Sexual Assault is never the person's fault.

About a month ago I was at a salon having my nails done when I overheard a woman employee say she was not judgemental however, a woman who was raped had to take responsibility because of the way she was dressed. She was saying a lot of other things that was making me cringe and needless to say I will not be returning to that place. A while ago a judge made a comment regarding a woman who was sexually assault laying responsibility on her because of one thing or another. I am amazed that in the year 2017, we are still so limited and restricted in our way of thinking. First of all, it does not matter how a person, male or female is dressed, rape/sexual assault is never an invitation. All these comments do is blame the survivor/victim. Rape has nothing to do with sex and it has everything to do with power. For some reason this mode of thinking is being passed on from generation to generation and from culture to culture. I cannot count the amount of women who have informed me of being sexually assaulted. Men are too. Children are too. Is it all their fault? Is it partially their fault? No!!!! You can be having sex with a person of legal age and at any time you can change your mind and that needs to be respected. There are so many people who do not report being violated. Many are traumatized and sink into a deep depression, re-evaluating life as they saw it. Some suffer PTSD, living the assault over and over again. This mindless accusations of blame should only rest on the perp. Each time you blame a woman or man who has been victimized, you excuse who is actually at fault. So, please think about this. Offer support and kindness to any one who has reported being violated. Stop blaming those who have been hurt. Start trying to find out the facts based on evidence. If you are in a position of authority with power over those who have been abused, try to determine your own biases and be able to separate them from sound decision making. I am having hope for the changes I see around me. The average voice is heard more often with the introduction of wide media. It is more important than ever for education to include misconceptions, empathy and even manners. I was going to write about my meeting on Monday with the idea that I should continue with the psych notes regarding fear. But this is part of fear, is it not? Blame is all to often internalized when it should not be. How often have I said, "It is not your fault. You have nothing to be ashamed of. He (they) should be ashamed." It makes me cringe when I hear that "gang bangers" will tell their targets not to report to the police because they are even worse. If you have been assaulted it is not your fault. You have suffered enough. Find your own safe place and choose your own friends who are truly supportive of you. If you have been raped consider the option of going to hospital where there is a rape kit. You do not need to make a decision right now. Do not bathe or shower as much as you want to cleanse yourself. You have months to make that decision while the evidence is intact. If you hear the slightest hint that it was your fault, do not believe it. Talk to someone who you trust. Seek help to cope. Join a support group or get the counselling you may need.