Humour of the Day

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1D44rp5fxg/ 

Our failing Health system needs serious attention

I had my own experience at Sunnybrook Hospital and am one of the one's who walked out prepared to die at home if I had to  - details in an earlier blog.   The emergency room was full of loudness, and I had a 10 hour wait to just get triage.  Triage should be immediate to determine seriousness and priority.  

Trauma Informed - continues notes. AAMFT Conference

 Students with involved fathers earned higher grades.

Help couples goal to shift from being right to being connected.  Track and highlight bids for connection - eg.  "I noticed you give your partner water."

From function to connection.  Clarity in communication.  Repairing mapping after rupture.  Creating a secure attachment.  Nurturing- increased intimacy.  When safety is felt, trust follows (check out Gottman Tools).

Working with ambivalent clients.  Part 2. Are they owning their own contribution to the marriage?  What is their attitude towards divorce.

Discernment Counselling

-Not interested in couple therapy to help gain clarity and confidence in their decision about the future of the marriage, based on a deeper understanding of what's happened and their marriage and each person's contributions to the problems > an honest look at the hurtful interaction patterns in the marriage (this can be done in couple therapy sessions).

12% of couples who divorce think they could have done something to save the marriage. 

A friendly reminder that I am in the process of closing down my practice but will still provide you with notes from conferences I have attended.  Though I may still stay with one membership, I shall be focusing on my books and writing the next one which had to be paused.  I attended a writing event yesterday.   

Senator Mark Kelly on Trump Suggesting He Be Executed & Hegseth Opening ...

Did I mention I love Christmas??????Of course you know that world! Happy Thanksgiving America - will be watching your parade

Have a great weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Trying to sell my house in this market was a learning experience..........I am ............Oh and congrats Robert and Whitney Dancing with the Stars

 First I want to congratulate Robert and Whitney for being the winners at Dancing With The Stars.  I don't normally vote, but this time I did because I was really hoping Robert would win and he did.  Great!!!!!

Now for my experiences with the attempt to sell my house in this market.  As always, I share so that it can benefit you.  This was not my first rodeo so I was really surprised at the changes and unethical behaviours of real estate agents - not all of them, but enough to have me rethink my options.  

     I always keep my eye on MLS.  I saw a house I loved in Niagara Falls which was about a kilometre from the Falls.  It was cheap compared to Toronto and had it all.  It was dated but beautiful including a bright family room extension with a pool outside.  The fireplace was calling out my name so I contacted the agent who wanted to come to Toronto, pick me up and show me other houses he had on the market.  I informed him that I would transport myself and that the house I wanted was the only one I was interested in.   Initially he was polite, but when he realized that I wasn't budging, his true colours were depicted.  He said he didn't need money and had lots of listings.  He said he wanted to deal with my agent only.

I already had an agent in mind and there was no way I was going to deal with the agent for the house in Niagara.  I couldn't believe, he didn't want to show me the house.  The house was vacant and I had no way of reaching the owners to let them know what was happening.

I put up my own house for sale at the recommended selling price and was told that it would sell in a week.  I told my agent that I considered the house a tear down but he informed me that the house was one foot less than the alloted amount for it to be torn down - oops.   I went to Niagara Falls and with an agent,  my own had recommend, Ivanka Levska for the Niagara area, I found a house and it was love at first sight as soon as I entered the front door.  The downfall was the basement which was suitable for a horror movie.  However,  I felt I could avoid the basement and put in a conditional upon selling my own house.  It was a few houses from River Road, about a kilometre from Clifton Hill.  The owner wanted more money and I felt like she was  playing games and so I made it clear, take it or leave it, but she continued to negotiate like I was at a flea market.   I decided to leave it.  Later I did try again but they sold it to someone else.  Bye, bye, house.  I found an apartment on Main Street, Chippawa which was perfect and took a look but the stairs were endless which came with a nosy neighbour and an insecure storage area where more endless stairs were (no elevator for what I wanted) so good bye.  Ivanka was so patient and kind and kept on working hard to help me find something.  Then I found it again, another house, a beautiful perfect house that met all my requirements and it was very close to the falls, blocks away.  Perfecto and completely renovated.  I put in another conditional offer and got into an argument with my bank.  Thank God they didn't loan me the money.  Of course when you want a loan, there is always someone and I was offered 500,000 (which didn't cover the price of the house) for 30,000 fee to be paid within a month.  I declined of course and lost the house.  So, I am doing all this expecting to sell my house quickly.  I arranged and prepared for my furniture to be delivered to Niagara, I found a brand new lawyer in Niagara (mine had died).  I had prepared everything for a move and then accepted that I would have to sell my own and then buy - no more conditional offers, one step at a time.  Meanwhile the prices were dropping in Toronto.  Another house which was selling at the same time as mine, for the same price, went down continuously in price which eventually sold for about 300,000 less.  I was not going to do that.  I had one open house in the beginning and that was it.  I put the price down once and there was no open house while the other other down the street had one whenever  they decreased the price.   My house was staged and it was uncomfortable, but I thought it would be just for a little while longer.  I stopped seeing new clients and decreased my practice slowly because I had to be ready to leave the house with little notice.   I still was prepared to sell at any time because this is Toronto and everyone wants to be here.  I remained ready to go but I continued to see prices drop.  Now while all this is happening, agents are coming into my home some with clients and others not.  Some are not even agents but assistants of some kind.  Sometimes, an agent would bring in my mail, some would leave a card, some would pick up a coin and put it on my desk.  There were the good ones.  Then here it comes.  Some would leave my door unlocked either at the front or back, leave the lights on, one even pulled a baseboard out and left it on the floor.  One agent I found in the house when she wasn't supposed to be there, which she blamed on her assistant.  She had provided two different times, neither at the time I found her inside.  However, I did offer her coffee which she accepted and she was likeable.  She was trying to figure out how to turn my house into a three apartment building.  She also wanted to know if I needed to borrow money.  Nope, I don't.  Real estate agents seem to have their fingers in so many pies. 

  My own agent brought in one couple only and that was a couple I had supplied the phone number to a family member.  There was interest mainly for a tear down and I kept seeing people taking measurements outside and viewing and trying to figure out how to do that.  I didn't think they could grow a foot of the property.  There was interest but no offers.  Mainly agents didn't even bother to cancel appointments or state why those interested didn't put in an offer.  Neighbours told me that families would walk up and down eyeing the house but they never came in.  One couple I found doing that, I offered her to come in.  She said the house was similar to what she was looking for.  I told her I was taking it off the market.  She wanted to know if it was coming back on in the Spring and I said no, and that I was waiting for  a bidding war again.  I got the impression that people were just waiting for me to drop the price again and again as others were doing but I don't normally do what others do.  I didn't have to.  People had to sell either because they couldn't afford their house anymore, couldn't pay their mortgage and some had bought another house and had to sell.  People coming into my house thought it needed work, didn't like my trees (some loved them), didn't like where the stairs were etc............. During all this time, I am still trying to figure out how to manage a private practice and get my hours in for my education.  As I saw houses being sold around me, I saw cute houses being torn down so contractors could build massive replacements for rent.  My house was suitable for a family liking a yard, not for megga tenants.  Part of me was glad, since I didn't like the way my city was headed.  Part of me realized I was losing money.   Neighbours were coming to me grateful the house could not be torn down and others telling me they didn't want me to move to Niagara but to stay.  They were conflicted as well wanting me to stay but also wanting me to get what I wanted.  They couldn't understand why I would want to trade in my city.  Others, friends and family were happy because then they could come and stay in Niagara.  I had planned to find something with a separate living space for visitors with lots of parking.  To me Niagara is a natural transition to slow down and smell the roses.   My little piece of heaven.  

     The worse agent I had to deal with came to my backyard where I was sitting and told me my house was expiring the following day and he had a client interested in putting in an offer.  The client was in his car, had already seen the house and was  parked outside.  I told him to contact my agent and put in an offer.  He said he would only have his client put in the offer if I signed with him.  Then he started to play games.  Really??  He tried to use psychology to manipulate me and that is when I stopped him and sent him on his way. If you are going to use psychology, make sure it isn't with anyone who has a degree in it.   As soon as he left, my next door neighbour came and alerted me that he had knocked on their door trying to get information about me, but her husband sent him on his way.  Did I mention I have great neighbours to share my drive with?  She was glad that I had sent the agent away and  I didn't want to deal with him.  She was sure he had left something in my porch.  So I have cameras of course, a security alarm, panic alarm, fire alarm.......and yes I watched him  take whatever he left with him.  I guess he didn't want me to know who he was since he behaved so poorly.  I let my agent know about him and provided him with the agents photo and who he claimed to be with.     That is when I re-inlisted for the second and last time.  I have been told that I wouldn't believe how agents will speak to another so disrespectfully these past several years and I reply that I do believe it.   The three months passed quickly and I wanted my house back and this time I stayed in the house while everything was being put back.  The stager, herself didn't stay long and I understand why.  My dining room table was destroyed, scratched terribly and screws missing when trying to put it back together again.  I had taken so much care and never had the table been dismantleted with any move.  A trophy was completely broken and it was painful throwing it away.  A small train - broken, my painting from Greece damaged.  My case for an item in rememberance of 9/11 etc... I found items in every nook.  This was so disappointing because I trusted my agent.   Now I understood why they wanted me to sign a final contract which I declined.  They told me the contract was to demonstrate to other agents that the house was now officially off the market.  I didn't believe that for a second.  I replied that there was no need to sign another contract since all the details were contained in the initial.  They have three months to bring me an offer of anyone who saw the house when I was signed with them and if I don't and sell to one of them, I will need them to get their full commission.  Now since I no longer believe that all agents are ethical, I wouldn't be able to trust that and so as I told them I will not sell my house to anyone except them during this time (I have no intention of paying more commission than I need to).  Also, there is a clause  in the final contract to not go after them for anything (like the destruction of my property?) As for paying 5% commission for the future?  I don't think so.  I will try the 1% commission people and see how that goes.   After the delisting I got letters, attention galore.  Not going to happen.   I pick my battles.  I will never stage my house again.  If you do, take pictures before and after of every item.  I recommend you sell your house first and then buy.  I think I covered it all.  I don't want any agents knocking on my door without an offer ready for my lawyer to study.  As for my Niagara lawyer, he told me I did the right thing taking my house off the market.  I have decided to retire at the end of next month.  Having a private practice and trying to sell a house at the same time is too difficult.  Moving forward I want to be more prepared.  It may not be for several years before our economy changes.  Now I have an oversized desk ready for any voluntary organization that wants it.  I have offered it to two without any interest being expressed.  What do you think?  Oh, by the way, remember that agent from Niagara who didn't want me to see the house he had a listing for?  He called me.  Yup, looks like he could use the money after all.  All sweet as pie once again.  I just told him I had an agent for Niagara Falls.  Yes, Ivanka Levska, I would recommend you to anyone wanting a house in Niagara or listing one.  And by the way I did exceed my education hours once again but I'm exhausted.  Time to slow down and just enjoy.  Now I am attending meetings with Sisters in crime and Crime Writers of Canada.  Soon, but not yet I will get back to my books.  Have a good weekend.  I told my sibling that my house looks like a tornado hit it.

Goodmorning World.

 Well,  Sunday at Mass, a parishioner sighed and remarked about how many orgainziations are asking for money and the conflict of who to give to.  I had also been thinking about that.  My UofT college called me regarding a dinner because of my being a donor.  I had to decline mainly because it was evening and parking is a problem when there are movies being made.  Since I have injured my leg I am more mindful of not being able to out walk anyone, forget about running which has always served me well in the past.  That is the same reason I declined for sisters in crime, Christmas dinner.   If there is no parking guarantee, there is no me.  Then there is Sunnybrook Hospital asking for donations consistently.  Naw,  not after going to their emergency room and finding out I had to wait 10 hours just to get triage.  Also,  I still paid 50.00 to see my pedomitrist, since not all is covered by  OHIP.   Yes, my insurance covered it, but it is mainly principal.   What if I didn't have insurance?  Then there was the parking issue, which you can read all about my experience in an earlier blog.  What a nightmare, so no.  I will not be donating.   Send me all the Christmas cards you want.  Sorry, not.  I will be uploading a video about our pathetic health care and what is most annoying is the Minister of Health ignoring the investigation.  That is why a free media in a free country is important.  To keep it that way.  We have a government at a Federal level for all of Canada and then we have leaders for each of our provinces.  They control education, health etc....Then we have municipal leaders for cities, towns etc.....So, you see, it is important to understand who we are voting for and why.  If we are in a mess, then we need to vote differently or we can just kick ourselves.  So, if I haven't depressed you enough.   Meghan Nicoles, CEO of Food Banks, Mississauga (just next door to Toronto) was on the news this morning as I was eating breakfast which consisted of one poached egg, fresh cut fruit and one slice of buttered toast and of course two cups of black strong coffee.  Meghan reported  that there were nearly 2.2 million visits at food banks across Canada.  One in four families across Canada are struggling with food insecurity.  There were 300% more visits in Mississauga than before the pandemic.   There are 20% more visits this year, than last.  A growing amount of people needing the food banks are working class people who never needed help in the past but their paychecks haven't kept up with the cost of living.  People and families are now having to decide between eating, paying rent or buying their medication.  There has been no increase in pensions for the elderly or seniors.  Those without families to care for them, well you know about the shelters.  I would like to hear more research about that.  Now, just in case I haven't made you sad enough or happy depending in what country you are at,  CSIS Director just last week reported to the news and outlined security threats posed by Russia, China, Iran and India.  Where is that poster of mine which states bang head here? I can say more but won't.  

Now the good news!!!!!!!  Santa came to town yesterday.  I remember as a child my mom bringing me to the parade every year and then we would go for dessert at the Eaton Centre downtown.  We would look at the Christmas displays and I recall a school bus taking us kids skating at City Hall and then taking a walk to the Eaton's Christmas display.  It must have been my Church since we had a jolly Priest with us who obviously loved us children.  I love Christmas in case you haven't noticed.  I am still in the midst of putting up all my Christmas stuff, but take time to socialize.  I am fortunate to live in a city which has so much to offer.  Yes,  I still want to go to Niagara and my experience, I shall share so it doesn't happen to you blindly.  See you soon.  What do you think?