Couple therapy

Couple therapy can be started at any time, even before commiting to a long term relationship.  Our family of origin has a great influence on our persona and we bring it into our relationships.  One thing that often happens is that there is an expectation that our partner is an extension of ourselves.  In realtiy there are two different people with two different backgrounds and sometimes the unmet needs from the family of origin is looked for in the mate.  The good and bad qualities of our parents is what we also connect with in our partners.  That is why you feel you have known your partner all your life.  It is those qualities that you have known all your life from your parents or caregivers. 
     In couple therapy what is worked on is the relationship.  It is diffusing the emotions that arrise that prevents one partner from really listening to the other.  Helping the couple listen to the other and focusing on the other give each a new perspective of their partner.  All too often it is assumed how one is supposed to be.  When the other person does not behave the way one feels the other is supposed to behave, there is friction.   One partner does not need to be bad or good, but just different from the assumptions that have develped. 
     This is just touching the surface of couple therapy.  What is required is a commitment of a few months because often time the therapy is difficult because it does trigger emotions that are difficult to deal with.  All too often, one party thinks it is the other party that is at fault and thinks there is no need for self awareness.  "It is not me with the problem, it is her."  Remember that couple therapy is about the therapy of the relationship. Each partner has his/her own perspective of what is happening that does not necessarily be on par with the other.
     Many think that two people are required for the couple therapy but that is not so.  One person may attend alone for couple therapy especially when the other partner does not want to participate.  Therapy changes the dynamics of the relationship.  We need to remember that we cannot force others to change but we can certainly work on ourselves.  How?  By examining ourselves and our relationships, by examining our family of origin and how we are connected to it now and by stepping outside of ourselves and taking another look at ourselves with perhaps a fresh perspective.  It may be a time to re-think our situation.  It may be a time to change a behaviour.  It may be a time to step outside our box and look inside to examine why we do the things we do, why we are unhappy etc......Maybe it is just time!  What do you think?