Recently there has been the reporting of a woman, a 23 year old medical student who was gang raped and beaten so badly she later died in hospital. Last night in the news and do not read this part if it is too horrible to read, go to the next sentence after this sentence. A two year old girl whose hands were tied behind her back was raped. She too died. That broke my heart. What gives me hope is the uprise of protests that are going on in that city. Men and women are protesting in the streets and I see a flicker of hope. It is when men say enough is enough, that other men listen in Patriarchal societies.
Many years ago in my first career, a man let me read a paper from his home city. He had moved to Canada from India where he served as a military officer. I really liked this man. He told me he had come to Canada to give his daughter a new life. He told me how poorly women were thought of and how babies were aborted for the sole reason that they were female. I pondered at the time. If they kill all the females who will be left to reproduce? It is a long time that I did not see this man and I do hope that he is doing well and Canada appreciates him. I certainly did. I have met so many good people who have come here from India to escape or to find a home where their children can grow up in a safe community. We all have a responsibility to do just that. Keep our country safe and not let poison tarnish it.
I met another man from India years ago. After speaking to him many many times, and after him getting a promotion, and having a new baby girl in his life, he was so devoted to, he told me his story. I thought and marveled how this kind and gentle man had suffered so much in his home country. Suddenly, at the end of his long story, he yelled out, “Canada, I love this country!” That bellowed in the hallway of where he stood, a humble man. The hallway was busy and noisy with people and no one reacted to his shout.
Another man, not from India, told me that he had to work for a woman he did not like. He told me that in his country a woman knew her place, but if he was to survive in Canada he would need to change his views. I saw hope in this young man. As we talked more, I realized how torn he was from being raised in a Country where the voice of women was silenced, to coming to Canada and working for one. I used to tease this man mercilessly and he took it so well. I hope he can form a positive and healthy relationship with a woman in this country. I hope that for the sake of my country.
A woman from a Middle Eastern country in one of my undergrad classes spoke of how North American women were nothing but sluts and deserved to be raped. After all we all dressed like sluts. A male student took offense to that and tried to rationalize with her. We were working in groups. At the time it was best for me to remain silent and observe. I am hoping that eventually this woman was returned to her country. We do not need this. However, I also realized that this woman was also projecting her own view of herself. I have come to feel sorry for her. But at that time, I did not feel sorry for her. At that time, I thought, we were providing her with a home and food and the opportunity to have an education and she was slapping us in return. She did not complete that class. We were relieved. Trying to be polite and respectful of other views can be difficult at times.
It is unfortunate but in many countries where women are treated so badly, some believe they deserve it. They integrate the norm of societies. Women who are circumcised so they cannot have sexual pleasures are held down by other women. If they are not circumcised than the men from their country will not want them as a wife.
In one of my undergrad classes, I took a literature course as a break and we were analyzing one book based on Utopia, a perfect paradise. We were asked how we would like to live in such a place. I raised my hand and was surprised to find myself from about a class of about 30 or more, alone. The others found a peaceful world too boring. That was not the only time I was alone. Another time, we were studying the plight of a native boy who had been placed in one horrible foster home to another. Eventually, this loving boy who had lived in so many horrible places and barely experienced love, killed himself. The argument I posed was why not let loving parents who were not necessarily native adopt him? You see none of the placements were suitable to begin with. It was already known. Again I was alone in my stance. I proposed that it did not matter what nationality the parents were, what was most important was that the child be placed in a loving home. My view was trumpt by the rest of the class which gave priority that the child should have been placed in a native home, regardless if it was inadequate. What was lost in all this was that David the young teen killed himself. Did not his life and death speak volumes? He deserved to be loved.
A woman I met owned her own business. She told me that in her country she was subservient to men. Here she learned that she does not need to do all the housework and other domestic duties plus work outside of the home. Here in Canada she realized that she has choices and a voice. This was alien to her before. She did not realize she had a voice. She did not realize there was another way of life. She had accepted her previous role as normal, as that is all she knew. Does that cause conflict with her husband and sons? Of course it does because such changes always cause some disturbance to someone. Moving from a Patriarchal society where a woman is nothing or less important than any male, to Canada where a woman has equal opportunity by law, will cause friction if the males in that family do not agree.
I am pleased that the men and women in India are protesting about the young medical student who lost her life after being raped and brutally beaten. How many lives could this young woman have saved? Who are these cowardly men who cover their faces for fear of their lives? What are their stories? What about the government who fails to protect their people?
What if women who are not appreciated found their own utopia and left their men behind alone with no women for them to rape and torture. What would happen then? The devastation that rape has on anyone, man or woman is damaging to their spirit. That happiness and trust is diminished. No one has the right to do this to another person and to a child it is more horrid.
What we need to remember is that in any country there are always good men as well as good women. It is my belief that the world has a responsibility to take care of itself including its people. We have a responsibility to pay attention to what happens in the world and to try to make it a bit better. Leadership should have decency and when it does not, the rest must pay attention and not ignore what is happening. I am glad that this is in the news, because only then is leadership forced to make a decision.
I have met too many people both women and men (before I provided psychothery) who were suffering from being subjected to sexual assault at some point in their lives and never went to see anyone about it. If you have been assaulted please take the time to seek help for it, even if you think you do not need it. Find a therapist you feel you can trust and don't stop at the first one if there is no connection. Check out different ones out until you feel safe with one. Trust takes time and give yourself that time. Sometimes we need to face the past in a safe place to move forward. What do you think?
