gal. What do they think? Do they think that’s going to make her come around? Tomasso’s roots were from southern Italy, and his sense of humour was always getting him into trouble, especially since he had no sensor to turn it off.” Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “The Internet Murders.” iBooks.

IOM Launches Manual on Community-Based Mental Health and Psychosocial Support in Emergencies and Displacement

IOM Launches Manual on Community-Based Mental Health and Psychosocial Support in Emergencies and Displacement: Geneva— Mental health and psychosocial support are increasingly considered an essential element of humanitarian responses for populations displaced due to wars and conflicts, natural disasters, famine and poverty, and those torn by emergencies. Mass disruptions and displacement can bring to several sources of stress for individuals, families and communities involved. Providing psychosocial support in educational, cultural, community, religious and health settings reduces vulnerabilities, and prevents their stagnation.

Language, culture, race tid bits (from notes)

I have attended quite a few seminars and conferences during this past year. To encourage continuing membership there was a lot more free events which I took advantage of. That doesn’t happen too often. This year of course due to the pandemic, we all went on line. I normally provide the notes of what I learn or refreshed for you. However, there was a lot of information that was for therapists to increase their performance. So I won’t be providing you with all the information. However, I can give you tid bits here and there for your interest. So, here goes. During my 16 Jan 21, seminar, I learned from Dr Jessica Dere that from 76 studies (USA) it was determined that the therapeutic relationship was much stronger when the therapist spoke to clients in their first language, even though it was the therapist’s second language. I can relate to that and I will expand as well. Italian is my second language and my name is rather unique. Sometimes people mistake my name as from all kinds of culture. Sometimes, a client or relative is trying to find someone who understands their culture, or religion or both, along side of the language. However, this does not apply to all. I have had clients purposely seeking me out because I am not of their culture. They don't want to be judged. So, it would have been nice to know exactly how the studies were conducted. I have only referred people to therapists of their own culture twice in my entire career as a therapist. That was because I thought someone of their own background would benefit them therapeutically. There is so much shame for some people and to have shared experience, can be very helpful. That can make them feel vaidated. I try to help people through their lens. When it comes to what is normal or not, I like to refrain from labels. However, there is a lot of normal out there that some don’t realize and that becomes therapeutic. Then there are those who try to normalize child sexual abuse as an example and that is where I step in and say no that it is not acceptable. I remember years ago hearing some man talk about how right it was to have sex with a child. I challenged him and later he approached me and wanted to know that he was just talking. He did not know, that I knew he was a pedophile. That causes so much harm. The second lecturer on that day was Dr Jackson, Associate Professor, Couple and family therapy (The Black male Therapist) from Texas. His question: How do we deal with evil in the world? When did we realize when we were different? 80% of teachers in the U.S are white. Dr Jackson said that racism is everywhere but experienced differently even within the same racial background. If you only see one lane, you may not see the other lanes. I recommend this professor. Dr Jackson is on Instagram, Facebook: The black male therapist. www.theblack therapist.com. That is all for today. Why not think about what Dr Jackson asked. What do you think?

Theology - Faith seeking understanding :Notes

Gospel of Mark Morale theology starts in scripture - your exercise. Morality becomes more than a set of rules but objectively is essential. Contemporary Ethics Pluralistic: Secularized - we get rid of God; Philosophical ; abstract principals- Autonomy beneficence, non- maleficence and justice. How do we define death? Who should we transplant? The right to make own choices. - Individualistic - (rights based). It has become a bit legalistic. We have forgotten that if I have rights so does Sandy (eg). With every right there is a corresponding duty. Christian ethic of common good. So therefore, there is a bit of social ethics and contemporary ethics. Systemic Theology: overarching discipline that seeks to work out a coherent view of the world by integrating the truths of faith with all other truths we can know. Morale Theology: A particular expression of system theology which focuses on the implications of faith for the way we live. Eg. Morally wrong - abortion (sanctuary of life). What we seek in both is coherence. War, Capital Punishment. Bishops of the Philippines - environment crises going on is the ultimate pro life crises. Evangelium Vitae-sanctuary of life. - ecology -poverty - abortion - war D.V., CP, CON.EL. Mediation ethics - Both/and faith (in life of Jesus Christ) and reason (what is reality in the world and incarnational principle - when we seek - we seek in resurrection of Jesus Christ. God became incarnate. What does that speak to us of faith and reason (of the reality of the world)? We have often done things to get into heaven and not often for others. Where do we find what we are called to reveal? From universal love to discipleship. Not only what should I do but who should I be? It becomes much bigger than the rules. Jesus never expected blind obedience. Call and response - call to conversion - then we are called to follow Jesus and then to call what is good.

The Internet Murder Continues..............http://www.silvaredigonda.ca

"...there’s always that one special guy. In those cases the women don’t come to me for help. Oh, well. I have enough to pay the rent for another month and savings for two more months. Sandra missed being a cop, but after two years with

homicide, she had seen enough for a lifetime. Now, where was she? “I need a coffee,” she mumbled. She didn’t hear anything. She had barely managed to rise from her chair when she felt powerful arms come from behind her, choking her. Automatically, Sandra tucked her chin down, bent her knees, and flung him over her head. She didn’t wait to see if she could take him. She wasn’t stupid, but was fully aware of her limitations. She ran down the stairs, stumbling a few times, but managed not to fall. It had been a long time since she had moved that fast. She almost made it outside. Her hand was on the door that promised her an escape. When she felt the knife slice her arm, she automatically used the force of her entire body to turn and punch him, aiming to kill him by using all her force to strike upward from just underneath his nose. She missed. She dug her diamond ring into his face, hoping to blind him as she rigidly prepared her other hand to pierce his other eye. The ring on her right hand nicked his face before she felt the blow that pushed her out the door she had tried so hard to escape through. Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “The Internet Murders.” iBooks.

York University - COVID Lock Down one year anniversary is now live on Facebook

PRESS RELEASE UN and partners release new Research Roadmap to guide recovery from COVID-19 New report puts science focus on equity, resilience and sustainability to leave no one behind. NEW YORK, 17 November 2020— COVID-19 has exposed stark global inequities, fragilities and unsustainable practices that have intensified the impact of the pandemic. According to UN estimates, in 2020, 71 million people will be pushed into extreme poverty. To immediately address the complex health, humanitarian and socio-economic consequences while boosting speedy recovery efforts, the UN has released a Research Roadmap for the COVID-19 Recovery, encouraging targeted research for data-driven responses that focus particularly on the needs of people being left behind. The Roadmap highlights the choice between business as usual, or transformative change that is focused on equity, resilience and sustainability. This transformation requires knowledge of the best way forward, and science represents the world’s best chance for generating that knowledge and recovering better from the COVID-19 crisis. “We have a historic opportunity for change; for macroeconomic choices and fiscal policies that are pro-poor and that place peoples' rights at the centre of recovery. We must focus on gender equity and invest in public services and other measures that will help close the widening gap on inequalities and lead to a greener future,” said United Nations Deputy Secretary-General Amina Mohammed in the report. In an interdependent world—shared risk means shared responsibility. Designed to complement the existing UN Framework for the Immediate Socio-Economic Response to COVID-19, the Roadmap identifies 25 main research priorities and key scientific strategies to support a recovery that benefits everyone, everywhere. “The stakes are too high and the opportunity too great to leave the potential of science for a better COVID-19 recovery unfulfilled. The UN Research Roadmap for the COVID-19 Recovery is a commitment and guide to bring the full promise of research to bear on today’s greatest challenges,” said Professor Steven J. Hoffman, Scientific Director of the Institute of Population & Public Health at the Canadian Institutes of Health Research, who led the development of the Research Roadmap. *** Note to editors: The UN Research Roadmap for the COVID-19 Recovery articulates five research priorities for each of the five pillars identified in the UN Framework for the Immediate Socio- Economic Response to COVID-19. Below is one example of a research priority for each of the five pillars: 1. Health Systems and Services: What strategies and financing models are most effective in expanding universal health coverage? 2. Social Protection and Basic Services: What are the most effective and equitable ways of ensuring basic income protection for all? 3. Economic Response and Recovery: How can food supply chains be secured for the world’s most marginalized populations to ensure food security and nutrition in all circumstances? 4. Macroeconomic Policies and Multilateral Collaboration: What lessons from past economic crises can inform the design of national, regional and global recovery strategies? 5. Social Cohesion and Community Resilience: What are the best strategies for building sustainable, inclusive and resilient cities that protect people from future pandemics and climate change? Science strategies into action The Roadmap also details how the implementation of an equitable, resilient and sustainable recovery from COVID-19 will require effective science strategies underpinned by investments in data infrastructure and sound scientific methods. The systems that support societies must quickly adapt to new knowledge and new technologies to recover as effectively as possible. 2 To advance the 25 research priorities identified in this Roadmap, action is needed across the research ecosystem. Researchers, funding agencies, governments and civil society organizations as well as UN entities will need to collaborate and maximize the impacts of investments in research. The Roadmap can guide global efforts, minimize gaps and duplication, and foster partnerships in order to accelerate progress toward the Sustainable Development Goals. How this Roadmap was developed The Roadmap was developed in 10 weeks through a global consultative process that engaged more than 250 experts. The process included consultation with five steering groups made up of 38 research funding agencies, consultations with hundreds of policy, research and implementation leaders, and scoping reviews of existing research evidence on socio-economic recovery from health emergencies.

Covid 19 and the Environment, Behaviour, Policy Implications for Sustainability

Last September I attended a webinar at York University with Dr Mark Winfield, Faculty of Environmental and Urban Change. At the time he spoke that one of the benefits seen from this pandemic is a 15% - 20 % global reductions of emissions, an improvement of air quality improvements. We have experienced vulnerability of global supply chains. There was no domestic availability, even though we have manufacturing abilities. This fragility of supplies. He described the government responses as bi-polar - two decisions, a return to normal versus building back better. Exodus from urban core to suburbs and exurbia. Is this temporary or a long term trend? It was at that moment unknown. There was a 50% reduction of TTC use > warning of increasing car use, loss of transit use; post crises. Biking and walking is restrictive by distance - weather - long term - unknown. Low density housing - development vs high density high rise. Elevators - more people. There was an on shoring of critical supply chains. We saw it with 95 masks. Dr Winfield said he wouldn’t be getting into the political division. He believed it is clear who is protecting the environment and who isn’t. The European Union is moving investments into climate change. This was an opportunity to move forward into this pandemic. There has been a dismantlement of any protection for the environment. A lot of the danger before the pandemic is continuing and risk is embedding urban forms - high carbon and high cost which we will be stuck with for a long time. The protection elements in place during 1975 have all be dismantled. Tomorrow I shall be attending another lecture regarding the pandemic provided by York University. Excuse the delay in bringing this to you please.