Depression and Seasonal Depression in Later Life

I am behind with my information gleaned from conferences, etc…… I have been focusing on my counting hours etc....for my college renewal and it is tax time again so I need to offer that attention. I attended one session provided by Susan Weld, MSQ, RSW back in Nov. She reported what I have already informed you about in previous blogs so I won’t repeat myself but she did provide some stats which I always find interesting. She said that 14% to 20% of the elderly living in the community experience depression symptoms and 40% in long term care. 3% to 5% experience SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and 10% to 15% at the clinical level. Another piece of notes meant for the trash and now stored here and in word. Have a nice day/week and get that sun whenever you can. I have already mentioned that there are lamps for sale for those who suffer and need them. What do you think?

Book Four

Book Four Each book I have written has been different. I have a few, and I mean a few who come and see me annually at Word on The Street to learn if I have written another book. Sometimes I disappoint them, but I write when I can as I need to give my private practise priority. I need to keep my professional development up to date, I need to read and or watch programs related to my work. I attend seminars, conferences and workshops and I work at improving myself so I can be the best I want to be. There is always room for improvement. My first book, “Hey Guy Buy Me” I wrote for fun. I spent most of my life prior to my private practice, working with men. Since I was often the only woman working with a group of men, I would be the one who men would ask questions, trying to figure out their dates, or girlfriends. I could only speak from my own perspective, yet I was in their eyes a woman and therefore a contact for this mysterious creature they wanted to woo. I have had for the most part very positive relationships with men. There were those who I have worked with who were quite ambitious and almost cruel in trying to protect a male alpha environment, but there were those who took me under their wing and taught me about my work, about life and about love. I believe I have been most fortunate and continue to be. What I learned from writing my first book is that I need to review my drafts over and over again and revise carefully. My first book was meant to entertain. I was surprised that I had such a variety of responses, but not anymore. I realize that people read from their own lens, which may be different from my own. I have had insults. I have been told by one man that he expected a professional stance and the book was not worth reading. I had only written this book for fun. It was not meant to be deep. I had women come to me and tell me that their sons loved the book and I had women come and tell me that men in their lives thought me a dictator, telling men what to do. I had one man frequent a location where I was selling my book who wanted to meet me and have coffee. He started buying the same copies of my book and eventually I did have to go to the police because I became concerned about my safety. I had to insist that there be some kind of record just in case something did happen. My second book I wrote because I wanted to tell my story up until that time, “For Love of Country - Military Policewoman.” I was very careful writing this book because I did not want to cause harm or breach any security. I think it was successful in that regard. I had one man very upset. I suppose he wanted me to expose secrets etc…and therefore stated that I was writing about nothing that I knew. I found that interesting because he is a writer though he has never written an autobiography. What I did write was about my rite of passage. I wrote my experiences, with my views at the time. I do not necessarily think the same way and in many ways I do not especially where multiculturalism is concerned. I continue to grow and transform as I live life, meet people, work with people, counsel people, provide psychotherapy to people, read and continue to learn from my previous professors and educators as well as new ones. With my second book, I was also disappointed that my ebook was being sold globally from people who had no business doing so. Once, I challenged them, they did remove it. Being an author is quite challenging nowadays. Big publishers do not want to entertain reading your work unless you have an agent. I am still determining my best options and I know I have not been giving this as much as I should. My third book is my favourite. It is a fiction account of a serial killer, set in Toronto. I re-read and revised this book about five times before sending it off to my publisher. The setting is in Toronto and for people who do not live here, it offers you an understanding of my city and what it has to offer as it relates in this case. One of my pets is in the book. Her name is Holy Terror. I don’t want to give too much away here except to say that we all go to Niagara Falls as well, because Niagara Falls is one of my favourite places. In every book that I write, there are pieces of me in it. In this book, my fourth book, I have finally decided what to write which has changed several times since September. I was having dinner at the Mandarin with my previous professor who is always asked for ID to prove he is a senior. I find this amusing. He does not, but I think he is getting used to it. I used to dread him because he worked me to death with excessive readings. I read it all. I asked once, why he was always doing that and also selecting me in class for humourous taunts. His response was that I could take it. I pondered over this as I usually do when he says something. I always say what I think and I have to learn how to keep my mouth shut sometimes. Who am I kidding? I had informed him that night at dinner that I had decided not to write about another serial killer ( I will do that in the future) and not to write about two elderly women (I may do that in the future - it was a request from a good friend who is now struggling with cancer). I told my old professor that I shall write about my work. I shall write a book to help people therapeutically. Yes, yes, he said write an academic book, but what you should also write is about your story of yourself as a therapist. That is what captures the people. They want to relate to you and learn from your own story. So, that is what I am doing now. This will be in my fourth book. It is a way to help people, with a personal touch. I will be writing as I feel providing information with citations or from experiences and education. I will be writing about real situations but changing genders, and making up names and anything else to keep what I write private from revealing identities. One person once told me that psychotherapy for her was giving birth. “Who are you giving birth to, I asked? “To myself.” Keep in mind that I am writing this as I think it or as I read notes. I am not editing my work or even looking it over. This is my very first draft which is writing it as it comes to me. I will share some with you. So, now it will be a variation of more information for you. What do you think?

The Global Awards - Powerful women speak up against sexual abuse

I normally watch the global and Oscar awards. However this time I was looking forward to see who would wear black and who would not. I was amazed. There was a trinkle of women who did not and I do not even know who they were. I was pleased because these are powerful women in their own right. They are taking a stand because they can. They shall make a difference. They not only encourage women who have been abused to speak out, but they also financially support those who cannot afford to take action themselves. I normally and usually listen to people express themselves socially or at functions and sometimes I will be passionate with my responses and sometimes I will assess what I am hearing and who it is from. When I am not working as a therapist, for self care I refrain from anything too heavy socially and surround myself with people who are simply put - nice. In the academic world, I know that for the most part, there is an understanding that for growth to occur we must challenge, question, ask and research our hypothesis. In the outside world, we see things that may not be right and either educate, advocate or simply observe and report. It is not limited to this. These are merely options. During the Christmas season I was at one dinner party where one older man asked the question, “What do you think about what is happening in Hollywood with all the accusations against men?” An older woman did not hesitate to state how sick and tired she was about it all. I was quite aware that I was being watched by one of the men wanting me to speak up. I did not. He knew better and so did I. This was not a genuine question but a need to substantiate that men are not bad. I know that all men are not sexual abusers and harassers. I have had and continue to have great relationships with men. They have taught me so much and they have protected me. I have been fortunate. I have also had to deal with men, I would prefer not to for one reason or another. I know that with all my years of experience working in the service of others and as a therapist that many women and men have been abused sexually, financially, emotionally and physically. I know that with too many, they have been abused as children. I know that with all my experience I can honestly say that not one of the people who have come to me have initiated taking anyone to court for what has happened to them, though I have offered them that option. What I have learned is that some feel, especially if they were abused as children, that they do not want to ruin the person who hurt them. Others are hurt and embarrassed and shamed especially when it is a family member. Others cannot fathom the emotional turmoil they will have to deal with by having this brought out in public. Still others feel somewhat responsible for what has happened to them. What I suggest to people who read my blogs and like to bash the victim or survivor, to just think a moment. Is this the message you want to give to your daughter, your grand daughter, your niece, your neighbour etc…….Do you want them to remain silent because they are afraid to speak up because they will not be believed? Clothing has nothing to do with a person being sexually assaulted or not. I am amazed every time a person who is a celebrity or person in a position of power suggests anything so wrong. It is all about power. It is this mundane notion that needs to change. This only makes the victim/survivor in too many cases feel it was his or her fault and the perp only promotes this. “This is all your fault”, “I will ruin you if you tell anyone” “No one is going to believe you,” “I will kill your family” etc……Silence only promotes this behaviour. Perhaps our judicial system needs revamping. However, I also know that there are times when accusations are false. I know that there has been a woman or more, in Toronto a few years back knocking on apartment doors and approaching men telling them to pay up or they will report that they have been sexually assaulted. I have said that the police should be called, but it was felt that he would not be believed. I have not heard about this recently so perhaps she was caught. People are innocent until they are proven guilty and that is a human right. However, if it is true and in most cases I believe it is, there must be an easier way for people to start taking this very seriously so that change is possible. In therapy I normally work with both women and men to help them understand that what has happened is not their fault, that they have choices. Often there is a lot of work to be done to restore or have them see themselves as good people. Too many believe it was their fault. How is it their fault? I know that average intelligence is not all that high. Yes there has been research and as I told one researcher, “Did you really need research to figure that one out?” Of course I was not speaking as an academic. One thing I have learned is that what happens to a person who has been assaulted effects them in such a traumatic and terrible way. They need to learn that not all women or men are like that, they need to relearn to trust themselves, they need to learn how to find joy again or for the first time. They need to learn that no matter what society tells them, the culture tells them or the perp tells them, it is not their fault. Father in laws, brother in laws, sister in laws need to remind themselves that when they are sexually pursuing their in-laws, they are harming the family system. One thing that people who like to control others is bashing all the support one may be having. If you are in a relationship and you find that your partner is bashing your family members and friends be mindful that the aim may be to control you. Once you are isolated, you are prey. If you are assaulted, report it. You are probably not an isolated case, and remember no matter what they tell you, it is not your fault. This is them trying to control you. If you are a parent and your child tells you they have been abused, report it. It is your job to keep them safe and if you cannot do that then get help for yourself and your child. Shame and a sense of unworthiness is something I work with, with clients. I am happy that the females at the global awards are working united against any form of discrimination and assault. I am glad that men are supporting them. For every man and woman out there and child, I tell you this. It is not your fault. It is not your shame. It is the shame of every man and woman who has done this or has allowed this to happen. For every parent who is aware that their child has been molested, believe them. Let them know how much you love them and if the perp is your husband, wife, son, daughter, relative etc…..please do not allow this to continue. The devastation this causes is enormous. Society in general does not look kindly against people who cause harm to others. Keep in mind that sometimes good people do horrible things and they need help. We do not know their stories. Yes, there are sociopaths out there who have no remorse. Yes there are sadists who enjoy inflicting harm to animals and people. We have a morale responsibility to help everyone who needs it and only by keeping our biases in check, refocusing what is important in life, being responsible in our voting decisions, and each of us trying to make a positive difference no matter how small, can we break the silence and break the cycle. Let us begin with education because people seem to be so ill-informed even when they mean well. What do you think?

A New Year and a new start

This holiday season has been wonderful for me. Yes, I over indulged but I also finally got to rest and now I am slowly returning to a balanced life style. I was asked yesterday what my goals are for the future. Noticed I was not asked what my New Year resolution is. It is true I always have a goal but I usually think a lot about any changes. This year I intend to explore my city once again by visiting every museum, etc....I will post pictures of course somewhere on one of my sites. I intend to re-examine all my associations and drop one probably my specialist with Pastoral Counselling. The title has changed to Psycho Spiritual Therapist and call me old school but I do not feel comfortable with that title. So this will be my final year with them. Keep in mind that I do have a Masters in Ministry and Spirituality and I do feel that is enough for me. I will continue to provide my notes for you regarding psychotherapy, psychology, theology and spirituality. I have side stepped here and there because of other things getting in the way, but I have not forgotten my promise to you. As I record all my notes, I will have a typed copy and cut and paste and throw away the notebooks. I also intend to do some more painting. One friend of mine laughed when I said I had to paint because I actually have painted and repainted but only because there is a need for some reason or another. I only paint when in the small window of opportunity when the furnace or air is off which is in the spring and fall when nothing else is occurring. I also want to place more focus on selling my self published books. It is a rat race out there and mega stores have taken over the world of books. Big publishers don't even glance at you and if someone writes back it is a miracle. A friend asked me why I write if it is so difficult to sell the books. I replied by asking why does an artist paint, if it is difficult to have his work on display and sold? It is the passion to write. I have had it since I was a child writing stories for teachers who did not believe that I wrote them. Imagine having to tell the teacher, that he should call my mother and she would tell him. Of course he never did call my mother. This has been a wonderful holiday season because I have had the opportunity to spend time with people I really care about and who prompt me to think. It may be a casual question of why....and then I quickly respond, but the question nags at me until I offer it the consideration it requires. I want to thank you for reading my blogs. Even if only one person read my work or blogs or anything else I do, I would appreciate it. I take nothing for granted. I will gradualy get back into blogging once a week and my notes from conferences will take priority. I owe you a few from these last few months. I wish you well and I encourage you to know thyself. Take a good at your self and ask yourself who you are. You may quickly provide yourself an answer but I hope the questions stay with you to ponder for a bit, a nagging tug at you. Happy New year and thank you. Silva

Happy New Year World

Last night was so cold, we didn't go out. However, the fireworks in my neighbourhood were nice and could be viewed by the bay window. So nice.........Toasted with White Port, which is a first without my favourite Moet, however I had that last week to celebrate my office move. I wish you all a bright and happy New Year. Why not make today a positive day and just focus on the moment and take an opportunity what your city or town or village has to offer on this glorious first day for the rest of your days. Best Wishes for a wonderful year to each and every one of you!