Donald Trump - The Edible Man (non political)

New Years is fast approaching and I must admit I am fully saturated with the holidays. I don’t think I shall take off an entire month again for a while. I have been celebrating since November and it is time to ease myself back into a more serene life, with less excitement. My highlight began with my mini holiday to the States. On my way back, at the border, shopping I was trying to find something unique to the States and then suddenly near the cash register hiding from the main attractions I found it, the edible man. I grabbed about six, paid for it and amused I carefully packed it with the rest of my finds. At my first Christmas party I gave it to the leaving President. I knew he was a Trump fan. At least he was when he was first elected. At a previous party he told us how when he was visiting New York City and entering a restaurant, he was asked by the hostess to kindly remove his Trump baseball cap since Trump was not popular in New York and she could not guarantee his safety (or words to those effects). So, I provided him with the chocolate bar with Trump’s smiling face, proudly displayed as the 45th President. D. smiled and like a boy whose feelings are changing towards his last girlfriend, he released the news that his feelings have waivered. He no longer passionately loved Trump. However, I can see that the chocolate bar made him reminisce of his found and lost love. The new to become President quickly asked if Trump realized that these chocolate bars are being sold. He was concerned that Trump was not getting his royalties. The conversation quickly turned to global warming, religion etc….and at the end we had a toast that we could talk about politics and religion and disagree but yet be able to remain respectful and friendly with each other. My next chocolate bar went to a loyal friend who always brings me back a souvenir from her travels which means a lot to me since I am so stationary. Again another friend of mine came to visit and was so sad that I wanted to make her laugh. “I have something that will make you laugh,” I exclaimed. She informed me that it was impossible. I left to get my next chocolate bar and handed it to her. She looked at the bar, began swearing like nothing I had heard in a long time and began to laugh. Mission accomplished. My final chocolate bar to give out (I wanted one for myself), I gave as part of my Christmas gifts to my last Christmas party. It was special because it was family and a new member had increased the family gathering. My sibling showed off her find and two men begged her for the prize. She said something like no and stomped off with the edible man secure in the palm of her hand. My only wish is that I would have bought more of Trump. I don’t think it will taste very good. I am used to Swiss and Belgium chocolate. But we must sometimes make sacrifices. Happy holidays everyone and a most happy New Year. I hope it is filled with wise decisions, more compassion for others and a time of reflection for the betterment of humanity. www.silvaredigonda.com

A Christmas Tale (published)

A Christmas Tale I found myself standing alone, as the snow fell gently, Creating a pure white blanket on the asphalt, I was standing on. Looking at the Christmas scene outside St Charles Church, I felt sad that I did not have enough money for Christmas to shop; that I still had to prepare for a four hour exam. As I looked at the empty cradle of Jesus, my sadness increased. “Oh Lord, we have made such a mess of things. Here it is Christmas approaching, and our planet is suffering from global warming, we still fight and kill, in the name of God. The middle class is disappearing and corporations are merging and becoming powerful. The rich are getting richer while our poor are getting poorer. Our governments are deserting us Lord. Please do not give up on us. Please forgive us.” “I am hungry miss?” I turned and found a beggar beside me. I wondered why I had not heard him approaching. He was big framed, with dirty long hair, a fat and heavily pimpled face and a foul smell that not even the cool air could dissipate. His face was so dirty that I could not determine his skin color. His mittens were black and he wore a long woolen brown coat that looked frayed but thankfully warm and he wore heavy worn boots that had seen too many winters. “I am hungry miss.” He repeated with patience. I was holding my submarine sandwich which I had just bought. I had decided to give myself a treat. After all, Christmas was approaching and I deserved something. I had just stopped to admire the Nativity scene. I looked into those sorrowful big brown eyes and saw more sorrow than I could ever bare being reflected back to me. I handed him my submarine and whispered “Merry Christmas.” I didn’t know if wishing him a Merry Christmas was politically correct, but I did not care this evening. I wanted to be free, in my seemingly democratic country to say “Merry Christmas.” What has happened to my city, to my country, to my world? I thought with sadness. I had lowered my head and looked up to see my hobo gone. He had taken my sandwich and I wished him well. I walked back to my old, rusted car in the Church parking lot and unlocked it. There was my submarine sandwich waiting for me. I looked back towards the nativity set and saw the boot prints on the snow from the Nativity area, I had just come from. There was only one set of boot prints this late night that marred the soft blanket of snow.

Christmas Time of the Year

I love Christmas but give me a reason to celebrate and I am up for it. I love the Christmas lights, Christmas trees, even the snow. I love celebration. This year I went to Pioneer Village for their Christmas of Lights Dinner and I loved that as well. The food was delicious and I never ventured through the village lit by lanterns. I recommend it, especially for tourists. I have been watching taped movies as well on channel 27. It is like watching one harlequin romance after another with the same actors playing different roles. I would like to see something more Christmas like, rather than female has to decide between two men while aiming to be a successful businesswoman. Once in a while they throw in an angel to help her or him along her path. I would like to see a new Christmas movie with perhaps Jesus in it. How would that look? I happened to be talking to someone who told me she hated Christmas. She thought it was a religious holiday and hated everything about it. I told her that Santa will probably put coal in her stockings. She gradually admitted that for the first time ever she put up a small Christmas tree on her window and the neighbours asked her if she is alright. I still say Merry Christmas because this lady was saying the truth. Christmas is about Jesus. I think that Christmas is also about embracing and it is about love minus Harlequin romance streaming. Please think of something new Channel 27? This is a time of the year when people struggle as well. I went into Yorkdale yesterday and looked at a change purse without the change portion that cost 400.00. Is that all I asked the clerk? I mentioned that I am only middle class (am I still?). I looked for another with a change portion and that cost $600. Needless to say I found something within my budget at Lindt chocolate and the Body Shop. When did Christmas become of big money gifts? I heard on the news a few days ago or so that half of Canadians are $200.00 from being able to pay all their bills. The Mayor who promised us that he would not raise our taxes did. It is to be able to build affordable housing (irony) and improve our TTC. You already know what I think of our transit system. I normally pay the hefty parking fees, than use our transit. Christmas…….It is also a time of great suffering for some. They may be alone, they may have to face relatives they would rather not, or don’t, they may be suffering from addiction or they may just be suffering. Families can be quite intense. One thing I shall recommend for you this Christmas is perhaps to give something of yourself to another. It may be a nice gesture with no money value at all. It may be an act of kindness. One of the problems I also see is where one family member has expectations of another. We would be much happier if we could accept others as they are without trying to reform their attire, tell them how to act and expect others to be a reflection of themselves. There is also incest which I always suggest to report years later, which still haunts people. Then there are in-laws who have difficulty keeping their paws to themselves which causes tension and further distance among families. This Christmas why not do something special for yourself as well? You have earned it. If you need help to get you through this period please get it. There are many free resources if you cannot afford to pay for it yourself. If you believe in a God why not walk into a church, temple, synagogue etc…for reflection. If you have been betrayed by a Church realize that there is good and bad everywhere. Don’t let the bad overpower. Find the goodness in what or where it may be difficult to see. Not all men will hurt you; not all women will hurt you. This Christmas I hope you find your solace. I hope you find your joy. I wish you and yours a very merry Christmas and Happy holidays. The snow flakes are covering the streets right now. Let the purity of it shower you. What do you think?

Christmas, Santa Clause, Politics, Self Care, Retreat, and Ethics - oh boy…. lots of banter

This is my favourite time of the year. I love Christmas. I sent out all my Christmas cards and I included Santa Claus. Why not? Next year I will probably write Santa a letter and post it here as well. I did not participate in the Santa Clause parade this year. My leg was acting up and why not, I have abused my body by running and climbing and pushing my body beyond my limits as part of my training. I have rested my body and am now good. Now for my brain, I took off November and am easing myself back into my practice. During a recent ethics course, I was reminded as being the only person in private practice attending, that I have the option to decrease my hours if I wish. That is true. I blurted out that I took November off. I am very much in command of myself. I am aware that in hospitals there is a decrease of what should be, which puts a heavy burden on those who work. Saturday I attended a retreat and was very disappointed. It became about an educational subject rather of what a retreat should be. I talked to one student who gave me permission to tell her story. She has cancer and is fighting it. She is in a Masters Program and her hospital told her that she would not be able to continue with her studies. She was also asked by the social worker at the hospital if she felt less of a person with breast cancer. She was furious. I was furious seeing her pain and what had caused it. There are questions one asks while determining a disorder in the DSM. It is numerical in different categories and viola you have this or that. I have written in detail about that in previous blogs so I won’t go further. Then there are assessments to determine how a person is doing. Normally it is quite obvious as in anger management and addiction. Viola, this person is an angry fellow and this lady is an addict. Ok, I am making light of this but it isn’t, I am just trying to explain this in its most simple terms. I would presume that this question was in an assessment and not diagnosis of determining how the patient is doing. What I would recommend is removing this question all together. It is biased and as this student said it plants a seed. She begins to question that if this question is asked then perhaps she should be feeling this. As you know I have worked as an Intern with hospital patients suffering and dying from HIV and Cancer. I cannot imagine ever asking such a humiliating question. Why not ask the patient how she feels about having cancer and how she feels with those changes? Why ask if she feels less than a person? Why ask this of anyone, regardless of what they are suffering from? Why do health care workers regardless if they are doctors, nurses etc……use the word can’t? You can’t study? You cannot use your brain? As this student told me she was angry, I joined her. She is not my client. She was my fellow person on that day. She had still to graduate but that was the only difference as far as academia. I knew nothing else about her. I was at a retreat, to relax, to discern and to pray. The only prayer was at mass. That was a prayer, so I shall not be going next year. I have education all year round as part of my practice. Retreats should be of a different nature and at one point it felt more like group therapy because of the lack of facilitators. Once again I was the only spokesperson indicating this view while others remained mute though in agreement. How can we grow if we remain silent? How do we improve if we remain silent? Why be silent in a democratic country? This is why, if I travelled to a communist country it would be like playing monopoly - go to jail and stay there. In this situation I went out to dinner afterward and spent 4 hours at the restaurant. Balance - have fun. I did eat too much and need to be more mindful of that or so my body told me. I wasn’t going to talk about politics but why stop ……. I was surprised to hear the Conservative leader ask Trudeau why he gave 250 million dollars to China. I nearly fainted. Apparently it was for their infrastructure including pipelines? Really? I was reading an article the other day about why persons who would be great leaders do not go into politics. I won’t bore you with the details. It was actually a clinical assessment. 250 millions to China? Apparently Trudeau also sent his small business minister there for photo shoots and talked nice about China being so inclusive. China is a communist country. China, if we are not careful will bypass us with technology they have stolen and are now working to beat us all. They just may do that with artificial intelligence. They already have cities under surveillance and examining their emotions. Boy are we in trouble and we are giving them millions? They have two Canadians in prison. How dare we give them any money at all. They have a prison facility where they imprison Muslims and others for what they refer to as re-education. I think we need to revamp the entire system. We keep making the same mistakes every century which is leading us to a path of self destruction. A young 15 year old girl is more aware of the imminent dangers of climate change than politicians who we vote for. What happened there? A politician apparently had the nerve to say she had mental issues? Why? Laughing or putting down people because they are beyond having the capacity to understand a person’s intellect does not justify them to make demeaning remarks about a child. If this one girl can do so much, imagine what is possible? Last night I heard on the news that we may have a problem getting coffee because of climate change. Now that hurts. I wonder if that will put people on edge? Now enough about my banter and humour. For the remaining season of Christmas, I shall spend more time on reflection and continue with self care. I shall spend more time with family and friends which I have been doing. I shall go to every party I am invited to as long as they are not in conflict with another. I did go to two weddings once at different parts of the city. That was challenging but fun. I shall take a break from anything related to education for at least three weeks (or I shall try). I shall continue with my morning ritual of looking at nature, reading and being with……. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays……..I didn’t want to talk about (fight or flight or )freezing while being attacked today. I am still in the holiday mood. Hey Santa, what am I getting this year? Have I been good? What do you think?

Parkinson (continued from two weeks ago notes from seminar - Rabbi Dr Arsinoff’s research: and more

Loss of Identity as a couple. There is a sense of obligation - loss of communication eg. one feels as if one is talking to the wall. - changes in self; loss of intimacy (feel abandoned) - social isolation; undesired new roles; physical toll (moving dead weight) - fading of their relationship and slipping away. Changes and Disappointment - not hearing partner’s voice is very difficult; lost life style; losses of hopes and dreams of retirement; socializing; hope for future; nurse/patient relationship; for some obligation but most wanted to be with the spouse; loss of physical expression of love; needing to be heard by physician and medical team, “caretakers are taken for granted by physicians.” Ambiguous Loss: -person is there, but not there; many are proud of their partner’s accomplishments but their essence is now gone. - resentment in role of caregiving even with assistance; “I have a husband but there is nobody there (however, she won’t leave him); unpredictability of each day; Love/hate of partner some times; deep sorrow; a continuous grief that occurs in a cyclical pattern of resurgence. Although many expressed caring deeply for their partner, not one spoke of a positive response. Finding Meaning: How can I grieve when partner is still here? It helps when they go to a clinic and someone else is more ill. Find guilt as well in that feeling. Acceptance does not imply finding meaning. Dr Arsinoff finds it is important to explain ambiguous love. Literature suggests men have an easier adaption. Men, more sadness, wanted to give back. Women say they feel as obligation. Men are sad but coping better. All five men wanted to be with their wives and felt attracted to them, not true for the wives caregivers. Husbands were more willing to get help. Women, naught. All experienced full sadness. Dr Arsinoff indicated that this topic requires more research. The health care units need to be aware of how Parkinson Disease affects the relationship. Mutuality is at the core of the marital relationship that is susceptible to chronic illness and resentment. We did have two speakers on this day but I have focused on Parkinson Disease because I provide Couple and Family Therapy as well as individual therapy and I like to keep up to date on how chronic disease may affect the relationship. The second speaker spoke about the Muslim culture and her perspective of how religion may be interpreted in favour of the Muslim woman who are assaulted. I think what I would like to share with you instead is an article I read in Psychology today regarding a therapist who speaks of freezing when sexually assaulted. As you know when one is confronted there is a tendency to fight or flight or freeze. When someone is being raped and does not fight there is an illusion of consent. This is not the case. After this seminar I called my old professor who taught me about the different cultures and religions. I have a few of his books and wanted to discuss the day events. Over dinner at our favourite Mandarin he made me think. I was quite impressed by the findings that men in this research study were still attracted to their spouses and wanted to care for them, not from obligation as it was found to be by the women. I had not considered the culture. My prof let me know that in England there are cultural differences from our own. How stupid of me. When I have a client I am always mindful of all the client’s experiences including spirituality, religion, culture etc…..I was not mindful of the cultural differences in this seminar and though I am resisting any research myself, it would be interesting to perform this research with a Canadian group and American group. What do you think? Saturday I was at a full day Ethics course which I found very useful. One of my colleagues made note that since I am in private practice (I was the only one) I can reduce my hours of work to my liking as part of self care management. That is correct. With each association I belong to there is a standard of ethics and of course I am mandated by own college as well. I finalized my education for the year. I completed all my hours plus. I would like to begin alternating again between theology and psychology. I have discovered there is an audience who wants to read my theology notes as well. So, I again thank you for visiting my sites and reading my blogs. If you have a question please do not hesitate to ask. You may think that I forget when I tell you I will write about a venue. I do not. It just may take a while. However, if you really want it to be sooner rather than later please don’t be angry, just let me know. Have a wonderful week. In Toronto there is snow which is nice with the Christmas lights.