Relationship Rebalancing: A New Tool for relational Repair Notes (Actually tools are not too new after all)

This was one of the lectures I decided to attend with the American Association of Family Therapy. I was actually hoping for a new tool. The lecture (online) began with a slide showing a black male talking to a black policeman. The lecturer began talking saying that this was unusual. I cringed on the other side of the world web. In my notes I wrote to myself that I didn’t think so and how divided - in US. This was last year before all this mess in Washington. I have never in all my careers ever had anyone begin a lecture with something like this. I wondered at the lecturer’s bias. If someone is going to produce a slide and make such a statement it has to be backed up with evidence or research. None was presented. This was a photo that her son had taken. Nice. She continued to talk about a movie “Ladybird” which she stated is a story about marriage. She talked about moving from despair to repair. She talked about apology and forgiveness. She talked about vows and new vows and to rejoin as members of the same team. She talked about planning a special outing as a family. She talked about renewal-recreation and fun. What she called rebalancing is a form of my own training which I don’t really classify as new. She talked about contempt/criticism to commitment. She talked about arguments to agreements. She talked about right and wrong to respect. She had been interviewed by Fox 29. She then talked about asking the couple of one thing that they like. I don’t have anything else because most of this new tool is what I have been practicing for more than a decade. I know that the Canadian Association of Family Therapy asked us to volunteer for couple therapy in emergency situations. I attended one of their lectures and the focus because of time was to focus on one thing that the couple was hoping to work on immediately. In emergency situations it is always different than every day life. I understand the concept of working on the most crucial aspect which is important to the couple. This also can apply in situations where the couple states what the conflict is in their relationship. Sometimes there are underlying roots that require attention. Emotions can be very high during the first few sessions and that is usually a focus of control. Once the emotions are diffused than the real work can begin. Couples each have an opportunity to talk and to respond to each other. Work is always done to connect and not to confront. Sometimes couples don’t want to compromise or make changes or try to work on their relationship and decide to divorce or break up. Sometimes the couple only needs a few sessions to get back on track. Sometimes, there is addiction and that is the elephant in the room. So, did I learn new tools? No, I did not. When I tried to explain that the lecture had actually been similar to my own training, it was not welcomed. Communication is so important with couples. Listen to each other - really listen. If you blow up at your partner ask yourself why and what is triggering you. Talk to you next week. More to come from this conference. Today I will be attending a lecture, Compassion and Social Justice. Next Monday I shall be attending a talk about the vaccine. I had a wonderful holiday and though I did not go anywhere due to the pandemic, I enjoyed getting back to my book. I have to figure out how to spend more time on that. Please keep safe. I am always happy to hear when someone tells me that they are vaccinated. I can’t wait!