Abuse

I was reading an article from Animal Talk, Winter 2018, I had picked up while at the Toronto Home Show, I like attending annually. It (p 5) conveyed that no women shelters allow pets and for many abuse survivors, leaving their pet behind with the abuser is not an option. According to a university of Windsor study, 90 % of women reported their partner also abusing their pet. 56% of the same women delayed leaving the abusive relationship due to fear for their pets. Now there are programs such as “SafePet” that provide temporary care for pets of those fleeing domestic violence. The Toronto Humane Society has announced: the Link T.O. - THS Community. The article continues that “soon, our large and experienced network of foster parents will be available to survivors of domestic violence while they seek help at a Toronto area shelter. www.ovma.org/pet-owners/safepet-program. I have seen and responded to abuse in all of my careers. It took me some time to understand why women and men stay in those relationships but with time and education which is the norm for any understanding, and with years of helping those sustaining abuse, I realize that nothing is ever as simple as it seems. I have described the “honeymoon effect” in previous blogs so I won’t repeat that. If you are a woman or man or teen or anyone reading my blog, if you are being hurt and told it is your fault, it is not. There is help. If you are told not to trust the police, think again. It is he or she who is concerned about the police arresting him or her. Running away from the abuser is something I have heard often. There are choices. This person is human and this person has slowly controlled you by removing your safety sphere. “Your sister is stupid and you shouldn’t hang around her.” “Your parents are morons and foolish.” “Your brother thinks he is so smart, but it is I who love you and not all these people who are poisoning your mind about me.” “I didn’t mean to hurt you but it is only because I love you.” “No one loves you like I do.” “See what you made me do? This is all your fault.” “Your therapist? What a joke. She’s not even married? What does she know?” Have you heard this? Think about it? There are many organizations out there to help you. I know I still owe you a list for running away if that is your choice (previous blogs). However, think of reaching out for help and know that this time your pet will be safe as well. No abuser should have a pet. I still have hope that time will reflect that in policy changing. Abusers control others because they can. However, abusers also weren’t born to become one. Often but not always the abused become abusers. Let’s break the cycle. If you know you are abusing, why not get help? What do you think?