Fr Bill German S.J.

A week ago Saturday, I telephoned my almost 92 year old friend, a retired priest who doesn’t know the meaning of retirement. He was as usual very excited to hear from me. “How is the book coming?” He was referring to the Internet Murders. He knew the book was dedicated to him which made it all the more exciting. After a bit he told me that he had lost his appetite, that he wasn’t eating and that he was praying for God to come and take him. Of course I was not ready to hear that and told him he had to stay. I asked if he wanted to go to the Mandarin and he said he would go with me but would not eat since he could not. I was going to visit him in the near future. Last Saturday I was notified that he had died two days after our conversation at noon. I had debated going out to play or work in the house, when I opened up my computer to see if my publisher had sent me any feedback on my book. Immediately I saw the caption with Bill German from a mutual friend and I knew. The funeral mass would be at Our Lady of Lourdes and I shut my computer, all priorities changing. I changed and departed to see my old friend for one last time. There was a parking space available and I was pleased. I entered the church and at the rear was a coffin with my friend inside. There were posters of pictures with lots of people at different times of his life. I paused to see a younger version of himself which surprised me. I only knew him for nine years and that was as an older man. A brochure was handed out, listing his accomplishments. He was born September 1,1925, in Toronto, Ontario. It did not say that his father was a judge. He entered the Jesuits in Jul 30, 1943, Joseph Monaghan/Novice Master. He had Juniorate Studies in Guelph, 1945-47; Philosophy studies at Immaculee Conception, Montreal, 1947-1950; He was a teacher at Addis-Ababa, Ethiopia, 1950-1953. He studied Theology at Regis, 1953-54. Theology studies at St Mary’s, Kurseion, India, 1954-57. He was ordained a Priest in Kurseong, India on Nov 21, 1956. Tertianship at Hazaribagh, Darjeeling, India, 1958-59. Teacher, Headmaster, Pastor, Calcutta, Siliguri, Gayaganga 1959-70. Special student, Regis College, 1970-71. Teacher, Retreat Director, Chaplain, North Point, Darjeeling 1971-85. Special Student- Spiritual Exercises, Guelph, Ontario, 1985-86. Associate Pastor at Our Lady of Lourdes, Toronto, 1986-2014. Ministry of Prayer, Rene Goupil House, Pickering, 2014-2017. Who was Bill German? He was my Pastoral Counsellor. He was my Spiritual Director. He was my confidant. But most of all, he was my dear friend. We spent many evenings having supper out, because we both loved food. We had discussions and we had arguments and best of all we had fun. So as I looked down at my old friend, I saw a body with make up on his face and knew that he was no longer here. He was now where he wanted to be with God (Not yet said our mutual friend as we discussed later). As part of my studies before becoming a therapist and Pastoral Counsellor my self, it was required that I had my own therapy. I could not have had anyone better as I suffered watching others suffer with chronic diseases, as I suffered watching people die, as I suffered watching others suffer. My suffering turned into compassion and empathy as I learned to accept things as they are. I found my own guidance from him as I now help others. If I am a fraction of the person he was than I am pleased with myself. As I took my seat at the rear of the church, I felt it was wrong to turn my back to Fr Bill. I sat there grateful that I had checked my emails. I sat there grateful that he had been my friend. I did not have time to mourn. I was still in a state of I do not know what. Shock? Surprise? I refused to let him go. I was adamant of keeping him here. My need surpassed his of wanting to be with God. I saw our mutual friend who came to sit with me. It was he who sent me to him when I needed to fulfill this academic requirement with my second program I was in for Pastoral Counselling. The church filled quickly and then the mass begun. One person fainted. One man was sobbing so much, I thought I had to go help him, but he eventually controlled his grief. Then his eulogy begun and I heard how much he was there for everyone, how he loved his food, how he loved everyone. I heard how I was not the only person not wanting him gone. How many of us wanted to hold on to him? Ironically this morning I read a passage in the bible, “Jesus said to her, “”Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?…. Do not hold on to me, because I have not yet ascended to the Father.””(Jesus appears to Mary Magdalene). It made me think how much we want to keep our loved ones here but how we need to let go. At the end of the eulogy, I realized that the affect this man and priest had on me was shared with all those in the mass. We loved him. We cared about him and wanted to hold on to him and why not? He had meant so much. I remember when I was formally seeing him. He wanted me to begin reading/praying the breviary. “If God wanted me to have a breviary, he would make it more affordable!” I blurted out. It was last summer that he gave me one, when I asked for it. In it he wrote “May God Bless you as you pray Fr Bill GJ” I have been reading it, studying it, and praying it since. He wanted me to have one for priests. By the end of the mass I was feeling elated. I realized I had to let go and celebrate his life and not grieve it. Our mutual friend and I went out to the Scarborough Bluffs to eat where Fr Bill and I ate last summer. It was not an easy chore because I had to push his wheel chair and it was no easy feat getting him in and out of my car. He had no qualms asking for help and he taught me it was ok. I had learned to be independent. That was the guidance from my own father. However, Fr Bill taught me the importance of balance in this department. He taught me this from watching him interacting with others. Then our mutual friend and I went to the boardwalk and we talked about life, religion, culture, war, etc…..in an environment of nature as we watched the blue lake. It was a beautiful day full of sun and warmth and food. We ended the day at a pub where we ate a pizza. I think it was a perfect day to celebrate the life of Fr Bill. I will continue to miss him, but in many ways he has left his mark on me. He has taught me by example how to care for others. He has taught me how to open my arms and reach out in pastoral care. He has taught me how to be a better person. Good bye my dear friend. I will learn how to let you go. I just need some time.