A week of tragedy in Orlando

I have been watching the news regarding the tragedies happening in Orlando. It is my vacation paradise and it is sad to see so many suffer. However, I also see the unity and love of that beautiful city. It is tragedy that can bring people closer together or can divide. There is so much grief and I hope that all involved receive the counselling they need so much. There is no harder grief than losing a child. An alligator attack at a Disney World resort I dreamed of one day affording was shocking. I am sure that even an intern lawyer will have a field day with that one, but I am not here to talk about the legal implications of failing to warn that alligators are in the water or can be. I am here to talk about grief and trauma. Grief is difficult. But these situations where so many people were killed in a gay bar that they thought was safe and which turned into a blood bath may cause severe trauma to the survivors, families and even the emergency responders. It is so important for everyone concerned to get the help they need to talk about their feelings. The first month is so important so that the suffering can be managed. I will talk about PTSD, but not today. The first month is crucial to get the help needed so healing can begin. Grief can become “Complicated grief” when an image repeatedly re-occurs. This requires therapy as well. I understand you have the support there, so please take advantage of that - heart wrenching. Grief is different for everyone. If someone is grieving, allow them to grieve on their terms. The new DSM has made grieving one year a disorder. However, in my experience, I have found that quite a few may grieve longer than that and recover fully. It takes time. And time is different for everyone. My suggestion to you who have friends who are grieving is just let them talk freely and be themselves. You may suggest therapy to help them but think of what you say because it hurts them rather than helps them. Saying things like, thank God you have more children, or you can have another child etc…..is very hurtful. No child can be replaced. The best you can do is really not judge but be a good friend by just listening. Many who grieve re-assess their friends during this difficult time.