Writer's Corner - Ominous - I got my worse review ever for my favourite book (that I wrote)

Yesterday, I was at a Hallowe'en luncheon which I enjoyed very much since I miss parties. One of the people came up to me and told me she insisted that her nephew read my book, "Hey Guy Buy Me." She told me that she had enjoyed reading it. I didn't remember that she had bought a copy. "Hey Guy" has been around for a decade since it was the first book I wrote. This year I published "Ominous" and I poured my heart into it so when I got the worse review ever and in such a mean fashion, I felt sad. I pondered if I should continue writing. But when I had that person approach me at the party about "Hey Guy Buy Me" which I wrote for fun and tell me how much she enjoyed it, I realized that I love writing. It is creative. I only took courses in English as a break from Psychology because English has always been my favourite subject. I would love to write stories in the kitchen while my mom was cooking up a storm of the most amazing food I have ever eaten. Of course I took her for granted at the time. But my mom was always my favourite fan. She encouraged me to sing and to write. You didn't know I could sing. Well maybe I can't anymore. When I would sing at home, Holy Terror would start screaming and jump onto my lap. When I stopped singing, she would stop yelling. Who knows maybe she was singing too? Doubt it. Anyhow, back to my writing. I was in grade seven when a mean teacher (I hated teachers until I went to university)with red furious hair and a reddish face (can still visualize him, uch) to match with an untrimmed mustache and a bulldozer appearance, told me I never wrote a piece I had submitted. He told me that I had copied it from a book. Insulted and never able to control my mouth, I told him. "Did too. You can ask my mom." Here I am a child in grade seven and some substitute teacher is telling me I am plagiarizing. That was my experience with creative writing. It was Toni Morrison who told her students to use their imagination when writing because they know nothing. That is what I do. I imagine. I am not trying to create a masterpiece. At a book sale, I had a woman excitedly approach me and ask if I did research writing my books. I said no and she hopped away. But am I being honest? "Hey Guy Buy Me" I wrote because of all the men I have worked with. I have had men love it or hate it, but I wrote if for fun people. Does it have errors? Yup. For Love of Country - Military Policewoman my worse critic said it was evident that I was a policewoman because I wrote it as a report. Ok. Fine. Did you like anything in it? Probably not. But what I like about "For Love of Country" is the feedback I get from people who have served. Every time they reach out and share their own journey's or opinions of how they suffered, that counts big time! I have a large segment of the Jewish community who usually buy my books at fairs and I hope I honour them in my books as I speak about the concentration camps. Then there is "The Internet Murders". My bad review there is that I write it as if I live in a town, which is not Toronto. This from a critic who very much lives in a town. I have lived in Toronto forever except for my service to my country. I think of Toronto as a town, which is why I love New York, now that is a city. However, I am sure that if I lived in New York City the same critic would complain. Really, is that the best you have to criticize? "Ominous" is my heart. So, when a critic tore it apart without even identifying herself, probably making her feel safe, it disheartened me at the time, but not for long. I am writing about this today because the writing community is so loving and supportive. I belong to the Crime Writers of Canada and the Sisters of Crime here in Toronto and the USA. I haven't been able to attend their luncheons or bar nights because I have so much on my plate that I have to prioritize and the writing part remains my hobby which I love. Of course if one of my books became a movie, it would cease to be a hobby, wouldn't it? Right at this moment I have to give priority to my private practise and endless meetings and eduation hours. I am not complaining but I do not write to be the next Hemingway. I read and enjoy books like Stephen King, Dean Koonz etc... spooky stuff. I am sharing this with you because I don't want young writers to be disappointed. When I have young writers approach me, they are so full of life and ambition and hope and I would hate to think that someone would be mean to them. You can certainly critique someone and be kind at the same time. Every piece of writing that a person has given me, I have read, though I tell them that I am not in a position to help them. So, this is how I feel. I still remember a writer criticizing a popular Toronto author whose books I enjoy reading. I could feel her venom and wondered where it came from? So, that is all for now in writer's corner. I have accomplished a lot of work this week and hope to return to my next book soon. I have been reading my poetry and papers as well and am trying to determine how I can encorporate it in my writing. I am looking forward tonight. Little monsters should be arriving. Happy Hallowe'en world.

Happy Hallowe'en

I had planned to provide you with more information this week but I guess I am not back to normal with time. Things change as well as time. So, please be patient with me. I am only one person. I have no team. I have a private practice and clients need to always be my priority since they are my responsibility. I have to attend meetings. As you know my injury has slowed me down and time spent at physio is usually a write off day. I have decided that I should also walk more to get to where I was. Driving is still a pain after 15 minutes and everyone has an opinion even those in the know. So, as usual, I gather all the info and then process the information into my brain cells. I have decided that I shall take expedition days (I have been reading my notes I wrote in my creative writing class which I enjoyed in my undergrad and the expedition days were fun where I went somewhere, observed people and wrote creatively.) However, this time since I was advised not to walk more than 15 minutes prior to my injury, which I ignored by building myself back up til I was feeling great and even dancing etc....until the muscle injury blah blah blah......Since my pain has almost gone and decreased to a level where I can work almost a full day, I want to take an expedition where I go to a mall, bring whatever book I am reading (for fun only) walk, shop etc....for about 15 or 20 minutes or + (less than a half hour) and then sit and read and of course be aware of my surroundings which includes watching people. I may use them as a character in a book or I may recognize them and have coffee. There is rarely a time if any that I don't bump into someone I know. I feel I am back in commission. I have also noticed two new high end Italian restaurants in my neighbourhood, I want to try out. I usually like to try something new. If I am really impressed I write it here for you. This is all good. I have been researching real estate in Niagara Falls and just yesterday at a meeting someone from St Catherines said I shouldn't go there because it is a Tourist town. She initially said she was from NIagara Falls (but isn't). I love Tourists. People from all over the world are interesting. There are many here in Toronto so I won't get homesick. She then said it was words to the effect - a dump. My reply is that I would inhance it (with my presence). The Falls is one of the wonders of the world and I can think of nothing better than taking a walk along the Falls and stop at Tim's for a coffee while I feast my eyes. If that is a dump please sign me up. Of course nothing is cut in stone. First I have to heal. Then I have to wait for a bidding war - one step at a time. Regarding property in Niagara, I find that prices are all over the place and many are starting to use Toronto Real estate people to sell their homes. I won't be using Toronto, no sireeee. I will be using Niagara Falls agents only for buying. Big decisions. Of course I am also considering waterfront Toronto condos. So, here I go dreaming again. Situations always change and opportunities cannot always be turned down. I am never in a rush to make big decisions. Happy Hallowe'en people. I had to miss a distant party which I heard was wonderful but will be attending at least one for sure here in the city. What shall I wear? Vanilla and my poppy.

ADOLESCENTS COPING WITH MOM’S BREAST CANCER: DEVELOPING FAMILY INTERVENTION PROGRAMS Silva Redigonda

INTRODUCTION Research Question: How are African American and Caucasian adolescents affected by their mothers’ breast cancer treated in the last two years? How do African American and Caucasian adolescents think future intervention programs should be designed? What are the aims of the paper? The abstract indicates that the purpose was to gain a deeper understanding of how adolescents are affected by their mothers’ breast cancer and to discover their opinions about how future intervention programs should be designed. But the introduction more specifically indicates that the purpose of this study is to elicit opinions from an ethnically diverse group of adolescents about the effects of maternal breast cancer on their lives and to discover their opinions about how future intervention programs should be designed. This may be construed as a contradiction. The paper under the heading of Aims of the Study indicates that “the purpose of this study was to investigate adolescents’ thoughts on and experiences with a mother who had been treated for breast cancer in the last two years.”(p 250) METHODOLOGY This is a pilot study which is a small-scale study conducted prior to conducting an actual experiment; designed to test and refine procedures. When the researcher has decided on all the specific aspects of the procedure, it is possible to conduct a pilot study in which the researcher does a trial run with a small number of participants. The pilot study will reveal whether participants understand the instruction, whether the total experimental setting seems plausible, whether any confusing questions are being asked etc..Such procedures provide the researcher with an opportunity to make any necessary changes in the procedure before doing the entire study. Reference: Cozby Paul, Methods in Behavioral Research, 9th ed. McGraw-Hill Comp. New York, 2007 pp 181-182, 383) I believe that the model used was the interpretive model. This stems from qualitative research. The study consisted of three focus groups according to the paper: The first focus group comprised of four Caucasian adolescents (gender not specified) but deduced from information provided as two females and two males. The second focus group had two African American females The third focus group comprised of two African American females and two African male adolescents. with a total of 10 adolescents ranging from 13 to 18 years of age (five males and five females consisting of four Caucasian and six African Americans). The six African American adolescents has been determined for focus group two and three. Of the remaining four adolescents who are Caucasian, we know that two are female. Therefore the remaining two Caucasian adolescents in the first focus group is male. The report indicates that the focus groups were “split” along racial lines with Caucasian and African American in each focus group. All the African American adolescents are identified as being in group two and three. Each adolescent has a mother who had been treated with a stage of 0 to lll breast cancer within the last two years. Six set of parents were married, one mother remarried and three African American mothers were divorced and single parents. Three of the adolescent girls (two Caucasian and one African American) had mothers who were initially diagnosed five to 15 years earlier. It is not specified if the mothers were Caucasian and African American the same as their children. Nor is it known which adolescent is connected to who’s mother. Therefore this study cannot be replicated. It should be noted that each adolescent indicated that the reason she/he was participating because of the mother’s encouragement. Did the teens therefore feel they were coerced? Two female moderators conducted each focus group. At least one moderator’s was matched with each participant group, that being Caucasian or African American. What was consistent is that one Caucasian moderator was in each of the three focus groups. Since there were two moderators in each group and one is African American then it can be presumed that at least two moderators, one Caucasian and one African American were in the study. Wording cannot conclude that there were not more than two moderators. Each focus group was provided with a guided discussion and seven questions pertaining to “parental cancer”. Questions were asked within the same order. This occurred between 2002 and 2003. More specific dates are not provided. Recurrent themes were determined and developed with a definition for each. These categories were derived independently by three of the five coauthors. To be classified as a major theme, at least one half of the adolescents interviewed (five) had to report such. RESULTS The four Caucasian teenagers two male and two females, who had mothers currently in treatment for stage II or III breast cancer responded with intense sadness, worries, and fears about their mothers’ prognosis. All six African American teenagers having mothers with stage 0, I and II breast cancer, minimized current worries or fears and stated no current concerns about their mothers’ breast cancer. All of the adolescent males seemed less expressive when asked about their feelings and ways of coping and relied more on distraction, keeping busy and athletics. The African American females tended to keep to their normal routines as much as possible, tried not to think about it, and were less expressive. The Caucasian females talked more about the importance of sharing their feelings with others, writing, and other mediums of expression. African American males and female tended to go to church more often and to pray daily to cope. All adolescents talked about seeing their mothers vulnerable during the cancer treatments. All were more affectionate and helped out by cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing clothes and protecting their mothers by making sure they were eating well and sleeping. The oldest adolescents in their families reported taking on the most responsibility at home during their mothers’ treatment. Parents often relied on the eldest to care for younger siblings and to take on additional household responsibilities. Adolescents coped with faith, humor, talking with others, distraction, thinking positively and keeping busy in athletics or other activities. Regarding support, all adolescents said having a teen group close to diagnosis (within four months) would have been an asset. They wanted to be fully informed sooner rather than later regarding the treatment, expectations, etc..It would be better to have a mixed group of boys and girls close to diagnosis and similar ages, don’t talk down to them, boys may not feel comfortable exposing their feelings with females present, female and male therapist at a younger age would have been preferred. Listen to the teenagers more; and have families come together as a group. Regarding “Research on how to help their children is absent.”(American Cancer Society, 2003).P 248. I contacted the American Cancer Society and they sent me the paper via email (www.cancer.org/docroot/STT/stt_0_2003. This paper has 52 pages. Yet the reference page was never provided. I did not see such reference as noted by the researcher. Does the Researcher therefore mean that she did not see the mentioned research in this paper? Pages 41 and 43 of the reference does offer resources and publications offering practical and emotional support for families. There are also books during the time of this research available for support. Note below. Coping with breast cancer, and helping your children do the same, is an ongoing process. If you want to read more about supporting children, some books you might find helpful are: McCue, K. (1994). How to Help Children though a Parent’s Serious Illness. St. Martin’s Griffin: New York. Harpham,W. (2004). When a Parent has Cancer:A Guide to Caring for your Children. HarperCollins: New York. There were assumptions which I think restricts the researcher in thought. All avenues should be open and disproved by evidence. For example “Although African American women have a 13% lower incidence of newly diagnosed breast cancer, as compared with Caucasian women, they have a higher death rate.” This is likely due……If the answers were posed as questions stemming from grounded research it would have deserved merit. Opinions are not valid for research. There are too many factors to consider. Chapter five of our text indicates that if a group has fewer than 6 people it can be hard at times to generate a diversity of ideas (focus groups in this study were four, two and four). Each focus group was well below the minimum recommendation for each focus group. Even the adolescents had to inform the researchers of what they already should have known as indicated earlier in bold.

Preparing for Winter - What am I up to? Books? Challenges

Well, it has been a challenge with my walking but I am slowly getting better. I have always been athletic until I returned to school and became a therapist which required so much sitting. With the loss of Mr Attitude, I am still missing the little guy. The house is quieter, I can sleep in whenever I want, I can do whatever I want to a degree but I would have him back in a second. I could deal with his heart murmur, his diminishing eye sight (he could still see his treats), his hyperthyroid, but it was his cognition which was a concern. It's one thing when a pet is happy but quite another if he is suffering. I made the decision which I felt was necessary and still do. I still chuckle when I think of him. Most of his things have been given to others who have pets. His stand is enjoyed by one of the neighbour's cat who loves to perch on it. I miss you baby boy and hope that someone is dancing with you upstairs in pet heaven. Well that is enough of my last pet. I did have the dog next door come and visit and the squirrels come to visit daily. Back to challenges - I have had to miss some wonderful conferences but this time has also allowed me to reflect. With some help I am going throughout the house and deciding what I really want and getting rid of the rest. I am also deciding where I want to live next. Niagara Falls is still my focus but I would like to be within walking distance of the falls. Is it now practical? Is my injury going to go away? Is a condo a better option than a house with an apartment for family and friends? Do I retire, continue to work or change occupations? When making decisions I always recommend making a list of pros and cons. I do this automatically in my grey cells but it is better if you write it down. Hallowe'en is next week and the weather should be good. I didn't put out anything this year, the first time ever, but I will certainly put up the tree and lights out for Christmas with help. With my injury, I have also come to realize how many great people I have in my life. So many have offered help. Wow! I am usually the care giver so that has been something. It was my dad who taught me to be independent, but I think I can relax that a bit. As I clear out what I don't use or need, I decide what and who I will give things away. I will donate my helmet, handcuffs, canteen etc....to the legion. I have already donated a few things to the school a few years back. I think of all my plaques and ponder if I am ready to part with them. Perhaps not right now. I am still going through paperwork gradually. Regarding my books, I read them and give them away. I have begun to read again and took advantage of every bit of sun and warmer weather we have been having, working around the weather. Books - Well, I did let my writing slip this year. Life happens. I never launched my book "Ominous". Oh well. I have had to prioritize and when I do that, my hobby comes last. I will be selling Ominious and my other books at the Legion, 7 Dec 24. I should be good by then. I am walking without crutches now and just need them for stairs so they come along with me in the car when I do my stuff. If you are interested in buying my books, I encourage you to do so. Next week, I want to start providing you with info on psych, theology and reading corner once again. Thank you for reading my blogs. I have also decided to open my practice to the Province of Quebec. So if you are living in the province of Quebec and want psychotherapy or couple or family therapy, I am available but keep in mind I do not speak French. Sorry. Bye for now. Web sites: silvaredigonda.ca redigondapsychotherapy.com

Pain (from an undergrad exam dissected for you) tid bits for you.

I am going through some paperwork and found old exams I wrote. The Assessment of three treatments for depression is too long to cut and paste. I will try to find the USB and if it is on it, I will post it. I wrote about another exam indicating pain below for you. It is just a tidbit from what I wrote because that was focused mainly on how the research is done which actually seems elementary to me now and would be boring for you. The paper was mainly multiple choice and I will skip all that. So for now, here goes some basic: People who sleep soundly and are well rested are able to tolerate pain more than those inflicted with chronic pain who cannot sleep. The Placebo effect is an inert chemical. It is normally a tablet of sugar and water made to look like a pharmaceutical drug for the client receiving it. The patient/client would think she is taking perhaps a pain reliever and in fact is taking no such thing. She responds as if the drug was taken instead of the placebo. I believe this works because the brain is fooled. It is believed that the drug would eliminate the pain and therefore it happens. It is the same as with people who take Tylenol (acetaminophen) and think it works immediately rather than after one hour. It is probable connected to Walls and Melyae’s Gate Theory of why some pain impulses reaches the brain and other’s don’t. I believe it triggers the same response. Endorphins could also be released the same way as thinking of something peaceful. It is the power of suggestion.

Imposter Phenomenon at Work: The Hidden Job of Dealing with Self-Doubt

I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving - Florida I thought of you and had you in my prayers - Talk about the Conference

It's been quite a bit of activity here in Toronto, but I am not going to talk about that today. I wanted to talk about the conference a bit more. We had two guest speakers and the first spoke about grief. Her experiences and education were not what I experienced. She was a nurse and has a Masters in Death (from the USA) and she talked about the stigma of men crying. In my experiences, men cry. I think the stigma that was so prevelant in the past is changing. I mentioned before that my dad was a crier. He cried when happy, sad, etc....In my family, he was the one who cried and I just accepted that. I also worked in challenging situations with men and they cried. Keeping tears within, when one needs to cry is not healthy. I have told people who keep so much inside to go into their cars, into the woods etc.....and let it all out. I have even offered to walk with them, if required. As the speaker was providing and sharing all aspects of grief, there was one missing. So, I am going to talk about it. It is the grief one may have when having an abortion. This is not about pro choice or against. As a therapist and outside the therapy room I have seen the suffering of women who had abortions and some have never forgiven themselves and mourn their child each and every day. Men too grieve, especially when they feel they have had no say. They feel that their child was killed. There is also the associated feelings of guilt and shame. What I normally suggest is a ritual for their loss. It can be lighting a candle, and giving the child a name. My thoughts go back to my undergrad when a nurse in my class arrived late and in a foul mood. I knew something was wrong and asked. She said she had assisted in an abortion at her hospital (no choice) and the fetus was not killed. After everyone had left the room, she held the fetus which had been dropped into a pail, until the fetus died. She was devastated. Not long afterwards I shared that story with a firefighter I knew and I saw the tears flow down his face. If you are out there and this has happened to you, please share it with someone. You don't have to carry this with you. There are services out there that provide guidance for women who are grieving because they had an abortion. They also provide a memorial service and each woman can light a candle for her child. I would like to think that they accept men. We lose thought of how people suffer and why. The second speaker is an American, Pete Sandoval, LPC, MA, RP (Qualifying). I found him to be excellent. He specializes in trauma therapy and is also trained in EMDR, and is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner (SEP). He now practices in Kitchener-Waterloo and across Ontario at Grand River Healing. His question? If you had tears and they could talk, what would they say? I think you are getting the drift. I missed my live conferences and the sharing of minds. The food was great as well. I brought home one table vase of flowers and am so happy that it made it home. It is difficult to see the disolving of such an important Association. We are going through changes and so grief was an appropriate topic. Allow yourself to grieve and if you need help or support, reach out. There are topics that people fear to talk about because of stigma or politics etc....My objective is to help people, help themselves. So, I always address the elephant in the room. I wanted to attend a PTSD conference this week but unfortunately cannot make the drive. I was informed that I shouldn't drive for more than 15minutes and that is quite a drive. Oh well, Disney World is out too obviously for another conference. I should be ok with my education hours. Take care.

Memorial for Mr Attitude - Pet Grief - Conference

Saturday, I attended the final Conference (50 years)of the Ontario Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. Part of the conference included a presentation on grief. How appropriate since it includes loss of pets, work etc....beyone the obvious. I will speak more about the conference next week. I am behind once again and so am trying to catch up with my paper war. I am doing it with balance. I wish you a wonderful week. Take time to smell the flowers. The centre piece flowers is from the conference. Mr Attitude's bed has gone to the dogs. He never liked the bed, but I am glad someone else does. Of course we have Mr Attitude's photo of another Halloween

It has been a year since Israel was attacked

Today is the anniversary of that horrible day when Hamas mercilessly killed and kidnapped people, children and pets in an unprovoked attack against Israel. It was a tragedy which continues to cost so many lives. It is also a day that caused a rise in anti-semitism here at home. Our city hasn’t done enough to stop the destructive protests and too many politicians have failed to protect all citizens in our city. There is a difference between hatred and democracy and we need a strong government to take the reins. I myself was attacked in writing for failing to support the terrorists - Hamas. To stop this horrible war there needs to be a release of all hostages. Let them go home and allow the healing to begin. There has been so much suffering because of war, started by dictators and terrorists that doesn’t belong in any society. We could offer so much, if we could unite in peace.

No more dances with Mr Attitude - My baby boy has gone to pet heaven - I wish I had one more dance.

He was losing weight, yet eating like a pig. He was dehydrated, drinking more than ever. He had a heart murmour but he was also suffering more than likely from alzheimer's and that is why I had to make the painful decision to put my baby down. He was about 21 years of age. He acted like a mother hen, forcing me off the computer for regular breaks, lunch and the end of the day. He ensured I woke up promptly at 7 am. When I was dealing with a difficult case, he would snuggle up to me and just hug me. He had a wonderful, happy life and though I couldn't take a holiday, he was my mini holiday each day. He didn't have a home when I first noticed him. He was wild and so if I didn't adopt him he would have been put down. He had been locked inside a neighbour's house while it was being renovated and with no food and little water he managed to survive. With lots of patience, I taught him to feel safe. I taught him not to hunt birds and especially mice and rats. In his early years he was so grateful to me that he brought me a live rat bigger than his self. He didn't like people, but he loved me. I noticed him decline when I injured my leg and was restricted in my own walking. He wanted me to move quicker and I couldn't dance with him anymore, which he loved. He would move in front of the stairs as I crawled up so I could pick up his tiny body and move it up one step at a time. He wanted to jump on me from the dining room table and he wanted to jump into the bathtub, neither a good idea. He would yell out to let me know where he was and that led him doing the same at night. His crying increased and Friday night he cried all night and I knew I had to bring him to emerg. I did. I kissed his tiny head and told him he was going home as the solution to make him die took effect. I was asked by the vet if I wanted to be present. Let him die without me there was unthinkable. No more pets. I have loved my three animals, all wild, all from the streets because no one wanted them. Misty girl was a grey sweet girl and she cried when I buried her babies. She was the first to die and the vet had suspected poisoning. I interviewed all the neighbours and put them on high alert. It was Misty who brought me Holy Terror, the most beautiful cat I ever had. She too was sweet and only wanted to be near me. However, I still remember when she jumped on my stomache after staring at me for awhile as I lay on the sofa. I doubled up in pain, but just accepted that she was an animal and didn't know any better. She never did it again, but she wanted to be at my side at every opportunity. I had to put her down over a year ago now which I wrote in my blog. That was the most painful, even though this time it really hurts as well. I just hope that they are all together now. They have all given me such joy and were worth every missed holiday away. Thank you God for giving them to me. Now, please take care of them.