Pastoral/ friendship/ church and struggles

This past weekend I went to spend sometime with a previous colleague. Once a year we get together at her place or mine, that was until she could no longer take pills for allergies regarding my beasts. You see she was given a death sentence with two years to live - cancer. Now I sleep overnight at her place a tad more, as we celebrate life. Saturday night as we caught up over an amazing salmon dinner, vegies and rice and Italian pastries I had bought, we talked and talked. I told her that I felt like I was on holidays. I love her home. It has huge windows and there is privacy with long cedar trees blocking the rear neighbours. She has a comfortable big easy chair which has its’ own built in fridge. There is also a Spanish type gas fireplace which offers a spa like experience. Her home offers a serene atmosphere which is what a person who is suffering with cancer needs. We all need that. The chair would never fit my living space in Toronto. It would only make the room look crammed - perhaps one day. When I went over Saturday after work, I placed my overnight bag on the floor. She immediately noticed my book. “You brought work”. I agreed saying that if she was tired, I could read. We talked and talked and talked and then I went to my spacious guest bedroom with my own bathroom. I have never slept in such a dark room. I am not sure where her room is but she never heard me make all the noise, taking a shower, flushing toilet etc……. The next morning I awoke, grabbed my book and began to read (study) where I had left off last. I am reading, “Asperger Syndrome in Adulthood, A Comprehensive Guide for Clinicians by Kevin P. Stoddart and others. I am at the moment doing as much research regarding Autism as possible. Did you know they have a lot of programs for children but I could not find support groups for adults, nor for spouses? I have told you before that I could not find support for certain groups. We have a lot further to go. Anyhow, my buddy wakes up and exclaims that she never realized I was already awake and ready, as she could not hear me. I wondered where her room was, but never asked because we became animated in conversation again. After drinking my coffee, I asked where the closest Catholic church is because I wanted to go to mass. She responded that it was just around the corner and she would come with me. I was surprised because she had not been to church for years after she had been disturbed by an occurrence at her church and she was not satisfied at how it was dealt with by the Pastor. They had argued and she never returned. I told her I was surprised because there had been a lot of changes in the church. She explained that it had been a long time ago. We took off to go to church and realized that we had got there too late and so drove around in my car to check out the down town area which was close by. I thought it was cute but when we found a coffee shop it was time to return to church. We sat at the front. As I have written before, when I do not serve at my own church, I like to attend the different churches in Toronto. I love to see the architecture, the ambience and listen to the range of sermons given by different priests. I may return to one church, but mostly I keep roaming. It was a priest in my class in grad school who used to do that and he gave me the idea to explore the churches as well. We are in church. There is the routine readings, singing, and prayers and then it happens. The young seminarian gives his lecture. The pastor is beaming approval and I am cringing, worried that my buddy will never return to a Catholic church again. The reading that he was using as an analogy was the Israelites being brought out of slavery to the promise land. They were complaining. Then it began. His sermon is something like this. He expresses that people are always complaining. They complain about priests, they complain about etc…….He states that a woman came to his office saying she wanted a husband because soon she would not be able to have children. He suggests without saying it the first time that it is menopause and that later does say menopause. He says that she then gets married and complains about her husband saying he is lazy. I am horrified. He is waving his arms and is loud. I want to get up and leave but don’t. I am looking at the pastor that is smiling approval. I am thinking of my buddy who has had such a struggle with cancer who never complains being forced to listen to such nonsense after not walking into a church for neons. So the priest goes on endlessly about women complaining about men and then states that a man complained about wanting a wife and looked on the internet. I then found myself blocking him out. I no longer heard him. I just heard loud noise. At the end I suppose he summarized complaining. I was grateful when the mass was over and approached him. I told him that I had never had to sit so long listening to a man complaining. I suggested he take a few courses at a particular college, near his. He smiled and was very courteous. My buddy was right behind me but did not hear what I had said to him. I explained. She said that while he was giving his sermon, she looked around to see the expression of the people. She thought it may have been a cultural “thing” as no one seemed to react. She continued that she didn’t think he had said it with malice. She felt he had kind eyes or words to that effect. I pondered. Yes perhaps he didn’t know any better. I had said a prayer for him for compassion and humility. He was young, a seminarian and he had in my opinion a poor mentor. I was disturbed by the sermon. My buddy said that he had talked about men complaining about women. “But he did it with women first.” I stopped hearing him before that without realizing I had. I told my friend that when I was a student I would say that a person is suffering in the forest. There is inner turmoil and confusion, but there is hope for the promise land as they journey from enslavement towards freedom. I had already talked about priests being human and not God. They are working in service. They come with their own biases, their own intrinsic cultures, their different level of education and the various orders. She states that the mass would be optimum if they removed the sermons. She then states it would be good if they just provided instruction of the faith. She then adds that I am right. They are only men. I suggest that she goes to another church. I suggest that getting the oil of the sick may be good for her. I know Catholicism is engrained in her. She states that she is like me. She has had wonderful experiences with priests throughout the years. She asks me what I think about the Anglican church and I explain the differences. They don’t have a pope and communion is a symbol of the last supper while we believe that the priest has the power to turn the bread and wine into the body and blood of Christ. She considers that and then asks about a certain order of the Catholic Church. I am not too familiar I respond except that it is Eastern. I had already explained some differences earlier. We both leave it at that. We go off to have high tea in a country town and she becomes upset because so many stores have closed. It is becoming a ghost town she fears. She enjoys the high tea while I think it is probably the worse I have had. I am spoiled in Toronto. Anyhow, it becomes a full day and I drop her off to return home, after a few more stops to boost my curiosity. I buy chocolate - swiss. As I park my car one of the teens say hi to me. She is holding a hockey stick. “You guys playing hockey?” I ask. I see the group of girls in the driveway. She nods and I beam. “Good for you!” I am happy that girls know that they can do anything with their lives and that means playing and working in prior male dominated roles. These girls won’t be jailed for driving a car in Saudi Arabia. They will become the politicians, scientists etc….. tomorrow. They will be on equal footing with all that life offers. That is what they are learning and that is their promise of opportunity. I have found that many have struggles and suffer because of what they have experienced. Some have moved away from their churches because they have been bothered by one minister or priest etc……To some, religion has become a dirty word and they find themselves distinguishing spirituality from religion. I sometimes ponder if spirituality is actually becoming a religion as I notice that the same structures become in place. What do you think? Now I do have to do some more editing today! It’s coming along.