Parkinson (continued from two weeks ago notes from seminar - Rabbi Dr Arsinoff’s research: and more

Loss of Identity as a couple. There is a sense of obligation - loss of communication eg. one feels as if one is talking to the wall. - changes in self; loss of intimacy (feel abandoned) - social isolation; undesired new roles; physical toll (moving dead weight) - fading of their relationship and slipping away. Changes and Disappointment - not hearing partner’s voice is very difficult; lost life style; losses of hopes and dreams of retirement; socializing; hope for future; nurse/patient relationship; for some obligation but most wanted to be with the spouse; loss of physical expression of love; needing to be heard by physician and medical team, “caretakers are taken for granted by physicians.” Ambiguous Loss: -person is there, but not there; many are proud of their partner’s accomplishments but their essence is now gone. - resentment in role of caregiving even with assistance; “I have a husband but there is nobody there (however, she won’t leave him); unpredictability of each day; Love/hate of partner some times; deep sorrow; a continuous grief that occurs in a cyclical pattern of resurgence. Although many expressed caring deeply for their partner, not one spoke of a positive response. Finding Meaning: How can I grieve when partner is still here? It helps when they go to a clinic and someone else is more ill. Find guilt as well in that feeling. Acceptance does not imply finding meaning. Dr Arsinoff finds it is important to explain ambiguous love. Literature suggests men have an easier adaption. Men, more sadness, wanted to give back. Women say they feel as obligation. Men are sad but coping better. All five men wanted to be with their wives and felt attracted to them, not true for the wives caregivers. Husbands were more willing to get help. Women, naught. All experienced full sadness. Dr Arsinoff indicated that this topic requires more research. The health care units need to be aware of how Parkinson Disease affects the relationship. Mutuality is at the core of the marital relationship that is susceptible to chronic illness and resentment. We did have two speakers on this day but I have focused on Parkinson Disease because I provide Couple and Family Therapy as well as individual therapy and I like to keep up to date on how chronic disease may affect the relationship. The second speaker spoke about the Muslim culture and her perspective of how religion may be interpreted in favour of the Muslim woman who are assaulted. I think what I would like to share with you instead is an article I read in Psychology today regarding a therapist who speaks of freezing when sexually assaulted. As you know when one is confronted there is a tendency to fight or flight or freeze. When someone is being raped and does not fight there is an illusion of consent. This is not the case. After this seminar I called my old professor who taught me about the different cultures and religions. I have a few of his books and wanted to discuss the day events. Over dinner at our favourite Mandarin he made me think. I was quite impressed by the findings that men in this research study were still attracted to their spouses and wanted to care for them, not from obligation as it was found to be by the women. I had not considered the culture. My prof let me know that in England there are cultural differences from our own. How stupid of me. When I have a client I am always mindful of all the client’s experiences including spirituality, religion, culture etc…..I was not mindful of the cultural differences in this seminar and though I am resisting any research myself, it would be interesting to perform this research with a Canadian group and American group. What do you think? Saturday I was at a full day Ethics course which I found very useful. One of my colleagues made note that since I am in private practice (I was the only one) I can reduce my hours of work to my liking as part of self care management. That is correct. With each association I belong to there is a standard of ethics and of course I am mandated by own college as well. I finalized my education for the year. I completed all my hours plus. I would like to begin alternating again between theology and psychology. I have discovered there is an audience who wants to read my theology notes as well. So, I again thank you for visiting my sites and reading my blogs. If you have a question please do not hesitate to ask. You may think that I forget when I tell you I will write about a venue. I do not. It just may take a while. However, if you really want it to be sooner rather than later please don’t be angry, just let me know. Have a wonderful week. In Toronto there is snow which is nice with the Christmas lights.